kirsty&al

Made me giggle. Cheers al

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Anastasia Beaverhausen

I was seriously asked this by someone I used to work with. Some people!!

Dawniebee

Oh that is hilarious!

Mind you - when I came here 15 years ago I wondered why there were so many people (not kangaroos) on the streets.

zenamethyst

A friend I know who works in a Costa coffee hut in Edinburgh gets asked these kinds of stupid questions all the time. (Mainly by Americans!) The best one he told me was some American tourists who asked him 'do they put up the castle every year for the festival?' and they were serious!!!!! He just said 'yeah and it takes them the rest of the year to take it down again!' To witch the American guy said 'geez that a nice touch for us tourists!!!!!!'

OzTennis

Very good and reminiscent of the one that gets posted here from time to time with the entries from the aeronautical engineer's logbook.

Mind you BE's is sometimes like this with questions such as where would you recommend where it is sunny and warm all the time (A The Simpson Desert, except it does rain from time to time), will I still be able to get M & S underwear (A yes, on your trip back home or in parcels from the rellies), do they have any decent schools there (A nah!), what is going to happen to the exchange rate (A if we knew that we wouldn't be doing this for a living) etc.

OzTennis

OzTennis

The best one I've had is from an extremely poshly spoken 'Home Counties' lady who was a little challenged in the intellectual stakes but had obviously married into money or been born in the right bed (not a female member of the Royal Family I hasten to add).

Q: is everything really upside down in 'Oarstralia'? A: yes, but when you are there you tend not to notice it. 'How fascinating'.

The best American tourist one I've heard was told to me by the doorman at a hotel in Dublin. A group of elderly American ladies (obviously on a whistle stop tour of Europe) asked for a taxi to take them to ........ Buckingham Palace. (Mind you the President of that country asked Charlotte Church which part of England, Wales was in).

OzTennis

Laurie1st

I came to Oz for a visit in December. I celebrated Christmas with my family before I left. My grandmother said to me, "Jimmy (her name for my grandfather) says that it's June in Australia!" I said, "Well, it's summer, but it's still December." I was met with a very confused stare. Sheesh.

Brissiegirl

when I first started working here in the UK, a few of my more naive work colleagues asked do we really have koalas and kangaroos hopping around in our gardens? and are they nice pets?? they were very genuine in thinking that we do in Oz..

OzTennis

'Skippy the Bush Kangaroo' (now on sale for £1 on DVD in Poundland) has a lot to answer for!

OzTennis

Brissiegirl

ooh lovely... I remember watching the original as a kid don't recall ever liking it that much.. I preferred to watch In the Wild with Harry Butler..

JackTheLad

Well, koalas don't hop, but I do hear one honking away in the background as I type.

I thought their mating season finished a couple of weeks ago. I think this guys a bit late, maybe looking for any desperate left-over girls...

Cheers,
JTL

OzTennis

And - The Henderson Kids (filmed at Williamstown in Melbourne a lot) and starring a very young Kylie Minogue - probably the same height then but ....

OzTennis

Brissiegirl

crikey.. totally forgot about that show!! I have vague recollections of some other show with kids in that starred a young Nicole Kidman too.. my memory is rubbish these days.. must be CJD from eating toxic UK beef

PommieLeague

I remember a kids programme in the 80's called 'Home' or something. Anyone remember it? The music went " home, home, home on the other side..."

NO?

Brissiegirl

hmm doesn't ring any bells with me, but do you remember Aunty Jack?