Carrianne

Number One Idiot of 2002
> > > >> a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
> the
> > > poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
> > > she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that
> > > the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
> > > daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
> > > conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
> > > poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
> > > bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
> > > [Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.]
> > >
> > > >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Two Idiot of 2002
> > > >> Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
> > > steal a
> > > life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
out
> > > of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
> > > river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
> > > turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
> > > beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
> > > employed at Boeing.
> > > [Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.]
> > >
> > > >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Three Idiot of 2002
> > > >> A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown
> > > Bank
> > > of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put
all
> > > your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his
note
> > > to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the
> > > note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So
> > > he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After
> > > waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
> > > teller.
> > > She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
> > > wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
> > > accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
> > > deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
> > > deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
defeated,
> > > the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as
he
> > > was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
> > > [Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
> > > anyway.]
> > >
> > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number four Idiot of 2002
> > > >> A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
> > > measured
> > > his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in
the
> > > mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he
> > > sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later,
he
> > > received a letter from the police that contained another picture,
this
> > > time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
> > > [Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth
thinking
> > > about)!]
> > >
> > > >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > > >> Number Five Idiot of 2002
> > > >> A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded
> > > all of
> > > the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag,
> > > the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on
> > > the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
> > > cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are
> > > over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
give
> > > it
> > > to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took
his
> > > driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The
clerk
> > > looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
> > > the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot.
> > > The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
of
> > > the robber > that he got off the license. They arrested the robber
two
> > > hours later.
> > > [This guy definitely needs a sign!]
> > >
> > > >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > > >> Idiot Number Six of 2002
> > > >> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
> > > revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved,
> > > the startled first bandit shot him.
> > > [This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.]
> > >
> > > >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot Number Seven of 2002
> > > >> Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
> > > just
> > > throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and
> > > run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
> > > window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on
the
> > > head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was
> > > made of PlexiGlass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that
> > > smarts.
> > > [Give him his sign.]
> > >
> > > >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > > >> Idiot Number Eight of 2002
> > > >> Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked
> > > into
> > > a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun
and
> > > demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
> > > open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion
> > > rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
> > > frustrated, walked away.
> > > [Sign please.] _____________
> > >
> > > Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote

paulf

Very good