squeezzii

Our house is nearly there ( dont want to say S.O.L.D. to tempt fate) and we did tell the kids at xmas when we got the visas and we went for a reccie for 3 weeks last year and the kids told us they thought it was fantastic, BUT my 9 1/2 yr old daughter has told me and si that she wants an OZ meeting with the family tonight to discuss the move. She keeps asking us for our reasons for going and seems unimpressed with any answer we give her. I think that the reasons we have given her just dont make any sense to a 9 1/2 yr old. The (apparently) common 'we want a better life' etc needs a great deal more explaining to her,how could she grasp the potential benefit of daddy not having to work 12hr day/night shifts or mummy and daddy not having a mortgage. I dont want to make promises of a big garden with a trampoline or a pool just to buy her approval but I'm not sure what to say now, and of course she ( and her 8yr old brother) will be leaving behind all schoolfriends, nannies,grandads,aunties and cousins etc to whom they see quite a lot of ANY SUGGESTIONS?

Ransi

I've got the same problem with my 12 year old son....he keeps finding excuses for us to stay behind...he's not impressed with the idea of moving to aus at all....
My 10 year old daughter thought it was a brilliant idea....but her brothers attitude's rubbing off on her....
I wish I had'nt told them anything until we've got the visas...but me and him are too exited not to say nothing.

floss

My 9 year old son is the same. He often gets excited about the idea and says there's lots he's looking forward too, but more recently has been saying that he didn't want to go because of leaving behind schoolfriends, footie team and girlfriend (!). I figure that this is normal and understandable. We talk it over... new friends, cute Aussie girls, email etc but at the end of the day he knows that he can express all his worries with impunity because it won't actually affect the decision to go.... and I am quite confident that he will settle quicker than the rest of us.

I think it helps to try to actually listen and talk about what they think they are worried about, rather than, as I tend to do, launching into a defense of the whole Australia idea - trying to infect them with my enthusiasm rather than doing the listening/giving real undivided attention thing......

Good luck - just remember... they DO settle into the new life much quicker than us "olds"!!!

walaj

I remember rebelling a bit when i was around 12 - brought up in 1 place for 10yrs then onto another, then 2 yrs later my parents wanted to move again to another area. I eventally did realise that moving was the right choice for my parents but all I could see at the time was that I had settled in, made new friends and that would have to all start again.

You can see the long term, but they are more concerned with short term, so try to help smooth that transition. How? I am not sure. Maybe, once there you could address the friends issue by them joining a club (would also give you some time). Allow special days out with current friends, but then that highlights the move. Wait a bit and find out exactly her issues in the meeting are - say that you will try to address her concerns but you don't have all the answers.

I have a sister who is older than me (had left home) and she helped me accept the move - is there a trusted (by you child) adult relation/friend who could give such a chat to her/them?

Our daughter is v understanding and taking it all in her stride - does help she can't talk back as she is only 6mths

tracey.d

Oh dear,
I 'm sorry that I can't help but just wanted to wish you luck with tonight. Unfortunately the days when kids were just told what they are doing is long gone (although I wouldn't want it any other way really). I have always discussed it openly with the kids and had no problems with 2 of them. Although my 9 year old son has had moments of uncertainty at times he is now very eager to go, as is my 14 year old daughter. In fact, they always help me get cleaned up when we have house viewers. They just want to go now, which is great.

On the other hand, my 16 year old daughter has swung from going to staying at an alarming rate. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster with her. To the point our relationship at the moment isn't great . About a month ago she told me that she was coming but her boyfriend (of over a year) was also going to come on a backpackers visa and get a flat together. I, against my better judgement, agreed to him staying with us if that's what she wanted. (if she stays here, I am sure that is what they are going to do anyway as soon as I've gone and I'd rather have them with me in case it all went wrong).
It was all sorted, met with his parents, discussed all options looked at getting visa etc. Then a fortnight ago, daughter told me they aren't coming now

I just wish she would decide one way or another. My son was very pleased that they were coming over. As he recently lost his Dad, he has a lack of male company, so would have been nice for him ( not as a replacement obviously). I just feel battered now. Building up my hopes to get them knocked back down. I am certain now that she is not coming with us. She has just accepted a job and college place.

God, I am waffling on. Depressing myself now .

Only really wanted to say that I know how you feel. At least you can take comfort in the fact that your daughter is of the age where she can't actually refuse to go. Once she gets there I'm sure she will love it. I moved to where I live now when my girls were of a similar age to yours (only moved about 15 minutes away). There was uproar, they didn't want to move then they agreed to moving but refused to change schools as they didn't want to leave their friends. We moved anyway and now they never even mention their old friends. They have a whole new group of friends.

So hang in there I'm sure it will turn out well in the end. Just try and explain to her that you are doing it for her and her brother.

Best wishes to you and everybody else who is in the same awful predicament.

Tracey

sudds

our son said he wanted to go, now he dosent, so just asked him to validate and them make up his mind........kids......how can i tell him what to do........when i only just know myself
Sudds

Joanne

Tracey, god knows what you must be going through, having to leave your Daughter behind because she doesnt want to come with you. I cant imagine anything worse than leaving mine, thank god shes only 5 and I have control over what she does.

Sending you some much needed Karma.

Hang in there, I hope it all works out for you in the end.

Jo

purple rain

Luckily our daughter (14) can't wait to try a new experience .......but....we have all said we will try it and if aftera year we don't like it we will come back. Very different I know from going for good.
My stance would be 'lets try this new and exciting adventure and then discuss if we like it after we have been there for, say, 6 months', I bet you won't be able to get your boy back to the UK if you tried!!!!!!!he will be having so much fun. Fronm expereince kids are very adaptable to change