RN to Ran -feel sad
Oct 25th 2007, 12:05 pm
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Plymouth, England
Posts: 86
RN to Ran -feel sad
Hi
My Oh has put in his documents to RAN, they have e.mailed to say that they can sponsor his job and sending us an application pack which we should receive by the 17/10/07. We will have to e.mail to ask them to send another pack out as we have left it another week past this date due to the postal strikes.
Anyway, my problem is my Mum died suddenly 2 weeks ago and my Dad is lost without her, three out of five siblings are there for him daily (in between working full time). My grief is now starting to come out and I now feel guilty about applying for OZ and worrying if my Dad is going to be ok. I know that if we are lucky enough to make it, it will be at least another 12-18 months before we go.
I know my Dad would not want us to put a stop to our plans, but at the moment it is so hard to get through a day without crying, I miss her.
He is closest to me and my brother where we both live in the same town as my Dad, so I know he will have family to care for him. I know in my heart we have to go forward with the application to Oz, but it is so hard worrying about my Dad.
Sorry if it's a depressing post, but need to know if I'm doing the right thing.
My Oh has put in his documents to RAN, they have e.mailed to say that they can sponsor his job and sending us an application pack which we should receive by the 17/10/07. We will have to e.mail to ask them to send another pack out as we have left it another week past this date due to the postal strikes.
Anyway, my problem is my Mum died suddenly 2 weeks ago and my Dad is lost without her, three out of five siblings are there for him daily (in between working full time). My grief is now starting to come out and I now feel guilty about applying for OZ and worrying if my Dad is going to be ok. I know that if we are lucky enough to make it, it will be at least another 12-18 months before we go.
I know my Dad would not want us to put a stop to our plans, but at the moment it is so hard to get through a day without crying, I miss her.
He is closest to me and my brother where we both live in the same town as my Dad, so I know he will have family to care for him. I know in my heart we have to go forward with the application to Oz, but it is so hard worrying about my Dad.
Sorry if it's a depressing post, but need to know if I'm doing the right thing.
Oct 25th 2007, 1:36 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 144
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
hi handbagmad,so sorry to hear yr news,have you tried sitting down and talking to yr dad about yr plans,does he know,doesany of yr other family know also,i think the best thing to do is sit down have a chat with him and take it from there,wish you all the best and let me know how you get on kerrie x
Oct 25th 2007, 1:43 pm
#3
Ping pong PoM
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 1,537
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
A year is a long time, lots of things can change.
Your grief will ease, and so will your Dad's, now is really difficult and I feel for you both.
I cannot tell you what to do I can only advise that you rule nothing out, take everyday as it comes.... you'll know when your ready to decide what to do.
{{{{Big Hugs}}}}
Ali x
Your grief will ease, and so will your Dad's, now is really difficult and I feel for you both.
I cannot tell you what to do I can only advise that you rule nothing out, take everyday as it comes.... you'll know when your ready to decide what to do.
{{{{Big Hugs}}}}
Ali x
Oct 25th 2007, 1:50 pm
#4
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Plymouth, England
Posts: 86
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
Hi Kerri
I mentioned it only briefly to my parents, didn't want to make a big thing of it in case we did'nt get it. My Mum actually said at the time, 'wait until I have gone' as she was 86. I haven't mentioned it to my siblings in case it fell through, but I have told my 3 grown up children, and they think I should follow my dream. They have all travelled the world and know it might not be forever if we do go (plus they want to come for holidays).
I think we should carry on with the application and see how it goes. My Dad might be better able to deal with it in a few months time.
Thanks
I mentioned it only briefly to my parents, didn't want to make a big thing of it in case we did'nt get it. My Mum actually said at the time, 'wait until I have gone' as she was 86. I haven't mentioned it to my siblings in case it fell through, but I have told my 3 grown up children, and they think I should follow my dream. They have all travelled the world and know it might not be forever if we do go (plus they want to come for holidays).
I think we should carry on with the application and see how it goes. My Dad might be better able to deal with it in a few months time.
Thanks
Oct 25th 2007, 2:09 pm
#5
Darwin since Jun 2008
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Darwin
Posts: 294
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
handbagmad,
I know a bloke responding to such a sad story...and he is a Pongo!
I was in the same situation in 2000. I was about to transfer to ADF - Army then. I spoke to my Mum and Dad about it, all was going well then suddenly my father died..so we stopped the process and carried on with the Brit Army.
Last year around Oct we started the process again as my mother new that Jan and I had our hearts set on it.... we are an older couple 46/ 48 respectively...so full of my mothers blessing we carried on. On Jan this year she suffered from a heart attack which she lived thro' but she was not healthy so I was going to stop the process again. However my brother was more than happy to look after her and we agreed that we should crack on..I provided the remainder of the nightmare paper trail and got an interview for 31st July 07. My mother came down to visit us on 15 May, we discussed what would happen next. She was adamant that we should still go for it, on the 18 May whilst at my home in Salisbuy she suffered another heart attack which sadly she fought thro for a couple of days but was losing the fight...her last words to me and my brother was that she always wanted us to be happy and that Jan and I should go to Australia...
Sorry for putting a dampener on your story but if your father has health then he can visit if not then you can return to see him especially if you have a good supportive family..thro' our heart ache it has brought my brother and I closer as we did drift apart...now we are looking at the move as a gift from my mother releasing us to do what we want with her blessing..
Good luck
I know a bloke responding to such a sad story...and he is a Pongo!
I was in the same situation in 2000. I was about to transfer to ADF - Army then. I spoke to my Mum and Dad about it, all was going well then suddenly my father died..so we stopped the process and carried on with the Brit Army.
Last year around Oct we started the process again as my mother new that Jan and I had our hearts set on it.... we are an older couple 46/ 48 respectively...so full of my mothers blessing we carried on. On Jan this year she suffered from a heart attack which she lived thro' but she was not healthy so I was going to stop the process again. However my brother was more than happy to look after her and we agreed that we should crack on..I provided the remainder of the nightmare paper trail and got an interview for 31st July 07. My mother came down to visit us on 15 May, we discussed what would happen next. She was adamant that we should still go for it, on the 18 May whilst at my home in Salisbuy she suffered another heart attack which sadly she fought thro for a couple of days but was losing the fight...her last words to me and my brother was that she always wanted us to be happy and that Jan and I should go to Australia...
Sorry for putting a dampener on your story but if your father has health then he can visit if not then you can return to see him especially if you have a good supportive family..thro' our heart ache it has brought my brother and I closer as we did drift apart...now we are looking at the move as a gift from my mother releasing us to do what we want with her blessing..
Good luck
Oct 25th 2007, 2:48 pm
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: Fremantle WA
Posts: 51
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
Have sent you a pm
Oct 25th 2007, 3:05 pm
#7
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
Hi
My Oh has put in his documents to RAN, they have e.mailed to say that they can sponsor his job and sending us an application pack which we should receive by the 17/10/07. We will have to e.mail to ask them to send another pack out as we have left it another week past this date due to the postal strikes.
Anyway, my problem is my Mum died suddenly 2 weeks ago and my Dad is lost without her, three out of five siblings are there for him daily (in between working full time). My grief is now starting to come out and I now feel guilty about applying for OZ and worrying if my Dad is going to be ok. I know that if we are lucky enough to make it, it will be at least another 12-18 months before we go.
I know my Dad would not want us to put a stop to our plans, but at the moment it is so hard to get through a day without crying, I miss her.
He is closest to me and my brother where we both live in the same town as my Dad, so I know he will have family to care for him. I know in my heart we have to go forward with the application to Oz, but it is so hard worrying about my Dad.
Sorry if it's a depressing post, but need to know if I'm doing the right thing.
My Oh has put in his documents to RAN, they have e.mailed to say that they can sponsor his job and sending us an application pack which we should receive by the 17/10/07. We will have to e.mail to ask them to send another pack out as we have left it another week past this date due to the postal strikes.
Anyway, my problem is my Mum died suddenly 2 weeks ago and my Dad is lost without her, three out of five siblings are there for him daily (in between working full time). My grief is now starting to come out and I now feel guilty about applying for OZ and worrying if my Dad is going to be ok. I know that if we are lucky enough to make it, it will be at least another 12-18 months before we go.
I know my Dad would not want us to put a stop to our plans, but at the moment it is so hard to get through a day without crying, I miss her.
He is closest to me and my brother where we both live in the same town as my Dad, so I know he will have family to care for him. I know in my heart we have to go forward with the application to Oz, but it is so hard worrying about my Dad.
Sorry if it's a depressing post, but need to know if I'm doing the right thing.
Mine died just under two years ago and I am still getting bad days where I am scared to leave my Dad (having one right now as it happens).
I am glad that our visa application took 19 months because for me personally I would not have been mentally ready to migrate so soon after. In fact even now I feel incredibly fragile at times.
Your grief is surfacing now and I do think you have alot to contend with. As you say your Dad has others to care for him but I do think you need some time to go through the bereavement process yourself.
The weeks after losing someone you feel numb and then it will hit you, it is obviously starting to hit you now.
You are right, perhaps your Dad wouldn't want you to put your dreams on hold but only you can decide if you want to emigrate.
Perhaps let things move along, get the application in, even let your partner sort that bit out and you try and deal with your own feelings.
Please be very kind to yourself, this is one hell of a painful journey you are on at the moment and it probably seems as though you will never be happy again.
But you will be and you will be alot stronger for what you have been through. Do remember it is so early for you to sort out major issues and you must not rush into any decisions at this stage.
Cry when you need to, take time out from whatever makes you stressed and set yourself small targets to get through situations.
Coping with emigrating is hard enough but to cope with it during the grieving process makes it harder.
So have a good chat with your partner and come up with a manageable and achievable plan of action.
Talk to your siblings because they are all going through the same thing and you might find it surprisingly reassuring to get their opinion on your plans for Australia as well as how you are feeling right now.
If as you say your application can take 18 months then trust me, you will amaze yourself at how much better and different you will feel as time passes.
But for now, concentrate on yourself and your family and don't shut your OH out - communicate with him, don't bottle your feelings up and take one day at a time.
I want to hug you and tell you everything will be OK - and it will be I promise.
Samantha
Oct 25th 2007, 4:59 pm
#8
Happy in my bubble
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Rochdale LANCASHIRE
Posts: 4,538
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum.
Mine died just under two years ago and I am still getting bad days where I am scared to leave my Dad (having one right now as it happens).
I am glad that our visa application took 19 months because for me personally I would not have been mentally ready to migrate so soon after. In fact even now I feel incredibly fragile at times.
Your grief is surfacing now and I do think you have alot to contend with. As you say your Dad has others to care for him but I do think you need some time to go through the bereavement process yourself.
The weeks after losing someone you feel numb and then it will hit you, it is obviously starting to hit you now.
You are right, perhaps your Dad wouldn't want you to put your dreams on hold but only you can decide if you want to emigrate.
Perhaps let things move along, get the application in, even let your partner sort that bit out and you try and deal with your own feelings.
Please be very kind to yourself, this is one hell of a painful journey you are on at the moment and it probably seems as though you will never be happy again.
But you will be and you will be alot stronger for what you have been through. Do remember it is so early for you to sort out major issues and you must not rush into any decisions at this stage.
Cry when you need to, take time out from whatever makes you stressed and set yourself small targets to get through situations.
Coping with emigrating is hard enough but to cope with it during the grieving process makes it harder.
So have a good chat with your partner and come up with a manageable and achievable plan of action.
Talk to your siblings because they are all going through the same thing and you might find it surprisingly reassuring to get their opinion on your plans for Australia as well as how you are feeling right now.
If as you say your application can take 18 months then trust me, you will amaze yourself at how much better and different you will feel as time passes.
But for now, concentrate on yourself and your family and don't shut your OH out - communicate with him, don't bottle your feelings up and take one day at a time.
I want to hug you and tell you everything will be OK - and it will be I promise.
Samantha
Mine died just under two years ago and I am still getting bad days where I am scared to leave my Dad (having one right now as it happens).
I am glad that our visa application took 19 months because for me personally I would not have been mentally ready to migrate so soon after. In fact even now I feel incredibly fragile at times.
Your grief is surfacing now and I do think you have alot to contend with. As you say your Dad has others to care for him but I do think you need some time to go through the bereavement process yourself.
The weeks after losing someone you feel numb and then it will hit you, it is obviously starting to hit you now.
You are right, perhaps your Dad wouldn't want you to put your dreams on hold but only you can decide if you want to emigrate.
Perhaps let things move along, get the application in, even let your partner sort that bit out and you try and deal with your own feelings.
Please be very kind to yourself, this is one hell of a painful journey you are on at the moment and it probably seems as though you will never be happy again.
But you will be and you will be alot stronger for what you have been through. Do remember it is so early for you to sort out major issues and you must not rush into any decisions at this stage.
Cry when you need to, take time out from whatever makes you stressed and set yourself small targets to get through situations.
Coping with emigrating is hard enough but to cope with it during the grieving process makes it harder.
So have a good chat with your partner and come up with a manageable and achievable plan of action.
Talk to your siblings because they are all going through the same thing and you might find it surprisingly reassuring to get their opinion on your plans for Australia as well as how you are feeling right now.
If as you say your application can take 18 months then trust me, you will amaze yourself at how much better and different you will feel as time passes.
But for now, concentrate on yourself and your family and don't shut your OH out - communicate with him, don't bottle your feelings up and take one day at a time.
I want to hug you and tell you everything will be OK - and it will be I promise.
Samantha
I totally agree with everything Sam has said there - some fantastic advice given - you both need to look after yourselves and each other at the moment - its 4 years since i lost my mum and i miss her more and more everyday.
My dad came to live with us 3 years ago so if he decides not to come with us we will be in a very difficult position as my brother is a silent son when it suits - but thats another story.
Thinking of you all at this sad and difficult time - look after yourselves.
Love Sam
Oct 25th 2007, 7:27 pm
#9
Happy migrant
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Newcastle , NSW
Posts: 6,756
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
Hi
My Oh has put in his documents to RAN, they have e.mailed to say that they can sponsor his job and sending us an application pack which we should receive by the 17/10/07. We will have to e.mail to ask them to send another pack out as we have left it another week past this date due to the postal strikes.
Anyway, my problem is my Mum died suddenly 2 weeks ago and my Dad is lost without her, three out of five siblings are there for him daily (in between working full time). My grief is now starting to come out and I now feel guilty about applying for OZ and worrying if my Dad is going to be ok. I know that if we are lucky enough to make it, it will be at least another 12-18 months before we go.
I know my Dad would not want us to put a stop to our plans, but at the moment it is so hard to get through a day without crying, I miss her.
He is closest to me and my brother where we both live in the same town as my Dad, so I know he will have family to care for him. I know in my heart we have to go forward with the application to Oz, but it is so hard worrying about my Dad.
Sorry if it's a depressing post, but need to know if I'm doing the right thing.
My Oh has put in his documents to RAN, they have e.mailed to say that they can sponsor his job and sending us an application pack which we should receive by the 17/10/07. We will have to e.mail to ask them to send another pack out as we have left it another week past this date due to the postal strikes.
Anyway, my problem is my Mum died suddenly 2 weeks ago and my Dad is lost without her, three out of five siblings are there for him daily (in between working full time). My grief is now starting to come out and I now feel guilty about applying for OZ and worrying if my Dad is going to be ok. I know that if we are lucky enough to make it, it will be at least another 12-18 months before we go.
I know my Dad would not want us to put a stop to our plans, but at the moment it is so hard to get through a day without crying, I miss her.
He is closest to me and my brother where we both live in the same town as my Dad, so I know he will have family to care for him. I know in my heart we have to go forward with the application to Oz, but it is so hard worrying about my Dad.
Sorry if it's a depressing post, but need to know if I'm doing the right thing.
You are grieving at the moment so that is bound to affect how you feel about emigrating.
It's great that you are all there for your Dad at this time.
In a year or two's time you be will be able to think more clearly.
It sounds like your dad willhave plenty of support but ultimately only you know if you will be happy to leave him.
I hope it all works out for you - Don't rush into any decisions while you are grieving.
Oct 26th 2007, 7:17 am
#10
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Plymouth, England
Posts: 86
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
I knew I would receive great advice from BE, thank you all so much for caring enough to reply. We all know our parents are going to die eventually, but no one can prepare you for the grief you feel. I'm angry today as one sibling is quibbling over the final breakdown of the bill we all have to pay, and he never came to see Mum for 2years, and he only lived 2 miles away! My OH said to let my other brother Keith sort it out with him, but Keith is grieving badly too. We could do without this - families eh!
My Dad is coping remarkably well with keeping the bungalow clean, learnt how to use the washing machine, ironing, shopping, drove his car again this week, having pride in his appearance - it is just emotionally he has to deal with, and only time can heal that.
TJUK - my OH was also a pongo for 7 years before he joined RN 10 yrs ago as a submariner.
Thanks again
My Dad is coping remarkably well with keeping the bungalow clean, learnt how to use the washing machine, ironing, shopping, drove his car again this week, having pride in his appearance - it is just emotionally he has to deal with, and only time can heal that.
TJUK - my OH was also a pongo for 7 years before he joined RN 10 yrs ago as a submariner.
Thanks again
Oct 26th 2007, 8:01 am
#11
Darwin since Jun 2008
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Darwin
Posts: 294
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
Keep your chin up..I promise the thoughts wont go away but the sun will shine again....eventually.
Oct 26th 2007, 8:59 am
#12
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Sydney
Posts: 347
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
Hi
My Oh has put in his documents to RAN, they have e.mailed to say that they can sponsor his job and sending us an application pack which we should receive by the 17/10/07. We will have to e.mail to ask them to send another pack out as we have left it another week past this date due to the postal strikes.
Anyway, my problem is my Mum died suddenly 2 weeks ago and my Dad is lost without her, three out of five siblings are there for him daily (in between working full time). My grief is now starting to come out and I now feel guilty about applying for OZ and worrying if my Dad is going to be ok. I know that if we are lucky enough to make it, it will be at least another 12-18 months before we go.
I know my Dad would not want us to put a stop to our plans, but at the moment it is so hard to get through a day without crying, I miss her.
He is closest to me and my brother where we both live in the same town as my Dad, so I know he will have family to care for him. I know in my heart we have to go forward with the application to Oz, but it is so hard worrying about my Dad.
Sorry if it's a depressing post, but need to know if I'm doing the right thing.
My Oh has put in his documents to RAN, they have e.mailed to say that they can sponsor his job and sending us an application pack which we should receive by the 17/10/07. We will have to e.mail to ask them to send another pack out as we have left it another week past this date due to the postal strikes.
Anyway, my problem is my Mum died suddenly 2 weeks ago and my Dad is lost without her, three out of five siblings are there for him daily (in between working full time). My grief is now starting to come out and I now feel guilty about applying for OZ and worrying if my Dad is going to be ok. I know that if we are lucky enough to make it, it will be at least another 12-18 months before we go.
I know my Dad would not want us to put a stop to our plans, but at the moment it is so hard to get through a day without crying, I miss her.
He is closest to me and my brother where we both live in the same town as my Dad, so I know he will have family to care for him. I know in my heart we have to go forward with the application to Oz, but it is so hard worrying about my Dad.
Sorry if it's a depressing post, but need to know if I'm doing the right thing.
My thoughts are with you. We said all of our goodbye's at the weekend and I cant put into words how it felt. All I know in my heart is that this is the right thing for us.
The RAN process is long and perhaps as the time unfolds you may have clearer thoughts by that point. So sorry to hear you sad news
Tammy x
Oct 26th 2007, 10:24 am
#13
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Plymouth, England
Posts: 86
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
Thanks Tammy
Hope everything is going ok for you all in Sydney - keep us informed when you have time with your new life down under.
Take care
Hope everything is going ok for you all in Sydney - keep us informed when you have time with your new life down under.
Take care
Oct 26th 2007, 10:26 am
#14
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Plymouth, England
Posts: 86
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
Tammy
Just realised your not there yet - sorry - but hope all goes ok.
Just realised your not there yet - sorry - but hope all goes ok.
Oct 26th 2007, 6:26 pm
#15
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Tropical North QLD
Posts: 21,434
Re: RN to Ran -feel sad
This thread is a very sad read but some great advice form everyone. I wish you well Handbagmad, losing your mum is painful, no matter how much you expect it. Give yourself time as others have said.
Hugs & best wishesxx (& karma too of course!)
Hugs & best wishesxx (& karma too of course!)