Rogue Trader

Hey Marty...

You are very brave, being willing to be so open and honest about this situation - you're right, it would be hard to talk like this with 'the lads'; most people would bury their head in the sand and pretend it wasn't going to affect them, but you've tackled it head-on. Well done.

You've had some great advice on this thread from both sides of the argument. All I can do is share my own experiences:

When I first went to Oz, I had lived with my girlfriend for 6 years. She had always known my heart was in Oz and we had been planning to go together. She got cold feet when it all became a reality and decided she didn't want to go. After long talks, much soul-searching and many tears, we decided to separate because we knew that if I stayed here for her then one day I would blame her for stealing my dream and that would affect our relationship.

So... I went and she stayed. I was MISERABLE. Worse, I was depressed and nothing looked the same without Sarah by my side. I made one of the hardest decisions of my life: if I have to stay in the UK to be with her, then I will [MY decision this time]. At exactly the same time, Sarah was feeling the same way and decided that if she had to be in Oz to be with me, then she would [HER decision]. I came back to the UK and within 18 months we were married. The first thing we did in our married life was travel round Oz for 10 weeks (Sarah's choice); Sarah fell in love with the place.

We now have two perfect children and are in the process of applying to migrate to Oz together. The children have become more of a reason to be there than any other reason; and this time, we BOTH want to go just as much as each other.

So... I've done both: left my soul-mate to fulfil my dream.... and left my dream to be with my soul-mate. Because of this, I found out that Sarah was more important to me, but that HAD to be my own decision... and now I have both. Thank God.

Hang in there (and sorry for such a long post..!!)
Bless you mate,
Craig.

Rogue Trader

This is a reasonable question, but remember, the same could be asked of Marty: if he is her soul-mate then shouldn't he stay..??

There are two sides to every coin.

RT

Rogue Trader

Very wise. These were my thoughts exactly (see post above). Even with the best will in the world, eventually I would have blamed her. (BTW: love your signature..!!)

Craig.

Dmartyos

RT True mate, you have to be a certain character to demand another person to follow your future ideas, its not in me to do that, however I will plant seeds & explain my reasons & what I saw & did last time I was over there.

A holiday sounds good idea, I have a wedding in Brisbane in May next year so I need to be over there for that - if all timing is good can validate the visa that way & take some travelling in too if things are still great between us. Previous this was going to be my final move to sydney.

Ive messed up in the past due to being too young, foolish & also headstrong & wanting to wait till I was older for meeting right person. I followed what I wanted as a child & got my education started a career took a break & then travelled round the world. Then came back to UK & luckly got a good job, become sick for long period - over 1 year (Unkown Virus & blood problems - left me week & fatigued all the time - OK now) Managed to get back to 100% again & playing sports again - last summer & made me change my priorities & realise who mattered & what I wanted in the future. (Ive broken contact with alot of people who just didnt contact me through this time & I did not explained why - but my friends whom I have now are 4 life).

I want family in a few years as Im from a big family anyway & I think its in the blood! God help the lady! I think too much for a young guy, already planning retirement & where Id like to spend my twilight!

Craig - Your story was awesome, when something like that happens it makes sense that you guys were ment to be together & esp in Oz!
Fabie - Best of luck with your journey - very brave to follow your dream & still have a plan incase its not exactly what you wanted for your future - I think were in a similar situation.

Guess I just wanted to know others views, theres not right & wrong answer & anyone who had gone through similar experience. I dont post on here much due to being at work & read alot about peoples lives. I find it really interesting & addictive (cant believe I have become one aswell!).

Cheers All for the best wishes Marty

MrsDagboy

Hi, slightly different slant on the situation, Dagboy & myself lived in different countries when we first met, we would have done anything to be together. As it was he moved here & loves it & we are happy to stay here long term but I would happily move to the UK for him if he needed or wanted to live there again. We've both said that we would live anywhere as long as we can be together.

Perhaps the biggest difference for us is that there is no pull of a place, only the pull of a person?

I think the plan you have now of getting visa & validating & attending the wedding is probably a very sound one. You never know how she will feel after having been here. Hopefully she will share your enthusiasm.

Good luck .

PhilShila

Totally agree - and here's my reason why:

I met my wife while working in Malaysia (she was Malaysian (now British) and was managing the IT project for which I was contracted to do the database design work). When my contract finished after 4 years, I tried everything to stay in Malaysia to be with her, but there was no work to be had so I had to return to the UK.

We weren't married then, so the only way she could come and stay in the UK beyond 6 months (other than us marrying, which we would have done except that we still needed to persuade her parents on that one) was to find a company that would sponsor her for a job and arrange a work permit. Despite this potentially insurmountable barrier, she gave up her job and came to the UK to be with me, leaving behind all her friends and family.

She had to leave the UK after 6 months when her visa expired, but eventually I found a company to sponsor her, and 3 months later she was back and working. That was 8 years ago.

So I guess my first point is that I agree that the pull of the person was paramount for us - we just couldn't imagine not being together.

I'd previously worked in Oz and loved it. Around 4 years ago we went there for a 5 week holiday, and she fell in love with the place (as I hoped she would), and from that point on we were in total agreement that emigrating to Australia was what we both wanted.

And so the second point is that if you are as compatible and in-tune as you hope, then there must be a good chance that our partner will love the place as much as you do - once you get them over there to see for themselves.

Good Luck

Phil

pako

I completely agree. I'm in my late 20's and married my soulmate, i couldn't contemplatelife without my hubby.

Milo

This is exactly what I was thinking about when I wrote the above post!


I was initially horrified to go and live somewhere I had never even visited when my husband suggested living in Australia. He had lived here before. But I just couldn't let his dream go. We have been married 18 years now and I wasn't going to let that go either, SOULMATE! I certainly think so.

Marie