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Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Old Jan 24th 2005, 8:51 pm
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Default Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!!

thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to!

He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels?

Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers?
Much appreciated, bob...
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 9:31 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!!

thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to!

He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels?

Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers?
Much appreciated, bob...
Hi,

We had a similar situation with our children, we have 4 children, the youngest being 8 and the eldest 18, all well established here with good friends etc..

As parents It is our responsibility to make the dicisions for our children. My 18 year old is leaving a girlfriend behind and all his college friends but he respects my decision, that we know as parents what is best for him and them.
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 9:32 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

This is a hard one - I really sympathise with you. There are enough decisions to make without resistance at this level!

Has he been on a plane before? I am sure you can find ways to try and make it seem all the more of an adventure to him to win him round.

Just going to relax in my bath now....... on my own....... sorry!
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 9:39 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!!

thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to!

He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels?

Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers?
Much appreciated, bob...
yip, we had a 14 year old. she claimed she would never move here. but we guessed it would be the best for her. we were right, as usual. now she claims she will never leave here
i would never let a kid that young decide how my life will turn out just my opinion though.
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 9:45 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!!

thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to!

He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels?

Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers?
Much appreciated, bob...
I feel very sorry for you but as mentioned, you know what is best for your child.

I think it was Jeremy on this site said 'One child should not veto a families migration' or words to that effect.

And I think it is true.

If for example you were moving to another part of the UK to somewhere you as an adult and parent knew would be better, you wouldnt allow your child to stop you from going.

In my opinion this is just an extended version of that. He really is very young to have such a huge family decision on his shoulders.

And if you get there, and after a months he wants the whole family to go home, you will have to be strong cos you know it takes a couple of years to really make it work.

Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a new life. Homesickness can last for a couple of years, wearing off slowly.

And if you give up your dream because he is nervous and says he doesnt want to go, then it could lead to other problems.

You sound like a caring and considerate parent who would like to do what is best for your family.

Our dreams and opportunities to follow them, don't come round very often.

Your little boy will grow up and follow his own dreams when his time is right.

Your time is right now.

Grab the chance whilst you still can. you are not putting him in danger, you are giving him a chance to learn a whole new way of life and see things kids in this country may only dream about.

If you are firm, but kind, guide him and make him believe in you and what you want for him, you will be fine.

Good luck, I really hope you do it.

Sam
 
Old Jan 24th 2005, 9:51 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

I was moved around enough as a kid to know that kids will adapt and make new friends, and generally go with the flow where ever they end up, as long as they have a loving family around them to support them. I think it would be much harder to take a 16 year old to a new country than an 8 year old.

Its a tough situation to be in for sure, but you have to have your own good reasons for wanting to go, and I bet a better life and prospects for your children is near the top of that list.

Good Luck

Iain
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 9:55 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Originally Posted by Professional Princess
I feel very sorry for you but as mentioned, you know what is best for your child.

I think it was Jeremy on this site said 'One child should not veto a families migration' or words to that effect.

And I think it is true.

If for example you were moving to another part of the UK to somewhere you as an adult and parent knew would be better, you wouldnt allow your child to stop you from going.

In my opinion this is just an extended version of that. He really is very young to have such a huge family decision on his shoulders.

And if you get there, and after a months he wants the whole family to go home, you will have to be strong cos you know it takes a couple of years to really make it work.

Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a new life. Homesickness can last for a couple of years, wearing off slowly.

And if you give up your dream because he is nervous and says he doesnt want to go, then it could lead to other problems.

You sound like a caring and considerate parent who would like to do what is best for your family.

Our dreams and opportunities to follow them, don't come round very often.

Your little boy will grow up and follow his own dreams when his time is right.

Your time is right now.

Grab the chance whilst you still can. you are not putting him in danger, you are giving him a chance to learn a whole new way of life and see things kids in this country may only dream about.

If you are firm, but kind, guide him and make him believe in you and what you want for him, you will be fine.

Good luck, I really hope you do it.

Sam
I just have to say what a fantastic post this is. I hope if I am ever up against any tricky dilemmas that you can come to my rescue in such a level-headed way.

Binbird
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 9:59 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Originally Posted by iaink
I was moved around enough as a kid to know that kids will adapt and make new friends, and generally go with the flow where ever they end up, as long as they have a loving family around them to support them. I think it would be much harder to take a 16 year old to a new country than an 8 year old.

Its a tough situation to be in for sure, but you have to have your own good reasons for wanting to go, and I bet a better life and prospects for your children is near the top of that list.

Good Luck

Iain
My hubby was transported at the age of 18 from the North West of England to a sleepy NSW country town and hated it.

His parents pretty much said that if he doesn't go, they won't be able to go and he will ruin their lives!!! I am sure this is not the kind of emotional blackmail you would use.

He said if he was younger it certainly would have been easier. I think your son will certainly adapt.

Has your wee one given any specific reasons why?

Good luck with it all.

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Old Jan 24th 2005, 10:00 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Originally Posted by binbird
I just have to say what a fantastic post this is. I hope if I am ever up against any tricky dilemmas that you can come to my rescue in such a level-headed way.

Binbird

Thanks for that Binbird, just sent you some karma.

love Sam
 
Old Jan 24th 2005, 10:00 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!!

thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to!

He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels?

Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers?
Much appreciated, bob...

Hi

I really feel for you, I also have a 7 year old but luckily she is all up for going.(she has the added bonus of having grandparents there and going on holiday there 14 months ago and loving it)

Although I agree that a child of that age cannot make decisions for you I totally empathise with how you feel. The guilt can be so enormous sometimes- taking them away from everything they know, other family members etc, it is sometimes difficult to actually feel that it is the 'right' thing to do. On the occasions that my daughter has been upset about leaving the cat/her nana I have been able to console her with the things she will be gaining(a dog/other grandparents!!) If i did not have this i am sure i would feel exactley the same as you.

The only thing i think you can be sure of is that if you are happier then your child will also be, eventually, and that kids this age have incredibly short memories for things that seem to devastate them one minute and they have forgotten the next

Whatever you eventually decide i am sure your child will one day know that you did it with their very best intentions at heart.

Good luck to you and your family

Rx

Ps. Can totally relate to the bath senario- even worse when a single parent
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 10:12 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!!

thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to!

He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels?

Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers?
Much appreciated, bob...
We have a 7 year daughter, who when we first mentioned it did not want to go, would miss friends too much. But we have talked about it a lot, told her about the things we will be able to do and really tried to keep her in the picture every step of the way. We are hoping to be in Oz by September/October this year and for a 7 year old that is for ever away! She still says sometimes that she doesn’t want to go, but its less and less. From want I have read on this forum a lot of young children feel very much the same way, but once they are out there they adapt very quickly, sometimes quicker than us!

Hang in there, don’t let him be the reason for you not going, you may end up resenting him.
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 10:19 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Hya Honeybob

My eldest - girl 12 has changed her mind about four times so far. To begin with adamant she wasn't coming with us, would go and live with friends etc etc. I explained many many many times why we were going, also explained that friends mothers had said they didn't want her permanently (know that feeling ). She then left primary school and during the summer holidays decided she would come - whoopee!

She then started secondary and made new friends and decided she wouldn't come. If the friends parents wouldn't have her, she would live in the guinea pig hutch

She then realised that she had made loads of new friends easily and decided she would come - are you still with me!

Just changed her mind again, why? because she can. She knows deep down she is coming with us and will enjoy it but now it is deeply uncool to admit it.

She actually said, I don't want to come because I might like it - ahhhhhhhh

We have just stayed calm and steady. There is no discussion about what if, we are going, we will be there at minimum 2 years and decide from there. She is just pushing buttons and trying to get a response.

The 9 year old can't wait!
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 10:24 pm
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Thumbs up Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

I am also moving abroad with my husband and two kids, 11 and 9.
If you make it out to be a great big adventure, then the natural curosity of children will take over. We have always included the children in our discussions, but they know they are too young to make decisions for the whole family.
I moved abroad for the first time when I was 6, and looking at the people now that were my friends then, I thank my parents for doing this!
Please stay upbeat, stay positive but the sooner you make the decisions, the better.
And best of luck in your new life.
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 10:36 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

Have just noticed my puddy tat has got a twin! Greetings redback. Got all confused for a min, thought "when did I post that?" - forgive me, not bright
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Old Jan 24th 2005, 10:52 pm
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Default Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!

We have 4 children, 3 daughters and baby boy, Oldert daughter is 12 at the mo, middle is 9, youngest daughter 4. As i keep saying to the oldest daughter, we are going wether you like it or not, whats the harm in trying, we can always come back. Its not as if she has a strong circle of friends, she has many friends, but none of which yet are her bestest friend, as she moved away a few years ago.

She is adamant she will not come, but she will. We also keep telling them its a better move for them, there is nothing much for them here. They can keep in touch via email, and webcam, the same way we talk to family that are only an hour away at the moment.

You do wonder if it will affect them in years time, but iam sure i will not let one child ruin what could be a good life for the others, and us. You never know she may thank us, then again......she is pre-teen :scared:
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