JillT

My OH has been offered a position in Brisbane and we are currently awaiting news on our 457 visa application. We have included our 18 year daughter in the application. However, she is adamant that she does not want to go as all her friends are here in Ireland. I am torn at the thought of leaving her behind and wondered if anyone who has been in a similar situation has any advice?

cindylittle

I have two children from a previous relationship, which of course due to their ages and lifestyles, are both staying here in the UK. We have spoken in depth about the move and they agree, that their adult lives have begun and in the most as much as they will have me in their lives, they feel that I will be sort of redundant, as they want to be adults, and only ever really call now when they need something. My daughter calmly says we can still call, MSM and visit free holidays, if we are lucky paid flights. You have to laugh. bless them. of course i will miss them, and i will stay in touch but as my own life moved on theirs will too, I brought them up to be independant, and they will continue to be so. I will still be their mum, they will still be my kids, we will still talk, and instead of visiting when they need a loan,they will visit because they want to see me, and spend time together, unlike 20 years or so emigrating now is not the end of the earth, communications have evolved and there is plenty of ways of staying in touch, friends of mine who emigrated last year, no kids though state that since arriving in Canada, they have built a better relationship with their perspective parents, than they ever had in the UK, here they saw them from time to time, now they have spent quality time together, whilst they visited, and they spend hours talking on the phone. So in my mind its not all bad, strange I know when they have always been there, but when you think that you have given them the best years of your life its time to get a little selfish and live a little, they will come if thy want to, and yes I probably will pay the flights, whats more if they ever wanted to move themselves with me being there, sponsorship would speed it up for them so who knows what the future holds, good luck it will all work out in the end

trace141

Hi

I have been offered a job in Brisbane, i have an 11yr old who is excited about going and a 16yr old who doesnt want to go, ive planned to go for good in Jan 08, its going to be a battle for me also, the last thing i want is to leave him in the UK with his father who has no real interestso im going to go out for a few weeks in the summer and try and persuade him that way...show him thelife he could have..its very difficult

Tracey

Ronnie and Deb

Hi Jill we are the same position as yourselves and i put a thread on the general forum and was offered lots of advice, people on here are great and lots of people with the same problem. If you want to look go onto the general forum and in the search bit put. HELP! 17 Yr old Daughter won't come. this will bring the thread up i put on.
We don't go until next june but we are going to do a recce in 3 weeks i just hope and pray that my daughter loves it. I think she would be ok but she has a boyfriend of nearly 2 years:curse: Good luck to you whatever happens. Deb

tillysmum

Hi Jill, It is a very hard decision I was the same three and half years ago we where all set to go to south oz but eldest daughter 19 at the time decided she didnt want to go. she is now settled with boyfriend and happy, at the time it seemed like the right decision to go but not so sure now as going at 46 has brought a new set of problems for my husband and 14yr old who is really keen to go. I suppose what we did was to sacrifice the rest of the families potential happiness and new life for our eldest daughter, I have know doubt that she would not make the same sacrife for us! As others have said there is no easy answer and all I can say is do whatever makes you happy and you can live with!

the murrays

Hi
we are also in same situation my daughter is 17, and not sure if she wants to go. We went on a six week hol to oz at xmas, and took my other 2 younger children, my daughter had to stay behind because of important exams, so she missed out on the experience. All I can say is I wish I was their age going to live there, we our also from ireland, and we think it would be a better lifestlye than here, so you can tell your daughter it will be much better for her and she will have no problems making friends.
My daughter is starting to understand this, but is in a situation, as she will be applying to universities this year, and does not know to apply here or queensland.

Centurion

Easy to solve :

BLONDE BUFF SURFER DUDES

oliverandlisa

What about suggesting she sees it as a 'year out' and commits herself to stay at least 1 year... But this way you will fund her year out flight...

if that fails, see the post above mine!

Louise M

Hi,
As I have posted before, my 17 year old daughter was really upset that we were coming to Oz. She left behind boyfriend and loads of friends. We have been here since october and though I would go back as I am sometimes homesick, there is no way she would. The kids out here love 'English Chicks', (even though we are scottish, and she was born in South Africa). She has at the moment 5 boys who want to take her out and she has made some nice girlfriends. Yes she loves it here. Her words' England was so boring'. This from the girl who didnt speak to me for months prior to leaving. We are so much closer now an its great! My son (20) flatly refused to come but arrived on Saturday, my birthday, for 3 weeks. I paid for his ticket. Spent the day on the beach yesterday and today we are going to see the Koalas at a sanctuary.

It just takes time and patience. Yes its very hard, but they do adapt.



Good Luck

JillT

Thank you all so much for your encouraging words. When you bring your children up I think we all have this vision of being around as they start out as adults...seeing them meet their life partners, have their own children etc. and it is an extremely difficult decision to make to give up the 'ideal'.

My daughter was also born in South Africa and until she was 13, it was the lifestyle she knew. So she knows what it can offer. I am just hoping that she will see the light!

As for the blonde surfer dudes...you may be right and I have a friend lining them up as we speak.

We are trying to get her to come out with us for a few weeks at least and are hoping that the bug (and possibly the 'dudes') will convince her to stay.

Keep your fingers crossed for us and once again, thanks all for your advice!

sophjam

hi everyone, Im also in the same boat my 12 year old daughter doesnt want to leave her friends, my 16 year old son will give it a go but thinks he can comute to the uk when he feels like it. They have both been to australia on holidays 4 times but never met anyone their own age so have been unable to get an idea of what its like to be a teenager in Cairns. we just hope we are doing the right thing by them both and dont spoil this time in their lives. Does anyone know how long the process usually takes.once the forms are in

JillT

What visa are you applying for? How long it takes all depends on the visa type?

At 12 I think they will adjust but 16 is much harder. It does help if they are going to school. What is your son planning on doing?

Bexie

Hi!
My 16 yr old is coming out to validate her visa with the rest of us at the end of \july, we are staying and she is coming back to do her a levels. She is staying with my mum. I am heart broken and am so worried that she wont commit to spending her gap year in Oz as she has promised. It is not easy and so much of the time, I feel a failure as a mum. She will be 17 soon and I guess not too far off being an adult. I have found it really hard to listen to what she has to say. I have been criticised for allowing her to come back, but i love her so much and the time has come when I need to listen to her. As long as she knows how much I love her and that there is always a place for her by my side, she will come back. It hurts talking about it, I know that when I put her back on the return flight from Melbourne, I will be in pieces. I am giving her her wings - and it is so hard.
Bex

Scrawni 2

Aw Bex, can really relate to your situation. Our daughter was 17 when she came to oz for 6 weeks before returning to the uk, to live with my parents. It hurt like hell and it felt like a piece of me was missing. Try and enjoy your time together and not dwell on her departure, hard I know.

We did return to the uk but our daughter was mighty glad we did. She missed us terribly but tried to be brave. Now, 2 years later we are giving Oz a second chance, with daughter and boyfriend in tow She may decide to return to the uk again at some stage but I will have to let them go. I just hope she stays long enough for citizenship.

You will need to be strong for both of you. She sounds very mature and indepentant, it is her time to grow now. Just remember that if you let her go now, she will probably return a much stronger and balanced individual. It certainly help my daughter put things into perspective

((((hugs))) to you.

Mandy

Gems

Hello,
my kids are younger so no problems, touch wood!

But wanted to say at 18 I had left home and moved to different town from my family.
I moved in with my boyfriend who is now my hubby! It didnt do me any harm in fact Im more independant than my sisters.

Just wanted to say 18 year olds are grown ups really, and some are just more adult than we give them credit for!

Im sure your daughter will be fine. But maybe consider booking her return flights for a holiday say 6 months after the move. Then if she hates fending for herself she can come and see what life is like in Oz, she may want to stay. Either way your girl is a woman now and will do OK.


GEMS