robertnhelen

OMG, after being here for 3 months my 8 year daughter said to me this morning she hates it here and wants to go back to England to be with our family and friends. All i could do was hug her and tell her it will be alright. We speak to family and friends often via phone and msn. I have asked her lots of times if she's ok and enjoying life in Australia and she's always said "yes i love it" She's made lots of friends through school and even has them come over. She does after school activities as she did in England, we've tried to keep things normal in that sense. I'd say we actually spend more time together as a family. I just want her to feel happy. Anyone with the same problem, if so how do you deal with it?

Helen

jopaul

Hi Helen

i have had the same problem with my 6 year old and 9 year old both girls. we have been here just over 3 months.my 6 year old is ok now, but my 9 year old, did alot of dancing in the uk and just doesnt seen bothered about it here. the other day she also told me that she wants to go back to the Uk as she misses dancing and her friends.
they have both made friends here and have been invited to peoples houses.but it is hard. i bet you feel it too not being with your friends, i know i do. however i have reminded her that she can phone them whenever she wants to and write and send emails. but i suppose its not the same. i think what makes things worse is that people dont stay in touch and that has hit her hard, the old "out of sight "saying.
however i ask her if she would like to join any clubs or have someone over for tea etc. i also sat her down talked to her about what we have here and how lucky we are to have the sea close by and said that i too missed my friends and my mum but this was a great adventure and we were only a phone call or a plane ride away.
it is hard particulary as you proberely came here, like me for the children to give them a better opportunity. they do say the first 6 months are the worst.
i am sure she will settle down and all i am doing is just listening to her.

i really know what you are going through.but you sound like you are doing everything you can. keep your chin up

take care Joxx

artep

Hi Helen

Sorry to hear your daughter is struggling...you're at the time where the 'honeymoon' period is over & you've settled into a daily routine. The excitement of your move is over & i think she's prob just hit the low everyone goes through when they emigrate. I know we all went through it..but now 3 years down the line we're completely settled & would never consider moving back as Australia is definately our home for keeps. My kids are 12,15 & 18 now & the move was hard for them at different times. But now they adore it here. My advice would be to remain positive with her...encourage her to have her friends over to play/sleepover & get her involved with lots of out of school activities (as long as your working day allows) to keep her busy.

When my kids went through it, I never showed them I was anything other than completely happy & sure we'd made the right choice....others may slate me for this but I believe you have to show your kids you are confident in what you've done....even if you're doubting it. Everyone has their 'wobbly' moments but you have to give Australia at least 2 years to know for sure if the move was right for you. If you show them you're doubting your move they will very soon pick up on this & they will be more upset than ever. You have to show them you're strong....you're the one they look to to feel safe after all..

So stay strong, she will come through this & will be happy...I would put money on it!

Good luck

rebnatoli

We've been here 10 months and my 9 year old still wants to go back - it is difficult because the rest of us don't - she has joined lots of things and has friends but probably hasn't quite got the group of best friends that she had in the UK - they were lovely, still keep in touch and even I miss them.

I do think it is getting better over time though and I don't hear as many complaints now as I did. Some children settle immediately but others take longer - you just have to be as supportive as possible and keep pointing out the good things.

MonkeyBoySteve

That could be the problem. Make it less often.
Out of sight, out of mind.

moneypenny20

Might be worth trying for a while. I'd say something probably happened at school that she doesn't want to talk about if it's come out of the blue like that. Perhaps a child has said something she didn't like. I'd investigate further. Of course they will miss friends and family but they are so young for stuff like that to come out for no apparent reason.

To JoPaul I'd say I would just take your daughter down to the local dance group and let her see it and try it without discussing it. She may be imagining all sorts, including that she may think she's letting the UK friends down by going to a different dance group from them. Kids get funny ideas in their heads. If she loved dancing in the UK it seems vey odd that she's not prepared to try it.

Whilst they are humans with their own wants etc, they still need pushing to do stuff but it shouldn't be seen to be pushing

Good luck and give it time.

Issie

Aaaahhhh poor thing !

She will be right though....just give her time

Hugs x

bluekipper

Hi, I feel for you as when the kids are sad it makes you sad, alls I can say is it will get better, my eldest loved OZ when we live there, she loved the attention -she was 15, my youngest was only 11 and hated it for a full yr ,but just before we returned bk the UK ( for good) she said one day `I could stay another year you know mum`, typical! so hang on in there, she will settle, just like someone else said, some kids take longer than others, when my youngest used to say she felt sad and missed home, we`d go for a walk and get an icecream and chat about it.

good luck

bluekipper

robertnhelen

Well thanks for the kind words guys, you think you're so alone, but really there's so many of us in the same boat. Our daughters come home tonight from school and seems to be ok, i've not said anything to her, just tried to be normal (as i can be anyway!!!!) Will see how things pan out and gently find out if anything else is bothering her as suggested.

Thanks again

Helen

Wendy

My daughter says that a lot, she's 8 too. But when I ask her if she wants to go back she talls me that she just wants to see people then come straight back here!. She is probably just going through a missing people stage, we all get them from time to time, give her a hug and tell her it's going to be OK.

eddie007

8 months down the line ...

my 17 year old now loves it (it used tio be that we ruined her life bringing her here...blah blah blah)

11 year old loves it but misses out cats and his grandparents a bit.. but only if we mention them

9 year old appears to have fewer friends here but LOVES it misses no one and nothing

7 year old is not settling well, he was never teased much at his uk school becasue evryone had known him from pre school, he gets bullied here because of his facial disfigurement and his speech problems.. That bit crucifies me... most of the time he is ok with it all but he misses home the most...

moneypenny20

That's terrible What are the school doing about it?

Nu-Shooz

Difficult this one. My 8 year old seems ok, but still wants to go home. But he's not desperate like the others. I do think the younger they are the more they settle quickly.
I think we do forget that they do have emotions too and not just "shut up and put up, you're just a kid' sort of thing..hope she feels better soon.

eddie007

They are aware of the situation.... problem is that he is comfortable in his own skin and has the old water off a ducks back attitude.. most of the time... the only time we really know what is going on are on the days when he wants to go home...

He will go through life being stared at and thought as different so maybe this is his cross ... I must admit the differences between him and 'normal' kids gets wider as he gets older... It takes a very special kinda kid to be friends with the odd ones like my youngest and he just hasn't found that kid yet...

I hold out hope still that one day he will find local friends who accept him as he is just like they did back in England...

Choice

We have been here for 2 and a half years now and our daughter is now 10. Our daughter got homesick about the same time in as your daughter and so did I. My daughter actually asked if she could put photos of people in UK away for a while as she knew that she felt ok if only she didn't think about them. In my darkest hours with her, I used to promise that we would all give it 2 years (to get our citizenship) and then that if one of still wasn't happy, we would re-assess the situation. The thing is, that thought was the only thing that kept me sane at times too and at least she felt that I was seriously considering her feelings. Sometimes she would just cry but not know why and I am sure that it was just homesickness too. Keep her busy, pamper her a little, have some girlie chats with her, and tell her it is ok to miss people and to have a cry now and again. But then you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and put lots of effort into making this adventure work. Don't forget to be a tourist - kids love spending time with you doing things that they never could have done in UK. Go and see some kangaroos at Cardinia or have a bbq in the park. My daughter loves it here now and openly admits to not wanting to go back. The only real cure for homesickness for us was giving it time and keeping busy. We got a puppy too and he has really helped (me especially).

Even if you're renting at the moment, you could still put posters up in her room to make it feel a bit more special, you can use those special sticky things from bunnings that don't mark the walls. I know our daughter hated renting because she knew that it was not our home long term.

Anyway, hang in there, she will start to feel better and then you will too. xx