kellyjs

Well guys the title says it all really. We arrived in OZ in September and stayed in a serviced apartment for a month in the city before deciding on Cleveland to settle. My b/f then went back to the UK leaving myself and two daughters here to get on with our new lives. I've just bought a lovely little villa on a quiet complex and have started to learn to drive which I never thought I would ever do! My 12 year old is having the time of her life, has made loads of new friends and is hardly ever at home. Now here comes the bad bit...I have sent off tons of job applications, attended interviews galore and still cant find a job, money is running out and watching the dwindling bank balance is STRESS! But the main thing that has tipped me over the edge is my 14 year old daughter. She is finding it so hard to settle and is constantly depressed. Shes not made any friends in the almost 2 months at school and is even being bullied. The schools reaction to this? She needs to toughen up! Its breaking my heart that shes so sad and I feel so guilty for dragging her over here just as she was about to start her GCSES's. So this morning I have contacted two local schools with better reps. Then after much consideration, I just emailed her old school in the UK to find out how longs shes got before she will be too behind on her gcses than everyone else. As I pressed the "send" button it hit me that this is the start of the downward spiral before booking those flights home. I realy dont know what to do for the best

jad n rich

Can you not try a change of high school before you make a final decision. Only a few schools have boundary areas here, (the overcrowded ones) so you will probably quite easily find another school to take her, it could make all the difference.

Know the toughen up response two of ours are real sporty, one is not, he copped bullying so hard at first, got called a gay, then a homo and best of all a faggot all this at age 7 just cause he didnt really like footy sports, wasnt even all sports hes a brilliant surfer, anyway changed school, changed class and eventually found a nice pack of academic kids, Only thing is now, his best mates are singaporean and american and both lots will be leaving OZ this year. Come january will be doing it all again

kellyjs

Yup we will be changing school first to see how it goes. Only problem is that she wanted to study spanish and french and I made a big deal of finding a school that taught either. So thats the reason why we picked the schools shes at. The others only teach Japanese and Indonesian. I've emailed them and asked if there was any way she could study via distance learning. If I had my time over again I wouldve waited until she had done her gcses first. I wanted to move over when they were younger but it took 4 years for the application process!
What pees me off is the huge government campaign against domestic violence here and then you go my daughters school where the boys actively bully girls! and I dont mean pulling pig tails, shes had some horrible stuff said to her. whats all that about?! and what kind of message are those teachers giving by not doing anything about it?!

jad n rich

Bullying policy used to be fairly good, trouble is last year it went all PC which is crap IMO of course, but the victim and the bully are now treated equally In my little ones 'faggot' era he was held as responsible for the incident as the kids calling the names, they all got treated the same, and when his singaporean mate got his glasses smashed into his nose, and told to go back to where he came from, same thing, nobody to blame, no victim, just a general talking to from someone up the office. I know they have to keep a written report on those incidents tho, but my guess is its probably more to protect the school than the kids.

wayne/kerrie

oh kelly your not on your own my son is 14yrs and feels the same he is so homesick , he is not being bullied thank god but he still gets real upset and wants to go back .

we have been here for 4months and feel we should give it longer ,we are about to move in a area where kids are and getting a house with a pool ..

anyway we have rented this property for another 6months if he is no better then we will have to pack up and go back .

he has made a few mates at school but he says they are not the same has the uk kids .

Also he feels really guilty because he know the time and money we have put in to making the move and you may find your daughter feels that way too , we have told him we only want whats best for him .

good luck and take care

kez x

Juliecabs

Kelly, I've pm'd you.

Julie. x

coggerocks2

When I was 15 my parents moved house in the UK. I hated the new area and school and hassled them for ages about it...but in the end it was there decision not mine and I am glad for that...

I belive you have to live your life not your kids (or you your families). When he grows up - he can make his own decisions?

sme

oh KellyI really feel for you. Its my nightmare scenario. I think you ought to talk to your kids about theirs and your worries, fix a deadline date of when to go back to the UK but give it an adequate amount of time to see if things settle for your eldest. Try the changing schools approach as well . Remember she can do her GCSEs at any age even if its a year later.

I hope it goes well

Gillian

flip

Do try the change of school, we moved from one school which was ok to another which seemed similar on paper but is fantastic in real life. The principal or teachers make the school so don't give up on her and try a new school out, taking her round to all contenders, explaining the issues and seeing what their policy is.

Our second school suffered a very tearful little girl in her first week but they went out of their way to help her settle, finding her choice of friend to sit with, leaving all talk of camp till a later day, even arranging an appointment for her to see a social worker and/or counsellor (we were almost repeating the break of moving to Australia by changing her school and home on the same day almost exactly 12 months after we'd first moved).

I know my child is a lot younger but the settling in process is pretty much the same. Find a friend and not have to put up with idiots and bullies.

All the best.

Lord Pom Percy

Try a different school,and if that does'nt work try another one, its alot easier changing schools then changing countries.

iPom

Definitely change schools. It sounds horrid. Poor thing.

IMO and this is only an opinion, I truly believe you have to give it a year here before you decide to go back. 4 months just isn't enough... It's taken me 6 to find friends and settle in. It's not easy, but try to commit to a year and then, if nothing is better, definitely go back if that's what you want to do.

louise4

Hi Kellyjs, really feel for you. the guilt thing with emigrating is huge isn't it.

The thing to keep in mind is that she really will settle down. All kids go through this at some stage even if it is falling out with her usual friends back in the uk and having to find another circle of friends to be with, after all, girls will be girls (i have three )

You have probably already tried it, but can you make her homelife an extension of school. i.e have as many kids home for tea as she likes. maybe take her to school and ask her to point out the kids she would like to make friends with and invite them over (ask thier parents first though ). we did this when we went over and it just makes the other kids accept them without fear of going against the grain in school.

sorry if i have stated the obvious, and whatever way it goes good luck.

Louise

luvit

Hi

As others have said, try other schools, my son is 11 and after 4 years sometimes still feels like the "odd" one out and as you say it breaks your heart to see them hurt.

With work, I applied for stacks of jobs and was very disappointed with the "you have no aussie experience" but after 3 months, 30 applications and many interviews I got a job.

I know its easy for us to say but dont give up, things will turn around for you go with your heart. Good Luck

iPom

imo, the 'odd one out' is usually an exceptionally bright child who doesn't fit in with the crowd mentality.
I find these children can be extremely sucessful, leaving most of their classmates standing in the career stakes. It is possible to find them the right school though, but sometimes it takes dedication, or money, or both, to find the best place for them.
In some respects, I am not sure that certain children EVER feel comfortable in schools but it's something they have to cope with.

luvit

[QUOTE=iPom]imo, the 'odd one out' is usually an exceptionally bright child who doesn't fit in with the crowd mentality.


I tend to agree, (not to boast, so don't have a go at me) but my son is a bright child who fortunately does not have many problems at school, he is also quite verbal so talks his way out of many things.

He is due for High School Jan 08 and we are considering all options and will probably go with "pay" school.