Qantas - amusing
Feb 2nd 2004 | 11:51 pm
#1
Thread Starter
Free at last!
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 424
From: Sunshine Coast
Qantas - amusing
After every QA flight, pilots complete a serviceability sheet that
conveys to mechanics any problems with the aircraft during the flight
that need repair or correction. The pilot completes the top half listing
the problem, which the mechanics read & respond in writing on the lower
half, the remedial action taken, so the pilot on the next flight of the
aircraft can review the form prior to take-off.
Here are some actual loggeg maintenance complaints & responses.
QA, by the way is the only major airline that has apparently never lost
an aircraft caused by an accident.
P+ The problem logged by the pilot.
S+ The solution & action taken by the ground engineers.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced Left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-Land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 ft. per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME Volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in off-mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right & be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Never let it be said that ground crews & engineers lack a sense of
humour!
conveys to mechanics any problems with the aircraft during the flight
that need repair or correction. The pilot completes the top half listing
the problem, which the mechanics read & respond in writing on the lower
half, the remedial action taken, so the pilot on the next flight of the
aircraft can review the form prior to take-off.
Here are some actual loggeg maintenance complaints & responses.
QA, by the way is the only major airline that has apparently never lost
an aircraft caused by an accident.
P+ The problem logged by the pilot.
S+ The solution & action taken by the ground engineers.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced Left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-Land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 ft. per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME Volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in off-mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right & be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Never let it be said that ground crews & engineers lack a sense of
humour!
Feb 3rd 2004 | 1:14 am
#2
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 7,949
From: Scotland
Some good ones there and well done for spelling the airline correctly. A lot of people on here seem to think Mary Quant founded the airline!
OzTennis
Feb 3rd 2004 | 1:33 am
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 790
From: Doha, Qatar
Re: Qantas - amusing
Originally posted by Houdini
After every QA flight, pilots complete a serviceability sheet that
conveys to mechanics any problems with the aircraft during the flight
that need repair or correction. The pilot completes the top half listing
the problem, which the mechanics read & respond in writing on the lower
half, the remedial action taken, so the pilot on the next flight of the
aircraft can review the form prior to take-off.
Here are some actual loggeg maintenance complaints & responses.
QA, by the way is the only major airline that has apparently never lost
an aircraft caused by an accident.
P+ The problem logged by the pilot.
S+ The solution & action taken by the ground engineers.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced Left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-Land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 ft. per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME Volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in off-mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right & be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Never let it be said that ground crews & engineers lack a sense of
humour!
After every QA flight, pilots complete a serviceability sheet that
conveys to mechanics any problems with the aircraft during the flight
that need repair or correction. The pilot completes the top half listing
the problem, which the mechanics read & respond in writing on the lower
half, the remedial action taken, so the pilot on the next flight of the
aircraft can review the form prior to take-off.
Here are some actual loggeg maintenance complaints & responses.
QA, by the way is the only major airline that has apparently never lost
an aircraft caused by an accident.
P+ The problem logged by the pilot.
S+ The solution & action taken by the ground engineers.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced Left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-Land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 ft. per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME Volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in off-mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right & be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Never let it be said that ground crews & engineers lack a sense of
humour!
Last edited by Majj; Feb 3rd 2004 at 1:40 am.
Feb 3rd 2004 | 1:34 am
#4
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 29
Thank you for that.
I had a good laugh!
I had a good laugh!
Feb 3rd 2004 | 1:43 am
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,017
From: Coogee, Sydney
Re: Qantas - amusing
Originally posted by Houdini
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right & be serious.
Never let it be said that ground crews & engineers lack a sense of
humour!
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right & be serious.
Never let it be said that ground crews & engineers lack a sense of
humour!
Feb 3rd 2004 | 4:53 am
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 50
From: North London
Originally posted by OzTennis
Some good ones there and well done for spelling the airline correctly. A lot of people on here seem to think Mary Quant founded the airline!
OzTennis
Some good ones there and well done for spelling the airline correctly. A lot of people on here seem to think Mary Quant founded the airline! OzTennis
Feb 3rd 2004 | 8:46 am
#7
I like kittens.
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,457
From: In my own little world
Originally posted by OzTennis
Some good ones there and well done for spelling the airline correctly. A lot of people on here seem to think Mary Quant founded the airline!
OzTennis
Some good ones there and well done for spelling the airline correctly. A lot of people on here seem to think Mary Quant founded the airline! OzTennis
The advantages of an Australian education!
Feb 3rd 2004 | 8:29 pm
#8
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 7,949
From: Scotland
Originally posted by MrsTurbo
You can tell you're a teacher Oz! Spelling, spelling, spelling (one of my bugbears too!)
You can tell you're a teacher Oz! Spelling, spelling, spelling (one of my bugbears too!)
Emmigrating, Sidney, Straylia, Canbarra, ........................ OzTennis
Feb 3rd 2004 | 11:02 pm
#9
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 425
From: Melbourne, Australia
Re: Qantas - amusing
QA, by the way is the only major airline that has apparently never lost an aircraft caused by an accident.
Feb 4th 2004 | 6:11 am
#11
Anxiously awaiting March
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 779
From: dreamland
Originally posted by MrsTurbo
You can tell you're a teacher Oz! Spelling, spelling, spelling (one of my bugbears too!)
You can tell you're a teacher Oz! Spelling, spelling, spelling (one of my bugbears too!)
Me, too!!!
BTW, PMSL. Excellent
Feb 4th 2004 | 6:17 am
#12
Banned
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 5,094
Funny.
I was an aircraft engineer in the Navy we had similar sheets. Didnt have the funnies on them though.
