Originally posted by neal
Have just read Janeyray's post and I do completely agree-most peoples parents have worked hard emotionally and physically for their children all their lives and are now desperately sad to see them go to the other side of the world.More than a thought for how hard it is for them to be left behind ,and miss out on grandchildren growing up especially ,is essential and should come naturally to all of us who love our parents and don't want to see them unhappy....BUT...and this is only my opinion....they should equally want us to be happy and live our lives to the full and should feel a great sense of acheivement that their children are emotionally,physically and financially sound enough to contemplate such a huge life change-surely the biggest compliment to any parent is this??
I have a daughter-I miss her every day even whilst only at school and can't imagine not having her in my life every day.I tell her I miss her and it is the right of every parent to tell their children how they feel about them whether that makes us feel guilty or not.BUT we're not talking normal expression of feelings here-we seem to be on a completely different(and in my opinion unhealthy)level.The things that the parents/in-laws have been saying to those on this thread are totally controlling and hurtful.My parents are desperately sad that I'm going but they've managed to express that without crushing guilt-trips/with-holding of affection/with-drawing of favours or help/silent treatment/nastiness etc etc the list goes on if you read this ,and previous threads on this subject.The parents who demanded their sons Uni.fees back because he wanted to emigrate-the"after all I've done for you"train of thought-that can't be right surely???
I don't profess to have any idea of how it must feel to be the ones left behind-it must be utterly heartbreaking and I think those feeling this way should be shown much sensitivity.But it works both ways and I have been shocked at the way a lot of peoples families have treated them over their news to emigrate-I don't think the things that have been said and done are acceptable however much hurt is being experienced.
I suppose I seem quite hard on this subject-I'm not,I cry most nights at the thought of leaving people I love(HRT might help on this one!!)but our parents have made choices in their lives that suited them.My husbands mum remarried someone he didn't get on with and moved him down from Liverpool to The midlands which is a million miles to a 15 yr old boy,but it was what was best for her at the time and she had to live her life for herself.What we're all doing is surely the same thing-making choices that suit us but not necessarily those around us?
I won't waffle on you'll be pleased to know...I think I've made my point...!!!Mrs.Neal

Originally posted by neal
Mrs.Neal here after an afternoon/evening with the in-laws("we might aswell be dead if you're emigrating").Thankfully they go home when we put our daughter to bed so it's all over early!!
Tried the "upfront"approach ie:talking about houses etc in OZ regardless of the atmosphere and it was quite interesting.We were verging on disaster (akin to walking on nails)when the conversation turned to how they were going to get our daughters birthday/Christmas presents to her.Chancing my arm(and several other parts of my anatomy)I suggested that maybe they could bring them out themselves and have a 6 week holiday into the bargain(being the outspoken kind of gal that I am)...initial response-not good(quote)"oh as easy as that...",to which I replied(in " I'm taking hRT now and can be REALLY patient about this mode" )"I didn't say it was easy but we'd love you to come and are as upset about not seeing you as you are at not seeing us".I also made the point that I also hate flying(mother-in-laws reason for not coming out)but it's a bloody long walk.Follow this with an awkward silence and you get the picture.
However a surprising turn of events resulted from this rather risky approach and M-I-L turned to F-I-L and said"would you get on a plane and go?",to which he said a BIG YES straightaway!!!This did throw her as she looked a bit unsure of herself after that SO we think the first seeds have been sown.
Thankgoodness.
Time for a long lie down in a hugely dark room....there is hope..
Mrs.N