Ceri

Just a couple of jokes for you all that I copied , don't know if you've heard them before.. I especially liked the second.. couldn't stop laughing, now I know what to do with rude telephone calls..lol
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A little boy goes to his Dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well,

son let me try to explain it to you this way... I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me 'Capitalism'.

Your Mom, she's the administrator of the household, so we'll call her the Government.

We're here to take care of YOUR needs, so we'll call you 'The People'.

The nanny, well, she works hard all day for very little money, so we'll consider her 'The Working Class'.

And your baby brother... we'll call him 'The Future'. Now, think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what his Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets upto check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks into the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The
father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about".

The little boy replies, "Well, While Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, The People are being ignored, and the Future is in Deep Shit."



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For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone ,don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialled it.

A man answered saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Fred, could I please speak with Robin Arter?"

He replied "Wrong number Ar**h**e" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her.

(I had transposed the last two digits of her
phone number.) After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an A**eh**e!" and I hung up.

I wrote his number down, with the word 'A******e'
next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,

"You're an Ar****le!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'Ar****le' calling would have to stop. So,

I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?

" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an A**eh**e!"

So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first Arsehole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW Ars**ole, too.

I dialled and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an ar****le!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two Ars***les to call. But after several weeks of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

So, I came up with an idea: I called Ars**ole #1.

"Hello?"

"You're an Ars*hole!" (but I didn't hang up).

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you? " he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"I live at 1802 West 34th Street, Ars**ole, a yellow house with my black BMW parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Ar***ole."

Then I called Arsehole # 2: "Hello?" he said.

Hello Ars**ole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, Ars**ole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then, hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.
There, I saw two Ars***les beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew.


Masquerading as a normal person, day after day, is exhausting.

Jirrupin

How true