curbo

Hi Everyone
A little advice would be appreciated.
Having moved to Melbourne in 2003 and lasted 13 days (yes 13 days)totally lost the plot, extremley homesick
i have spent the last 3 years in tourment, did i do the right thing, should we go back to Oz. Our visas now have 18 months left and time is running out fast. Does anyone have advice of how they coped with the homesickness and being out of their comfort zone, or has anyone freaked out the same and what is their situation now.
Any advice would be appreciated
yhanks

bezzanbob

Seeing as no one else has responded and rejection does hurt ....

13 days does seem a tad short to make a final decision so try again - but give it a tad longer this time

Lived in Aus for a year - took 6 mnths to get over being away from all we knew and 6 mnths to get used to the disappointment of going home.

Bezza

p.s. PR can be v.hard for some people to attain - use it or lose it

moneypenny20

There have been some who lasted even less time but not many. When you say "we" who do you mean, if it's just the other half, both sit down and really discuss what you want; if it's children as well it will be harder because you don't sound 100% sure you want to do it.

Was it homesickness or people sickness or was it just complete terror about what you had done, have your circumstances changed? was the problem Melbourne? There are so many things you have to ask yourself because only you know. Are you happy with the life you have in the UK, how often do you see your family and friends.

A lot of people who go back do so because they have extremely close relationships with various members of their families - normally a daughter misses her mum especially if they live around the corner and pop in for tea every day.

You might want to look in at the "moving back to the UK" forum. There are stacks of people who decided for whatever reason to go back to the UK and also quite a few who are ponging back here because they realise that it is Australia they want.

Home or people sickness is something you can either work through, knowing it is going to happen or let it take you over and then it's hard to have good days. I don't know how you work through it because I have never suffered it.

All the best to you though. I would hope you give it another go, being as you have that "what if" itch now. Lose the visa and you might have it forever.

haggis supper

I'll explain our approach and maybe that will help.

We moved to Melbourne in August 2004 - myself, wife, and 2 kids aged 3 and 5. It was a huge move but made easier as the employer here paid for the move, arranged visas, medicals etc and assigned an agency to help with the logistics.

We accepted that for 3-6 months life was likely to be very different, that we would experience highs and lows and that we would suffer frustrations, anger and despair. We agreed that no matter what happened we would get through this period and deal with whatever came our way. We also realised that if we were unhappy it may last longer than 6 months but to truly settle into the country, meet new friends, have the kids accepted at school etc etc it would take time. We made a lifestyle choice and we want to be here for good - and therefore we could accept unhappiness for a small period of our lives.

Obviously we talk about life here on a daily basis but will not seriously consider going home until 18 months is up. If were unhappy at that point (for whatever reason) we would seriously consider going home.

As it happens we are very happy, very settled and love life here. In many ways it has been easy to settle - getting houses, cars, insurance, setting up gas, electricity etc has actually been straightforward. But it is a huge step and our homesickness kicked in after 4 months. The "holiday" period was over, things were no longer new and we started noticing the less desirable side of life more and more. We have a great social life already and have made some excellent friends but do still feel like strangers, we don't recognise sportsmen/women, politicians, pop stars etc. We don't know about the history, we don;t know the tv programmes but that will come through time.

We do miss friends and family and other bits and pieces and at times I've wanted to go home - but these feelings quickly pass and I know for certain that this is now our home and going back to the UK would make us all very unhappy.

Everytime we've been a little down we've gone to the beach, gone to a park, walked around Melbourne, headed off to Ballarat, Philip Island, Lakes Entrance, Great Ocean Road or just up to St Kilda for a coffee and a chill. Our kids swim, go body boarding, play golf and play tennis. They are confident and outgoing - such a positive change from life in the UK. There are certainly downsides to the move but there are many more positives - especially if you have young children.

Getting a social life is critical. Join some clubs, if you have kids then you are likely to meet other Mums, do whatever it takes to meet new people. That will really help.

In terms of advice I was seriously ask why you want to come here. If you felt that unhappy and homesick after 13 days why did you come and what excatly did you miss so much ?! If you are not committed or unwilling to accept periods of unhappiness then such a move is really not for you. This is not nirvana, this is not the perfect life that some may make out so you need to be prepared for that. You will be sad, lonely, upset, frustrated and angry but if you accept that and get through it the chances are you will have a wonderful experience.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need any further advice.

Incidentally, I'd change the title of your post, you may get more responses !

Cheers
Colin

movetoperth

By the fact that you have spent the last 3 years in torment then you are obviously not happy with your decision and your currnent life. This is obviously something you have to put to bed one way or another. You need to decide whay you ran back before, was it your reaction to being away from family and friends, was it your reaction to the place, was it something else???
If it was your reaction to Melbourne then try somewhere else.

Had you visited australia before? if not them maybe a holiday where you can visit various cities would be beneficial to help you make your mind up.

Whichever you choose don't put too much pressure on yourself, that in itself is enough to make you take the next plane back, try to relax and chill out and take the time to find out what australia has to offer you.

Good luck whichever way you go and stop beating yourself up

Lynn

kt.2006

Your situation is one that I can relate to. Mind you I have managed to last for longer than 13 days . We do like it here and our kids love it. However I wish we had never emigrated as I now know that I need my comfort zone and that we probably had a mid-life crisis coming here as we liked our life back in the UK. However nothing can prepare you for the feelings you get when you come to Australia and start to miss everything, especially family and friends (apart from NZ you can't get any further away).

Our life was put on hold coming out here and now it feels put on hold deciding whether to go back. I would also be concerned that if we returned to the UK we would still put our life on hold thinking that there is still time on the visa to go back to Australia

I miss all the things in my comfort zone that I took for granted and even were slightly bored with in the UK. I have found moving here very stressful and we have lost lots of weight over it, which is good in a way .

You live in what many people would consider to be a lovely part of the UK. You don't say what your circumstances are and whether you have family but if you do and you need to find a new job, house, schools, car, friends think how stressful that could be.

However only you know what will be best for you. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best.

smiths

Hi

I can appreciate what you're going through. We emigrated to Oz in 1997, first to Adelaide then Melbourne then Brisbane as we were not happy in the first two places. Luckily hubby managed to get jobs in all three cities quite easily. After two years and one week we came back to UK. Due to mainly missing the family, but I think you remember things through rose tinted specs. personally I regretted the decision to come back even though it was my idea in the first place. After being back 6 years we've decided to give it another go. We've had to apply from scratch and was granted our
PR visas 16 March 2006. Haven't told the folks that we're going back. Just beleive that Oz has more to offer than UK especially for our kids who are 12 and 13. Everything seems such a struggle here and so expensive, and besides I wouldn't be opposed to coming back to visit every year or so. I feel guilty for leaving the folks behind but you have to do what you beleive is for the best.......you're only here once!!!! Hopefully we leave in August heading for Brisbane

Have a serious think and go for it

Heather

bezzanbob

Heather,

Your post is akin to ours exept - we validated and even got a job offer - but never went perm. Masive (but well placed) regrets.

Visa ran out 2 years ago and since then we have lived in limbo. To some extent previous job held us back but a move this Sept. means we are increasingly ready to take the plunge. Our 2 girls (8 and 3 1/2) know how much we enjoyed our time in Aus - have lived there before on exchange programme - and how fixated we are with it all

Considering starting again along the STNI route

Bezza

Cheetah7

I think the shortest stay was someone that had arrived in Brisbane, got halfway to the hotel and came back.

I wonder what other shortest stay stories there are.

Panic can make a person make a rash decision.

iPom

IMO, you need to give it a year there before you make any decisions. It's hard enough moving to a new town in the UK and making new friends... just think how it is in a completely different country.

My only advice, don't live with regrets.

Mctree

It's normal to move to another country and think "OMG! What have I done?", and the first reaction is to run back to your comfort zone, rather then face the stresses of settling in to your new environment.

All I can say is, IMO, the first six months are the worst, the longer you stay the easier it gets; and after three "moves", my first gut reaction upon landing is to get back on the plane (before I'm even out the airport).

storms

My uncle moved to Aus and lived there 2 years.

He returned home, feeling homesick felt he gave it a good shot.

Just before his visa ran out, 3 years later he decided that life there was better and went back.

He's been out in Aus for 20 years now and only regrets that he did come back, however, he did say he would never have realised how much he missed if he had not returned

Storms

curbo

Thankyou all for your kind hearted and well meaning replies.
I suppose i should have given you the full story
I am 44 years old and Back in 2000 we were invited to visit Sydney be a friend who is Australian and works in the same industry as me(signmaker). We flew out for a 7 day visit leaving our 4 beautiful children at home. The first day or two our feelings were it was not for us (jet lag i suppose). Even though by the end of the 7 days the promised job offer did not materialise we did not want to leave. So on returning to the UK we started the visa process. During which time we realised that although we had been happy in Sydney it was to expensive, then we looked at Perth and finally after some persuasion by people we met at Snadown who had settled in Melbourne we decided to head there.
When we landed in 2003 with all 4 children the taxi drive took us way out into the sticks (through Berwick then 5 miles further on) where our friends had booked us into a cheap motel. It was then that the panick started it felt like the edge of the world and once this feeling had started i was on a downward spiral, finally dragging everyone back to England.
I guess that i was just not prepared to feel so much like a fish out of water and really regret not heading to Sydney.
So now with my eldest sitting GCSE's and booked to go onto do A levels i think we are stuck.
The thought of heading back to Sydney and trying to start a new business (i am self employed in England and have been for 20 years)just seems to daunting. So who knows which way it will go.

iPom

You know, you are never 'stuck'... Children adapt, even with a different education system.
Whatever you decide, I hope you make the right decision for you and end up with no regrets. Regrets are horrible and they eat away at you for years.
If you've got the opportunity to do something good for you and your family, I say 'GO FOR IT!'

haggis supper

I can certainly understand your concerns. When we landed in Melbourne it was a cold wet and dark August morning. We were staying in the CBD in a horrible, small apartment. The first few places we looked at were horrible and the estate agents were awful. We took the same route out to these places and it was through a fairly dreadful, run down area. For the first few days this was all I saw of Melbourne and I hated it. Truly hated it and wondered what the hell had I done. However the sun began to shine, we found our way around the city, we made a point of being crazy tourists and went out every weekend and we quickly fell in love with Melbourne. Like all places it has good and bad but the good by far outweighs the bad.

We took the view of what's the worst that can happen ?! Even if after 18 months or 2 years we decide to go home it will have been a hell of an experience. If we decide to leave then we can say that we came, we made the most of it, we lived in a different country, in a different culture, the kids will have had a new experience and we saw and enjoyed some wonderful things.

Don't have any regrets.