Maybe you all know this one, but I got this sent to me today and LOVED it. Enjoy!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform:



Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house.

He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away.



James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.



The third man said the he had married a Yorkshire lass. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. He
said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye; enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper....

Too bloody right!!!

nice one

ps like the new avatar

Thanks

It cracked me up 'cause I was reading it out loud to my mates at work, not realising where it was all heading for - when I got to the line about him being able to see a little on the third day I laughed so hard I fell off my chair.

That Yorkshire lass, that's me now.

brilliant!!!!!!

Ditto

It's sad when you have to bump up your own post - but someone's got to do it

THE NURSING HOME POLICE

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel, and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerated her, and some of the men actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when Fast Eddie outstretched his hand. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit-Kat wrapper, and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold
popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP!" "Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up to him. Harold nodded, and said "Carry on, ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped
out in front of her, stark naked, with a very sizable erection.

Oh, good grief," cried Ethel, "Not the Breathalyser again!"

Classic

10/10!!

LMAO

:d

excellent
sounds like our house!!

You're good at loading the dishwasher then?

There were two elderly people who lived in a nursing home, and usually spent their afternoons together watching television. They would often lie in bed and she would hold his old boy, although she wouldn't do anything more with it.

One day, she's walking down the hall and she passes the room of another female resident. To her surprise, she sees her boyfriend lying on the bed and another woman is holding his old boy.

She storms into the room and shouts, "I thought we had something going for us! Is she better looking than me? Is she younger? What does she have that I don't?"

The old man looks up and remarks with a grin, "Parkinsons."

nice one!

anyone heard the joke about the similarity between an old lady and a pork pie??

sue