Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Nov 17th 2004, 1:47 pm
#1
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Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
We've been back in Scotland from a 2 year stint in Brisbane for 9 months now and have posted before on a nagging feeling that maybe life is, after all, better for us down under. With 2 pre-school children and being in the fortunate position of having a very good job offer from Oz on the table, decision time is on hand and as I'm sure many people can understand, nightly "stay or go" debates are the order of the day in our household.
The pros and cons of UK v Oz have been done before so won't repeat here but suffice to say there are pros and cons for us in both countries. Indeed, I suspect everyone's personal circumstances dictate the way they feel about their situation in either country. For my part,and to put all this in context, I commute an hour and 20 mins to work each day, my wife looks after our children and we have an apparently good primary and secondary school close by in a smallish Scottish town.
So why move down under? My head says that there will be a much shorter commute to work (when I was in Brissy it was half and hour tops on the train). My head also says that the schools may be no better than UK but for whatever reason the older school age kids seemed to have a degree of respect and a genuine air of happiness and enthusiasm about them that I don't see so readily in the environment we are currently in (IMHO). That could be a Scottish cultural thing - don't know. My head also tells me that in the last 3 months, we've hardly seen the sun and whilst that ain't everything by any means, my kids spend a huge proportion of their time indoors (albeit happily). So all in all should be time to go.....but
My heart tells me that we've got two sets of grandparents who adore the kids and vice versa. Having these grandparents surely is a major contributor to the kids quality of life. Health matters dictate that one set of grandparents couldn't travel to Australia to visit under any circumstances. Oh dear. My heart also tells me that there's so much to miss about the UK in terms of friends and family, the variety of life here and cultural depth of the place - all things that the kids would benefit from.
Ultimately, only two people can make our decision for us and its a happy, if confusing, situation to be in. As with all parents, doing the best for the children is paramount and thats so hard to define, evaluate and pin down.
It would be really useful, however, to hear from others who are out there and who have been through all of this (as opposed to hearing from people who vehemently disagree with our feelings about Uk and Oz), how they came to their decisions and how they got on once their decision was made. ie: did the head rule the heart or the other way around and did the heartache associated with the breaking of the family bonds disappear over time? Thanks to all you counsellors in advance!!
The pros and cons of UK v Oz have been done before so won't repeat here but suffice to say there are pros and cons for us in both countries. Indeed, I suspect everyone's personal circumstances dictate the way they feel about their situation in either country. For my part,and to put all this in context, I commute an hour and 20 mins to work each day, my wife looks after our children and we have an apparently good primary and secondary school close by in a smallish Scottish town.
So why move down under? My head says that there will be a much shorter commute to work (when I was in Brissy it was half and hour tops on the train). My head also says that the schools may be no better than UK but for whatever reason the older school age kids seemed to have a degree of respect and a genuine air of happiness and enthusiasm about them that I don't see so readily in the environment we are currently in (IMHO). That could be a Scottish cultural thing - don't know. My head also tells me that in the last 3 months, we've hardly seen the sun and whilst that ain't everything by any means, my kids spend a huge proportion of their time indoors (albeit happily). So all in all should be time to go.....but
My heart tells me that we've got two sets of grandparents who adore the kids and vice versa. Having these grandparents surely is a major contributor to the kids quality of life. Health matters dictate that one set of grandparents couldn't travel to Australia to visit under any circumstances. Oh dear. My heart also tells me that there's so much to miss about the UK in terms of friends and family, the variety of life here and cultural depth of the place - all things that the kids would benefit from.
Ultimately, only two people can make our decision for us and its a happy, if confusing, situation to be in. As with all parents, doing the best for the children is paramount and thats so hard to define, evaluate and pin down.
It would be really useful, however, to hear from others who are out there and who have been through all of this (as opposed to hearing from people who vehemently disagree with our feelings about Uk and Oz), how they came to their decisions and how they got on once their decision was made. ie: did the head rule the heart or the other way around and did the heartache associated with the breaking of the family bonds disappear over time? Thanks to all you counsellors in advance!!
Nov 17th 2004, 2:21 pm
#2
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Posts: 6,241
Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by sparky12
We've been back in Scotland from a 2 year stint in Brisbane for 9 months now and have posted before on a nagging feeling that maybe life is, after all, better for us down under. With 2 pre-school children and being in the fortunate position of having a very good job offer from Oz on the table, decision time is on hand and as I'm sure many people can understand, nightly "stay or go" debates are the order of the day in our household.
The pros and cons of UK v Oz have been done before so won't repeat here but suffice to say there are pros and cons for us in both countries. Indeed, I suspect everyone's personal circumstances dictate the way they feel about their situation in either country. For my part,and to put all this in context, I commute an hour and 20 mins to work each day, my wife looks after our children and we have an apparently good primary and secondary school close by in a smallish Scottish town.
So why move down under? My head says that there will be a much shorter commute to work (when I was in Brissy it was half and hour tops on the train). My head also says that the schools may be no better than UK but for whatever reason the older school age kids seemed to have a degree of respect and a genuine air of happiness and enthusiasm about them that I don't see so readily in the environment we are currently in (IMHO). That could be a Scottish cultural thing - don't know. My head also tells me that in the last 3 months, we've hardly seen the sun and whilst that ain't everything by any means, my kids spend a huge proportion of their time indoors (albeit happily). So all in all should be time to go.....but
My heart tells me that we've got two sets of grandparents who adore the kids and vice versa. Having these grandparents surely is a major contributor to the kids quality of life. Health matters dictate that one set of grandparents couldn't travel to Australia to visit under any circumstances. Oh dear. My heart also tells me that there's so much to miss about the UK in terms of friends and family, the variety of life here and cultural depth of the place - all things that the kids would benefit from.
Ultimately, only two people can make our decision for us and its a happy, if confusing, situation to be in. As with all parents, doing the best for the children is paramount and thats so hard to define, evaluate and pin down.
It would be really useful, however, to hear from others who are out there and who have been through all of this (as opposed to hearing from people who vehemently disagree with our feelings about Uk and Oz), how they came to their decisions and how they got on once their decision was made. ie: did the head rule the heart or the other way around and did the heartache associated with the breaking of the family bonds disappear over time? Thanks to all you counsellors in advance!!
The pros and cons of UK v Oz have been done before so won't repeat here but suffice to say there are pros and cons for us in both countries. Indeed, I suspect everyone's personal circumstances dictate the way they feel about their situation in either country. For my part,and to put all this in context, I commute an hour and 20 mins to work each day, my wife looks after our children and we have an apparently good primary and secondary school close by in a smallish Scottish town.
So why move down under? My head says that there will be a much shorter commute to work (when I was in Brissy it was half and hour tops on the train). My head also says that the schools may be no better than UK but for whatever reason the older school age kids seemed to have a degree of respect and a genuine air of happiness and enthusiasm about them that I don't see so readily in the environment we are currently in (IMHO). That could be a Scottish cultural thing - don't know. My head also tells me that in the last 3 months, we've hardly seen the sun and whilst that ain't everything by any means, my kids spend a huge proportion of their time indoors (albeit happily). So all in all should be time to go.....but
My heart tells me that we've got two sets of grandparents who adore the kids and vice versa. Having these grandparents surely is a major contributor to the kids quality of life. Health matters dictate that one set of grandparents couldn't travel to Australia to visit under any circumstances. Oh dear. My heart also tells me that there's so much to miss about the UK in terms of friends and family, the variety of life here and cultural depth of the place - all things that the kids would benefit from.
Ultimately, only two people can make our decision for us and its a happy, if confusing, situation to be in. As with all parents, doing the best for the children is paramount and thats so hard to define, evaluate and pin down.
It would be really useful, however, to hear from others who are out there and who have been through all of this (as opposed to hearing from people who vehemently disagree with our feelings about Uk and Oz), how they came to their decisions and how they got on once their decision was made. ie: did the head rule the heart or the other way around and did the heartache associated with the breaking of the family bonds disappear over time? Thanks to all you counsellors in advance!!
One of the best bits of advice I was given was to spend 2 separate days and on one imagine you cannot stay in the UK and have to go back and on the other imagine you have been told you cannot ever go back then see which day you are least happy. That just about clinched it for me. Hope that helps.
Nov 17th 2004, 7:25 pm
#3
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by worzel
My wife and me had those regular debates (well more like arguments for 18 months). She has always been keen, me not so keen. I tried to come up with logical arguments one way or the other but it is not a clean decision either way. In the end my decision to go basically came down to "well, why the hell not?!" In a way it was because we are very comfortably off in a nice town and everything is too easy I decided I needed a new challenge. I have very strong parent issues too but you have to look after your family now. Go with your heart.
One of the best bits of advice I was given was to spend 2 separate days and on one imagine you cannot stay in the UK and have to go back and on the other imagine you have been told you cannot ever go back then see which day you are least happy. That just about clinched it for me. Hope that helps.
One of the best bits of advice I was given was to spend 2 separate days and on one imagine you cannot stay in the UK and have to go back and on the other imagine you have been told you cannot ever go back then see which day you are least happy. That just about clinched it for me. Hope that helps.
Nov 17th 2004, 9:36 pm
#4
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Hi Sparky
We are in the same boat and we don't know the answer either. We have done 18 months in Melbourne on a PR which expires in May 2007. We came back last Christmas to have a baby but every day virtually we talk about whether we want to or ought to go back. Like you, we have 4 doting grandparents and it is important for us for the baby to get to know them while she can.
We don't feel we have to go back to Oz "for the kids" as we don't believe that Oz offers a better lifestyle and better opportunities for them. (Rather, different lifestyle, different opportunities.) What going back would do is give them more choices later in life. We know there's crap bits to each country and neither country stands head and shoulders above the rest. But having built a base of friends there and enjoyed so much about Australia, we are struggling to decide where we want to be. But, having been back here 11 months, we are also more than happy with life here too. There's just something nagging in our heads about what will be best for all of our futures.
How long do you have to decide? We have a couple of years to play with at the mo but it does feel quite unsettling in the meantime. I'm so torn as having lived out of the UK I appreciate more than ever what it does offer.
Keep us posted...if you're anything like us, your decisions will change every week!!
We are in the same boat and we don't know the answer either. We have done 18 months in Melbourne on a PR which expires in May 2007. We came back last Christmas to have a baby but every day virtually we talk about whether we want to or ought to go back. Like you, we have 4 doting grandparents and it is important for us for the baby to get to know them while she can.
We don't feel we have to go back to Oz "for the kids" as we don't believe that Oz offers a better lifestyle and better opportunities for them. (Rather, different lifestyle, different opportunities.) What going back would do is give them more choices later in life. We know there's crap bits to each country and neither country stands head and shoulders above the rest. But having built a base of friends there and enjoyed so much about Australia, we are struggling to decide where we want to be. But, having been back here 11 months, we are also more than happy with life here too. There's just something nagging in our heads about what will be best for all of our futures.
How long do you have to decide? We have a couple of years to play with at the mo but it does feel quite unsettling in the meantime. I'm so torn as having lived out of the UK I appreciate more than ever what it does offer.
Keep us posted...if you're anything like us, your decisions will change every week!!
Nov 17th 2004, 9:48 pm
#5
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
I'm so torn as having lived out of the UK I appreciate more than ever what it does offer.
My life is very different now and I think that it is the right decision to go back.
For all those in a similar positions I feel for you. I told my Mum tonight that I was going to Aus soon and she was clearly very upset. My family are not particularly close, but we're not enemies either. For those with close family, I wish you the very best with whatever decision you take.
Nov 18th 2004, 8:05 am
#6
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
Hi Sparky
Keep us posted...if you're anything like us, your decisions will change every week!!
Keep us posted...if you're anything like us, your decisions will change every week!!
Nov 18th 2004, 8:42 am
#7
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by sparky12
Will do. We change our mind daily not weekly!! Had a discussion with the rellies last night - just the fact we were even THINKING about going back went down like a lead balloon but I think they are all supportive all the same!
Mum is obviously upset, but we can't let that be the deciding factor.
Our plan is to gain residency and then citizenship as a priority. At least as citizens we can come and go as we please for ever, without the need for return visas etc.
Family issues are very important, but I would definitely gain Australian Citizenship. You never know what the future holds and in ten years time you may be desperate to return to Australia and not be able to.
If you have citizenship now, then ignore this post
Nov 18th 2004, 8:43 am
#8
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
It would be really useful, however, to hear from others who are out there and who have been through all of this (as opposed to hearing from people who vehemently disagree with our feelings about Uk and Oz), how they came to their decisions and how they got on once their decision was made. ie: did the head rule the heart or the other way around and did the heartache associated with the breaking of the family bonds disappear over time? Thanks to all you counsellors in advance!![/QUOTE]
God, do I know what you are talking about. Firstly, don't get to concerned about doing the best thing for your children, because the answer to that one is: you will never know either way. Kids adapt to whatever comes their way.
I had the same anxieties about depriving mine and my wife's parents of watching their grandchildren growing up. Tha feeling will never ebb for me.
I had "heaps" of emotional blackmail applied to me by my family when we came over here (Brisbane) in 1991 and I won't even try to deny that it was very hard to cope with.
I could harp on for hours on any point you want, to do with the "shall I or shan't I" scenario and you can pm me on any questions at all. My advice would be : take the leap, BUT, don't sell up and incurr all the costs associated with selling up over there and then buying over here before you are sure that it works for you. If possible, rent your place out over there and rent over here. That way, you can move around the suburbs untill you find one that you like and you are sure that your children will be in a school that fits with your standards. A lot of people come over here and buy somewhere based upon what they see in a very short time. The last thing you want when you are missing your family and friends is to be in an area that you are not happy with and then have to face the expense of doing it all again to either move somewhere else over here or going back!
I actually came back to the UK in 1999 due to family bereavements and we lasted 18 months there. I know where I am better off but I realise that it is not neccessarily right for everyone. There is no right or wrong answer.
God, do I know what you are talking about. Firstly, don't get to concerned about doing the best thing for your children, because the answer to that one is: you will never know either way. Kids adapt to whatever comes their way.
I had the same anxieties about depriving mine and my wife's parents of watching their grandchildren growing up. Tha feeling will never ebb for me.
I had "heaps" of emotional blackmail applied to me by my family when we came over here (Brisbane) in 1991 and I won't even try to deny that it was very hard to cope with.
I could harp on for hours on any point you want, to do with the "shall I or shan't I" scenario and you can pm me on any questions at all. My advice would be : take the leap, BUT, don't sell up and incurr all the costs associated with selling up over there and then buying over here before you are sure that it works for you. If possible, rent your place out over there and rent over here. That way, you can move around the suburbs untill you find one that you like and you are sure that your children will be in a school that fits with your standards. A lot of people come over here and buy somewhere based upon what they see in a very short time. The last thing you want when you are missing your family and friends is to be in an area that you are not happy with and then have to face the expense of doing it all again to either move somewhere else over here or going back!
I actually came back to the UK in 1999 due to family bereavements and we lasted 18 months there. I know where I am better off but I realise that it is not neccessarily right for everyone. There is no right or wrong answer.
Nov 18th 2004, 9:52 am
#9
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
Hi Sparky
we are struggling to decide where we want to be. But, having been back here 11 months, we are also more than happy with life here too. There's just something nagging in our heads about what will be best for all of our futures.
How long do you have to decide? We have a couple of years to play with at the mo but it does feel quite unsettling in the meantime. I'm so torn as having lived out of the UK I appreciate more than ever what it does offer.
Keep us posted...if you're anything like us, your decisions will change every week!!
we are struggling to decide where we want to be. But, having been back here 11 months, we are also more than happy with life here too. There's just something nagging in our heads about what will be best for all of our futures.
How long do you have to decide? We have a couple of years to play with at the mo but it does feel quite unsettling in the meantime. I'm so torn as having lived out of the UK I appreciate more than ever what it does offer.
Keep us posted...if you're anything like us, your decisions will change every week!!
Do you think that once you have experienced life in a different country you will always feel like this? Being able to see good and bad in both countries probably makes you wish you could create a 3rd country where you could have the best of both.
Nov 18th 2004, 10:01 am
#10
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by sparky12
We've been back in Scotland from a 2 year stint in Brisbane for 9 months now and have posted before on a nagging feeling that maybe life is, after all, better for us down under. With 2 pre-school children and being in the fortunate position of having a very good job offer from Oz on the table, decision time is on hand and as I'm sure many people can understand, nightly "stay or go" debates are the order of the day in our household.
The pros and cons of UK v Oz have been done before so won't repeat here but suffice to say there are pros and cons for us in both countries. Indeed, I suspect everyone's personal circumstances dictate the way they feel about their situation in either country. For my part,and to put all this in context, I commute an hour and 20 mins to work each day, my wife looks after our children and we have an apparently good primary and secondary school close by in a smallish Scottish town.
So why move down under? My head says that there will be a much shorter commute to work (when I was in Brissy it was half and hour tops on the train). My head also says that the schools may be no better than UK but for whatever reason the older school age kids seemed to have a degree of respect and a genuine air of happiness and enthusiasm about them that I don't see so readily in the environment we are currently in (IMHO). That could be a Scottish cultural thing - don't know. My head also tells me that in the last 3 months, we've hardly seen the sun and whilst that ain't everything by any means, my kids spend a huge proportion of their time indoors (albeit happily). So all in all should be time to go.....but
My heart tells me that we've got two sets of grandparents who adore the kids and vice versa. Having these grandparents surely is a major contributor to the kids quality of life. Health matters dictate that one set of grandparents couldn't travel to Australia to visit under any circumstances. Oh dear. My heart also tells me that there's so much to miss about the UK in terms of friends and family, the variety of life here and cultural depth of the place - all things that the kids would benefit from.
Ultimately, only two people can make our decision for us and its a happy, if confusing, situation to be in. As with all parents, doing the best for the children is paramount and thats so hard to define, evaluate and pin down.
It would be really useful, however, to hear from others who are out there and who have been through all of this (as opposed to hearing from people who vehemently disagree with our feelings about Uk and Oz), how they came to their decisions and how they got on once their decision was made. ie: did the head rule the heart or the other way around and did the heartache associated with the breaking of the family bonds disappear over time? Thanks to all you counsellors in advance!!
The pros and cons of UK v Oz have been done before so won't repeat here but suffice to say there are pros and cons for us in both countries. Indeed, I suspect everyone's personal circumstances dictate the way they feel about their situation in either country. For my part,and to put all this in context, I commute an hour and 20 mins to work each day, my wife looks after our children and we have an apparently good primary and secondary school close by in a smallish Scottish town.
So why move down under? My head says that there will be a much shorter commute to work (when I was in Brissy it was half and hour tops on the train). My head also says that the schools may be no better than UK but for whatever reason the older school age kids seemed to have a degree of respect and a genuine air of happiness and enthusiasm about them that I don't see so readily in the environment we are currently in (IMHO). That could be a Scottish cultural thing - don't know. My head also tells me that in the last 3 months, we've hardly seen the sun and whilst that ain't everything by any means, my kids spend a huge proportion of their time indoors (albeit happily). So all in all should be time to go.....but
My heart tells me that we've got two sets of grandparents who adore the kids and vice versa. Having these grandparents surely is a major contributor to the kids quality of life. Health matters dictate that one set of grandparents couldn't travel to Australia to visit under any circumstances. Oh dear. My heart also tells me that there's so much to miss about the UK in terms of friends and family, the variety of life here and cultural depth of the place - all things that the kids would benefit from.
Ultimately, only two people can make our decision for us and its a happy, if confusing, situation to be in. As with all parents, doing the best for the children is paramount and thats so hard to define, evaluate and pin down.
It would be really useful, however, to hear from others who are out there and who have been through all of this (as opposed to hearing from people who vehemently disagree with our feelings about Uk and Oz), how they came to their decisions and how they got on once their decision was made. ie: did the head rule the heart or the other way around and did the heartache associated with the breaking of the family bonds disappear over time? Thanks to all you counsellors in advance!!
What a fabulous posting, so very well put and extremely level headed, even though it may not feel like that to you.
Can't and won't offer advice about which to choose. Just want to say, both options are as good as each other and what ever you decide, please for your sakes don't have regrets about the other option. Just live with it and get on with your life, otherwise either option will not feel right. You will be thinking about the other outcome had you decided differently and it will just eat you up. Basically I'm just saying have the courage of your convictions.
Good luck with the rest of your life and be happy
Jill
Nov 18th 2004, 10:02 am
#11
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by jugsy
Do you think that once you have experienced life in a different country you will always feel like this? Being able to see good and bad in both countries probably makes you wish you could create a 3rd country where you could have the best of both.
That is just right. There are bits about England that I really miss but also bits that I'm Glad to be away from. There are bits about Australia that are downright awful too but also there are things that I really like about the place. This mythical "3rd country" would be some sort of medium but, alas such place does not exist - well if it does I have never been there. As for the OP's situation, the only person who is best suited to answer your questions os you..
Nov 18th 2004, 10:36 am
#12
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by sparky12
My heart tells me that we've got two sets of grandparents who adore the kids and vice versa. Having these grandparents surely is a major contributor to the kids quality of life. Health matters dictate that one set of grandparents couldn't travel to Australia to visit under any circumstances. Oh dear. My heart also tells me that there's so much to miss about the UK in terms of friends and family, the variety of life here and cultural depth of the place - all things that the kids would benefit from.
I agree too about the cultural depth of the UK. We can get to the Natural History museum within an hour on a Sunday. Few places have these kind of cultural facilities.
In general, I'm going through something similar to you:
- Wife and I have Oz citizenship from a 4 year spell there in the '90s and so do our daughters aged 8 and 5 (by descent).
- Know that neither country is perfect.
- Have tickets bought to fly to Adelaide at the end Jan.
- No house to sell (already did that).
- Have my mum & stepfather in Adelaide who are able and willing to offer that all important family support to us and especially our daughters.
- Wife's family are 130 miles away and her mother isn't what you'd call an active grandparent with a strong relationship with her granddaughters. My wife moved away from her family so it would be hypocrisy for me to blame them for this, but that is the situation.
Unlike you, however, I don't have a great job offer - in fact we would be much better off here in terms of jobs - and that's what is causing my terrible cold feet.
I'm on a temporary contract till end Jan so unless I can get a decent perm job here soon then I will go to Adelaide.
I turned down a good job offer here the other month in favour of going to Adelaide, then a few weeks later thought "What have I done!".
Nov 18th 2004, 10:44 am
#13
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
A super post if I may say so.
I've got all these worries going through my head and I haven't even been there yet, so you're not alone.
I'll just say life is for living and you only get one shot at it. Do what you think is best for you and your family, not what is best for others.
Soon we'll be doing London-Oz non stop and the world is easily travelled across to meet people.
My last comment...........add up all that time you spend in your car and indoors........
It's tough.
I've got all these worries going through my head and I haven't even been there yet, so you're not alone.
I'll just say life is for living and you only get one shot at it. Do what you think is best for you and your family, not what is best for others.
Soon we'll be doing London-Oz non stop and the world is easily travelled across to meet people.
My last comment...........add up all that time you spend in your car and indoors........
It's tough.
Nov 18th 2004, 7:52 pm
#14
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by trejon
It would be really useful, however, to hear from others who are out there and who have been through all of this (as opposed to hearing from people who vehemently disagree with our feelings about Uk and Oz), how they came to their decisions and how they got on once their decision was made. ie: did the head rule the heart or the other way around and did the heartache associated with the breaking of the family bonds disappear over time? Thanks to all you counsellors in advance!!
[/QUOTE]
I think this is the nub of the issue for me. I totally agree, I feel sure that the kids will adapt no matter where they are. Its what they adapt TO that bothers me a little back here in the UK but I'm sure that's over generalising but just a gut feel. The families and kids we got to know down under just seemed happier, a bit more positive and full of life than what I see in my town in Scotland. Wherever we end up we can and will work hard to give our kids the same, but it seems reasonable to expect that their environment and their peers will also play a big part. But most parents have similar ambitions for their kids so staying in the Uk wouldn't be the end of the world by any means.
Thanks for your reply anyway - much appreciated.
Nov 18th 2004, 8:15 pm
#15
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Re: Stay or Go : Heart v Head?
Originally Posted by sackofspuds
I quote the part of your message that's about grandparents because I agree that they really do add to the quality of life of their grandchildren. The grandparents who could do so much for my kids are already in Adelaide and that is the major draw for me in making the decision to return; I would not go to Oz if we didn't have that family support there, nor would I consider moving to another part of Oz, even though Adelaide has such poor job prospects.
I agree too about the cultural depth of the UK. We can get to the Natural History museum within an hour on a Sunday. Few places have these kind of cultural facilities.
In general, I'm going through something similar to you:
- Wife and I have Oz citizenship from a 4 year spell there in the '90s and so do our daughters aged 8 and 5 (by descent).
- Know that neither country is perfect.
- Have tickets bought to fly to Adelaide at the end Jan.
- No house to sell (already did that).
- Have my mum & stepfather in Adelaide who are able and willing to offer that all important family support to us and especially our daughters.
- Wife's family are 130 miles away and her mother isn't what you'd call an active grandparent with a strong relationship with her granddaughters. My wife moved away from her family so it would be hypocrisy for me to blame them for this, but that is the situation.
Unlike you, however, I don't have a great job offer - in fact we would be much better off here in terms of jobs - and that's what is causing my terrible cold feet.
I'm on a temporary contract till end Jan so unless I can get a decent perm job here soon then I will go to Adelaide.
I turned down a good job offer here the other month in favour of going to Adelaide, then a few weeks later thought "What have I done!".
I agree too about the cultural depth of the UK. We can get to the Natural History museum within an hour on a Sunday. Few places have these kind of cultural facilities.
In general, I'm going through something similar to you:
- Wife and I have Oz citizenship from a 4 year spell there in the '90s and so do our daughters aged 8 and 5 (by descent).
- Know that neither country is perfect.
- Have tickets bought to fly to Adelaide at the end Jan.
- No house to sell (already did that).
- Have my mum & stepfather in Adelaide who are able and willing to offer that all important family support to us and especially our daughters.
- Wife's family are 130 miles away and her mother isn't what you'd call an active grandparent with a strong relationship with her granddaughters. My wife moved away from her family so it would be hypocrisy for me to blame them for this, but that is the situation.
Unlike you, however, I don't have a great job offer - in fact we would be much better off here in terms of jobs - and that's what is causing my terrible cold feet.
I'm on a temporary contract till end Jan so unless I can get a decent perm job here soon then I will go to Adelaide.
I turned down a good job offer here the other month in favour of going to Adelaide, then a few weeks later thought "What have I done!".
The UK may have better Museums and cultural facilities but do you really believe your kids or anyone elses kids are going to spend their free time hanging around those places. Think about what your kids like to do in their spare time, if they like sports or outdoor activities then perhaps OZ would be a better place because of a better climate and more open spaces such as beaches.
