scissors

Hi everyone that came to the sandown meet
Just wanted to say how much we enjoyed it,a very drunken night was had by all
Sorry for the few that left early that we didnt get to have more of a chat,niel and pat i love your little girl shes georgeous sorry you had to leave and we didnt get chance to say goodbye.
As you may have gathered we were missing rooksie on saturday night, somehow we seemed to miss each other, but it wasnt for the lack of trying,proffesional princess and i went all round the pub looking for her spying on all the couples alone and sending them a text message to see if anyone answered their phone....lol.its a wonder we didnt get chucked out,lol, but we did find her in the morning brfore breakfast
We had a great night and sam, wasnt it a great horn of plenty............
so wheres the newbies....have you chosen a user name yet....you must let us know what it is so we can bully you into coming to another meet
Heres to the next one at balsall common next month

tracey

DIMO8

Sounds as though it was great....will make a big effort to go to the next

djdutts

Hi all

Yes, it was very enjoyable. We had fun and the six or seven pints before dinner really helped the evening go with a swing!

Can't believe we missed Rooksie - TWICE! She was there for brekky we understand. Oh well!

When/Where is the next meet?

Chris & Anna

scissors

hi there,yes we had bit of a meet at breakfast as well,lol, any excuse.
The next meet we re going to(at the moment) is at balsall common on the 17th of april,look for the threat west midlands meet,although i think theres one in derbyshire just befor that,we re thinking about that one as well not sure yet though

tracey

Rooksie

i got family in west mids!!!!! woo hooo and 17 april is jeds birthday!!!!

YAY!!!!!

this time i willwalk round wearing a huge sandwich board "ROOKSIE"

scissors

LOL now theres a idea,we l see ya comin then,aint ti nice to know you were missed
tracey

Rooksie

only cos i told hong kong fuey i would get the beers in!!!!!

we will defo go to next meet - we have been saying all dat yesterday what a shame we missed you sat night!!

Rooksie

oh cr*p - school run!!!!

djdutts

Good point!

I'd forgotten about that!

Rooks said she would get the beers in because I replied to her topic about "Shipping the Car". Trouble is, my reply detailed international pet shippers, thinking she was asking about shipping the cat!

D'OH!

We'll worth a pint!

scissors

lol hope she realises before they go could be embarrasing :scared:

tracey

Professional Princess

How on earth can you call a desert 'horn of plenty' and not expect some kind of filthy dirty response.

Tracey, isnt it funny how you and I looked at one another with the same thoughts?

And its a better job that I didnt really believe that I was in room 5 isnt it?

Can you imagine me shouting at the door something quite rude to let me in for a night of passion!!!!

Oh yes, a certain person that I spoke to at the emigrate show, admitted to reading my 'tales of the 487 bus' plus a few other posts I never dreamt he would read. But now I know that you read my posts, you have stared through the the steamy windows of my imagination.

For that reason, you will have your very own part in my next story. Dont be scared, it won't hurt a bit. (well it might)

So go on into the lounge within the next couple of days and try and spot yourself in my new play (you know who you are )

scissors

LOL i would have kaughed my socks of if you had gone to room 5,....well we did try i think we made enough noise in the corridor anyway,probably woke some people up... some one did keep me awake most of the night ...noises of passion are you sure you didnt go to the next room to Us ...or maybe it was coming from a certain person upstairs

Sam great minds think alike,i did enjoy my horn of plenty!!!!!!and im going in the lounge eagerly awaiting the new tale of the 487 bus,MMMMmmmm interesting.
Hey dnt forget i missed worzels debut in your film we need a re run

tracey

Professional Princess

This is the Expats Cowboys play I posted in the Take it Outside forum.

A couple of Aussie forum regulars are in it (Worzel and Hevs).

Tracey has asked me to post it and I have removed the swear words or at least most of them.

It is not intended to offend anyone and is meant for a bit of fun.

If it offends you, I do apologise.

Sam

The Expats Cowboys


This story is set in the town of Hanger Lane which is an old Western town where everyone rides horses, drinks in the 'Docile Trollop' saloon, wears leather chaps and drinks beer from bottles without removing the tops.

It's really just how you imagined it. Every so often, someone will shout 'Fight' and then a few people get shot, fall over dead and get up a bit later.

There is always a piano playing in the saloon, although it might be playing itself as there is a shortage of piano players since Ray refused on grounds of saying it made him look like a sissy. But the piano doesnt mind playing with itself, as we all dont - I mean, its healthy isn't it?

And in the saloon, when someone walks in, everyone stops drinking, the barman hides and everyone ducks under the table. I don't know why, its The Law.

The county jail is for Bad People or people that have pissed off Leslie, and they can be seen staring out of the window and gripping the bars with a 'hang dog' expression. Don't feel sorry for them, they are Bad People.

Once a week, the outlaws from the neighbouring town 'Gypsy Corner', ride through Hangar Lane town and fire off lots of guns and shout 'Yee Haaa'. Don't be too worried though, it's a regular event and people line up to be shot by them.

The cast is going to be made up as they come into my head. I'm sitting in bed now, its 9.01pm and I'm making it up as I go along.

If your name isn't mentioned, you are either in the county jail with the Bad People or you have buggered off to Gypsy Corner. It's not personal.

So put the kettle on and come once again into my world but please wipe your feet as you come in.

Deadmeat had just been assigned to be the Sheriff of the county jail. This came with some responsibility really as he had to look after the Bad People.

Deadmeat lounged back into his chair and put his feet up on his desk. Lighting a fag, he inhaled deeply and out of the corner of his eye, kept an eye on MickJ who was writing 'shit and bum' on the walls with his new biro pen.

'Oi, hell you, I think that's ma property!' Shouted Deadmeat in a fake American accent. He felt he had to do that because he looked a super cowboy with his sheriffs badge and all.

'P*ss off, what you gonna do about it?' Yelled MickJ who then proceeded to flash his hairy bum through the bars.

'Balushi sat in a crumbled heap on the floor trying to convince Dan Marsden that yes, he really was the King of Arabia with 14 hot blooded full bodied wives just waiting to shag him.

'You see, in my country, we ride the camel and we have everything'. Balushi said to a wide eyed Dan, totally impressed.

Then remembering his Middle Eastern conflict which had been going on inside his head for some time, Dan punched Balushi square on the nose.

'I chop off your hand!' Squealed Balushi and then carried on with his tale.

Deadmeat meanwhile, who had been watching the 'show', took a swig of his beer and nodded off. It was mighty hard work keepin' a check on these here boys.

IN THE SALOON - DOCILE TROLLOP

The sounds of piano playing 'Oh Susannah'. Ray was making a guest appearance and sat there in his red lumberjack shirt, jeans, braces to stop them falling to his ankles, cowboy boots and a huge cigar hanging out of his mouth. Grinning like a Cheshire cat at the beauties dancing beside him, he played with Gusto (Gusto was his friend).

'How are ya honey?' shouted Willmore, ruffling Rays head.

'Why you sweet little honey child you', crooned Ray as he tried to put his hand down Willmore's panties and received a thump in the mouth for his efforts.

Jellybean, Precise Diamond (PD for short), Desi, Novita and Bundy were running around giggling as Bix chased them round the saloon with a feather duster. Really, it was very naughty.

BANG! The doors of the saloon open and I said they would didnt I?

Everybody ducks, Grayling hides behind the bar, silence.

'Give me a beer!' Croaks Brit, hot dusty and tired after herding up the cattle. Walking like John Wayne (or as though he had shit himself), he swaggered to the nearest seat, clutching his beer.

Cracking the top off with his teeth, he glanced around the bar to see who was there.

Breathing a sigh of relief, they all stood up and carried on as though nothing happened.

'Hell no!' A voice came from outside, panic and shouting from the county jail. Sh*t, the Bad People had escaped.

'We will need to call The Cov', yelled Ray, still playing the piano and having a hand up Jellybeans top.

Just as he said it, a shadow cast over the Saloon window, a wide rimmed cowboy hat and a long coat, cowboy boots with 15 spurs on each heel.

The Cov had arrived to give instruction.

'Rumours have it that MickJ, Dan Marsden and Balushi, have escaped from the county jail.' The Cov said in a calm voice, lighting a pretend fag as he did so.

Everyone hung on to every word he said. He was after all, God of the town.

He added: 'This is a job for the girls. Deb, Leslie, Princess, saddle the horses. The rest of the girls can wait here for instruction.'

The sounds of someone running upstairs, noisily running across the room, then all you could see was someone dressed as Christina Aguillera come flying out of the window.

Princess had never liked to mount a horse in the proper way, so she landed on the poor animals back, nearly blacking her eyes in the process with her bosoms.

'I'm ready!' she shouted, her stallion nervously shuddering in anticipation - oh yes, and cos she nearly broke its back with the heavy landing.

'Leslie, where are you?' Demanded The Cov.

Bet you can't guess where Leslie had been? Leslie had been tying up Dbickle and Syllk and trying to spank them into submission. The poor boys, they couldnt even hold up their pants.

'Coming!' Squeaked Leslie. Running out of the saloon, she vaulted on top of her horse and gathered her reins.

'Deb!' Shouted the Cov,

'I'm here!' Deb comes flying out of the door and trips up on some coyote sh*t (well, Rema cos I dont have a coyote).

'Give us a leg up man', demands Deb to The Cov.

The Cov sighs in exasperation and helps Deb up on to her horse.

'Ready girls?' Giggles Princess, kicking her horse straight into gallop, she disappeared in a cloud of dust.

Followed hotly on her hooves, Deb and Leslie gallop off clutching their ropes to catch The Bad People with.

AFTER RIDING FOR A BIT...

'We're never gonna find em man', puffs Deb, leaning over her horses neck for a rest.

'We so are, and I'm gonna whip MickJ's arse I am', sneered Princess standing high in her stirrups to get a better look.

Leslie bless her, had got out a mirror and was touching up her make up. Handing the mirror to Princess so she could check hers.

'Have you got anything for chapped thighs?' Asked Princess to Deb and Leslie as she examined her sore nether regions.

'Did you say a 'chap between your thighs'?' giggled Deb.

Leslie let out a dirty laugh at the joke.

'I think I can see something', Princess whispered.

Sure enough, hiding in a gorse bush, you could just see a sheet wavering in the wind. And if you listened very carefully, you could hear an Arabic voice arguing with itself.

Kicking her horse to a canter, Princess spots Balushi hiding. Just as Balushi looks up in horror, he makes a run for it.

Like a sheet flying across the desert, he ran like the clappers with Princess in hot pursuit.

Taking her rope, Princess threw it and got it quite nicely round Balushi's waist.

'Oh yes!' she cried punching the air.

Hooking the rope to her saddle, she trotted off with Balushi dragging behind her kicking up the mud and dust as he tried to keep up.

'Well done!' Shouted Leslie and Deb in approval.

'While you are here, you shag me?' Balushi leered.

'Bollocks, I would rather shag my horse', Deb replied.

'Now we gotta find MickJ and Dan', said Leslie.

'You will have to go, I've got my hands full with Balushi', Princess replied, more than a little tired.

An hour later, MickJ was found dressed in womens panties hiding in the ladies toilet. You may well wonder what a ladies toilet was doing in the middle of nowhere, but when a girls gotta go, a girls gotta go.

Deb dragged MickJ home tied to her horse making sure that every now and again, he fell over and begged for mercy.

The real treat was for Leslie. As the other two girls made their way home with their prisoners, they had more or less given up on finding Dan Marsden.

Leslie rode back and took a slow walk back on her own, whilst swigging from her hip flask which was full of cider.

Now her horse - Dobbin, had always had an eager eye. Glancing behind the back of a cactus, he turned round to eyeball Leslie.

'What's the matter Dobbin?' She asked him.

'He's here', Dobbin replied smugly and snorted his appreciation.

'I have got me a trophy!' Squealed Leslie.

So not content to tie Dan up and drag him, Leslie tied him up and hoisted him on to her horse.

As he was slung over the front of Dobbin, Leslie pulled down Dan Marsdens trousers and whipped out her mini shaving kit and shaved off the hair from his testicles.

By the time they got back to the county jail, Dan was as bald as a coot and Leslies razor was blunt.

'Everyone, Leslies back with Dan Marsden!' Yelled Deadmeat barely able to contain himself.

Half an hour later, the Dan was back in jail with his mates, where he belonged. Punishment was to clean the 487 bus for one month and for Dan to say 'I love the Middle East' 15 times daily. Balushi fared little better, he had to say: 'Women have equal rights' 10 times daily.

But don't be fooled, they are still Bad People.


SHOOT OUT IN THE SALOON

I said it happened every so often and I think that time has come.

Brit had decided that he had been good enough thank you and it was time that someone got shot with the GOP (gun of piss).

Using bullets is illegal in Hanger Lane town, so guns full of piss are used and they really are just as lethal, believe me.

You ask Don and Deadmeat. They had a dual at dawn and got covered in the stuff, took ages to wash out and their trousers are still yellow and no 'Stain Devil' will get rid of it.

Anyway, it was a normal day in the Docile Trollop saloon, Ray was playing the piano although his choice of music left a lot to be desired, Queen and 'We are the champions'. Still, Jellybean and Heart of Gold danced their socks off and Desi chucked tomatoes at Ray in between wiggling her bottom.

Hevs and Leslie were playing a game of cards whilst sipping some beer, Princess was pole dancing down an imaginary pole to impress The Cov, who was busy shining his halo.

Suddenly, a familiar voice shouted: 'Im gonna blow your ass off you son of a bitch!'

'Shit, that sounds like trouble' said Hevs, chucking her cards on the table (Leslie had a quick look at them to see what her hand was).

The Cov sauntered to the window and wiped the glass for a better look. There, stood in his orange cowboy boots, lumberjack shirt, great big cowboy hat and a cigar hanging out of his mouth, was Brit.

Standing opposite him wearing skin tight jeans, black cowboy boots, tight shirt and a peak cap (Northerners wear them), was Manc.

Both had loaded GOP (guns of piss) and both looked very very scary.

'Fight!' Shouted Leslie, having now cheated at cards, wanted in on the action.

'I am going to get a front row seat' Hevs said spluttering on her beer and poking Dbickle in excitement.

'Ok Ok, calm it down everybody' Paul the Administrator shouted to the increasingly noisy crowd.

You mustnt argue with Administrators because they have been known to spank bottoms especially if you pay them handsomely.

Manc and Brit had now marched to each end of the path. Gripping their GOP (guns of piss), their faces showing steely determination.

'Ten steps forward and then we shoot' Brit ordered. He loved these fights, he would have them twice a day if he could, except Bob wouldnt let him and had rationed the whole thing.

'I'm gonna soak you till you're yellow!' Manc sneered to Brit and then tugged his peak cap to the side in an effort to make him look hard.

'Have they done it yet?' Asked Chopper-Chris without looking up. He was busy admiring his new helicopter card collection.

Then all of a sudden, it all kicked off. No counting to ten, no nothing.

'You cheated you son of a gun!' Brit squealed to Manc.
'Let go of my hair!' Manc shouted as Brit held clumps of Mancs hair.

'Right that is enough!' Bridgie Darling ordered the two boys as they scuffled on the floor covered in piss.

'Bloody priceless' Said Toon roaring his head off at the scene.

'Pair of girls' Ray sniggered, secretly jealous that it wasnt him that Bridgie Darling had slapped.

I know what you are thinking - would the boys ever be friends again? The answer is yes because just an hour later, they were playing strip poker in the saloon.

As I said, duals with GOP happened daily and it was the highlight for everyone.


The Horses Go On Strike

The horses of Expats are usually such faithful creatures. Carry their masters around without question or complaint.

And these lucky lucky beasts get to have thighs you could crack nuts with on top of their backs.

So what was the problem?

They got p*ssed off that's the problem.

Dobbin and Muffy, Leslie and Princess's horses, had been in the barn talking over a bale of hay.

'You know, we don't get such a good deal' Dobbin said to Muffy.

'You're not kidding either, Princess nearly breaks my back every time she lands on me and that's not even mentioning thigh trouble'. Muffy replied as he sipped beer from his trough.

The other horses were snorting in agreement and pretty soon the whole barn was unsettled.

'I vote we go on strike. No more rounding up of 'The Bad People', no more chasing people, no more anything' Snowy the black stallion shouted, he was The Cov of the horse world.

LATER ON.

'Hevs, Willmore, Don, saddle the horses and ride to Gypsy Corner, tell the people from the Canada lounge that if they go on our land once more then they get the GOP treatment and it will be extra yellow' Bob ordered.
'Rumours have it that the Canada lounge are planning to invade Hanger Lane' Debs said matter of factly to Princess.

'Oh whats the shouting about now?' Said an exasperated Bob stomping into the barn.

'The horses are refusing to work. Don has just been bucked off and sh*t upon and Willmore's horse wont even let her put his saddle on' Replied Hevs still holding her horses bridle.

'We are not going anywhere' The horses shouted in unison and then as if to prove a point, lit up a fag when they knew well they shouldn't smoke in the barn.

'Look, this is not funny, we could be invaded any minute by the Canada Lounge and if that happens, then who knows, the Middle East lounge could be next' The Cov tried to reason with the stubborn horses.

Lifting his white tail up, Blackie the white stallion proceeded to sh*t great big lumps of horse turd in a show of defiance.

'Can you smell it? Go on Rosie, smell it, look at the size of that!' Blackie shouted in glee. He had always been very proud of his faeces and supplied most of the garden centres with manure to fertilise flowers and stuff.

'Thats brilliant Blackie!' Brit snorted with laughter, he always did appreciate Blackies talent for making smells.

'Please dont encourage him' The Cov replied loftily.

Actually, you should have smelt it, it really was something else.

'How are we going to ride into Gypsy Corner to stop the invasion?' Hevs asked, her eyes full of concern.

Syllk, Toon, Dbickle, Deadmeat and the rest of the lads put their heads down. Bloody useless they were.

You know who saved the day? Yes it was Coyote Rema. The little grey whippet with a snout as sharp as her temper.

'Look lads, I promise that if you come back to work, I shall get you extra portions of oats and you can have unlimited phone calls from your stables' Rema pleaded.

Dobbin had always had a soft spot for Coyote Rema and would have happily sh*gged her if she had been a mare.

'Ok, we will go back but if they slip up just once, then I will call them out again' Dobbin said reluctantly.

'You are such a brown nose Dobbin' Blackie and Snowy sneered at Dobbin whilst making faces at him.

But take the p*ss the other horses might, they still enjoyed the privileges that Coyote Rema had negotiated for them.

And as for the phone calls, Snowy was the worst offender.

They didnt say any more about the affair. They didnt need to really, it had all been said. Done and dusted.


The Invasion of Hanger Lane

Hanger Lane town is a much sought after town by all the Expat forums. Many have tried to invade it and not many have succeeded. That is until the 'Special People' from Europe took them all by surprise and turned up in the Docile Trollop saloon.

The gang were all having a quiet drink, Don was bashing the piano trying to make a tune, Princess was playing the mouth organ (dont laugh because I really can), Brit and Manc were playing scrabble, Leslie was shaving Bixs bottom and Bundy was arm wrestling Worzel from the Aussie forum.

By the way, Aussies are welcome in Hanger Lane town because they generally fit in quite well in the saloon and always do well in the beer contests and they have nice teeth.

Worzel is a nice chap if you meet him, wears his VB shirt and has a party trick of farting through a bottle and lighting it until it explodes. Although he hasnt been given a horse yet until he learns to ride.

Syllk and Toon bang the doors of the Docile Trollop saloon open, quite out of breath they grabbed Worzel and Bundys drinks and gulped them down.

Wiping the froth from his mouth, Toon manages to gasp out just what had scared him so much.

'The Europeans have arrived!' Toon panted to the staring crowd.

Silence. Everyone stopped what they were doing, no piano playing, no raucous laughter, just wide eyed shock at what they had just heard.

'Liar liar pants on fire!' Leslie shouted in disbelief.

'Cov, what should we do?' Princess asked, clutching her mouth organ.

Taking a deep breath and swigging his cider, The Cov stared round to his friends, taking in their expressions.

'Hell, they look to me for guidance. They need me. The future of this town depends on me being able to guide them' The Cov thought to himself.

'Ok, we saddle our horses, fill up our hip flasks with wine, load the GOP (guns of piss) and we take em on' The Cov announced with some authority.

As everyone went to get on their horses, Worzel was going to ride pillion with Leslie on the condition she wouldnt shave him, Princess ran upstairs so she could mount her horse in the usual way.

'Oh sh*t!' Her horse shrieked as Princess jumped out of the window in her chaps and landed heavily on the poor animal's back.

'Can I come too?' Begged Coyote Rema. She hadn't bitten anyone in ages and this was going to be such fun.

The little dog climbed into her Coyote suit and ran outside to wait with the others.

'Knock em dead guys!' The Bad People shouted from the County Jail. Which started Balushi off about weapons and women's rights.

They all galloped off leaving a dust cloud behind them. You could just hear Worzel shouting: 'Oi, you're bashing me nuts!' as he bounced vigorously on Leslies stallion.

'There they are' The Cov said quietly as he leaned over his horse to stretch his legs.

'Aren' they ugly?' Said Brit scornfully. His horse Martyn agreed with him.

'It's no crime to be ugly' Bob said wisely to Brit and Martyn.

'Yes, but those guys hit every stick on the ugly tree!' Leslie giggled.

'We are not here to decide if people are ugly, they are in OUR town for Gods sake!' Paul Administrator shouted to the shamed bunch.

'What do you want?' The Cov demanded to the Europeans.

There were loads of them, not as many as The Lounge or Aussie forums, but enough to have climbed over the fences into Hanger Lane town and write 'Bugger' on the toilet walls.

'We want to come in The Docile Trollop saloon' said Carmen the fat Spanish girl. Carmen was sitting on her donkey whose legs were almost buckling under her weight.

'We want to ride your horses and taste your hospitality' said MiMi, a tiny French girl that was chewing on a bag of snails she had bought from the Grocery Store.

'Not bloody likely. Who the hell do you think you are?' Sneered Princess, Leslie and Brit together.

'Ain't riding my back' Shouted Dobbin to fat Carmen.

'We think you are shit anyway!' Jean Paul Claude Van Damme growled at 'Team Cov'.

'That does it, no more Mr Nice Guy!' Bob yelled, his patience pushed to the limit. Then added with a nod in The Covs direction: 'Shoot em down Cov'

And that's how it started. The GOP came out and the war began.

But before you get excited, the Europeans fight dirty. They don't have GOP, they have GOS (guns of sh*t) and that, is a lethal weapon depending on what they have eaten the night before.

Worzel not having his own horse, had to fight on foot with Coyote Rema for protection.

Hevs and Princess were busy squirting fat Carmen and Mimi in the mouth with the GOP before they were shot. Kill or be killed.

'What's that on your face?' Hevs asked Mimi.

Opening her mouth to protest, Hevs then shot Mimi square in the mouth with a freshly loaded GOP.

It is The Law of my world that once you have been shot with a GOP, you are out of the competition.

And much to Hevs delight, Mimi was well and truly OUT.

'Right you horrible old cow with a face like paella, you are SO dead' Princess sneered and then as fat Carmen went to shoot Princess, Coyote Rema dived in and bit her on the ankle. As Carmen screamed, Princess shot her and knocked her out of the fight.

Mind you, the Europeans put up a good fight, Dbickle, Bob and Don got shot with some European turd and Manc only just escaped the poo fight.

But before you guys think that it all ended in racist bitterness, think again. Because the Hanger Lane town gang, always shake hands after a fight and always meet for a drink on neutral territory for a pint.

Fights on our patch never last for long. But there will always be 'Bad People.'


Dan Marsden Changes His Ways

No, I am not lying and it happened quite suddenly too.

Dan Marsden was in jail with the Bad People and was due in court that morning on charges of winding people up with extreme views.

'Good luck matey!' Shouted Balushi from his prison window.

'Don't let them grind you down!' MickJ yelled through the bars.

Giving the boys the thumbs up signal, Dan was lead away by Deadmeat and Brit in a pair of pink furry handcuffs - they were Willmores and she had kindly lent them for that occasion.

Sitting in the dock was Manc wearing a wig like they do in court room dramas. He didn't have to wear one mind you, but it looked good. And besides the girls found it such a turn on, Princess and Debs had offered to pay him to wear it afterwards.

'Dan Marsden, you have been charged with winding people up and talking too much about politics, how do you plead?' Manc ordered.

Putting his head down, Dan nervously picked the scabs off his knees.

'He will plead 'not guilty' just for the fight' Leslie said to The Cov.

Just as Dan was about to give his plea, a sound of rustling stopped him in his tracks.

Pigtails was busy handing round Court Programmes and bags of sweets and popcorn to make the process more enjoyable.

'Pigtails, do you mind?' Manc said, his face flushed because his moment of power ruined.

'Sorry Manc, let me just hand out the drinks' Pigtails replied apologetically.

After that, Dan looked up to give his plea and what he said, shocked the knickers off everyone.

'I plead guilty. Guilty for everything, for winding people up, being inflammatory and everything. I know I have done wrong' Dan stammered to a stunned court room.

'It's just I am so passionate about what I believe in and cannot understand why others dont see my point of view' Dan added.

By now, everyone had dumped the soft drinks and had started on hip flasks of wine.

'I know now to appreciate everyone's opinion and that it may not be my opinion' Dan finished his speech.

'Well, it is going to take some time to build bridges, but you are free to go' Manc concluded to a subdued Dan.

Even the horses outside were shocked.
'Bugger me!' Dobbin said as he relayed the story to his friends.

'No thanks, I don't do that' replied Blackie the white stallion.

Anyway, Dan was as true to his word and it was several days before he was back in jail again for being naughty. He was caught flashing his bottom in the Canada Lounge and had offended Celine Dion.

Don't say anything though, Princess and Leslie paid him handsomely to do that and Dan thought it was worth it.

Balushi was a bit naughty mind you, he was now having regular fights with himself and MickJ had to separate him from himself, sometimes it took 2 people.

In the end, both men had to be sent away to borstal at another site where they could wind no-one else but themselves.


The Docile Trollop Saloon

It was the end of an eventful week in Hanger Lane town.

There had been lots of duals at dawn with GOP involved, lots of shoot outs with people falling down dead and getting up again.

Horses had gone on strike and showed us just how big a turd they could shit if they had to. In fact, one poo was so enormous, it fuelled poor countries for years and the soil had never been so fertile.

We have seen excellent displays of horsemanship and the superb relationship between beast and man.

But nothing beats a drink in the saloon with your mates.

Ray was playing the piano, Jellybean, Bundy, CreamT, Desi, Dbark, Heart of Gold, and the other girls all clapped around him.

Princess was on the mouth organ (not Bix's) and was playing Western songs. Leslie was sitting on Graylings knee smoothing his head.

Hevs was playing snooker with Worzel.

Brit, Don, Dbickle, Syllk, Toon, Deadmeat, Tomellina, Face, Bob, Paul, Manc, Wmoore, The Cov and Chopper-Chris were all doing line dancing down the centre of the pub.

The atmosphere was great. Laughing, clinking of glasses and bottles, music, everything to make for a good night out.

In the stables, the horses sat watching porn videos about mares that do nothing but shag and how a stallion is so well hung that mares fight to be with him.

They too were drinking cider and eating nuts, even Coyote Rema was having fun with them.

So as I just take one more glance in the Docile Trollop, they all look round and wave at me.

Hey Sam. are you coming in? I have a drink lined up for you! Leslie yells with a grin on her face.

But I don't go in because it will mean meeting my alter ego Professional Princess.

And that my dears, will never do. The two must remain separate.

I stare at the free spirited girl, who is everything I would like to be in appearance. Totally perfect.

Although Princess's behaviour is appalling sometimes because it can be so rude, I really wouldn't change her.

So without anybody noticing, I slink out of the saloon and close the door so the music and laughter is muffled.

For I can always watch from the outside.


The End.

scissors

OMG sam,ive got tears rolling down my cheeks im laughin sooo much,its taken me ages to read it cos i have to keep getting another tissue,its hilarious,i cant believe i missd it the first time round :scared: fantstic gripping story,i wander if anyone else has managed to wade thru it yet
Crickey your sooo good with words you should do it for a job,and quite an imagintion
Is there a follow up i must find the thread if there is

Do remind me never to give worzel a bottle :scared:
Hehe im gonna be giggling to myself all day now.

tracey

numbers

Hi, just to say i enjoyed Sandown and the meet in the evening. Sorry I didnt get to chat to one half of the table, we couldnt stay long so never had chance to work our way around. By the way, we were Claire and Tony, who were chatting to Worzel and Kate and Derek. Nice to meet them, shared some thoughts and look forward to keeping in touch. Hopefully we will attend another one and get to meet more.

Cheers for now
Tony