Some things are obvious
Feb 9th 2005, 8:04 am
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: brisbane
Posts: 4,347
Some things are obvious
just something im reading that made me smile 
When a man goes to the toilet,he usually goes for one reason only.
Women use tiolets as social lounges and therapy rooms.
Women who go to the toilet sas strangers can come out best friends and life long buddies.
But everyone would be instantly suspicious of the man who called out "hey frank,im going to the tiolet,you wanna come with me".
Men dominate tv controls and flick through channels,women dont mind watching the commercials under pressure.
Men drink alcahol and invade other countries,women eat chocolate and go shopping.
Women criticise men for being insensitive,uncaring,not listening,not being warm and compassionate,not talking,not giving enough love,not being committed torelationships,wanting to have sex rather than make love,turning the temperature down and leaving the tiolet seat up.
Men criticise women about their driving,for not being able to read street directories,for turning maps upside down,for their lack of sense of direction,for talking to much without getting to the piont,for not initiating sex enough,turning the temperature up,and leaving the tiolet seat down.
Men can never find a pair of socks but their cds are in alphabetical order.
Women can always find the missing set of car keys,but rarely take the most direct route to their destination.
Men think they re the most sensible sex.Women know they are.
wonder if it makes you smile to,tracey.
When a man goes to the toilet,he usually goes for one reason only.
Women use tiolets as social lounges and therapy rooms.
Women who go to the toilet sas strangers can come out best friends and life long buddies.
But everyone would be instantly suspicious of the man who called out "hey frank,im going to the tiolet,you wanna come with me".
Men dominate tv controls and flick through channels,women dont mind watching the commercials under pressure.
Men drink alcahol and invade other countries,women eat chocolate and go shopping.
Women criticise men for being insensitive,uncaring,not listening,not being warm and compassionate,not talking,not giving enough love,not being committed torelationships,wanting to have sex rather than make love,turning the temperature down and leaving the tiolet seat up.
Men criticise women about their driving,for not being able to read street directories,for turning maps upside down,for their lack of sense of direction,for talking to much without getting to the piont,for not initiating sex enough,turning the temperature up,and leaving the tiolet seat down.
Men can never find a pair of socks but their cds are in alphabetical order.
Women can always find the missing set of car keys,but rarely take the most direct route to their destination.
Men think they re the most sensible sex.Women know they are.
wonder if it makes you smile to,tracey.
Feb 9th 2005, 8:15 am
#2
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Joined: May 2004
Location: Rochford,Essex to Balmoral, Brisbane 9/9/05
Posts: 664
Re: Some things are obvious
[QUOTE=scissors]just something im reading that made me smile
Yes - this did make me smile too - specially the bit about "Women use tiolets as social lounges and therapy rooms".
I was at our local casino last night, and they actually have an area in the toilets which is like a posh lounge with a couple of fancy 'chaise long' (or however you spell it). There must have been about ten women plastered around just having a chat, and relaxing with their feet up, sampling the freebie perfumes. Can't imagine my hubby - or any other bloke- feeling comfortable with this!
Very funny post
Best wishes - Netta
Yes - this did make me smile too - specially the bit about "Women use tiolets as social lounges and therapy rooms".
I was at our local casino last night, and they actually have an area in the toilets which is like a posh lounge with a couple of fancy 'chaise long' (or however you spell it). There must have been about ten women plastered around just having a chat, and relaxing with their feet up, sampling the freebie perfumes. Can't imagine my hubby - or any other bloke- feeling comfortable with this!
Very funny post
Best wishes - Netta
Feb 9th 2005, 10:06 am
#3
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 8,147
Re: Some things are obvious
Originally Posted by scissors
Men drink alcahol and invade other countries,women eat chocolate and go shopping.
i like this one, it reminds me of a Robin Williams stand up show i have on video -
"women would make great presidents - there would be no wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days"!!!!
sue
Feb 9th 2005, 10:14 am
#4
Scottish Aussie ©
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Belmont, Perth, WA
Posts: 2,009
Re: Some things are obvious
OK.... Here we go....
Things that make you feel like a man...
OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish noisy destruction.
DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt ". "Nah".
HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.
USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the
other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t.
CALLING YOUR MATE A @1$%*** - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".
Things that make you feel like a man...
OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish noisy destruction.
DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt ". "Nah".
HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.
USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the
other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t.
CALLING YOUR MATE A @1$%*** - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".
Feb 9th 2005, 10:14 am
#5
da Bonehead
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Lion in da jungle
Posts: 22,767
Re: Some things are obvious
Originally Posted by tiredwithtwins
"women would make great presidents - there would be no wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days"!!!!
Feb 9th 2005, 10:17 am
#6
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Some things are obvious
Originally Posted by Bix
....and neither side would here what the other was saying
Feb 9th 2005, 10:33 am
#7
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 975
Re: Some things are obvious
Originally Posted by Scossie
OK.... Here we go....
Things that make you feel like a man...
OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish noisy destruction.
DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt ". "Nah".
HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.
USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the
other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t.
CALLING YOUR MATE A @1$%*** - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".
Things that make you feel like a man...
OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish noisy destruction.
DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt ". "Nah".
HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.
USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the
other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh*t.
CALLING YOUR MATE A @1$%*** - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".
I am great at sharpening kids pencils with anything other than a sharpener.
And for me there is no greater joy than going to the tip with a car load of rubbish, I find it very cathartic......
Apart from the time of course that I went there straight from a car boot sale to dump all my unsold rubbish, forgot that I still had clothes rail very firmly tied to my roof rack. Didnt go down well with the que of Sunday tippers when I became firmly stuck under the height barrier for ten minutes
Feb 9th 2005, 10:39 am
#8
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: brisbane
Posts: 4,347
Re: Some things are obvious
lol, very amusing scossie,what about this 
Men marvel at the way a women can walk into a room full of people and give an instant commentry on everyone.
Women cant believe men are so unobservant.
Men are amazed how a women cant see a red flashing oil light on the car dashboard but can spot a dirty sock in a dark corner 50 meters away.
Women are bewildered by men who can persistantly parallel park a car in a tight spot using a rear view mirror, but can never find the g spot.
If a women is driving and gets lost,she ll stop and ask directions.
To a man this is a sign of weakness.He ll drive round in circles for hours,muttering things like, "ive found a new way to get there" or im in the general area" hey i recognise that petrol station"
Does any of this ring true
tracey.
Men marvel at the way a women can walk into a room full of people and give an instant commentry on everyone.
Women cant believe men are so unobservant.
Men are amazed how a women cant see a red flashing oil light on the car dashboard but can spot a dirty sock in a dark corner 50 meters away.
Women are bewildered by men who can persistantly parallel park a car in a tight spot using a rear view mirror, but can never find the g spot.
If a women is driving and gets lost,she ll stop and ask directions.
To a man this is a sign of weakness.He ll drive round in circles for hours,muttering things like, "ive found a new way to get there" or im in the general area" hey i recognise that petrol station"
Does any of this ring true
tracey.
Feb 9th 2005, 11:03 am
#9
Scottish Aussie ©
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Belmont, Perth, WA
Posts: 2,009
Re: Some things are obvious
If a man says something in the woods, and there are no women there.......
Is he still wrong?
Is he still wrong?
Feb 9th 2005, 11:05 am
#10
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 975
Re: Some things are obvious
Originally Posted by Scossie
If a man says something in the woods, and there are no women there.......
Is he still wrong?
Is he still wrong?
What a silly question.
It would depend on the day of the month of course!!
Feb 9th 2005, 5:56 pm
#11
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 8,147
Re: Some things are obvious
Originally Posted by scissors
Women are bewildered by men who can persistantly parallel park a car in a tight spot using a rear view mirror, but can never find the g spot.
.
.
ROFLMAO!!!!!
Feb 9th 2005, 10:17 pm
#12
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: brisbane
Posts: 4,347
Re: Some things are obvious
lol, i love robbin williams he has a great nack for telling stories doesnt he
tracey.
tracey.
Originally Posted by tiredwithtwins
i like this one, it reminds me of a Robin Williams stand up show i have on video -
"women would make great presidents - there would be no wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days"!!!!
sue
"women would make great presidents - there would be no wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days"!!!!
sue
Feb 9th 2005, 10:47 pm
#13
oneday someday
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 102
Re: Some things are obvious
Originally Posted by Scossie
OK.... Here we go....
Things that make you feel like a man...
PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
Things that make you feel like a man...
PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
I have been reading the forums for a good while.. and in my first post I would like to congratulate everyone on the forum on the high signal to noise ratio (quality info versus trolling) of the guys and gals here!
Secondly, I would just like to correct the above statement; F1 cars do all have reverse gears (Article 9.4 ) and as such Schumacher could possibly still win in reverse parking competitions.. however the mirrors of F1 cars are so small its unlikely! Sorry to have to bring that up but I work in F1 and am a bit of a detail addict..!
j:mo
Feb 9th 2005, 11:34 pm
#14
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: perth....and loving it
Posts: 254
Re: Some things are obvious
Originally Posted by scissors
If a women is driving and gets lost,she ll stop and ask directions.
To a man this is a sign of weakness.He ll drive round in circles for hours,muttering things like, "ive found a new way to get there" or im in the general area" hey i recognise that petrol station"
To a man this is a sign of weakness.He ll drive round in circles for hours,muttering things like, "ive found a new way to get there" or im in the general area" hey i recognise that petrol station"
Feb 9th 2005, 11:37 pm
#15
Go the BNE Roar
Joined: May 2003
Location: Northside
Posts: 1,590
Re: Some things are obvious
Well done Scossie for mentioning god........Stuart Pearce.
Thought a Scot would mention one of his own.
Still remember the best tackle I ever saw was Stuart Pearce on Ted McMinn (Derby winger) in a fierce local derby. Ted went all of 15 feet in the air and landed in row x of the main stand at Forest didnt even get a free kick either....those were the days.
Bought back some good memories!!!
TT
Thought a Scot would mention one of his own.
Still remember the best tackle I ever saw was Stuart Pearce on Ted McMinn (Derby winger) in a fierce local derby. Ted went all of 15 feet in the air and landed in row x of the main stand at Forest didnt even get a free kick either....those were the days.
Bought back some good memories!!!
TT