so called friends
 

This my sound a bit wet but has anyone experienced the cold shoulder from so called friends. I say this because we are moving to Perth on the 4th of dec and my so called friends have all said they are coming to our leaving do yet they seem to be going out on other nights all together without so much as a "what are you to up to at the weekend" type of thing. Being a 40 year old you think you know people and hopefully id like to think im a likable kind of guy yet do you think they shun you because your making the move to hopefully a better life.
Perhaps im just feeling the emotional pinch so to speak. I have to say with all thats going on you'd think thay would make more of an effort perhaps its just me. I dont go on about it all the time, feel a bit pushed out but hey im the one thats going I suppose they are the ones stuck in ol blighty what with the onslaught of winter coming on. Anyway just wondered, the thing is never really had any probs with them all before. Thanks needed to get that off my chest. Passed my motorbike test wednesday got to say really looking forward to getting a bike out there, the roads the sun cant wait!!!!???.............Do you know none of them even asked me how i got on( go on say it you put your leg over) hahaha. perhaps its my crappy jokes!!!!...........

Re: so called friends
 

They're just jealous :D

Good Luck with your move.
Julie

Re: so called friends
 

Congratulations on passing your test :cool: .

As for your friends, they are probably being thoughtless unintentionally. If you are leaving soon maybe they think that you are too busy to go out with them or something.

Try not to let it get you down. At least they are all coming to your leaving party :) . Your true friends will stay in touch whenyou go. Maybe the whole migrating thing is a good way to weed out who your real mates are!

Tracey

Re: so called friends
 

id like to think so but it doesent change who i am, but hey new friends new life! thanks

Re: so called friends
 

[QUOTE=monkeymark]QUOTE]


you know what -- you just have to wait and see now -- we had some people who made a really tremendous effort to see us off at our leaving do and then there were others who just didn't bother their arses and we were really surprised ( and --- if truth be told disappointed) but we decided at the end of the day it was their loss not to have taken the oppurtunity to say their goodbyes -- its too late now -- we also made a concious decision not to let it bother us -- whats the point -- we had such a fab leaving do -- why let it be marred by a negative??? so -- do what u need to do to organise and invite everyone and just dont worry about it -- those who come will and others simply wont!! --- hope u have a great time -- remember think of the positives and leave the negatives to someone else

Re: so called friends
 

Congratulations on passing your motorbike test :D Enjoy the Oz open roads and sunshine :D

Re: so called friends
 

Sound like a load of pommie wowsers to me.

Re: so called friends
 

No you're right, it doesn't change you at all. But as Tracey just said, real friends will stay in touch with you wherever you are in the world.
Just wait and see how many of them ask to come and stay with you once you're settled in Oz.
So many people have said to me that they can't wait to visit us, but I wonder how many of them actually will. :(

Re: so called friends
 

Like Tracey says its probably unintentional.
If it were me Id invite myself ;) :D
Hilary

Re: so called friends
 

It just makes your friends look at their lives and be reminded that they arent quite so adventurous.

Re: so called friends
 

defiantly! they are all just jealous! :D

Re: so called friends
 

This really caught my eye: point 1) you'll be surprised how, after time, even real friends slow down on the communication front. The not so real friends just slip away quickly. It's all a bit hurtful really but it happens to lot's of folk here.
point2) lot's of people were so excited about coming to stay with us and promised to keep in touch. They haven't and they don't! :rolleyes:

It's just you will be out of sight, out of mind. Don't forget the reality is this: you will be living at least 12,000 miles (or is it k's?) away. At least an 18 hour flight, and for some that's just way too long. Don't forget the costs too, very expensive for some people.

For the OP: We had the same as you happen. People started to 'let us go' while we were still in the UK. I thinks it's their way of getting on with life without you. Hurtful for you, but true. A lot of folk do feel envious of you too. You are doing something they perhaps want to do but won't. Your life is the one that's going to change, theirs will stay the same. Keep focused on making new friends once you're in Oz. They'll be the ones you need.

Re: so called friends
 

Dont let it worry you, we had a great turn out for our going away do. But they dont all keep in touch, they are busy getting on with their own lives.
I think we will have friends coming over, and one of my friends is coming over to live , they miss us so much.
Y ou will make new friends. They might be planning a surprise. Denise

Re: so called friends
 

There could be several reasons why all this is happening.

One big one to consider is their underlying sense of being abandoned by YOU. Afterall, its you who is leaving not them and maybe some feel a bit bitter underneath. I know it is irrational but us humans are like that!

After 5yrs away from UK i only have one very good friend i still keep in contact with. When i lived there i considered my friend list to be around 15- 20 people. Going through this experience of being rejected and "fobbed" off is one of the early lessons learnt in the experience of emigration. I am happy that i learnt from it. These days i dont see new friends as forever or feel they have any sort of deeper meaning. I am more likely to enjoy the moment and the time we are together and see no further than that.

Maybe we think we are far more important to other people than we actually are.

Re: so called friends
 

There is another side to the coin.

We have a list of friends waiting to come over....alongside family members...and ex work colleague's. Already in just over a year we have had two sets of family members for three months and one friend who arrived short notice for a month. And next year another two sets of people wanting to descend.....and the possibility of another couple.....and the list goes on....

Of course we are chuffed to bits that people can be arsed to come...but the other side is that it costs money to have guests, you go to places you've seen before [and pay for the priveledge]....it's knackering cos you are living real life and not on holiday ......and your own mates in Aus suffer cos you don't get to see them cos you're busy being a chauffeur to your guests:rolleyes:

All that apart, I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Those that matter will stay in your lives through mutual respect and appreciation.

Those that don't bother are not worth thinking about.

Put them in the "dickhead" box in your head and move on.

Find genuine friends who are worthy of you;)

Good luck...and sod em...you've got a new life to look forward to:beer:

Re: so called friends
 

Same with us.I have my own big family , 6 kids, there are 4 living here now, son and his partner in Jan, niece coming over in Jan to work. Mum and dad coming over in Feb for 4 months. our friends come and stop some weekends from PERTH.
And we have friends emigrating next year, who will stay til they find somewhere [really looking forward to that]. other friends that are cming for a holiday, it cost a fortune, as we are not on holiday but you feel you have to do the holiday thing, well it will have to change, they will have to do their own thing, we have work to do. And it is so knackering.

Re: so called friends
 

BUT IM NOT COMPLAINING, LOVE IT ALL

Re: so called friends
 

I think with some people they have to break away from you gradually and try to build a life without you whilst you are still there, and to be honest those months building up to my leaving all i was talking about was Oz and it must of got pretty boring for them.
One very close friend of mine didn't come to my leaving do and just a txt via another friend to say she wasn't coming, which was very hurtful and i left without speaking to her again, but i've been through some rough times in Oz and she was the first person i turned to and she's always been there.
I guess its difficult for everyone and we all handle it our own way.
Good luck in Oz
Mandy

Re: so called friends
 

That's bang on, Phoenix...great advice.

We have exactly the same list of people (although not moved yet but will in the next few weeks). Some we have known for years, and are genuinely gutted to see us go. Others you can see are only saying nice things, and 'we'll come out and see you'. Pah, whatever !

Amazing how many so-called friends come out of the woodwork when you do something that they would love to do.

Go for it mate, and don't look back.

Re: so called friends
 

I agree Cranni. It's very tiring and very expensive ....but like you said..... wouldn't have it any other way :)

Re: so called friends
 

Thanks mate. Much appreciated:o

And good luck with the move :beer:

Re: so called friends
 

Spot on, could've come out of me own gob!!!

We've had (out of 52 weeks), 21 weeks worth of visitors (UK and OZ) and although it's great to see them again, it's also great to say " see you again" as the time it takes to entertain them, spending $$$ on days out to places you've been and seen a million times over, generally setting 'aside' your day to day life, 'cos they are on their holidays, is a pain in the rear. Having said that, they've made a BIG effort (time and $$$) to get here, so you appreciate that also. It's a double edged sword.
Funny though, Ste said to me a few moths before we left the UK, " most of those people ((i.e 'friends)) will drift off and won't bother keeping in touch after a year" and he was right - only the 'hard core' of mates still write etc, even though I made the effort to write and e-mail for a full year after arriving.

As for those who can't meet up with you before you go, it separates the wheat from the chaff - some will genuinely be unable to attend due to prior commitments, some will have the jealousy streak, some are sad to lose you and are unable to orate the fact and so 'go AWOL'. Don't take it to heart, enjoy your goodbyes to those who come and look forward to everything you have planned, dreamed and worked for over the past 'xxx' amount of months. Lifes too short to worry about others at the stage you are at right now - you need to concentrate on your own happiness and make your future work.

Same will apply when you get here, you'll meet and bump into folks and you'll find some you really get on with and connect with more than with others and wish you had more time for them - then you'll feel the guilt of not having 'enough' time for those new friends, 'cos you're busy trying to establish yourself, deal with the kids, etc.

God lifes hard innit?! :o :D Good luck anyway! ;)

Re: so called friends
 

Twins...separated at birf :D :D :D

Re: so called friends
 

Am laughing! Pm'ing ya....

Re: so called friends
 

Thankyou, sad but honest just how I like it. Well i guess only time will tell.

Re: so called friends
 

Our "true" friends have supported the decision we are taking fully.

Envy ... jealousy ... regret ... all come into play.

In saying that, some peoples friends may make a calculated decision to "cool off" the friendship as a form of trial on how life will be a few months down the line when it is for real.

Me ... I'd want to spend as much time as I could with my bezzies if they were upping sticks and going.

There's no accounting for some people ...

There's nowt as queer as folk ;)

Re: so called friends
 

hear hear..........true friends will stick by u.......sod the rest

Re: so called friends
 

hear hear, i agree too, lifes too short, lets all enjoy, what we have , not what we have left.