Chubbs

Hi Hoping theres someone out there who can help. Ive just started this process and would be grateful for any advise anyone can offer. My ex is refusing permission to take the children out of the country. I divorced him on the grounds of Domestic violence five years ago. Ive since remarried a Kiwi and looking to emmigrate next year. Im worried even if the court grants an order it will be with an undertaking to return the children to the UK into his care. Is there any way I can restrict this? Can anyone give me an idea of what im really going into with the courts. Solicitors seem to be giving me conflicting advise. Any advise really apprieciated.

Mandyisere

I got a court order to bring my children to Oz but their father has had no contact for 10 yrs and I didn't know where he was. I'm not sure of your situation but if the domestic vioence was ever aimed to the kids that may sway the judge.
Good luck anyway
Mandy

Chubbs

Thanks. Wish mine had just disappeared! The kids were never involved physically just bear the emotional scars! Were any conditions put on you when the court agreed to allow you to take the children? How long did the process take? Did you have to deal with a CASCAFF Officer? Sorry so many questions! Its just nice to hear from someone who has gone through it and Im not alone!

Kaz

Mandyisere

It only took about 3 weeks altogether and I was in court for aout 10 minutes, I took with my a copy of offer of employment to show that I could support them, he asked about schools which I just replied that I was doing research on the net.
The only condition that was put on the order was that I inform the court of my address in Oz which I must say 14 months down the line I still haven't done it. I didn't have any CASCAFF officer with me.
Mandy

Chubbs

Sound like you were really lucky. Ive a feeling this is going to be a drawn out fight! Thank you for your replys. It helped just knowing that theres a light at the end of the tunnel! I hope that you and the children are enjoying your new life! Kaz

madsad

Hello,

I think you really need to talk to your kids & ask what they want to do? harsh as it sounds.

I have been in your situation & im glad my ex has never dared show his face since the last memory he left me & my son & daughter with.(12yrs ago) & yes, even now i still had that fear he may show one day,but once i step on that plane i know i have more of a chance to rid of him forever, than the chance i have here, he may turn up one day.

My eldest daughter is not coming with us(16) she moved out a year ago,long story,we have been through hell this last few years with her,but she has chosen to live with her dads parents,even though i have raised her for 15yrs,kick in the guts & yes it breaks my heart so much & only as a parent you would know.

If your kids are happy,leave them where they are,if not fight hell on earth to have them with you x

Goodluck,wishing you all the best x

Donna.

andrew63

Hi Chubbs
I had near exactly the same problem.
Took me a year of Court battles but I won in the end.
The most important thing in my case that helped concrete the victory was that my ex had not bothered to see my child in 3.5 years prior to me applying. Of course, once I applied she insisted on visiting again and YES, an undertaking was made to fly her over once a year to see my child and on the other alterantive year, my child goes with me to see her in London (all at my expense as she is unemployed). Needless to say, trying to schedule her first trip over here at easter, she is refusing to come. Only the child suffers...........
CAFCASS not involved but went to family court then referred to high court! Cost a small fortune!
Any more help? let me know. Glad to help. You may want to do by PM.

Andrew

Chubbs

Hi.I do know that feeling. Unfortunately its every second weekend when the boys fly into his arms for their weekend visit. He still at it. Knocks his girlfriend around now. The boys however seem to forgive him all. Especially this close to Christmas and pending pressies! ( He owes the CSA £7000 I might add). My solicitor said I should continue to let him see the boys as he would using denying access as the reason I wouldnt return the children to the UK. I dont want to send them back without a security blanket under them. It doesnt bear thinking about! The kids are only 7 & 9 so are excited about going but are worried about leaving friends and now 'girlfriends' (Didnt see that coming at 9!!). They change their minds by the day! I know when we get on that plane I can make the rest of their childhood how it should have been from the start. I just cant believe this man still has so much control of my life. My husband has 2 children in NZ and a house in Taranga. Hes being fantastic but I know he desperately misses his girls.
Feels like we are being torn apart. Im sorry your daughter chose that route. One day she may see and understand why you wanted to offer her a new start. Good Luck x

Chubbs

Thanks. Im starting to get the feeling Im going to need all I can get! My ex sees the boys fortnightly but the violence is well documented and unfortunately the boys have witnessed it again since. Solicitor advises not to stop contact now as it can be used against me in court. Why did your court battle take a year and end up in high court? Im suprised CAFCASS wasnt involved. Ive been led to believe that they will help my case as they will talk to the boys and build a picture of whats really going on? ! Is it normal that you end up paying the travel costs? My ex is self employed and loaded just hasnt bothered to pay the CSA because they cant seem to touch him.
Is there a standard period of time that the children would be expected to return to the UK. My ex wants 4 weeks every summer holiday. This would mean spending nearly all their NZ summer holidays here freezing and very little family time for us! Hear I go again lots of questions.... I'll log in PM and talk to you later. Going to brave the Christmas shops and weather now! Thanks again!

Kaz

dondon12

hi just thought id let you know im going through the exact same thing as you i was also invloved in domestic violence but not towards my children and im now proceeding with the steps to move abroad to be with the man i love now so me and my children can have a fresh start. my ex also told me he wont allow me to take my children but unlike you my ex doesnt see his children he hasnt seen them for over a year and never pays anything towards their upkeep he doesnt even remember their birthdays, its nice to know im not alone and that there is others going through the same as me good luck to you