lelchelle

Last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a
cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the
streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the
occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he
heard a strange noise.......
>
>
>
BUMP........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain,
he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP.......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached
from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a
coffin.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started
walking briskly home.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........BUMP.....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........BUMP.....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........BUMP......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard
the coffin speed up after him......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
He started to sprint, but so did the coffin.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only
seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys. His
hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the
front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and lumped into his
comfy chair.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the
front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing
the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP.SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take
him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH..HOP...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched
itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew
off its hinges....

The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
terrified lad.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP..SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
cabinet......

He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the
coffin.......still it came...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it...

Still it came......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it .still it came......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
The coffin stopped.

samnrob2

That's a minute of my life I'll never get back

Thanks for that

R

nickyjohnt

Hee hee !!!!

Shazrazmataz

Pmsl....

DebraH

very funny :scared:

Perthforme

mandi248

lmao

Shellfish

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming
around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The
prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that
inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up
with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries
about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is
granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified,
Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring
and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to
them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause
of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought
perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He
approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he
found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny
little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his
old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught
that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came
the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set
off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came
flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your
old friend, come out and see me again." Christian replied, "No way man,
you'll eat me.
You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your
dinner." Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed."...............

Keep scrolling
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
Wait for it...................
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
Wait for it......................
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
"I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian".

lelchelle

PMSL........

Clippy

Lol - can't beleive I couldn't guess the punchline on either of those. I'll never remember them to tell anyone else

Heathertoes

Excellent Nice to have jokes I can tell to my son - if I can remember them!!