kkyliecuteass

hello,
bit drunk so excuse the spelling.....
my sister in law has just told the mother in law thats she leaving for Aus in 8 weeks and she has gone mental. my mother in law has just left my house and she has been screaming and crying she says she can't live without the grandkids and well it couldn't have really gone any worse!!!
its so terrible. she doesn't even know that we have applied!!!
any advice anyone PLEASE.....
XXX

Gra.B

Leg it!

Sorry, that's not much help. Don't know what else to say though, my lot couldn't care less! That's probably not true, but we've had no negatives so far.

I guess you'll have to come clean soon though.....and at least you'll know what to expect

Good luck, she may have come round to it by the morning

Gra...

paulf

Talk her into going too it could be worse you know....my sponsor has dumped on us from a great height saying she can't do it because it has caused friction between her and her husband.

mashiraz

Not much help now, but the earlier you tell people the better, you still get the screaming, but they get longer to adjust, then even to start making the most of the last few months together and so on.

Tell them sooner rather than later, otherwise you might as well leg it.

Hope she does come round, but you are expecting a great deal from her. What reaction did you think you'd get??

Mash...

ellen1

wow your story is so similar to mine! my sister in law told her mum a year a go she was migrating to perth, and my mother in law went beserk, she still cries about it now and has even threatened suicide a couple of times! the problem is that her only sister migrated in the 6o's and died there about 10 yrs ago and she hates australia for taking her sister! my sister in law goes to oz in three weeks and she is still trying to put her off. me and my husband (her son ) decided at christmas we also want to migrate to oz (perth) and although he has told her (during an argument) she does not even mention it. we think she dosn't believe it. when we go it only leaves my mother in law (and father in law, who incidently is fine about it all) with one daughter left in UK, and she wants to go too!, so we are going to work on in-laws migrating too!! if she refuses, it won't stop us, she is in her early seventies, i am 38 hubbies 41, this may be our one and only chance!!

any way best of luck, just keep focussed.

cheers
ellen

karlos

My parents have taken it really well, but my wife’s family hasn't. My dad wanted to emigrate back in the days when cost 10 quid, but my Mum's parents talked them out of it. So he's all "when are you off, and when can we come and stay". Great.

We told everyone when we first applied and the Outlaws were negative from the start. When my wife told them we had got our visas the mother in law lost it.

She's come round a little bit now, but refuses to talk about it. My wife’s sister is the same, to the point that I don't even like socialising with them now because everything is so tense.

It's not an easy thing for people to get their head around. We tell them that we are going for 2 years and will reassess the situation after that. As we've told them, there's nothing to stop them retiring down there or spending extended visits.

Good luck with your troubles. I know what its like.

Karl.

SteveBannister

This may sound harsh but it's honest. What she is showing is pure jealousy and selfishness. She should be old enough to rise above it. We had a similar incident over Easter with my mother in law. It seems the older you become the more childlike you become as well. If she really loves the grandkids, she'll let them go to a better life. If not, then she's doing it for her own reasons. Notice how she said She couldn't live without the grandkids, not how the GRANDKIDS would feel.

Steve.

simonconnor

[I agree entirely with steve. My family were fine about us going and thought it would be great for the children. My wifes mother on the other hand went mad! She has made it quite difficult for my wife and I think this is for selfish reasons. There is no easy answer to this problem other than you have to live your own life and not somebody elses (thats what i tell my wife anyway)

simon

Don

I have to agree with Steve. Your only priority and responsibility is doing what you and your partner think is best for you and your children. Grandparents may have a wise comment or two and some experience to share (though in my case I haven't seen much from our lot!) but are simply not 'number 1' or even 'number anything' in the decision. If I had to give a % to the importance you should IMO attach to any input the grandparents have on your emigration decision, I would think 0.1% is a tad generous to them.

Cheers - Don

liz and mark

Hi
we have had no real problems from the family, father inlaw said it was all pie in the sky and his freezer would thaw first . We recieved letter granting visas thursday and have bought tickets to go in oct, my kids are my mums only gran kids so I feel for her most but she has been good about it with congratulations etc but you can hear in her voice different and we can understand that.She has also decided when she coming to visit. In laws said back along well we wont see you again unless you come back. my reply to that is thats their choice.
Its early days and when family get use to the idea and realize that they can live with you else where Im sure most will just be fine .
I agree you have to do what is best for you and your own family unit, as have our parents.
best wishes
Liz andMark

ayanem

I agree with Steve. Regrettably, as people age, some people, particularly mothers, adopt the approach that because they worked hard to achieve where they are, the rest of the world should now fit in with them. Their offspring are the prime target - well, they always used to do what their mother told them, so why not now? Should the offspring attempt any challenge, it is perceived as having been instigated by their spouse.

I'd love to be able to say that you can change this - I couldn't. With hindsight I wish I'd been a lot firmer earlier on.

Be understanding and sensitive - but be firm. From my experience her demands are more likely to grow than diminish. Of course she's upset, if you were in her position you'd be upset. However, this doesn't give her the right to try to stop you doing what you want.

OK, everone's different, and one shouldn't generalise so if I'm out of order, I apologise.

I wish you all the luck in the world - I suspect you'll probably need it.

Alan

terryg

Unfortunately I'm gonna be a sheep here too and follow Steve. I think it may be partly a state of shcok and partly selfishness. You need to tell here after a couple of days - let the dust settle 1st- you dont want any heart attacks on your hand - her mind and body can only take so much.

You need to sell your case on the fact that she can come and see you all for long peiods whenever she wants (even if you dont want them to). Explain to her that this is your dream and you only get one shot at it. What should be most important to you is your hubby and kids. They are number one and nobody else in my view. You want the best life for them and thats all there is to it.


I wish you the very best of luck

xx

mashiraz

It's alright you all jumping on Steve's bandwagon (although it may be true), but people take time to accept change and you can help steer them through it.

Think about it from their perspective and try and support them whilst they get used to idea, by talking and listening to them.

Can't believe you are prepared to just give ultimatums and buzz off. That's fine if you have no feelings whatsoever, but that would leave a huge weight on our shoulders when we went...

If you don't sort it out, at some point you'll regret it.
My thoughts for what they are worth...
Mash...

dotty

You lot are really tough on the old duck. Have you considered she probably cares about you and she is going to miss you?

Old people throw tantrums but they also face facts. At their age they know they cant travel out to see you and that its unlikely most people here can afford to get back to the UK very often.

I think its easier for people to just call the family selfish or whatever because it makes them feel better. But deep down you know its because its Goodbye.

heading downunder 2002

I agree with dotty, and also what you have to remember it is your dream not theirs and although you are excited and can't wait all they see is that they may never see you again. Their reactions are because they care about you, it would be more worrying if there was no reaction at all.

When we told our families we didn't have any screaming or carrying on (thats not our parents style) but we knew they were not impressed at the idea at all but now looking back with hindsight I understand how they must have felt. My parents both in their 80's and have never left this country would never have visited us out there and they must truly have thought it would be the last time they would have seen us. Hubby's parents would have come out but probably only once or twice (it is very expensive). then like a bad penny we came back and I could see by the looks on their faces how relieved they all were. None them ever said don't do it but I now know the importance of family and I never realised it before.

Susan