OT: A Friday Funny.
Nov 7th 2003, 1:26 pm
#1
A Male Member
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Townsville
Posts: 2,106
OT: A Friday Funny.
Well, WelshBoyBilly said he liked toilet style humour. Who am i not to oblige?
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he
would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had ! put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter?
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers,
I think I got most of them back in."
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he
would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had ! put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter?
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers,
I think I got most of them back in."
Nov 7th 2003, 1:30 pm
#3
Guest
Posts: n/a
ooohhhhh 
that is very good, i have a picture in my head....aaarghhh.
that is very good, i have a picture in my head....aaarghhh.
Nov 7th 2003, 1:32 pm
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
here follows an email i got from a friend who is out in austraslia at the moment with the rugby wc.
Extract from the Latest Mills and Boon Novel, with writing like this
there
really is no need for pictures...!!
We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.
The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those
fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet
whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final
touch to
the most romantic scene.
We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now.
Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance.
I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she
frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.
I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.
Then
as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned
ourselves
to the moment.
Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with
enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself
ending it all too soon. As the sexual tension heightened towards the
inevitable mind blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any
longer.
Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed
all
too quickly.
Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep
orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of
approaching
night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace.
I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good she
had
been.
She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered.........
'Baaaaaaa' and rejoined the flock.
This book is only for sale in New Zealand & Wales.
Extract from the Latest Mills and Boon Novel, with writing like this
there
really is no need for pictures...!!
We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.
The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those
fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet
whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final
touch to
the most romantic scene.
We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now.
Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance.
I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she
frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.
I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.
Then
as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned
ourselves
to the moment.
Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with
enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself
ending it all too soon. As the sexual tension heightened towards the
inevitable mind blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any
longer.
Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed
all
too quickly.
Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep
orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of
approaching
night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace.
I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good she
had
been.
She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered.........
'Baaaaaaa' and rejoined the flock.
This book is only for sale in New Zealand & Wales.
Nov 7th 2003, 1:59 pm
#5
4-1,4-1 i love it,love it
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Ashton Under Lyne,Blue 3/4 of Manchester
Posts: 333
An asian man went into a bank while on holiday in the US to change 2000 Yen.
He handed over his currency to see it replaced by $32.
The next day he did the same, only this time he recieved $64.
The asian man then asked the teller " Why did i recieve $32 yesterday and $64 today ?"
" Fluctations "said the teller.
" Well fluc you Americans too" Replied the Asian.
Sorry.
He handed over his currency to see it replaced by $32.
The next day he did the same, only this time he recieved $64.
The asian man then asked the teller " Why did i recieve $32 yesterday and $64 today ?"
" Fluctations "said the teller.
" Well fluc you Americans too" Replied the Asian.
Sorry.
Nov 7th 2003, 2:53 pm
#6
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 8,147
Originally posted by welshboybilly
here follows an email i got from a friend who is out in austraslia at the moment with the rugby wc.
Extract from the Latest Mills and Boon Novel, with writing like this
there
really is no need for pictures...!!
We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.
The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those
fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet
whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final
touch to
the most romantic scene.
We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now.
Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance.
I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she
frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.
I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.
Then
as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned
ourselves
to the moment.
Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with
enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself
ending it all too soon. As the sexual tension heightened towards the
inevitable mind blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any
longer.
Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed
all
too quickly.
Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep
orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of
approaching
night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace.
I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good she
had
been.
She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered.........
'Baaaaaaa' and rejoined the flock.
This book is only for sale in New Zealand & Wales.
here follows an email i got from a friend who is out in austraslia at the moment with the rugby wc.
Extract from the Latest Mills and Boon Novel, with writing like this
there
really is no need for pictures...!!
We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.
The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those
fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet
whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final
touch to
the most romantic scene.
We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now.
Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance.
I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she
frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.
I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.
Then
as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned
ourselves
to the moment.
Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with
enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself
ending it all too soon. As the sexual tension heightened towards the
inevitable mind blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any
longer.
Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed
all
too quickly.
Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep
orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of
approaching
night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace.
I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good she
had
been.
She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered.........
'Baaaaaaa' and rejoined the flock.
This book is only for sale in New Zealand & Wales.
Ooooooohh!!!!
You are SOOO naughty!!!
but very funny...!!
Nov 7th 2003, 3:23 pm
#7
4-1,4-1 i love it,love it
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Ashton Under Lyne,Blue 3/4 of Manchester
Posts: 333
Hi,
A lady was sat in the doctors surgery upset and depressed because of her flat chest.
She was refered to a Dr. Smith for treatment.
"Now then" said the Dr.
" All you need to do is rub your nipples every morning and recite the following " SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOOBIES, I WANT BIG BOOBIES. But this MUST be done every morning for a week".
Well the lady carried out Dr. Smiths instructions religiously every day, except for friday , whilst travelling to work on the bus she realized she'd forgot her morning ritual. She immediately pannicked, stood up rubbed her nipples and began chanting "SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOOBIES, I WANT BIG BOOBIES."
The man sitting in front of her turned round and asked " Are you a patient of Dr. Smiths"?.
"Yes " replied the lady "How did you know?"
The man in front then leaned across and whispered in the lady's ear " HICKORY DICKORY DOCK..................
A lady was sat in the doctors surgery upset and depressed because of her flat chest.
She was refered to a Dr. Smith for treatment.
"Now then" said the Dr.
" All you need to do is rub your nipples every morning and recite the following " SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOOBIES, I WANT BIG BOOBIES. But this MUST be done every morning for a week".
Well the lady carried out Dr. Smiths instructions religiously every day, except for friday , whilst travelling to work on the bus she realized she'd forgot her morning ritual. She immediately pannicked, stood up rubbed her nipples and began chanting "SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOOBIES, I WANT BIG BOOBIES."
The man sitting in front of her turned round and asked " Are you a patient of Dr. Smiths"?.
"Yes " replied the lady "How did you know?"
The man in front then leaned across and whispered in the lady's ear " HICKORY DICKORY DOCK..................
Nov 7th 2003, 3:35 pm
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Algester,Brisbane
Posts: 158
tfi FridayThanks everyone for giving us a giggle
stef
Nov 7th 2003, 4:17 pm
#9
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by Arron
Hi,
A lady was sat in the doctors surgery upset and depressed because of her flat chest.
She was refered to a Dr. Smith for treatment.
"Now then" said the Dr.
" All you need to do is rub your nipples every morning and recite the following " SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOOBIES, I WANT BIG BOOBIES. But this MUST be done every morning for a week".
Well the lady carried out Dr. Smiths instructions religiously every day, except for friday , whilst travelling to work on the bus she realized she'd forgot her morning ritual. She immediately pannicked, stood up rubbed her nipples and began chanting "SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOOBIES, I WANT BIG BOOBIES."
The man sitting in front of her turned round and asked " Are you a patient of Dr. Smiths"?.
"Yes " replied the lady "How did you know?"
The man in front then leaned across and whispered in the lady's ear " HICKORY DICKORY DOCK..................
Hi,
A lady was sat in the doctors surgery upset and depressed because of her flat chest.
She was refered to a Dr. Smith for treatment.
"Now then" said the Dr.
" All you need to do is rub your nipples every morning and recite the following " SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOOBIES, I WANT BIG BOOBIES. But this MUST be done every morning for a week".
Well the lady carried out Dr. Smiths instructions religiously every day, except for friday , whilst travelling to work on the bus she realized she'd forgot her morning ritual. She immediately pannicked, stood up rubbed her nipples and began chanting "SCOOBIE DOOBIE DOOBIES, I WANT BIG BOOBIES."
The man sitting in front of her turned round and asked " Are you a patient of Dr. Smiths"?.
"Yes " replied the lady "How did you know?"
The man in front then leaned across and whispered in the lady's ear " HICKORY DICKORY DOCK..................
lol
Nov 7th 2003, 5:28 pm
#11
Rushwood, Thornlands, QLD
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Thornlands,Bayside, Qld
Posts: 1,864
...
Woman goes to see to Dr...........
Dr, Dr I think im pregnant........
Nah he replies its wind
Few months later he sees her pushing a pram.......
Dr asks.......... What's that??????
she replies........ a fart with a bonnet on!!!!!!
.................................................. ....................................
Chap goes to the Doctors...........
Doc I think these somethin wrong with me arse.......
Dr ses.......... bend over let me take a look
Doctor has a look........ n pulls out a red rose, and another, and another..........
He said you've got 12 rose us ya arse....... how did they get there.......
chap replies........ I dunno....av another look see if theres a card!!!!!!
.................................................. ...........................................
My grandad.......... hes a lovely chap
hes in court next week for indecent exposure
he was only doin the gardening.........
it said on the seed packet...... prick out every 2 foot....
boomer
xx
Dr, Dr I think im pregnant........
Nah he replies its wind
Few months later he sees her pushing a pram.......
Dr asks.......... What's that??????
she replies........ a fart with a bonnet on!!!!!!
.................................................. ....................................
Chap goes to the Doctors...........
Doc I think these somethin wrong with me arse.......
Dr ses.......... bend over let me take a look
Doctor has a look........ n pulls out a red rose, and another, and another..........
He said you've got 12 rose us ya arse....... how did they get there.......
chap replies........ I dunno....av another look see if theres a card!!!!!!
.................................................. ...........................................
My grandad.......... hes a lovely chap
hes in court next week for indecent exposure
he was only doin the gardening.........
it said on the seed packet...... prick out every 2 foot....
boomer
xx
Last edited by Boomie; Nov 7th 2003 at 5:33 pm.
