so miserable...sorry....
 

Hi all,




Sorry a bit of a vent, and any opinions more than welcome...
We moved back here to the UK in March of this years after 4 years in Brisbane..left mainly due to home sickness I guess, but to cut a long story short, being back in the UK hasn't turned out to be what we had hoped :(
We had been saving for a while to come back, but my parents loaned us 5k to top up our moving funds and so here we are!
Anyway 1 year on and we HATE being here..jobs, money, school, no family time... all a nightmare, so we decided it would be a good idea to move back to Aus (my husband is Australian and we have property etc there, and my employer will pay full relocation) My parents have been so looking forward to seeing the kids at xmas that I decided not to spoil it for them, and have kept quiet..planning to tell them in the new year as we hope to leave in Feb /March.
The problems started when I told my sister who I thought I could confide in...she asked me one day why I seemed so unhappy and I spilled the whole damn lot.
Well, lets just say she didn't take it too well..became really nasty and insulting..saying that we are terrible parents moving our children all over the world bla bla bla, and then promptly informed our parents of our plans!!!!
Let's just say mum and dad are not at all happy and have been rude too, via my husband mind you..never to my face. They are not interested in hearing about any of ourproblems, giving us reason to going back, and are just thinking of themselves...also saying that we have 'kicked them between the legs' after they loaned us the 5k.....ugh I'm just so miserable and fed up. Really unsure what to do for the best....any ideas? I haven't spoken to them since this all flared up as the will not answer the phone and live 200 miles away!
So sorry for dribbling on..I'm having a bad day:(

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

You have to do what you need to do for YOUR family. If you are all miserable why stay. Just let them come to terms with it and ring you. They are probably just shocked. Give the dust time to settle.

Jo

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's not the first time I've read this sort of thing on here.

It's no good you guys being unhappy and living where you don't want to be only because of family. You need to be happy and live where you want even if it's Timbuktu, irrespective of family.

Ask your family (Sister, parents etc...) why they are being so shallow and horrible to you because you want to move back. They should be happy and supportive of you, not negative.

Our parents and siblings have always been supportive in where want to live and don't interfere (except my mother), but then I tell her what I feel and she understands.

Good luck. :fingerscrossed:

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Hopefully they'll calm down. I'd say your sister is possibly slightly jealous that you have the get up and go to get up and go. As for your parents, whilst their actions obviously hurt massively, they would have felt that they would be able to see their grandchildren growing up and were probably very excited and happy to have you back. However I'd say that you've probably been doing too much of a good job hiding your real feelings. It's probably come like a bolt and they've not had time to let it sink in. Your sister has ruined your chance of explaining exactly how you all feel. If they'd been told on your terms they would still have been hurt but probably more accepting. You'll have to sit them down, with your husband and explain as calmly and honestly as you can. At the end of the day they are your parents and whilst it may not show, they really do want what's best for you.

Give them time and don't beat yourself up. You and your family are the most important thing to you at the moment. You're all unhappy and have the opportunity to change things. You could suggest to them that as soon as you can you'll save the money to pay them back, but would love for them to use it to come visit you here.

Take care.

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Hi Guys,




Thanks for your messages.
I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens...such bad timing with xmas fast approaching etc...I just wish my parents more approachable..they never listen to anything they don't want to hear. My husband had a long discussion with my dad regarding the reasons we are leaving, my parents both accepted them at the time, but have since contacted my husband behaving as if the whole conversation never happened...very bizzare:frown:

I give up:lol:
x

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Concentrate on giving yourselfs and yer kids a wonderful xmas,new year new start n all that,do what's right for you and yer family:thumbup:

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Hope you sort everything out :fingerscrossed:
Family :rolleyes:

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Follow what you feel is right for you & the kids, after all, 200 miles isn't really much more than 12,000 when you're trying to get through the English motorway system :rofl: Seriously though, you have to do what you feel is right, otherwise you'll always regret it. Good luck, and remember you're not the only ones dealing with this sort of thing when it comes to making a better life for you & your family.

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

hmmmmn

OP just try to keep the chanels of communication open with your family they will come around hun its proberly such a huge change for them.
I sympathise hubbys sister still does not believe we will emigrate to perth next year and we have booked the flights :blink:
every time we speak it is head in sand and false so chin up as long as you your kids and hubby are hapy they will come around.

( sending BIG WARM HUGS to you )

and strangely I dont need islam to be happy, chocolate manages that very well for me especially home made fresh from the oven choc cake.

MMMMMMMMM smells and tastes yummy. want some? (offers choc cake)

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Yes. It's stressful but ultimately it's your choice. Don't allow your sister to dictate. These symptoms are just another day in the life of yet another typical family.

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

How about a good old fashioned letter to your parents, not asking for permission but explaining your reasons, inviting them to visit, expressing how much you will love and miss them and also ending with what a great job they did raising such an independent child who is willing to admit mistakes and learn and grow from them. A letter wouldn't get ignored, even if they never mention receiving it..... it will be tucked away and looked at time and time again (hopefully)...

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Great idea, the older generation like letters. I like the 'I messed up but because of your development of me I can be mature enough to work through it' approach too, very clever!

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Sod em I say.

If they aren't happy with your decision tough. It's your decision. Too often in this life we miss out on opportunities because so called Loved Ones don't agree.

it's your life. live it how you like. They are just being selfish and thinking of themselves (losing grandchildren and children again).

It's not selfish, or irrespobnsible to want a better life for you and yours despite what others may put on here (but what about there family, moving grandchildren so far away is selfish). load of crap. you don't live in each others houses, you have your own lives. 200 miles away - you may as well be 10,000 for how often you probably see each other.

Although the old 'ping pong pom' is starting to ring in my ears

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

we came back to the uk 3 years ago i wish we stayed in Australia its been hell since we have moved back the job situation is bad in uk i don,t know if i could go through all of it again

Re: so miserable...sorry....
 

Please don't think these thoughts/questions are meant to be judgemental. Merely asking questions to maybe help you see through the emotional side of things and instead see it for the rational part.

Disregarding your family's reactions to all of this and the way you feel about it all, I would be asking myself some pretty basic questions about making the move itself.

First of all, I would look long and hard at the reasons why you decided Brisbane, or Australia was not the right place for you in the first place. If it was more than homesickness, then would those factors have changed in the last 9 months since you have been back in the UK? If it was just homesickness, then what is stopping you from feeling the same within 6 months of being back here in Aus?
How are the children settling back in the UK? Are they hating it as much as you? How is your husband settling back in, same questions? All of these moves are big upheavals for kids and adults, especially when you are trying to further careers, educations, lifestyle etc.

Anytime you move to another country it takes a fair amount of time for people to settle in. For me it was probably only 6-9 months, but I know people on this forum who have taken 4-5 years to settle. You've been back in the UK for 9 months, which is not very long and maybe there is still a chance that you are still getting into that adaptation period?

What you are about to do, if moving back to Brisbane is definitely happening, is a massive change for the family and in my opinion all family members should have the freedom to offer their own input and it be taken as an equal vote (by family I do not mean your sister or parents, moreso husband and children)

As a kid I moved around a lot and changed countries, schools and language as a result. It has opened so many doors for me, however I would also say that it has also scarred me too.

Just some thoughts anyway