Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Aug 26th 2004, 12:26 am
#1
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Location: N.Z, back to U.K soon, ( hopefully)
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deleted it
Last edited by fillyjane; Aug 26th 2004 at 2:43 am. Reason: I put it in the wrong forum, Sorry, new to this!
Aug 26th 2004, 12:35 am
#2
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Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Ilukapool. WA
Posts: 12,467
Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Originally Posted by fillyjane
Hi, I am a very new member and am not completely sure about how to do this!
I really need anyones advice or thoughts if they have been in the same situation as me. I moved to NZ in Feb, which as you all know takes a lot of time, money and planning. We got our residents visa's and have bought a house and loved it here to begin with and although I like the place I am not happy. Things haven't turned out the way we planned and I am really lonely and unhappy, (sorry to be miserable
). I have a family of 3 kids and my husband and we are all missing family in the UK. After a lot of thought and discussion we have decided to return to the UK. I feel really confused as there is a part of me that will know that I will have some regrets and wonder if the kids would be better of here in NZ, but then there is another part that wants them to have their family around them, ( I come from a large family). We have no family here and no real friends. Do you think I am making a big mistake by returning? Could I be remembering the UK with rose tinted glasses, ( I don't think I am). I actually feel quite relieved that we have made a decision to go home, but like I said already I do still feel very confused by it all. It took so much to get here and it seams like our dreams have gone down the pan. Has anyone else been through this? Please let me know if you have, it'll be nice to know I'm not the only one! Thanks 
I really need anyones advice or thoughts if they have been in the same situation as me. I moved to NZ in Feb, which as you all know takes a lot of time, money and planning. We got our residents visa's and have bought a house and loved it here to begin with and although I like the place I am not happy. Things haven't turned out the way we planned and I am really lonely and unhappy, (sorry to be miserable
). I have a family of 3 kids and my husband and we are all missing family in the UK. After a lot of thought and discussion we have decided to return to the UK. I feel really confused as there is a part of me that will know that I will have some regrets and wonder if the kids would be better of here in NZ, but then there is another part that wants them to have their family around them, ( I come from a large family). We have no family here and no real friends. Do you think I am making a big mistake by returning? Could I be remembering the UK with rose tinted glasses, ( I don't think I am). I actually feel quite relieved that we have made a decision to go home, but like I said already I do still feel very confused by it all. It took so much to get here and it seams like our dreams have gone down the pan. Has anyone else been through this? Please let me know if you have, it'll be nice to know I'm not the only one! Thanks A lot of people come out and then return, it's not unusual, most aren't brave enough to tell about it on this forum though.
6 months isn't very long, give it at least a year. Are you able to give Australia a go and see if you like that more than NZ?
Aug 26th 2004, 12:37 am
#3
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Originally Posted by renth
Why not try to stick it out for longer?
A lot of people come out and then return, it's not unusual, most aren't brave enough to tell about it on this forum though.
6 months isn't very long, give it at least a year. Are you able to give Australia a go and see if you like that more than NZ?
A lot of people come out and then return, it's not unusual, most aren't brave enough to tell about it on this forum though.
6 months isn't very long, give it at least a year. Are you able to give Australia a go and see if you like that more than NZ?
Aug 26th 2004, 12:42 am
#4
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Joined: Feb 2003
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Why not give it a bit longer (appreciating that there may be circumstances making this unwise). Given you feel relief about deciding to go back, you will still be relieved if you say you'll be back by say August 2005. If you can do this, then spend the next year just trying to enjoy NZ for an extended (working) holiday, the UK will wait for you.
P.S. You should know that many feel (felt) this, myself included. You are at possibly one of the most difficult stages of emmigration - the novelty has worn off and distance and difference are most noticeable. I've been in Oz almost 2 years and these feelings improve. I still can't say I won't go back (I have only 2 years on a temp visa to run after all) but my thoughts are finally turning to "how do I stay longer".
P.S. You should know that many feel (felt) this, myself included. You are at possibly one of the most difficult stages of emmigration - the novelty has worn off and distance and difference are most noticeable. I've been in Oz almost 2 years and these feelings improve. I still can't say I won't go back (I have only 2 years on a temp visa to run after all) but my thoughts are finally turning to "how do I stay longer".
Last edited by jayr; Aug 26th 2004 at 12:46 am.
Aug 26th 2004, 12:56 am
#5
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Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Do not give yourself a hard time about your feelings only you can know what is right for you and your family.
If you have gone over all options - like moving to somewhere else in NZ or OZ if that is possible? And having weighed up going back now as opposed to waiting a couple more months/a year? Then carry on with your decision and do not look back, cause you will only be storing up more grief for a future still saying 'what if'. You had the bottle to get to NZ and move all this way a decision to start again back in the UK is not necessarily a wrong one.
Cheers
If you have gone over all options - like moving to somewhere else in NZ or OZ if that is possible? And having weighed up going back now as opposed to waiting a couple more months/a year? Then carry on with your decision and do not look back, cause you will only be storing up more grief for a future still saying 'what if'. You had the bottle to get to NZ and move all this way a decision to start again back in the UK is not necessarily a wrong one.
Cheers
Aug 26th 2004, 12:57 am
#6
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
hi
sorry to hear you're having a tough time...although in some respects 6 months isn't a long time, I guess it can feel like an age if things aren't working out! At the end of the day only you can decide what is right for you and your family. It's brave to admit if the move hasn't been for you! If you feel that you have done everything you can to fit in and its just not working then I dont think you need to have any regrets about going home...you gave it a go! On the other hand, I agree with some of the other posts, if finances allow, why not give yourself a deadline, say 3 months, in which you throw yourself into NZ life, meeting people, joining things etc and review the situation again then, like you say you've already gone through such a lot to get out here......
best wishes mm
sorry to hear you're having a tough time...although in some respects 6 months isn't a long time, I guess it can feel like an age if things aren't working out! At the end of the day only you can decide what is right for you and your family. It's brave to admit if the move hasn't been for you! If you feel that you have done everything you can to fit in and its just not working then I dont think you need to have any regrets about going home...you gave it a go! On the other hand, I agree with some of the other posts, if finances allow, why not give yourself a deadline, say 3 months, in which you throw yourself into NZ life, meeting people, joining things etc and review the situation again then, like you say you've already gone through such a lot to get out here......
best wishes mm
Aug 26th 2004, 12:58 am
#7
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Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 85
Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Originally Posted by fillyjane
Hi, I am a very new member and am not completely sure about how to do this!
I really need anyones advice or thoughts if they have been in the same situation as me. I moved to NZ in Feb, which as you all know takes a lot of time, money and planning. We got our residents visa's and have bought a house and loved it here to begin with and although I like the place I am not happy. Things haven't turned out the way we planned and I am really lonely and unhappy, (sorry to be miserable ). I have a family of 3 kids and my husband and we are all missing family in the UK. After a lot of thought and discussion we have decided to return to the UK. I feel really confused as there is a part of me that will know that I will have some regrets and wonder if the kids would be better of here in NZ, but then there is another part that wants them to have their family around them, ( I come from a large family). We have no family here and no real friends. Do you think I am making a big mistake by returning? Could I be remembering the UK with rose tinted glasses, ( I don't think I am). I actually feel quite relieved that we have made a decision to go home, but like I said already I do still feel very confused by it all. It took so much to get here and it seams like our dreams have gone down the pan. Has anyone else been through this? Please let me know if you have, it'll be nice to know I'm not the only one! Thanks
I really need anyones advice or thoughts if they have been in the same situation as me. I moved to NZ in Feb, which as you all know takes a lot of time, money and planning. We got our residents visa's and have bought a house and loved it here to begin with and although I like the place I am not happy. Things haven't turned out the way we planned and I am really lonely and unhappy, (sorry to be miserable
). I have a family of 3 kids and my husband and we are all missing family in the UK. After a lot of thought and discussion we have decided to return to the UK. I feel really confused as there is a part of me that will know that I will have some regrets and wonder if the kids would be better of here in NZ, but then there is another part that wants them to have their family around them, ( I come from a large family). We have no family here and no real friends. Do you think I am making a big mistake by returning? Could I be remembering the UK with rose tinted glasses, ( I don't think I am). I actually feel quite relieved that we have made a decision to go home, but like I said already I do still feel very confused by it all. It took so much to get here and it seams like our dreams have gone down the pan. Has anyone else been through this? Please let me know if you have, it'll be nice to know I'm not the only one! Thanks
Aug 26th 2004, 12:58 am
#8
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Hi there.
As Jayr said, many people feel like you do. I am going through the same feelings as you at the moment. We have been in Australia for 6 months now, I love the country but am not happy due to lack of work, missing people,general homesickness and a son who has turned into terror child since the move!!!
I know that my husband is willing to go back but we are going to give it at least another 6 months to make sure. (maybe by then I may feel different and be able to give it a bit longer)
I'm so worried that we may go back and regret it.....so I'm taking one day at a time....and I can tell you that I am such a miserable cow at times!! But we invested so much in doing this I can't give up!!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
As Jayr said, many people feel like you do. I am going through the same feelings as you at the moment. We have been in Australia for 6 months now, I love the country but am not happy due to lack of work, missing people,general homesickness and a son who has turned into terror child since the move!!!
I know that my husband is willing to go back but we are going to give it at least another 6 months to make sure. (maybe by then I may feel different and be able to give it a bit longer)
I'm so worried that we may go back and regret it.....so I'm taking one day at a time....and I can tell you that I am such a miserable cow at times!! But we invested so much in doing this I can't give up!!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Aug 26th 2004, 1:10 am
#9
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Location: N.Z, back to U.K soon, ( hopefully)
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Originally Posted by scoobydoo
Hi there.
As Jayr said, many people feel like you do. I am going through the same feelings as you at the moment. We have been in Australia for 6 months now, I love the country but am not happy due to lack of work, missing people,general homesickness and a son who has turned into terror child since the move!!!
I know that my husband is willing to go back but we are going to give it at least another 6 months to make sure. (maybe by then I may feel different and be able to give it a bit longer)
I'm so worried that we may go back and regret it.....so I'm taking one day at a time....and I can tell you that I am such a miserable cow at times!! But we invested so much in doing this I can't give up!!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
As Jayr said, many people feel like you do. I am going through the same feelings as you at the moment. We have been in Australia for 6 months now, I love the country but am not happy due to lack of work, missing people,general homesickness and a son who has turned into terror child since the move!!!
I know that my husband is willing to go back but we are going to give it at least another 6 months to make sure. (maybe by then I may feel different and be able to give it a bit longer)
I'm so worried that we may go back and regret it.....so I'm taking one day at a time....and I can tell you that I am such a miserable cow at times!! But we invested so much in doing this I can't give up!!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Aug 26th 2004, 1:14 am
#10
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Posts: 2,031
Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
I agree...
6months into this is a very difficult stage....
We are almost 1 year into this and are having more probs now then when we first got here...teenage kids very very homesick..which makes me feel sooooooooooooo guilty. Mum in Uk saying ..this is worse than if you were dead...jeez thanx mum!..also trying to deal with my own feelings too....
I refuse to give in to them though because i/ we hope that these feelings will settle.
We really miss our friends but gradually we are making new ones..meeting people who are similar to us
The only one who can decide is you and hubby fillyjane and if you feel that the decision is made then just move forward...
We have friends who only stayed in Oz for 3 months and went back..just wasnt for them. They got their old jobs back and slotted straight back in...although a few quid llighter! :scared:
good luck with whatever you decide anyway....
and at least you can say that you tried it cant you??!!!!
6months into this is a very difficult stage....
We are almost 1 year into this and are having more probs now then when we first got here...teenage kids very very homesick..which makes me feel sooooooooooooo guilty. Mum in Uk saying ..this is worse than if you were dead...jeez thanx mum!..also trying to deal with my own feelings too....
I refuse to give in to them though because i/ we hope that these feelings will settle.
We really miss our friends but gradually we are making new ones..meeting people who are similar to us
The only one who can decide is you and hubby fillyjane and if you feel that the decision is made then just move forward...
We have friends who only stayed in Oz for 3 months and went back..just wasnt for them. They got their old jobs back and slotted straight back in...although a few quid llighter! :scared:
good luck with whatever you decide anyway....
and at least you can say that you tried it cant you??!!!!
Aug 26th 2004, 1:20 am
#11
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Originally Posted by fillyjane
Thanks to all for their replies, it has helped to know I am not alone in feeling like this. It is a long story as to why we want to go back but I am going back for a visit in October, and we have to sell our home due to finances, we decided to tour around before we go home so at least we can say we have seen the place.Who knows maybe we will find somewhere we will really like and stay. Things just haven't been what we expected. We have to sell up first so it's not like I'm going home tomorrow, so maybe things will change, who knows. Thanks again
Aug 26th 2004, 1:39 am
#12
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Hi FillyJane
Know exactly what you're going through, cos I went through it myself when I first moved to the UK, and to a lesser extent, the other countries I've lived in. It does get better, but it takes time. Took me 4 years to feel settled in the UK and now I have some very good memories of my time there.
Having said that, although I ended up enjoying my time in each place I lived, none of them were home and I am loving being back in Australia.
For some people (me included) there is no place like home
Mairi
PS. Have you tried posting this on the "Returning to UK" forum ?
Know exactly what you're going through, cos I went through it myself when I first moved to the UK, and to a lesser extent, the other countries I've lived in. It does get better, but it takes time. Took me 4 years to feel settled in the UK and now I have some very good memories of my time there.
Having said that, although I ended up enjoying my time in each place I lived, none of them were home and I am loving being back in Australia.
For some people (me included) there is no place like home
Mairi
PS. Have you tried posting this on the "Returning to UK" forum ?
Aug 26th 2004, 1:53 am
#13
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Originally Posted by Mairi&Chris
Hi FillyJane
Know exactly what you're going through, cos I went through it myself when I first moved to the UK, and to a lesser extent, the other countries I've lived in. It does get better, but it takes time. Took me 4 years to feel settled in the UK and now I have some very good memories of my time there.
Having said that, although I ended up enjoying my time in each place I lived, none of them were home and I am loving being back in Australia.
For some people (me included) there is no place like home
Mairi
PS. Have you tried posting this on the "Returning to UK" forum ?
Know exactly what you're going through, cos I went through it myself when I first moved to the UK, and to a lesser extent, the other countries I've lived in. It does get better, but it takes time. Took me 4 years to feel settled in the UK and now I have some very good memories of my time there.
Having said that, although I ended up enjoying my time in each place I lived, none of them were home and I am loving being back in Australia.
For some people (me included) there is no place like home
Mairi
PS. Have you tried posting this on the "Returning to UK" forum ?
Aug 26th 2004, 1:58 am
#14
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Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Originally Posted by Mairi&Chris
For some people (me included) there is no place like home
?
How true!
, as I know only too well . But I do not want to influence anyone else with their decisions.. only they know how they feel. What suits one doesn't suit another.
But I would suggest not burning bridges, little things like get citizenship before she leaves. To keep the door open. Take a look at some others on here ( I think it was AC diamond who lived in Aus, then went back to Uk, then returned to Aus when he felt it was Aus where that he belonged..).
It's sensible to leave doors open, and not burn your bridges.
Aug 26th 2004, 2:02 am
#15
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Re: Regrets about moving back??? Help!
Originally Posted by fillyjane
thanks for that Mairi, If nothing else it will be a learning curve! How do i put this on the above mentioned forum?? Like i said I'm very new!!
you could either send a PM to the moderators asking them to move it for you or you could click this link http://britishexpats.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=61 and start a new thread (just cut and paste your original post into the new thread).
Regards
Mairi
PS. forgot to say before ... good luck and happiness whatever decision about NZ you make.