Shaun&Dee

I first went to Oz in 2002, for a year out. I loved it so much that I stayed the full year. The reason that I came back rather than stay was that I met my current girlfriend out there (she’s Dutch and I’m English), and she did not want to stay in Oz at that time. She’s Dutch and moved to England where we have brought a house together, which we will rent out if we go to Oz.

I have always wanted to go back to Oz for 2-3 years to live in another country, for the experience and lifestyle, then re-evaluate after that time period. However my girlfriend did not want to go back to Oz.

Then after talking it through with her she changed her mind and said she wouldn’t mind moving to Oz for a while. We applied for the visa’s and have just got them. I was delighted. However she has now said that her thoughts to go there were a blip, and that having thought about it she doesn’t want to go.

We’ve been together for 4 years now, I want to go to Oz for 2-3 years or so, however she does not want to go at the moment. As she moved from Holland to England, she says that she does not want to start a new life in oz again, as she is just getting used to it in the UK.

This leaves me with a bit of a dilemma. I don’t want to split up, however don’t want to go through my life having not lived my dream.

What should I do? Opinions and advise appreciated. At the moment our thoughts are to re-asses in 2 years time so that if we do, we could get the RRV within the 5 year visa condition (136 Skilled Independent).

jwatsonoz

Australia has fine women. Dump her... you know its best.
(joke)

I've found that the best way of moving a woman is by doing it in increments. Perhaps move to the middle east for a couple of months.... then slide through SE Asia and...oops... hey how did we get to oz?
(joke again)

I've found women, being complex creature, don't always say what they mean when they give explanations. Perhaps you need to poke out the real reason and work on that when you find it.
(semi serious)

Maybe she is looking for out of the relationship and this is her complicated "saving face" way of doing it...
(joke again)

Take her there on a 1 year work visa/holiday so that she can have a gander at what she would be missing... maybe she will love it. If you are not selling your house you may as well go over for a year on the agreement that you will probably return.
(not a joke)

Nikki.P

Hi Shaun

Thats a big dilemma you've got there!!! I hear what your girlfriend is saying but I would be feeling the same as you if my OH now turned around and said he didnt want to go. I think you're on the right track of giving it another year or so - go and validate and spend 4-6 weeks there whilst you're doing it if you can and it may make her mind up for sure.

You're right though you've got 5 years on your visa and at least 2 if not 3 before you really need to go. I would really hate to be in your shoes - I dont envy you that position and I am sorry that I couldnt even begin to try to advise you - only you two can work that one out. Lots of things can changes in 2-3 years though and you may find that you change your mind for whatever reason?

Good luck to the pair of you on whatever decision you come to.

Nikki

skyblue

Get her to read through this cloggy forum, http://www.xpdite.net/forum/index.ph...28a1784b1684e&

There are lots of other cloggies out there enjoying it.

tum

Yep, me being one of them!

Anyway, I like the idea of jwatsonoz about the 'not a joke' part. Let her see Australia for a year with the certainty of returning 'home' if she wants too.
Maybe she has a problem with moving that far away from her family? Have you asked her about her (possibly hidden) fears of moving?

Miranda

Shaun&Dee

I like the comments jwatsonoz.

We spent 9 months there together living in a kombi, she enjoyed her time there but saw it as a holiday and not somewhere to live in the future, so we've both been there before. I have been back since (for a 2 week hol) as I thought it would be good to have another look. I still wanted to go back.

We are going to validate for 1 week, as we only have a little holiday left and need to do before November. Will be treating her to the best hotels!

Another sit down with her required. I'll try to get her on the Dutch forum. Cheers.

kevinbloomfield

2nd poster was right, dump her and move on.

tucs

i would hate to fall sick in your town

Courtney

Hi Shaun

I can completely relate to what you are going through as I have been through it several years ago.

My fiance knew I always wanted to return to Australia ( I have lived in UK 20 years) and said he would love to move there too....but after many discussions about it and coming to Oz for three weeks he said he didn't want to move. At the time I wanted to be with him and we had been together three years so I decided to put our relationship first and resigned myself to thinking of Oz as a holiday destination only.

After about a year of it playing on my mind I decided I couldn't live my life without returning to Australia. I realise your situation is slightly different as you're not Australian but it all comes down to ultimately wanting the same things in life. I knew that if I had stayed with him I may have resented him in the future for not allowing myself to live 'my dream'

I wish you well in your decision, it's extremely hard but in the end follow your heart and desires.

Australia_bound?

[QUOTE=Shaun&Dee]
This leaves me with a bit of a dilemma. I don’t want to split up, however don’t want to go through my life having not lived my dream.
QUOTE]


You must really rate her lol

Why not dump her for 3 years then when you get back pick up where you left off I mean she must be desperate if she put her faith in a bloke who'll dump her if he doesn't get what he wants

Shaun&Dee

I'm not saying that i will dump her if I don't get what I want, I want it to be the right decission for both of us, and not me forcing her to go. I am prepared to say in the UK with her if that is what she wants. However it will always play on my mind if I don't go because of her, and then after the visa's have expired in 5 years time or so that she says 'OK lets go' or we split up. Then its a bit late to do anything about it.

I have not tried to force her because I want her to be happy, in a country she is happy in, rather than being unhappy and pretending she is OK in a country where she is not enjoying herself.

Dorothy

It is a difficult decision for anyone to make. I went through something similar years ago. My boyfriend (at the time) was transferred by his job 5000 km from my home and family. I said I would go with him if he could guarentee that we could come back after 2 years if I wanted to. He made the deal and I really wanted to come back home. Ended up we stayed for 3 years as I got pregnant and was confined to 5 months of bed rest. However, we did get to do his thing and I got too come home after an agreed upon time limit. Both of us were happy that we got our way and after 12 years of marriage are moving together to Oz. Because it's what we both want.

tum

I reread your first post and I can imagine it is not too easy for your girlfriend
to start all over again. I mean she did so already when both of you decided you were going to live in England. But, what she says that applying for the visa was a blip......don't know.......sounds a bit odd. Maybe she is getting cold feet now it's becoming a reality. I mean fantasizing is one thing, but really doing it...is another. Just keep on talking to her, and treating her to the best hotels, if that is what she likes....is always a good thing. And ....the other guys talking about dumping....come on you guys....say something nice.....

Good luck!!

Miranda

Australia_bound?

Sounds like you've already made your mind up you want to go to Australia more than you want to be with her. Sorry but you have to justify that with yourself no-one else can help you with that. Sorry to be harsh but it's just how I see it! She moved to be with you n you want to move on again she's not happy with it. Yes you could split up or you may regret going to Australia the future is not set and we all have to live with our own individual choices.

Good luck with whatever you decide as I can't see how you can win either way...

Shaun&Dee

I think so too. Its a "Heads you win, Tails I lose" situation