It suddenly hit me ....
May 16th 2005, 7:22 pm
#1
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Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Melbourne, since 19th Jan 2006
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It suddenly hit me ....
...that I am actually going to be leaving my family, and in particular, my mum, last night.
Apologies for airing this on this forum, but I so need to get it out there. Forgive me.
We are still in the early stages of the whole process (awaiting the assessment to come through) so have a fair way to go. We are pushing to be in Melbourne by Jan 06 as hubby's skill is on the MODL list and our agent said we can realistically expect to be there by then, so still another 8 months to go.
Yesterday, I was visiting a good friend of mine and we were talking about me leaving and in particular being at the airport. As she spoke of how awful it is going to be, I could actually visualise looking back at my mum as we went through the gates and the feeling I got almost suffocated me. The irony is that I come from a very interfering, dysfunctional family and have been so looking forward to breaking away. But when I got down to thinking about it, I am scared out of my wits. I have never known true peace - there is always a drama in our family. I have also never really made any friends as I have always had my mum there. My father is away working in South Africa indefinitely and the thought of leaving my mum here on her own, with no friends, hit me in the gut with full force last night.
My husband and I spoke about it at great length last night (with me literally filling up a bucket of tears) and he pointed out all the reasons we were leaving the UK - better environment for our children to grow up in, I will finally be able to live in peace, better work opportunities for him, etc. He also pointed out that my sister is still here so my mother won't be totally on her own. My mum also runs her own B&B so she has that to keep her busy. All of what he said made perfect sense, but after being so driven to make this move, I feel so deflated and am incredibly emotional about it (and I still have another 8 months to go). My mum relies heavily on me for emotional support and to a large degree I rely on her too. We have become very co-dependent. I knew at some point I would burst, I just didn't think it would happen now.
Plus, my daughter announced she didn't want to go school today because she is being bullied by two boys. I have read threads where children have undergone incredible bullying in Australia and usually I am quite philosophical about it, but at the moment, I am feeling very shaky. I am praying that the move will as good for us as we imagine it to be. As you can see, I am feeling very insecure at the moment.
Anyway, sorry to bore you guys with this, I just needed to get it off my chest.
Sarah
Apologies for airing this on this forum, but I so need to get it out there. Forgive me.
We are still in the early stages of the whole process (awaiting the assessment to come through) so have a fair way to go. We are pushing to be in Melbourne by Jan 06 as hubby's skill is on the MODL list and our agent said we can realistically expect to be there by then, so still another 8 months to go.
Yesterday, I was visiting a good friend of mine and we were talking about me leaving and in particular being at the airport. As she spoke of how awful it is going to be, I could actually visualise looking back at my mum as we went through the gates and the feeling I got almost suffocated me. The irony is that I come from a very interfering, dysfunctional family and have been so looking forward to breaking away. But when I got down to thinking about it, I am scared out of my wits. I have never known true peace - there is always a drama in our family. I have also never really made any friends as I have always had my mum there. My father is away working in South Africa indefinitely and the thought of leaving my mum here on her own, with no friends, hit me in the gut with full force last night.
My husband and I spoke about it at great length last night (with me literally filling up a bucket of tears) and he pointed out all the reasons we were leaving the UK - better environment for our children to grow up in, I will finally be able to live in peace, better work opportunities for him, etc. He also pointed out that my sister is still here so my mother won't be totally on her own. My mum also runs her own B&B so she has that to keep her busy. All of what he said made perfect sense, but after being so driven to make this move, I feel so deflated and am incredibly emotional about it (and I still have another 8 months to go). My mum relies heavily on me for emotional support and to a large degree I rely on her too. We have become very co-dependent. I knew at some point I would burst, I just didn't think it would happen now.
Plus, my daughter announced she didn't want to go school today because she is being bullied by two boys. I have read threads where children have undergone incredible bullying in Australia and usually I am quite philosophical about it, but at the moment, I am feeling very shaky. I am praying that the move will as good for us as we imagine it to be. As you can see, I am feeling very insecure at the moment.
Anyway, sorry to bore you guys with this, I just needed to get it off my chest.
Sarah
May 16th 2005, 8:19 pm
#2
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Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Brisbane (previously Hampshire)
Posts: 120
Re: It suddenly hit me ....
Hi Sarah
I think a lot of people on this forum will understand exactly how you're feeling right now, and while people's circumstances are different the emotions are very often the same. I know I have felt all of those things exactly as you have described. You can be plodding along feeling fine about it all, and then suddenyl get an overwhelming sense of 'what am I doing' and 'how can I do this to those that I love'.
I think that all you can do is ride out those moments, and don't give them more weight than the other things you're feeling - a new start, quality of life for your children. etc. I'm avoiding the airport goodbyes by going up to London the night before (er..this Friday - eek), seeing a show, going to dinner, and then flying out the next day. We've also scheduled to come back for 2 weeks for my mum's birthday in October. All of this helps me to see it not as an indefinite goodby, but more a 'see you later'...
I don't think there is any evidence to suggest that bullying is more rife in Aussie schools than it is here. I think bullying can be an issue in all schools.
I've found the lead up to emigration one of the most stressful (if not THE most stressful) times of my life, and there have been so many ups and downs - excited moments, nervous moments, guilty moments - generally an emotional rollercoaster. I think all you can do is go with it - don't give yourself a hard time for the way you're feeling, take reassurance from the fact that your feelings are all very normal, and post on here when it gets you down!
Take care
Sophie
I think a lot of people on this forum will understand exactly how you're feeling right now, and while people's circumstances are different the emotions are very often the same. I know I have felt all of those things exactly as you have described. You can be plodding along feeling fine about it all, and then suddenyl get an overwhelming sense of 'what am I doing' and 'how can I do this to those that I love'.
I think that all you can do is ride out those moments, and don't give them more weight than the other things you're feeling - a new start, quality of life for your children. etc. I'm avoiding the airport goodbyes by going up to London the night before (er..this Friday - eek), seeing a show, going to dinner, and then flying out the next day. We've also scheduled to come back for 2 weeks for my mum's birthday in October. All of this helps me to see it not as an indefinite goodby, but more a 'see you later'...
I don't think there is any evidence to suggest that bullying is more rife in Aussie schools than it is here. I think bullying can be an issue in all schools.
I've found the lead up to emigration one of the most stressful (if not THE most stressful) times of my life, and there have been so many ups and downs - excited moments, nervous moments, guilty moments - generally an emotional rollercoaster. I think all you can do is go with it - don't give yourself a hard time for the way you're feeling, take reassurance from the fact that your feelings are all very normal, and post on here when it gets you down!
Take care
Sophie
May 16th 2005, 8:28 pm
#3
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Joined: Jun 2004
Location: The Gold Coast
Posts: 3,069
Re: It suddenly hit me ....
Hi Sarah,
Sorry I have no advice to give but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you and I hope things start to look up soon.
Sending you some karma.
Tracey.
Sorry I have no advice to give but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you and I hope things start to look up soon.
Sending you some karma.
Tracey.
May 16th 2005, 8:29 pm
#4
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Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Melbourne, since 19th Jan 2006
Posts: 596
Re: It suddenly hit me ....
Dear Sophie
Thank you so much for your post. I have to say, I am feeling so emotional at the moment, that I cried reading it.
I know deep down that we are doing the right thing and I am not even really worried about the bullying (my niece battled more here in the UK, than she has in Oz - in fact, she has flourished over there, and I am encouraged by that). I was really comfortable with our decision, but then it hit me.
You are right of course, that I just need to ride out the emotion and go with it. No sense in trying to deny it doesn't exist. I like your idea of going to London the night before and may even do that, treating the kids to a show before we leave.
Thanks again for your thoughts, really do appreciate it.
Best wishes, and good luck for Friday!
Sarah
Thank you so much for your post. I have to say, I am feeling so emotional at the moment, that I cried reading it.
I know deep down that we are doing the right thing and I am not even really worried about the bullying (my niece battled more here in the UK, than she has in Oz - in fact, she has flourished over there, and I am encouraged by that). I was really comfortable with our decision, but then it hit me.
You are right of course, that I just need to ride out the emotion and go with it. No sense in trying to deny it doesn't exist. I like your idea of going to London the night before and may even do that, treating the kids to a show before we leave.
Thanks again for your thoughts, really do appreciate it.
Best wishes, and good luck for Friday!
Sarah
May 16th 2005, 8:32 pm
#5
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Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Melbourne, since 19th Jan 2006
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Re: It suddenly hit me ....
Originally Posted by tracey.d
Hi Sarah,
Sorry I have no advice to give but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you and I hope things start to look up soon.
Sending you some karma.
Tracey.
Sorry I have no advice to give but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you and I hope things start to look up soon.
Sending you some karma.
Tracey.
Dear Tracey
Thanks for the karma and the thoughts. I really don't know where it came from as I have been the driving force to move to Oz (hubby took a bit of convincing) and then when it came down to it, he was telling me how great it would be. I guess I just have to go with it and realise that leaving family is never easy, no matter what your relationship.
Thanks again
Best wishes,
Sarah
