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Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... We had a similar situation with our children, we have 4 children, the youngest being 8 and the eldest 18, all well established here with good friends etc.. As parents It is our responsibility to make the dicisions for our children. My 18 year old is leaving a girlfriend behind and all his college friends but he respects my decision, that we know as parents what is best for him and them. |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
This is a hard one - I really sympathise with you. There are enough decisions to make without resistance at this level!
Has he been on a plane before? I am sure you can find ways to try and make it seem all the more of an adventure to him to win him round. Just going to relax in my bath now....... on my own....... sorry! :D |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... i would never let a kid that young decide how my life will turn out ;) just my opinion though. |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... I think it was Jeremy on this site said 'One child should not veto a families migration' or words to that effect. And I think it is true. If for example you were moving to another part of the UK to somewhere you as an adult and parent knew would be better, you wouldnt allow your child to stop you from going. In my opinion this is just an extended version of that. He really is very young to have such a huge family decision on his shoulders. And if you get there, and after a months he wants the whole family to go home, you will have to be strong cos you know it takes a couple of years to really make it work. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a new life. Homesickness can last for a couple of years, wearing off slowly. And if you give up your dream because he is nervous and says he doesnt want to go, then it could lead to other problems. You sound like a caring and considerate parent who would like to do what is best for your family. Our dreams and opportunities to follow them, don't come round very often. Your little boy will grow up and follow his own dreams when his time is right. Your time is right now. Grab the chance whilst you still can. you are not putting him in danger, you are giving him a chance to learn a whole new way of life and see things kids in this country may only dream about. If you are firm, but kind, guide him and make him believe in you and what you want for him, you will be fine. Good luck, I really hope you do it. Sam |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
I was moved around enough as a kid to know that kids will adapt and make new friends, and generally go with the flow where ever they end up, as long as they have a loving family around them to support them. I think it would be much harder to take a 16 year old to a new country than an 8 year old.
Its a tough situation to be in for sure, but you have to have your own good reasons for wanting to go, and I bet a better life and prospects for your children is near the top of that list. Good Luck Iain |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
I feel very sorry for you but as mentioned, you know what is best for your child.
I think it was Jeremy on this site said 'One child should not veto a families migration' or words to that effect. And I think it is true. If for example you were moving to another part of the UK to somewhere you as an adult and parent knew would be better, you wouldnt allow your child to stop you from going. In my opinion this is just an extended version of that. He really is very young to have such a huge family decision on his shoulders. And if you get there, and after a months he wants the whole family to go home, you will have to be strong cos you know it takes a couple of years to really make it work. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a new life. Homesickness can last for a couple of years, wearing off slowly. And if you give up your dream because he is nervous and says he doesnt want to go, then it could lead to other problems. You sound like a caring and considerate parent who would like to do what is best for your family. Our dreams and opportunities to follow them, don't come round very often. Your little boy will grow up and follow his own dreams when his time is right. Your time is right now. Grab the chance whilst you still can. you are not putting him in danger, you are giving him a chance to learn a whole new way of life and see things kids in this country may only dream about. If you are firm, but kind, guide him and make him believe in you and what you want for him, you will be fine. Good luck, I really hope you do it. Sam Binbird |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by iaink
I was moved around enough as a kid to know that kids will adapt and make new friends, and generally go with the flow where ever they end up, as long as they have a loving family around them to support them. I think it would be much harder to take a 16 year old to a new country than an 8 year old.
Its a tough situation to be in for sure, but you have to have your own good reasons for wanting to go, and I bet a better life and prospects for your children is near the top of that list. Good Luck Iain His parents pretty much said that if he doesn't go, they won't be able to go and he will ruin their lives!!! I am sure this is not the kind of emotional blackmail you would use. He said if he was younger it certainly would have been easier. I think your son will certainly adapt. Has your wee one given any specific reasons why? Good luck with it all. Merlot :) |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by binbird
I just have to say what a fantastic post this is. I hope if I am ever up against any tricky dilemmas that you can come to my rescue in such a level-headed way.
Binbird Thanks for that Binbird, just sent you some karma. love Sam |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... Hi I really feel for you, I also have a 7 year old but luckily she is all up for going.(she has the added bonus of having grandparents there and going on holiday there 14 months ago and loving it) Although I agree that a child of that age cannot make decisions for you I totally empathise with how you feel. The guilt can be so enormous sometimes- taking them away from everything they know, other family members etc, it is sometimes difficult to actually feel that it is the 'right' thing to do. On the occasions that my daughter has been upset about leaving the cat/her nana I have been able to console her with the things she will be gaining(a dog/other grandparents!!) If i did not have this i am sure i would feel exactley the same as you. The only thing i think you can be sure of is that if you are happier then your child will also be, eventually, and that kids this age have incredibly short memories for things that seem to devastate them one minute and they have forgotten the next :rolleyes: Whatever you eventually decide i am sure your child will one day know that you did it with their very best intentions at heart. :) Good luck to you and your family Rx Ps. Can totally relate to the bath senario- even worse when a single parent :p |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... Hang in there, don’t let him be the reason for you not going, you may end up resenting him. |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Hya Honeybob
My eldest - girl 12 has changed her mind about four times so far. To begin with adamant she wasn't coming with us, would go and live with friends etc etc. I explained many many many times why we were going, also explained that friends mothers had said they didn't want her permanently (know that feeling :rolleyes: ;) ). She then left primary school and during the summer holidays decided she would come - whoopee! She then started secondary and made new friends and decided she wouldn't come. If the friends parents wouldn't have her, she would live in the guinea pig hutch :D She then realised that she had made loads of new friends easily and decided she would come - are you still with me! Just changed her mind again, why? because she can. She knows deep down she is coming with us and will enjoy it but now it is deeply uncool to admit it. She actually said, I don't want to come because I might like it - ahhhhhhhh We have just stayed calm and steady. There is no discussion about what if, we are going, we will be there at minimum 2 years and decide from there. She is just pushing buttons and trying to get a response. The 9 year old can't wait! |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
I am also moving abroad with my husband and two kids, 11 and 9.
If you make it out to be a great big adventure, then the natural curosity of children will take over. We have always included the children in our discussions, but they know they are too young to make decisions for the whole family. I moved abroad for the first time when I was 6, and looking at the people now that were my friends then, I thank my parents for doing this! Please stay upbeat, stay positive but the sooner you make the decisions, the better. And best of luck in your new life. |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Have just noticed my puddy tat has got a twin! Greetings redback. Got all confused for a min, thought "when did I post that?" - forgive me, not bright :rolleyes:
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Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
We have 4 children, 3 daughters and baby boy, Oldert daughter is 12 at the mo, middle is 9, youngest daughter 4. As i keep saying to the oldest daughter, we are going wether you like it or not, whats the harm in trying, we can always come back. Its not as if she has a strong circle of friends, she has many friends, but none of which yet are her bestest friend, as she moved away a few years ago.
She is adamant she will not come, but she will. We also keep telling them its a better move for them, there is nothing much for them here. They can keep in touch via email, and webcam, the same way we talk to family that are only an hour away at the moment. You do wonder if it will affect them in years time, but iam sure i will not let one child ruin what could be a good life for the others, and us. You never know she may thank us, then again......she is pre-teen :scared: |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... but he will have to stay at a boarding school. Find the Brochure of the worst, most disciplined boarding school in the Uk hand it to him and say this is where you will be living for the next 11 years untill you are 18. That should solve your problem. :D |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by red back
Hi,
We had a similar situation with our children, we have 4 children, the youngest being 8 and the eldest 18, all well established here with good friends etc.. As parents It is our responsibility to make the dicisions for our children. My 18 year old is leaving a girlfriend behind and all his college friends but he respects my decision, that we know as parents what is best for him and them. Younger children shouldn't have to decide for the family - it's up to them to change things once they grow up. Make a decision to make you happy, they will appreciate a happy parent. They then won't feel the resentment that will build up if you defer your happiness. :) |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by wombat42
Tell him your definently moving to OZ and if he wants to stay in the Uk he can
but he will have to stay at a boarding school. Find the Brochure of the worst, most disciplined boarding school in the Uk hand it to him and say this is where you will be living for the next 11 years untill you are 18. That should solve your problem. :D Anyhow, Wombat, often your words on here astound me, and othertimes you speak the 'cruelest' sense, never before have i thought of such actions, sheer genius springs to mind ;) :D Feeling better having read the returned posts, especially when you see that some kids now say they'd never come back to the uk... can only hope it turns out that way. someone came up with a good idea of letting our kids email each other and have a good moan about us parents.... Our son has given a few reasons about why he dosen't want to go, and they're all the 'usual' and expected reasons, but no doubt, very important to him... he'll really miss his nana, his friends and so on... He has perked up a bit like, asking if we could get a dog if we went :rolleyes: I came back with the, 'well if we get a dog, we can't just up and leave back to the uk', SILENCE! Professional Princess (Sam), whilst I absolutely love the smut that just flows from you :D (with such ease I hasten to add), sometimes you say the most comforting things, when needed most, cheers for that... Thankyou again everyone... |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by moneypen20
Have just noticed my puddy tat has got a twin! Greetings redback. Got all confused for a min, thought "when did I post that?" - forgive me, not bright :rolleyes:
Didnt realise, moneypen. Would your kitty like to join my kitty in a little 80's style boogie? 'wake me up before ya go-go' :) |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by yonk
My decision? I hope it was your other halfs as well. And at 18, it's getting to the point that he can come back if he wants to as he is an adult.
Younger children shouldn't have to decide for the family - it's up to them to change things once they grow up. Make a decision to make you happy, they will appreciate a happy parent. They then won't feel the resentment that will build up if you defer your happiness. :) |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by red back
Awwwwww!!
Didnt realise, moneypen. Would your kitty like to join my kitty in a little 80's style boogie? 'wake me up before ya go-go' :) Look, they even boogy together ;) |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by wombat42
Tell him your definently moving to OZ and if he wants to stay in the Uk he can
but he will have to stay at a boarding school. Find the Brochure of the worst, most disciplined boarding school in the Uk hand it to him and say this is where you will be living for the next 11 years untill you are 18. That should solve your problem. :D i find this funny that a 7 year old kids make the decisions for the family :scared: ignore the spellin, im a wee bit pished :beer: |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... The promise of a full sized snooker table did it for us with our 10 year old! He wasn't too keen about the move at first and wouldn't go unless he could take his best friend with him (bless!). Then we said about the snooker table (house too small here to accommodate one) bingo!!!, we have a happy 10 year old. To be quite honest, I'm not really sure it's has sunk in for our boys (other son is 12 years old). They know what we are planning but when the time comes to say our goodbyes etc, I'm dreading it (not just for me but mostly for my boys). I think it must be the same for most families. Good luck D D |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
he he......
I have a 13 yo neice who's emigrating this year to Perth and she tells me she's gonna tie herself to her bed and scream on the day of the flight..... :scared: i'll let you know her frame of mind next week lol |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by UKintheUSA
I hunted her down and dragged her back home kicking and screamingDeb
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Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by honeybob
We have always tried to put our kids first, to the detriment of my mental health at times! ;) ie. haven't had a relaxing bath on my own since 1997, which i consider an important and much underappreciated pasttime!!! :D
thought the move to australia would be a good one for all of us, and our 7 year old seemed really up for it, we discussed it with him or at least tried to! He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN. Thing is, he isn't a cheeky, bad tempered kid, he's just talking about it and that seems even worse. I have promised him, if he dosen't settle we come back, i'm feeling stressed at the minute, so wonder how a seven year old feels? Anyone else had similar experiences, any advice, any wine, any answers? Much appreciated, bob... It has worked well, she can't wait now. Also helps if you get the moving abroad shows on the TV, and some good photo's of where you would like to go. Hope it goes well....... :) |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Our 7 year old didn't want to go at first. We have worked on her a lot and tried to sweeten the pill where possible. But because we have been talking about it as fact so long it has just been accepted as gospel and now she has got used to it. I think getting kids to settle, especially young ones, will be just about the easiest thing in the whole emigration process.
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Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
My daughter (age 11) is all for going to Oz and cant wait which is great but I asked my son (age 8) last Sunday how he felt about going and he said (out right) 'No'. But I believe once we are out there and he can experience the Oz lifestyle he will soon settle and love it. My son is very much set in his ways and doesnt like change. (As are some adults!) But he knows we are taking our dog, plus the promise of a trampoline has swayed him a bit. :)
A bit of patience and some bribary should do the trick. ;) Best of luck, Karen x |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by UKintheUSA
He just dosen't want to go now, and i think it's going to be the final straw that will result in me backing out, AGAIN.
Who's in CHARGE HERE? You or the KID? So someday when you tell him he can't take drugs, can't drink and drive are you going to sit back and make a post like this on a forum? I hate to sound harsh here but GET A BACKBONE. Parents have the right to make decisions for their kids and themselves without having to EXPLAIN anything to their kids. I'll give you an example.... My now 26 year old daughter was in high school and wanted to go to a party with 5 of her friends. They were all aged 15-17. I said NO. She tried to sneak out of the house and go. I hunted her down and dragged her back home kicking and screaming.................She was sure pissed off at me all night.................Until the next morning when there was a special report about an accident in which 5 kids coming from a party were all KILLED IN AN ACCIDENT. The driver, who by the way was going to be DRIVING HER AS well to this party was drunk................as were all the other kids strewn all over the street, DEAD! So my moral of the story is parents have to take charge. They don't need to be mean, they don't need to be abusive, they don't need to EXPLAIN. They need to be in control. If you aren't now with a 7 year old, WAIT. You're days ahead will be tougher. Sorry to be such a hard ass with this but I have 2 kids that gave me a run for my money and I had to be tough with them. It has paid off and was well worth it. It usually hurts US, the PARENTS more to be firm than it does the kids. OK, I'm done! Deb Each to their own :rolleyes: |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by toocheeky
My daughter (age 11) is all for going to Oz and cant wait which is great but I asked my son (age 8) last Sunday how he felt about going and he said (out right) 'No'. But I believe once we are out there and he can experience the Oz lifestyle he will soon settle and love it. My son is very much set in his ways and doesnt like change. (As are some adults!) But he knows we are taking our dog, plus the promise of a trampoline has swayed him a bit. :)
A bit of patience and some bribary should do the trick. ;) Best of luck, Karen x |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by worzel
You got away with a trampoline? We promised a pool. I didn't think we could get away with it that cheap! :D
I may start a thread this will be interesting! |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Lol! I promised myself the pool! :D I could share it with the kids I s'pose...... :rolleyes: :D
Originally Posted by worzel
You got away with a trampoline? We promised a pool. I didn't think we could get away with it that cheap! :D
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Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
I moved around a lot when I was a kid and I found it ok as I made new friends easily enough. Kids are resilient and when they are young family is more important than friends so I wouldn't worry too much about moving an 8/9/10 year old. It all changes however when they are teens and I would think twice about moving a teen who is dead against going as it can be very traumatic. I am speaking as someone who has been through it. Moves aged 5,7,and 11 didn't upset me but a move at 15 was terrible because I didn't want to go.
Of course once they are 18 they can stay behind if they feel very strongly about it . Good luck. |
Re: Son, aged 7, just dosen't want to go!
Originally Posted by UKintheUSA
Who's in CHARGE HERE? You or the KID?
Yes, parents have the absolute right to make decisions for their kids, and there will always be instances where discussion isn't an issue, your example illustrates that perfectly... However, my choice has always been, and always will be, to explain and, heaven forbid, discuss things with my kids. Nobody's life is in danger if we don't make it to australia! I don't always get it right, and quite obviously my approach isn't your approach, but I like the way I do things... My perception of 'being in control', isn't about being a 'hard ass', however, I'm not knocking that approach, each to their own, you have to go with what makes you respect yourself as a parent! I just consider that explanation and consideration are important when your a parent. As for the drugs and drink driving, simple really, I'll just put a gun to his head, nothing like a pissed off mother... |
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