ScottDavis

Don't burn bridges with family. I'd invite them. If you don't get on it's their decision if they do not wish to come and in all likelyhood they won't, but at least you'll be able to leave the UK knowing you tried.

Just my 2pence worth...

spiral tribe

I was in your position before we left Blighty. I chose not to invite the family who I did not like (Mum, sister, brother) and was going to slope off without so much as a word, that was until I got a very emotional phone call and I felt real guilty and obviously you can't turn back the clock and have a second leaving do.

We now speak on the phone to my mum most weeks and are closer than we have been for years.

I would invite them and see how it goes. if it goes tits up at least you tried and if not then great. Win win situation.

Hope this helps.

Anne4Terry

Thanks for all the replies. I guess I probably will go for it We are not having a big party ourselves so will mean that when they come round I will be in direct firing line and won't be able to escape, but hey ho. I'm just a bit worried about what crap is going to get dumped on me after Terry has left (he is leaving a month before me). He has always said that he was going to tell my mum straight about the way she treats me before we left, but now that I will still be here I'd rather he didn't. Still, who gives a sh*t, in a few weeks I'll be off to a new life in the sun. (Did that sound convincing? )

Pants

Go for it Anne, I would always try to act the better person even if inside you want to scream. You take the power and control of the situation. I had my outlaws to stay here when they visited after all the pooh they gave me in Oz and believe me it was the last time they ever stay. !! Hubby said the same.!!

You can only do so much and I think once Terry has gone if they try to offload on you just shut the door, put down the phone and just say you are not going to take this anymore!!and then hang up..!!Don't give them the power to upset you or lay guilt at your feet.

I had to leave my hubby in Oz as I came home 3 weeks before him and I felt so worried about all the pooh they would give him and believe me they tried it but he just said enough my mind in my own and so is my life..!!

Guilt can be a paralysing emotion don't let it grip you...!!! move forward in your mind.

All the best.....!!

Anastasia Beaverhausen

Invite them all and just bite your lip. Even though it will seem hard at the time, you may feel better for enduring the ones you dont like for the ones you love. Its is only a day out of your life after all. Good luck.

zbettyboop

i fully understand what you are talking about going through same thing myself but just because i am leaving doesn't change it for me all circumstances are different that's just my choice each to there own as they say
we are also having a big party in the club for the one's we care about.


jocky boy on beth's side

The Johnstons

Poor Anne . I bet you just feel so worn down about it all, as if you didn't have enough stresses to cope with. Personally, I would invite them (for the shortest time possible) but not for Sunday Lunch. I'd invite everyone round at the same time so that the focus isn't on your mum and make a big pot of soup, sandwiches and nibbles so you're not slaving over the cooker. That way, you've done the decent thing and haven't given any cause for complaint. Although some people can complain about everything . You can then leave with a clear conscience (as you rightly should!)

We haven't seen my hubby's mum for 3 years (she's only seen my youngest, who will be 6 in April, 3 times ). She will only find out from her brothers and sisters where and when we are going (if she asks that is!). I feel very sad that this is the case and then I remember she's an evil witch and feel much better .

Wishing you all the best for the time when it comes. Stay positive, focus on your new life, and let everything else wash over you. Failing that have a

Sending you some positive K.
TJ

Issie

Have no regrets !!!!! so YES invite them all , have a few glasses of wine and hold your head high and smile

herrchook

Anne, do thy know you'r travelling later? IF not, just don't let on and let them think that when Terry goes, you're all going. If I was you, I'd bite the bullet and invite them, be polite, say what you feel comfortable with and what you can live with without feeling guilty, ten say goodbye and enjoy the rest of your life.

Good luck whatever you deicde.

Gill

Anne4Terry

Now that's a good idea. Go through the afternoon in a drunken haze. I'm going to give cause for complaint anyway whatever I do so I might as well be guilty as charged

fraser

You might as well carry on as usual

Bella Donna

Hard call, Anne, because you have to live with the outcome of the decision.

As far as your niece and nephew are concerned, it isn't going to be too much of a hassle for you personally if all you have to contend with is seeing the SIL briefly while she drops them and picks them up. She can drop them at the gate and you might not even have to talk to her close up.

As far as your dad is concerned, I'd be a little more circumspect. I don't know what your family circumstances are - although I do remember you talking about the dreadful time you've had with your mum - but with your dad being so elderly, I'm sure you're right about it being your final goodbye to him. If he's never really caused you any heartache, might it not be good to see him to say goodbye? Could you take him out for a meal somewhere rather than have them come to the house? To take him out alone would also constitute a very strong snub to your mother - would she take the hint?

FWIW, my parents were divorced. I - like many kids - took sides and didn't see my dad for years. He's only seen our dd four times in her life. I didn't think I'd miss him for a moment, but he celebrated his 80th birthday just before Christmas, and he's going into hospital on the anniversary of my mum's death next week, and all of a sudden I miss him an awful lot....

Hope you find that way that works for you, Anne - whatever that is.

Sue

Stephen

I dont know if you can get 'good' advice from anyone on the forum. It's too easy for us to give you the wrong advice blind.

Its a hard one. Follow the heart or the head? One of those ones your on your own. Good luck.

peppi

I went and saw my mum with whom I hadnt spoken to for ten years, before i came out here,4 months ago. Im glad I made my peace as it is probably the last time i will see her.

My concencience is clear now...just my 2 pennith

tiredwithtwins

if you can live with not inviting them and saying goodbye, then why add to the stress you are already under?
send cards, saying 'sorry we didnt see you before we left'......at least it shows you thought of them, but without you having to go through the added stress of tense 'do's.
good luck
sue x