Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Feb 18th 2005, 6:04 am
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: London
Posts: 83
Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Hey Folks
I moved with my partner to Australia in November. There are definitely some things that we would have done differently with the benefit of hindsight and I decided to pop some thoughts down for those planning to come out here. I don’t think we made any mistakes but there are things that I would now change.
I’m here on a spouse visa as my partner is Australian. I’d never been to Australia before so it was a great opportunity to spend a couple of months travelling to see places and to catch up with family and friends before settling down to life and work. So we left England not sure what we were going to do or where we were going to settle.
Looking back, it would have been much better if I had visited Australia for a holiday first before coming out here to live. I found it difficult to really enjoy Australia for what it was because this was now my new home. Knowing that I was going to live here somehow diminished some of the excitement of first arriving and it’s that bit more difficult not to like things. I just wanted to like everything and not be disappointed by anything but that is of course unrealistic. I also found that there is also a tacit pressure to like everything because you’re constantly asked, “well what do you think of Australia?� which really means isn’t Australia better than England.
I enjoyed the travelling but it was always at the back of my mind that this was my new life and there were things out there that had to be dealt with. I would have had a plan about where it was I was going to settle and I would have done much more advance preparation about getting a job. Taking time off at the start is a good idea to get yourself acclimatised but it would be much better without the pressure of not knowing what it is you’re going to do or where you’re going to live.
The other thing to be aware of is that Australia is so different to England. And it’s a very curious difference because everything looks so similar but it’s not quite the same. I previously lived in three different European countries and I was very determined to take Australia as it is and not view it as an England with sunshine. But that is pretty difficult to do because you’re sort of familiar with everything but you’re not. And all those ever so little differences mount up – packets of honey roast ham that open from the bottom and not the top; people shopping in supermarkets with no shoes; bloody possums; Queensland drivers (but that’s a whole different thread). It’s quite unsettling because you think you’re on very solid ground but actually you’re not.
Like I said, I’m on a spouse visa and there were some very subtle changes to our relationship as well. Not least, changing from him and her to her and him! You also see your partner in a different way (and I don’t automatically mean a bad way) because they are with their family and friends whilst you aren’t, which of course is a total reversal to what it was. I really was unprepared by how much I would miss my family and friends and it’s kind of hard to see you’re partner get so much pleasure by meeting his/her folks whilst you really miss yours.
I suspect that I really wasn’t ready to make this move. And that’s proved to be a tough one because I haven’t enjoyed my first experience in the way that I hoped. I suffered from depression in 2003 and I’ve decided to undertake more therapy because I feel that I just haven’t been able to cope. I’ve been unhappy and lonely but at the same time I was so desperate not to acknowledge that I wasn’t doing well because I wanted things to work out here. The idea that my dream move could make me unwell just wasn’t acceptable to me. But the truth is that the extra stresses of a new life affected my self-confidence and caused me much stress. Again, winding the clock back, I would only have made the move if I knew I was ready for it and I don’t think I was. I wasn’t ready for the goodbyes, packing your existing life up and everything landing in a new country entails. But it’s hard when your partner’s Australian and you know how desperately she wants to see her friends and family. I don’t think you really appreciate that one until you’re in the same boat and you really miss yours which somehow makes things harder. I guess I didn’t realise how much I was giving up until I moved out here.
As for smaller but nonetheless real practical things, I would have had a goodbye party. We didn’t and what happens is that you embark on dozens of little goodbyes rather than one or two big ones. It gets very tiring and it’s emotionally draining. Talking of which, I would also not move out just before Christmas because it is a really tough time to be missed and to miss everyone. I’d have given myself and my loved ones a bit more time to prepare for not being there. Finally, I wouldn’t fly via LA again. I got whacked with jet lag twice and LAX is a dump (but Auckland Airport is lovely). Next time, I’m going east not west.
Now all this sounds like I’ve had a miserable time since getting here. Thankfully that hasn’t been the case. There have been some really tough times but I’ve also had some great times. And though I would have changed things, I wouldn’t change the fact that I’m out here giving it a go. Australia has a lot to offer but you’ve got to go out there and get it. And I guess it was that part that I wasn’t prepared for. I made a promise to my partner that I would give it two years and I’m determined to do that. I really do hope that I get to enjoy my life in Australia. But the best part is that I know it’s down to me. I’m going to give it my best shot and just see what happens. But I’m grateful to have that shot even if I have forgot it at times through the stresses and strains of a new life here. Anyhow, hope this helps and good luck with your shots at your life out here.
PS – don’t worry about the spiders. You get used to them.
I moved with my partner to Australia in November. There are definitely some things that we would have done differently with the benefit of hindsight and I decided to pop some thoughts down for those planning to come out here. I don’t think we made any mistakes but there are things that I would now change.
I’m here on a spouse visa as my partner is Australian. I’d never been to Australia before so it was a great opportunity to spend a couple of months travelling to see places and to catch up with family and friends before settling down to life and work. So we left England not sure what we were going to do or where we were going to settle.
Looking back, it would have been much better if I had visited Australia for a holiday first before coming out here to live. I found it difficult to really enjoy Australia for what it was because this was now my new home. Knowing that I was going to live here somehow diminished some of the excitement of first arriving and it’s that bit more difficult not to like things. I just wanted to like everything and not be disappointed by anything but that is of course unrealistic. I also found that there is also a tacit pressure to like everything because you’re constantly asked, “well what do you think of Australia?� which really means isn’t Australia better than England.
I enjoyed the travelling but it was always at the back of my mind that this was my new life and there were things out there that had to be dealt with. I would have had a plan about where it was I was going to settle and I would have done much more advance preparation about getting a job. Taking time off at the start is a good idea to get yourself acclimatised but it would be much better without the pressure of not knowing what it is you’re going to do or where you’re going to live.
The other thing to be aware of is that Australia is so different to England. And it’s a very curious difference because everything looks so similar but it’s not quite the same. I previously lived in three different European countries and I was very determined to take Australia as it is and not view it as an England with sunshine. But that is pretty difficult to do because you’re sort of familiar with everything but you’re not. And all those ever so little differences mount up – packets of honey roast ham that open from the bottom and not the top; people shopping in supermarkets with no shoes; bloody possums; Queensland drivers (but that’s a whole different thread). It’s quite unsettling because you think you’re on very solid ground but actually you’re not.
Like I said, I’m on a spouse visa and there were some very subtle changes to our relationship as well. Not least, changing from him and her to her and him! You also see your partner in a different way (and I don’t automatically mean a bad way) because they are with their family and friends whilst you aren’t, which of course is a total reversal to what it was. I really was unprepared by how much I would miss my family and friends and it’s kind of hard to see you’re partner get so much pleasure by meeting his/her folks whilst you really miss yours.
I suspect that I really wasn’t ready to make this move. And that’s proved to be a tough one because I haven’t enjoyed my first experience in the way that I hoped. I suffered from depression in 2003 and I’ve decided to undertake more therapy because I feel that I just haven’t been able to cope. I’ve been unhappy and lonely but at the same time I was so desperate not to acknowledge that I wasn’t doing well because I wanted things to work out here. The idea that my dream move could make me unwell just wasn’t acceptable to me. But the truth is that the extra stresses of a new life affected my self-confidence and caused me much stress. Again, winding the clock back, I would only have made the move if I knew I was ready for it and I don’t think I was. I wasn’t ready for the goodbyes, packing your existing life up and everything landing in a new country entails. But it’s hard when your partner’s Australian and you know how desperately she wants to see her friends and family. I don’t think you really appreciate that one until you’re in the same boat and you really miss yours which somehow makes things harder. I guess I didn’t realise how much I was giving up until I moved out here.
As for smaller but nonetheless real practical things, I would have had a goodbye party. We didn’t and what happens is that you embark on dozens of little goodbyes rather than one or two big ones. It gets very tiring and it’s emotionally draining. Talking of which, I would also not move out just before Christmas because it is a really tough time to be missed and to miss everyone. I’d have given myself and my loved ones a bit more time to prepare for not being there. Finally, I wouldn’t fly via LA again. I got whacked with jet lag twice and LAX is a dump (but Auckland Airport is lovely). Next time, I’m going east not west.
Now all this sounds like I’ve had a miserable time since getting here. Thankfully that hasn’t been the case. There have been some really tough times but I’ve also had some great times. And though I would have changed things, I wouldn’t change the fact that I’m out here giving it a go. Australia has a lot to offer but you’ve got to go out there and get it. And I guess it was that part that I wasn’t prepared for. I made a promise to my partner that I would give it two years and I’m determined to do that. I really do hope that I get to enjoy my life in Australia. But the best part is that I know it’s down to me. I’m going to give it my best shot and just see what happens. But I’m grateful to have that shot even if I have forgot it at times through the stresses and strains of a new life here. Anyhow, hope this helps and good luck with your shots at your life out here.
PS – don’t worry about the spiders. You get used to them.
Feb 18th 2005, 6:22 am
#2
Dutch expat/Aus citizen
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: South East, Perth (was Holland)
Posts: 5,789
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Some really good points there Finsbury! Very interesting, and I think very relevant for a lot of the spouse visa people on here!
Yeah, this is why decided against travelling before settling (that was the first plan). Also, if you spend all your savings, and then find it hard to get a job...!!! :scared: (well, we would've spent all our savings, anyway) Or even only the stress of worrying if you'll be able to get a job...
Good luck to you!
Originally Posted by finsbury
Hey Folks
I enjoyed the travelling but it was always at the back of my mind that this was my new life and there were things out there that had to be dealt with. I would have had a plan about where it was I was going to settle and I would have done much more advance preparation about getting a job. Taking time off at the start is a good idea to get yourself acclimatised but it would be much better without the pressure of not knowing what it is you’re going to do or where you’re going to live.
.
I enjoyed the travelling but it was always at the back of my mind that this was my new life and there were things out there that had to be dealt with. I would have had a plan about where it was I was going to settle and I would have done much more advance preparation about getting a job. Taking time off at the start is a good idea to get yourself acclimatised but it would be much better without the pressure of not knowing what it is you’re going to do or where you’re going to live.
.
Good luck to you!
Feb 18th 2005, 6:48 am
#3
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
We travelled and loved it and really this sold our kids on Aus. This said its always on the back of your mind about looking for jobs etc.
I agree with everything else you have said though and i really don't think anything prepares you for some of the feelings that happen in the first few months. We have been here 18 months now and are really feeling settled. We have had the in laws over and that has really helped too. Good luck with the next few months.
I agree with everything else you have said though and i really don't think anything prepares you for some of the feelings that happen in the first few months. We have been here 18 months now and are really feeling settled. We have had the in laws over and that has really helped too. Good luck with the next few months.
Feb 18th 2005, 9:36 am
#4
MorningMaro
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Manly, Sydney
Posts: 17
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Really good post Finsbury.
One of my friends is moving to Sydney this summer from London with his Australian wife. They met while she was travelling in the UK four years ago as they were working together and ended up getting married 2 years ago. She's now been in London nearly 5 years and is desperate to get home to be near her family again and they want to start a family soon and she doesn't want to do that thousands of miles from home.
He's really close to his mum as his dad's never really been around and I know he's really anxious about going to a new place, spending time with her family in Sydney while he'll be missing his etc etc, all the things you've said and even though he's been over on holiday a couple of times I know he's still scared about making 'the big move'. I also know from talking to her that she's really nervous about bringing him over and whether their relationship will change but I also know she's really conscious of not just spending all their time catching up with her family and doing everything on her terms as its more 'her territory' - she wants him to discover Australia for himself and find his own feet a bit so I'm sure you're partner is probably thinking the same sort of thing.
She's also worried that he won't like it or will want to go home but funnily enough she's also apprehensive as she's been away for 5 years and is worried too much will have changed and she won't feel like she fits in any more but then doesn't want to live in London anymore so is concerned nowhere will feel like 'home'.
Anyway I'm rambling on now - point is that they've promised to try and be as open and honest about how they're feeling as possible and if either have doubts they'll talk about it straight away. Its a big leap for both of them in a way but I'm sure it will work out - and for you too!
Good luck with it all.
Caro
One of my friends is moving to Sydney this summer from London with his Australian wife. They met while she was travelling in the UK four years ago as they were working together and ended up getting married 2 years ago. She's now been in London nearly 5 years and is desperate to get home to be near her family again and they want to start a family soon and she doesn't want to do that thousands of miles from home.
He's really close to his mum as his dad's never really been around and I know he's really anxious about going to a new place, spending time with her family in Sydney while he'll be missing his etc etc, all the things you've said and even though he's been over on holiday a couple of times I know he's still scared about making 'the big move'. I also know from talking to her that she's really nervous about bringing him over and whether their relationship will change but I also know she's really conscious of not just spending all their time catching up with her family and doing everything on her terms as its more 'her territory' - she wants him to discover Australia for himself and find his own feet a bit so I'm sure you're partner is probably thinking the same sort of thing.
She's also worried that he won't like it or will want to go home but funnily enough she's also apprehensive as she's been away for 5 years and is worried too much will have changed and she won't feel like she fits in any more but then doesn't want to live in London anymore so is concerned nowhere will feel like 'home'.
Anyway I'm rambling on now - point is that they've promised to try and be as open and honest about how they're feeling as possible and if either have doubts they'll talk about it straight away. Its a big leap for both of them in a way but I'm sure it will work out - and for you too!
Good luck with it all.
Caro
Originally Posted by finsbury
Hey Folks
I moved with my partner to Australia in November. There are definitely some things that we would have done differently with the benefit of hindsight and I decided to pop some thoughts down for those planning to come out here. I don’t think we made any mistakes but there are things that I would now change.
I’m here on a spouse visa as my partner is Australian. I’d never been to Australia before so it was a great opportunity to spend a couple of months travelling to see places and to catch up with family and friends before settling down to life and work. So we left England not sure what we were going to do or where we were going to settle.
Looking back, it would have been much better if I had visited Australia for a holiday first before coming out here to live. I found it difficult to really enjoy Australia for what it was because this was now my new home. Knowing that I was going to live here somehow diminished some of the excitement of first arriving and it’s that bit more difficult not to like things. I just wanted to like everything and not be disappointed by anything but that is of course unrealistic. I also found that there is also a tacit pressure to like everything because you’re constantly asked, “well what do you think of Australia?� which really means isn’t Australia better than England.
I enjoyed the travelling but it was always at the back of my mind that this was my new life and there were things out there that had to be dealt with. I would have had a plan about where it was I was going to settle and I would have done much more advance preparation about getting a job. Taking time off at the start is a good idea to get yourself acclimatised but it would be much better without the pressure of not knowing what it is you’re going to do or where you’re going to live.
The other thing to be aware of is that Australia is so different to England. And it’s a very curious difference because everything looks so similar but it’s not quite the same. I previously lived in three different European countries and I was very determined to take Australia as it is and not view it as an England with sunshine. But that is pretty difficult to do because you’re sort of familiar with everything but you’re not. And all those ever so little differences mount up – packets of honey roast ham that open from the bottom and not the top; people shopping in supermarkets with no shoes; bloody possums; Queensland drivers (but that’s a whole different thread). It’s quite unsettling because you think you’re on very solid ground but actually you’re not.
Like I said, I’m on a spouse visa and there were some very subtle changes to our relationship as well. Not least, changing from him and her to her and him! You also see your partner in a different way (and I don’t automatically mean a bad way) because they are with their family and friends whilst you aren’t, which of course is a total reversal to what it was. I really was unprepared by how much I would miss my family and friends and it’s kind of hard to see you’re partner get so much pleasure by meeting his/her folks whilst you really miss yours.
I suspect that I really wasn’t ready to make this move. And that’s proved to be a tough one because I haven’t enjoyed my first experience in the way that I hoped. I suffered from depression in 2003 and I’ve decided to undertake more therapy because I feel that I just haven’t been able to cope. I’ve been unhappy and lonely but at the same time I was so desperate not to acknowledge that I wasn’t doing well because I wanted things to work out here. The idea that my dream move could make me unwell just wasn’t acceptable to me. But the truth is that the extra stresses of a new life affected my self-confidence and caused me much stress. Again, winding the clock back, I would only have made the move if I knew I was ready for it and I don’t think I was. I wasn’t ready for the goodbyes, packing your existing life up and everything landing in a new country entails. But it’s hard when your partner’s Australian and you know how desperately she wants to see her friends and family. I don’t think you really appreciate that one until you’re in the same boat and you really miss yours which somehow makes things harder. I guess I didn’t realise how much I was giving up until I moved out here.
As for smaller but nonetheless real practical things, I would have had a goodbye party. We didn’t and what happens is that you embark on dozens of little goodbyes rather than one or two big ones. It gets very tiring and it’s emotionally draining. Talking of which, I would also not move out just before Christmas because it is a really tough time to be missed and to miss everyone. I’d have given myself and my loved ones a bit more time to prepare for not being there. Finally, I wouldn’t fly via LA again. I got whacked with jet lag twice and LAX is a dump (but Auckland Airport is lovely). Next time, I’m going east not west.
Now all this sounds like I’ve had a miserable time since getting here. Thankfully that hasn’t been the case. There have been some really tough times but I’ve also had some great times. And though I would have changed things, I wouldn’t change the fact that I’m out here giving it a go. Australia has a lot to offer but you’ve got to go out there and get it. And I guess it was that part that I wasn’t prepared for. I made a promise to my partner that I would give it two years and I’m determined to do that. I really do hope that I get to enjoy my life in Australia. But the best part is that I know it’s down to me. I’m going to give it my best shot and just see what happens. But I’m grateful to have that shot even if I have forgot it at times through the stresses and strains of a new life here. Anyhow, hope this helps and good luck with your shots at your life out here.
PS – don’t worry about the spiders. You get used to them.
I moved with my partner to Australia in November. There are definitely some things that we would have done differently with the benefit of hindsight and I decided to pop some thoughts down for those planning to come out here. I don’t think we made any mistakes but there are things that I would now change.
I’m here on a spouse visa as my partner is Australian. I’d never been to Australia before so it was a great opportunity to spend a couple of months travelling to see places and to catch up with family and friends before settling down to life and work. So we left England not sure what we were going to do or where we were going to settle.
Looking back, it would have been much better if I had visited Australia for a holiday first before coming out here to live. I found it difficult to really enjoy Australia for what it was because this was now my new home. Knowing that I was going to live here somehow diminished some of the excitement of first arriving and it’s that bit more difficult not to like things. I just wanted to like everything and not be disappointed by anything but that is of course unrealistic. I also found that there is also a tacit pressure to like everything because you’re constantly asked, “well what do you think of Australia?� which really means isn’t Australia better than England.
I enjoyed the travelling but it was always at the back of my mind that this was my new life and there were things out there that had to be dealt with. I would have had a plan about where it was I was going to settle and I would have done much more advance preparation about getting a job. Taking time off at the start is a good idea to get yourself acclimatised but it would be much better without the pressure of not knowing what it is you’re going to do or where you’re going to live.
The other thing to be aware of is that Australia is so different to England. And it’s a very curious difference because everything looks so similar but it’s not quite the same. I previously lived in three different European countries and I was very determined to take Australia as it is and not view it as an England with sunshine. But that is pretty difficult to do because you’re sort of familiar with everything but you’re not. And all those ever so little differences mount up – packets of honey roast ham that open from the bottom and not the top; people shopping in supermarkets with no shoes; bloody possums; Queensland drivers (but that’s a whole different thread). It’s quite unsettling because you think you’re on very solid ground but actually you’re not.
Like I said, I’m on a spouse visa and there were some very subtle changes to our relationship as well. Not least, changing from him and her to her and him! You also see your partner in a different way (and I don’t automatically mean a bad way) because they are with their family and friends whilst you aren’t, which of course is a total reversal to what it was. I really was unprepared by how much I would miss my family and friends and it’s kind of hard to see you’re partner get so much pleasure by meeting his/her folks whilst you really miss yours.
I suspect that I really wasn’t ready to make this move. And that’s proved to be a tough one because I haven’t enjoyed my first experience in the way that I hoped. I suffered from depression in 2003 and I’ve decided to undertake more therapy because I feel that I just haven’t been able to cope. I’ve been unhappy and lonely but at the same time I was so desperate not to acknowledge that I wasn’t doing well because I wanted things to work out here. The idea that my dream move could make me unwell just wasn’t acceptable to me. But the truth is that the extra stresses of a new life affected my self-confidence and caused me much stress. Again, winding the clock back, I would only have made the move if I knew I was ready for it and I don’t think I was. I wasn’t ready for the goodbyes, packing your existing life up and everything landing in a new country entails. But it’s hard when your partner’s Australian and you know how desperately she wants to see her friends and family. I don’t think you really appreciate that one until you’re in the same boat and you really miss yours which somehow makes things harder. I guess I didn’t realise how much I was giving up until I moved out here.
As for smaller but nonetheless real practical things, I would have had a goodbye party. We didn’t and what happens is that you embark on dozens of little goodbyes rather than one or two big ones. It gets very tiring and it’s emotionally draining. Talking of which, I would also not move out just before Christmas because it is a really tough time to be missed and to miss everyone. I’d have given myself and my loved ones a bit more time to prepare for not being there. Finally, I wouldn’t fly via LA again. I got whacked with jet lag twice and LAX is a dump (but Auckland Airport is lovely). Next time, I’m going east not west.
Now all this sounds like I’ve had a miserable time since getting here. Thankfully that hasn’t been the case. There have been some really tough times but I’ve also had some great times. And though I would have changed things, I wouldn’t change the fact that I’m out here giving it a go. Australia has a lot to offer but you’ve got to go out there and get it. And I guess it was that part that I wasn’t prepared for. I made a promise to my partner that I would give it two years and I’m determined to do that. I really do hope that I get to enjoy my life in Australia. But the best part is that I know it’s down to me. I’m going to give it my best shot and just see what happens. But I’m grateful to have that shot even if I have forgot it at times through the stresses and strains of a new life here. Anyhow, hope this helps and good luck with your shots at your life out here.
PS – don’t worry about the spiders. You get used to them.
Feb 18th 2005, 10:01 am
#5
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: The sunny coast on the other side of the planet
Posts: 596
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Originally Posted by finsbury
Hey Folks
I moved with my partner to Australia in November. There are definitely some things that we would have done differently with the benefit of hindsight and I decided to pop some thoughts down for those planning to come out here. I don’t think we made any mistakes but there are things that I would now change.
I’m here on a spouse visa as my partner is Australian. I’d never been to Australia before so it was a great opportunity to spend a couple of months travelling to see places and to catch up with family and friends before settling down to life and work. So we left England not sure what we were going to do or where we were going to settle.
Looking back, it would have been much better if I had visited Australia for a holiday first before coming out here to live. I found it difficult to really enjoy Australia for what it was because this was now my new home. Knowing that I was going to live here somehow diminished some of the excitement of first arriving and it’s that bit more difficult not to like things. I just wanted to like everything and not be disappointed by anything but that is of course unrealistic. I also found that there is also a tacit pressure to like everything because you’re constantly asked, “well what do you think of Australia?� which really means isn’t Australia better than England.
I enjoyed the travelling but it was always at the back of my mind that this was my new life and there were things out there that had to be dealt with. I would have had a plan about where it was I was going to settle and I would have done much more advance preparation about getting a job. Taking time off at the start is a good idea to get yourself acclimatised but it would be much better without the pressure of not knowing what it is you’re going to do or where you’re going to live.
The other thing to be aware of is that Australia is so different to England. And it’s a very curious difference because everything looks so similar but it’s not quite the same. I previously lived in three different European countries and I was very determined to take Australia as it is and not view it as an England with sunshine. But that is pretty difficult to do because you’re sort of familiar with everything but you’re not. And all those ever so little differences mount up – packets of honey roast ham that open from the bottom and not the top; people shopping in supermarkets with no shoes; bloody possums; Queensland drivers (but that’s a whole different thread). It’s quite unsettling because you think you’re on very solid ground but actually you’re not.
Like I said, I’m on a spouse visa and there were some very subtle changes to our relationship as well. Not least, changing from him and her to her and him! You also see your partner in a different way (and I don’t automatically mean a bad way) because they are with their family and friends whilst you aren’t, which of course is a total reversal to what it was. I really was unprepared by how much I would miss my family and friends and it’s kind of hard to see you’re partner get so much pleasure by meeting his/her folks whilst you really miss yours.
I suspect that I really wasn’t ready to make this move. And that’s proved to be a tough one because I haven’t enjoyed my first experience in the way that I hoped. I suffered from depression in 2003 and I’ve decided to undertake more therapy because I feel that I just haven’t been able to cope. I’ve been unhappy and lonely but at the same time I was so desperate not to acknowledge that I wasn’t doing well because I wanted things to work out here. The idea that my dream move could make me unwell just wasn’t acceptable to me. But the truth is that the extra stresses of a new life affected my self-confidence and caused me much stress. Again, winding the clock back, I would only have made the move if I knew I was ready for it and I don’t think I was. I wasn’t ready for the goodbyes, packing your existing life up and everything landing in a new country entails. But it’s hard when your partner’s Australian and you know how desperately she wants to see her friends and family. I don’t think you really appreciate that one until you’re in the same boat and you really miss yours which somehow makes things harder. I guess I didn’t realise how much I was giving up until I moved out here.
As for smaller but nonetheless real practical things, I would have had a goodbye party. We didn’t and what happens is that you embark on dozens of little goodbyes rather than one or two big ones. It gets very tiring and it’s emotionally draining. Talking of which, I would also not move out just before Christmas because it is a really tough time to be missed and to miss everyone. I’d have given myself and my loved ones a bit more time to prepare for not being there. Finally, I wouldn’t fly via LA again. I got whacked with jet lag twice and LAX is a dump (but Auckland Airport is lovely). Next time, I’m going east not west.
Now all this sounds like I’ve had a miserable time since getting here. Thankfully that hasn’t been the case. There have been some really tough times but I’ve also had some great times. And though I would have changed things, I wouldn’t change the fact that I’m out here giving it a go. Australia has a lot to offer but you’ve got to go out there and get it. And I guess it was that part that I wasn’t prepared for. I made a promise to my partner that I would give it two years and I’m determined to do that. I really do hope that I get to enjoy my life in Australia. But the best part is that I know it’s down to me. I’m going to give it my best shot and just see what happens. But I’m grateful to have that shot even if I have forgot it at times through the stresses and strains of a new life here. Anyhow, hope this helps and good luck with your shots at your life out here.
PS – don’t worry about the spiders. You get used to them.
I moved with my partner to Australia in November. There are definitely some things that we would have done differently with the benefit of hindsight and I decided to pop some thoughts down for those planning to come out here. I don’t think we made any mistakes but there are things that I would now change.
I’m here on a spouse visa as my partner is Australian. I’d never been to Australia before so it was a great opportunity to spend a couple of months travelling to see places and to catch up with family and friends before settling down to life and work. So we left England not sure what we were going to do or where we were going to settle.
Looking back, it would have been much better if I had visited Australia for a holiday first before coming out here to live. I found it difficult to really enjoy Australia for what it was because this was now my new home. Knowing that I was going to live here somehow diminished some of the excitement of first arriving and it’s that bit more difficult not to like things. I just wanted to like everything and not be disappointed by anything but that is of course unrealistic. I also found that there is also a tacit pressure to like everything because you’re constantly asked, “well what do you think of Australia?� which really means isn’t Australia better than England.
I enjoyed the travelling but it was always at the back of my mind that this was my new life and there were things out there that had to be dealt with. I would have had a plan about where it was I was going to settle and I would have done much more advance preparation about getting a job. Taking time off at the start is a good idea to get yourself acclimatised but it would be much better without the pressure of not knowing what it is you’re going to do or where you’re going to live.
The other thing to be aware of is that Australia is so different to England. And it’s a very curious difference because everything looks so similar but it’s not quite the same. I previously lived in three different European countries and I was very determined to take Australia as it is and not view it as an England with sunshine. But that is pretty difficult to do because you’re sort of familiar with everything but you’re not. And all those ever so little differences mount up – packets of honey roast ham that open from the bottom and not the top; people shopping in supermarkets with no shoes; bloody possums; Queensland drivers (but that’s a whole different thread). It’s quite unsettling because you think you’re on very solid ground but actually you’re not.
Like I said, I’m on a spouse visa and there were some very subtle changes to our relationship as well. Not least, changing from him and her to her and him! You also see your partner in a different way (and I don’t automatically mean a bad way) because they are with their family and friends whilst you aren’t, which of course is a total reversal to what it was. I really was unprepared by how much I would miss my family and friends and it’s kind of hard to see you’re partner get so much pleasure by meeting his/her folks whilst you really miss yours.
I suspect that I really wasn’t ready to make this move. And that’s proved to be a tough one because I haven’t enjoyed my first experience in the way that I hoped. I suffered from depression in 2003 and I’ve decided to undertake more therapy because I feel that I just haven’t been able to cope. I’ve been unhappy and lonely but at the same time I was so desperate not to acknowledge that I wasn’t doing well because I wanted things to work out here. The idea that my dream move could make me unwell just wasn’t acceptable to me. But the truth is that the extra stresses of a new life affected my self-confidence and caused me much stress. Again, winding the clock back, I would only have made the move if I knew I was ready for it and I don’t think I was. I wasn’t ready for the goodbyes, packing your existing life up and everything landing in a new country entails. But it’s hard when your partner’s Australian and you know how desperately she wants to see her friends and family. I don’t think you really appreciate that one until you’re in the same boat and you really miss yours which somehow makes things harder. I guess I didn’t realise how much I was giving up until I moved out here.
As for smaller but nonetheless real practical things, I would have had a goodbye party. We didn’t and what happens is that you embark on dozens of little goodbyes rather than one or two big ones. It gets very tiring and it’s emotionally draining. Talking of which, I would also not move out just before Christmas because it is a really tough time to be missed and to miss everyone. I’d have given myself and my loved ones a bit more time to prepare for not being there. Finally, I wouldn’t fly via LA again. I got whacked with jet lag twice and LAX is a dump (but Auckland Airport is lovely). Next time, I’m going east not west.
Now all this sounds like I’ve had a miserable time since getting here. Thankfully that hasn’t been the case. There have been some really tough times but I’ve also had some great times. And though I would have changed things, I wouldn’t change the fact that I’m out here giving it a go. Australia has a lot to offer but you’ve got to go out there and get it. And I guess it was that part that I wasn’t prepared for. I made a promise to my partner that I would give it two years and I’m determined to do that. I really do hope that I get to enjoy my life in Australia. But the best part is that I know it’s down to me. I’m going to give it my best shot and just see what happens. But I’m grateful to have that shot even if I have forgot it at times through the stresses and strains of a new life here. Anyhow, hope this helps and good luck with your shots at your life out here.
PS – don’t worry about the spiders. You get used to them.
A really honest, insightful thread. Hang on in there. Im sending some karma your way
Oh- I promised you karma but i have given too much out and it wont let me right now. Ill try again later 
Last edited by desperate2go; Feb 18th 2005 at 10:17 am.
Feb 18th 2005, 10:14 am
#6
Prisoner of Her Majesty
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, Brisbane
Posts: 838
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Originally Posted by desperate2go
A really honest, insightful thread. Hang on in there. Im sending some karma your way
Food for thought - good luck.
Rob
Feb 18th 2005, 10:19 am
#7
Just Joined
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: currently nz
Posts: 27
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Great reading, as I am a newbie just starting the process, everything helps. We have been in NZ for 3 months, so been through alot already! Just getting bits together to apply for pr for my husband as I am going to sponsor him to Australia. Funny really, because it is ME that hasn't taken to NZ, husband loves it here. Hopefully he will settle in Australia just as easily!!
Feb 18th 2005, 10:36 am
#8
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Edens Landing, half way between Brisbane and Gold coast
Posts: 652
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
We have been here 6 months today and it has been hard.
Hubby was born here and moved to uk when he was 4 years old,He asked me if i would moved to oz and i said no just because of my famliy but i did 10 years later were are here.
I miss my famliy and i think paul does to. He only has is mum and dad and my famliy in uk.
But paul has taken oz life big time he loves it not like me.yes i love it but i miss my famliy.but it is getting better now.
I think with time it will work out my mum and sister and boyfriend are coming out this year so it will be nice to see them.
I miss my friends as well.I find it hard making friends not like uk.
Your post was great it said things i should of said to my hubby.
You take care
ann marie
Hubby was born here and moved to uk when he was 4 years old,He asked me if i would moved to oz and i said no just because of my famliy but i did 10 years later were are here.
I miss my famliy and i think paul does to. He only has is mum and dad and my famliy in uk.
But paul has taken oz life big time he loves it not like me.yes i love it but i miss my famliy.but it is getting better now.
I think with time it will work out my mum and sister and boyfriend are coming out this year so it will be nice to see them.
I miss my friends as well.I find it hard making friends not like uk.
Your post was great it said things i should of said to my hubby.
You take care
ann marie
Feb 18th 2005, 10:46 am
#9
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: The sunny coast on the other side of the planet
Posts: 596
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Originally Posted by Paul&Ann-Marie
We have been here 6 months today and it has been hard.
Hubby was born here and moved to uk when he was 4 years old,He asked me if i would moved to oz and i said no just because of my famliy but i did 10 years later were are here.
I miss my famliy and i think paul does to. He only has is mum and dad and my famliy in uk.
But paul has taken oz life big time he loves it not like me.yes i love it but i miss my famliy.but it is getting better now.
I think with time it will work out my mum and sister and boyfriend are coming out this year so it will be nice to see them.
I miss my friends as well.I find it hard making friends not like uk.
Your post was great it said things i should of said to my hubby.
You take care
ann marie
Hubby was born here and moved to uk when he was 4 years old,He asked me if i would moved to oz and i said no just because of my famliy but i did 10 years later were are here.
I miss my famliy and i think paul does to. He only has is mum and dad and my famliy in uk.
But paul has taken oz life big time he loves it not like me.yes i love it but i miss my famliy.but it is getting better now.
I think with time it will work out my mum and sister and boyfriend are coming out this year so it will be nice to see them.
I miss my friends as well.I find it hard making friends not like uk.
Your post was great it said things i should of said to my hubby.
You take care
ann marie
Feb 18th 2005, 10:55 am
#10
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Gold Coast, QLD
Posts: 422
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Originally Posted by desperate2go
A really honest, insightful thread. Hang on in there. Im sending some karma your way Oh- I promised you karma but i have given too much out and it wont let me right now. Ill try again later
Oh- I promised you karma but i have given too much out and it wont let me right now. Ill try again later My wife and I were planning to move around December time to Sydney and had given a lot of thought about missing family at Xmas, but just thought we'd be okay. I honestly thought we'd be on a high and the time would just flash by! I think we need to sit down and think again...
Thanks!
Gav
PS. Hope it all works out for you!
Feb 18th 2005, 12:27 pm
#11
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 324
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
[QUOTE=finsbury.I also found that there is also a tacit pressure to like everything because you’re constantly asked, “well what do you think of Australia?� which really means isn’t Australia better than England.
[/QUOTE]
I recall being so sick of this. The Aussies just want you be be a good little pommie migrant and come out with the usual. I love it here, its beautiful, the weathers great, you Aussies are super friendly, the UK is a dump, cold polluted and expensive. I just used to say "Its OK, allright", just allright, they would say looking shocked!
I was being polite what I meant to say was "Australia is OK for a holiday, but to live? No thanks its a boring suburban backwater, the people are narrow minded and racist and I do not fancy a lifetime of BBQs and beaches. I am only 30 and do not think that I need to live in the old folks home that is Australia yet, thank you very much.
[/QUOTE]
I recall being so sick of this. The Aussies just want you be be a good little pommie migrant and come out with the usual. I love it here, its beautiful, the weathers great, you Aussies are super friendly, the UK is a dump, cold polluted and expensive. I just used to say "Its OK, allright", just allright, they would say looking shocked!
I was being polite what I meant to say was "Australia is OK for a holiday, but to live? No thanks its a boring suburban backwater, the people are narrow minded and racist and I do not fancy a lifetime of BBQs and beaches. I am only 30 and do not think that I need to live in the old folks home that is Australia yet, thank you very much.
Feb 18th 2005, 1:07 pm
#12
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 324
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Originally Posted by Ruthyman
guess that makes for one less racist in Oz if you've left....
Feb 18th 2005, 1:09 pm
#13
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 324
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Ahhh, you deleted ithat bloody fast! Wise move, remember to engage your brain before you type stupid accusations on forums.
Last edited by eatstatic; Feb 18th 2005 at 1:16 pm.
Feb 18th 2005, 1:32 pm
#14
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 193
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
Hi Finsbury
Im so glad you wrote this post. I just wish those little trolls that live at the bottom of these posts would go away.....
Im aussie born and bred and find it difficult not to react over silly generalised comments about aussies being narrow minded and racist. Your post was very insightful, so thanks for that and good luck with your ventures.
I had a similar experience here in the UK where I felt everyone kept asking me 'what do you do?' before they asked what my name was. The cultures are just very very different.
Caro has really summed it up for me. [QUOTE she's also worried that he won't like it or will want to go home but funnily enough she's also apprehensive as she's been away for 5 years and is worried too much will have changed and she won't feel like she fits in any more but then doesn't want to live in London anymore so is concerned nowhere will feel like 'home' END QUOTE]
Again best of luck with everything to all of you. Whether it works out or not, it is a great chance to grow and learn about yourself and the world.
.................................................. ................................................
Little troll I pulled my post because you just will never get it. I wont be replying to anymore of your rubbish. Fair play if you have something useful to say but you just sound sad and bitter at the moment. Have the last (sad) say if you like. Im off to enjoy the lovely winter UK weather with a nice stroll in the park
Im so glad you wrote this post. I just wish those little trolls that live at the bottom of these posts would go away.....
Im aussie born and bred and find it difficult not to react over silly generalised comments about aussies being narrow minded and racist. Your post was very insightful, so thanks for that and good luck with your ventures.
I had a similar experience here in the UK where I felt everyone kept asking me 'what do you do?' before they asked what my name was. The cultures are just very very different.
Caro has really summed it up for me. [QUOTE she's also worried that he won't like it or will want to go home but funnily enough she's also apprehensive as she's been away for 5 years and is worried too much will have changed and she won't feel like she fits in any more but then doesn't want to live in London anymore so is concerned nowhere will feel like 'home' END QUOTE]
Again best of luck with everything to all of you. Whether it works out or not, it is a great chance to grow and learn about yourself and the world.
.................................................. ................................................
Little troll I pulled my post because you just will never get it. I wont be replying to anymore of your rubbish. Fair play if you have something useful to say but you just sound sad and bitter at the moment. Have the last (sad) say if you like. Im off to enjoy the lovely winter UK weather with a nice stroll in the park
Feb 18th 2005, 2:03 pm
#15
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: Melbourne!!!
Posts: 326
Re: Some benefit of hindsight thoughts
thanks for the post, It's good to share the experience of folks that have been there!!!
Sending you some Karma!!
Roni
Sending you some Karma!!
Roni