wannabee sheila

No not that type bald butts. Got the 32DDs covered, thanks.

Got the visas in the passports, house sold, removal companies working on shipping quotes, flights booked and only 38 days till we head out to Brisbane.



BUT
our families are miserable and its all got really stressful.
We think we're doing the right thing for the 3 of us, but they think we're making a huge mistake and that we're being selfish. We want to leave the uk and still be on talking terms with our families, is this too much to expect? any good advice?
Sorry to moan on but I'm having a wobbly day.
Karen

Good luck to everyone still waiting

mashiraz

I know what you mean and can empathise. We've not even got the visa's yet but I can feel the emotional pressure building up from families.

I'm okay with my parents as I think they will visit us, but my husband is much closer to his. they are very tight knit and his dad had a stroke, so won't travel. We have young kids and they live for their grandkids. All this is bad enough with out the family twisting the knife with emotional blackmail, which is what it feels like.

At the end of the day you have to take a long term view. I think Australia will be good for our kids, much better environment for them to grow up in. Just focus on all the good times you have had to this point and stress you are only 24 hours away if they need you. With technology nowadays, get a webcam, digital video. You can send daily clips to keep them happy and feel they are still close to you.

At least you have some certainty that you can deal with. All ours is might be and not sure when etc..

Hope that helps, but you are not on your own
Mash...

rday

We think we're doing the right thing for the 3 of us, but they think we're making a huge mistake and that we're being selfish.



i think u find that they r being the selfish ones,u r thinking of your kids futures.

the easiest way out is to say that u are going for a working holiday / experience for 2 yrs,all around oz.then you'll be back.

good luck
rday

kentcoast

Hi,

I've no doubt that you're going to get loads of replies but here's a few thoughts....

You're the best person to know what's right for you.

If you've made a mistake it will be painful but you will be able come back - if you don't go you'll almost certainly spend the rest your life wondering 'what if?'

There may be an element of the green eyed monster in their misgivings BUT be patient with them - bridges are much easier to burn then to rebuild.

It's a huge step, if you didn't have doubts you wouldn't be normal - remember first day at school, first job, marriage etc?

And finally, I can't remember who said it but 'Life's too short to miss opportunities and collect regrets'

Don't worry - be happy!

Perry

Don

Would they hang that on you if you said you were going to work in USA for 2 years? No, they would probably say: great opportunity, go for it etc. I picked USA as it's *just* as difficult to get to (well, plus a few hours travel!) as Aus, these days and not too much difference in cost. Why not talk about 'short to medium term work opportunity abroad' rather than 'immigrating for life to the other side of the planet'. It's all a matter of perspective and mindset (for the rellies). If you love it in Aus, they'll have come to terms with it all in a couple of years when you tell them you're not coming back.

You're not being selfish. You are promoting your immediate (and most important) family's happiness and well being.

Cheers - Don

wannabee sheila

[QUOTE][SIZE=1]Originally posted by pleasancefamily:


Why not talk about 'short to medium term work opportunity abroad' rather than 'immigrating for life to the other side of the planet'. It's all a matter of perspective and mindset (for the rellies). If you love it in Aus, they'll have come to terms with it all in a couple of years when you tell them you're not coming back.

Hi again

Rellies know that we are emigrating for good because we have already done the one year work visa 12 years ago and we know we love it in Australia. That s why its so hard for them. Anyway thanks for all your support and comments. Its good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this. A few glasses of Jacobs Creek and I'm sure I'll see things more clearly.
Karen

springflower

[

Hi
Just a thought for you, my mum sis and brother all emigrated in 1980 and have lived there ever since all very happy too i must add. I am now hoping to get there myself very soon. When ever my mum comes to visit us she always lives us with this quote... Dont forget I'm only a day away...
I chat with my mum most days via the computer on the ICQ and it really is like being with her.. well the next best thing so maybe you could all link up via the computer when you get there.
Any way good luck and I hope everyone will be happy.
Jan

sue5665

Hi
We applied to emirgrate 5 years ago and we were accepted my husband made his entry but myself and 2 boys did not, then my husband's father was taken ill so we put it off, my husband got his visa extended but mine was cancelled.
As the time went on all we could do is talk and wish that we had gone, so xmas last year we took are 2 boys now 9 & 10 and the mother -in-law to Adelaide for 3 weeks.
That was it as soon as we got back I reapplied and have been accepted are house is on the market and as soon as we sell we are off, our children do not want to go but we feel that they have got nothing in this country and living in Cornwall they will never be able to buy a house, so we are going to get a nice house and also a smaller one to rent out until they are old enough to leave home. We can afford to do this but in the UK would be no chance of this happening.Think of yourselves and nobody else.
Best of luck.
Sue

shaun/lor

hi karen
we are having and have had the same trouble with our lot.
everyone is going through the same feelings, but all in a different way or at a different time. i think it must be one of the things that happens.
the ones that have already been shity with us are now ok. but some of them have admited to it being because they wish it was them going.
my mum said at first " dont think i am coming all the way on a plane over there, i cant." and now its "well if i can come with others i might." so i think they all need time to think it over. but it gets on your bloody nerves.( just try and bite your tongue)
i wish they would all think about it before they opened their mouths. good luck lorraine.

Jaj

Don is right. don't use the term 'emigrating' which is very final and
has all sorts of negative connotations.

Tell yuor family you're going to live in Australia for a while, say
3/4 years. After that you'll make up your mind whether to stay or
come back. You can always decide to come back at that point or later
if you feel you need to do so for family reasons.

And in those circumstances you won't spend the rest of your life
thinking - 'what if' - which is what will happen if you change your
mind now.

One pointer - make sure you get Australian citizenship as soon as
possible. This gives you (and your kids) the right to return to
Australia later, as you will probably want to do. There are many
horror stories of people (often from the UK) who migrate and never
take citizenship. Often they need to spend some time in the UK
because of elderly parents, and later they want to come back to
Australia. By which time their PR has expired and they've got no
chance of re-qualifying to migrate again.

Jeremy

    >On Fri, 27 Sep 2002 20:12:04 +0000, pleasancefamily wrote:
    >Originally posted by wannabee sheila:
    >> No not that type bald butts. Got the 32DDs covered, thanks.
    >> Got the visas in the passports, house sold, removal companies working
    >> on shipping quotes, flights booked and only 38 days till we head out
    >> to Brisbane.
    >>
    >> BUT
    >> our families are miserable and its all got really stressful.
    >> We think we're doing the right thing for the 3 of us, but they think
    >> we're making a huge mistake and that we're being selfish. We want to
    >> leave the uk and still be on talking terms with our families, is this
    >> too much to expect? any good advice?
    >> Sorry to moan on but I'm having a wobbly day.
    >> Karen
    >> Good luck to everyone still waiting
    >Would they hang that on you if you said you were going to work in USA
    >for 2 years? No, they would probably say: great opportunity, go for it
    >etc. I picked USA as it's *just* as difficult to get to (well, plus a
    >few hours travel!) as Aus, these days and not too much difference in
    >cost. Why not talk about 'short to medium term work opportunity abroad'
    >rather than 'immigrating for life to the other side of the planet'. It's
    >all a matter of perspective and mindset (for the rellies). If you love
    >it in Aus, they'll have come to terms with it all in a couple of years
    >when you tell them you're not coming back.
    >You're not being selfish. You are promoting your immediate (and most
    >important) family's happiness and well being.
    >Cheers - Don
    >--
    >Posted via http://britishexpats.com

empyrean

springflower

Hi empyrean

When my mum emigrated she went to re-marry and took my brother and sis with her and myself and my big sis stayed here in the uk as we were already married with a life of our own. I was 22 at the time and my sis was 25. Even though I knew i would miss her so much, and did at times, the life she would and has had in aussie would be far better than here. Lots of things have happend since then for all of us but after visiting them all in 2000 me and my partner have decided its where we want to be. Obviously having family out there to start with does help but im sure my boys of 7 and 12 will have a much better lifestyle there than here at the moment.
My mum has visited the uk around every 3 or 4 years up until I had my last son due to her health not being so good, so we just got used to the fact that we would catch up with her then, I think you just sort of know that she is always there if you need her to talk to and at first did lots of letter writing and phoning... but now like i say we talk nearly every day via the ICQ which is just like being with her. Before she decided to emigrate we all sat down and talked everything through and all aired our thoughts on it so we knew how we would all be feeling.
I hope this helps you but if you want to email me please feel free to do so
Jan

jkpake

U should never feel bad at what u have achieved, feel proud of yourself. Try and do best you can with your family and if it doesn't work then don't blame yourself. Be happy and keep smiling

Hopefully when i go i shoulde okay as i don't have a big family so it shouldn't be as bad.

dotty

This is practical advice. While your money is still in Pounds stash some in a good investment account. Enough to get back to the UK which is expensive once you are earning dollars, (family airfares soon add up). That way all the rellies who cant or wont visit you can still be seen. I know most people here find they may visit at first, but its surprising how quickly they can find other things to do with thousands of quid than spend it on airfares to OZ. Also it is mostly unrealistic to expect people over say 60 to fly all that way if they can only afford economy airfares, distressing and uncomfortable for even the fittest of us. To be truthful, yes you will miss family, even those who thought they were a pain when they lived up the road. Planning financially is one way of dealing with it, because once earning say the average aussie wage, 10 grand of airfares for a family IS a lot of money.

Elaine M

empyrean wrote in message news:...
    > Originally posted by springflower:
    > > [
    > > Hi Jan
    > > If yopu don't mind my asking how old were you when your mum went to
    > > Oz? I only ask because I'll be leaving my 18 and 22 yearolds behind.
    > >
    > > Tks
    > >
    > > Empyrean
    > > Hi
    > > Just a thought for you, my mum sis and brother all emigrated in 1980
    > > and have lived there ever since all very happy too i must add. I am
    > > now hoping to get there myself very soon. When ever my mum comes to
    > > visit us she always lives us with this quote... Dont forget I'm only a
    > > day away...
    > > I chat with my mum most days via the computer on the ICQ and it really
    > > is like being with her.. well the next best thing so maybe you could
    > > all link up via the computer when you get there.
    > > Any way good luck and I hope everyone will be happy.
    > Jan

I can identify with the question above as my two daughters aged 17 and
almost 15 are both currently saying they don't want to go to live in
Aus, even though as they are both at school and my dependents they are
included in my visa application.

I'm working on persuading them to at least validate their visas,
assuming it all comes through ok, but by then both will be around a
year older and probably even more clear about what they want..

Anyone else had to deal with the possibility/probability of leaving
your only children behind?

Elaine