Hey everyone,

I’m really hoping i can get some advice.

I have two young adult sons (18 & 20) from a previous marriage and a son and a daughter (13 & 2) with my second husband.
My second husband recently has been given the opportunity to move to Adelaide on a job offer. The job will bring in more money for us as a family. I would leave my current employment and start a fresh. This is something I’m nervous about as I have been with my current employer almost 24years and it’s basically all I know of working life but it’s a leap that is maybe overdue and something I am prepared to sacrifice.
it’s been a fairly long process and by the time we get out there we will have been waiting a year. We have been so excited throughout the whole thing but now it’s come a reality I’m getting the jitters. Not because of anything else but my two older sons so I’m really hoping if anyone has any advice or similar experiences could they possibly share.
My 20yo was in the marines but left to join the raf, he wants to be an airline engineer. Fantastic but the RAF have been so slow and almost a little obstructive with his application. He tells me that he plans to become qualified and then move out to Aus and, in his words, be my next door neighbour 😊. My worry is….what if this doesn’t happen. If he doesn’t come out with us on our visa it may be difficult for him to obtain one for PR. I explain this but he’s hellbent in joining the RAF. I put to him about joining the Australian RAF but he says that because he served in the marines then this apparently counts as a foreign military and so he has to wait two years in-between and he doesn’t want to do that. Even though by the time we get out there a year would have passed already. So he’s my worry and I feel although he’s 20 he’s still my baby. Maybe it’s me…jeeez it’s so hard to let go.

If your still with me…..thank-you

My 18yo, he’s a qualified plumber and will be a qualified carpenter when we get there. The opportunities for him would be crazy and the money far better than the UK can offer along with every other positive. So at first he was mega up for it. Couldn’t wait! Now….now a girl has come along and he is smitten. She is a lovely girl and I know he thinks a lot of her. He’s told me that he will come out with us at first, apparently maybe a month) then go back and keep coming back for large periods of time regularly. Now this is obviously bonkers, he can’t settle anything doing this and I feel he’s clearly feeling torn. I feel utterly crap for him and the fav that I’m potentially tearing apart his first love but I have to look at the bigger picture and also think of everyone, not just him.
My 14yo is extremely excited and wants to go kinda yesterday type of thing. Obviously our two year old doesn’t have a clue 🥰. My husband is also excited for it so that just leaves me and my pondering about the older two.

What am I to do 😩.

For reference, my ex husband is aware but makes no comment. We don’t have any sort of relationship at all since the children became adults. It’s not that we are not talking, just don’t. He can be a difficult character. My 18yo has said that he wouldn’t live with him, he plans on living with his g/f or with friends if we went and he stayed. This also make me feel awful, like I’ve abandoned him but he told me that he’s the one walking away and he knows I’m doing everything for him to come which is very sweet but still….

thanks so much for any help/advice you can give. My head is just all over the place with this.

Hi,

What type of visa are you “on” for entry to Australia? When we lived in Australia we knew if plenty of “split” families some just “got on” with their lives whilst for others it made life that much more difficult the curse of some expats I am sorry to say. You have to think about what will make you happy, a new country and what you perceive as a “better way of life” maybe with half of your children or life un the UK, does your 2nd husband have children from a previous relationship if so how does he feel about leaving his children behind if not then habe a talk to him if you have not already done so about your worries. It would be just perfect to plan our lives but alas “the best laid plans of mince and men” you very rarely can you just have to “be happy as you can be” with who/where that may be. Good luck

Hi and welcome to BE

While I sympathise with your torn emotions, being purely practical about this, the bald facts are that your elder two are independent.
They aren't at school or college, have jobs, and are no longer officially your dependents. Therefore they can't be included on your husband's visa.

I'm thinking, as your husband has been given a job offer, that its probably sponsorship on a 482, which is a temporary visa, and may or may not help with an application for Permanent Residence further down the line. If you don't get PR, you'll all have to come home in the end anyway. If its sponsorship for a 190, at least you four would have PR straight away, but either way you can't include the elder two.

The elder two are young enough for Working Holiday Visas, or could look into getting PR in their own right. Your 20 year old is on the right track, get a transfer when he can into the Australian Defence Force. A transfer would be much easier than trying to go straight in as an immigrant. Your younger son may need to wait a few years till he has enough experience to apply, either as a plumber or as a carpenter, but at least he will have the opportunity if he wants to take it. Your ex-husband's views don't come into it as regards their visas, as they are independent now.

More money is relative as the cost of living matches it. Some places in Adelaide now charging over $9 for an almond croissant, over $10 for a small sausage roll. The crash has to come at some point.

https://www.realestate.com.au/news/r...ng-to-survive/

Would you get a visa for your older two? Surely they're independent so wouldnt be included. They'd both be up for getting their own visas if they qualify. You'll likely only be temporary anyway so if you think of it that way, your biggest hurdle could possibly be - what if you dont get PR or you cant cope with the isolation or the job goes belly up (remember that PR isnt guaranteed) and you need to return at the end of your contract which would be highly disruptive for your teenager. Trying to head back into the UK system age 16 could be a real challenge what with the exam merry go round they are firmly on by then. Because you will be temporary will you be selling your home? Would he be able to go back to the school he is currently in?

I think all immigrants must accept that their move will split families one way or another - you from your extended family or your kids from you. You just get on with it when they are adult and independent. After all, you have no idea where your kids are going to end up. Could be anywhere from Azerbaijan to Zambia in this day and age, kids move and establish themselves where they fancy. So you must make the decision about where is going to be good for YOU

I have one son in UK with his family (accidentally emigrated back and has no intention of ever returning because his opportunities are so much better there and he has a house, great schools etc) and one in Aus who we see maybe once a month if we are lucky. It is what it is, you get on with it.

Just another thing to consider - it may be more money for his job but living costs are higher and if you are currently a comfortable two income family, be warned that it can be tricky for temporary resident dependents to get jobs - you'll always be behind citizens and permanent residents because employers wont want to train someone up only to lose them if the visa doesnt extend.