Never seeing them again?????
 

Bit of a hard one this? But has anyone gone or is planning to go when there parents are getting on a bit?

Thing is, my wifes' parents are in this category and she is terrified she will never see them again.

How do we get over this obstacle no matter what I say doesnt seem to reassure her, would just like to tell her she is not on her own when going through this.
Any advice is realy appreciated
Thanks

Yes, I can understand what you mean dicko. I really worry that something will happen to my parents, but what can you do - you cannot live your life in fear!!

Sometimes I get really upset about it but I know that if we dont go we will regret it.

Hi dicko

Even though my paents are not very old but since finding out last week its been really tearfull not even booked the tickets yet, But I'm a only child and I will be taking their only grandchildren away from them which does give you doubts in the back of your mind but at the end of the day and i dont mean to sound harsh its your life and you have to do it for yourselves as were only hear once if everyone stayed for their family and friend's nobody would go anywhere thats what i keep thinking and its keeping me going as well. Don't know if you have kids but as upsetting it is they keep telling me we are doing right for the kids and at the end of the day its only a plane journey away (A bloody long one)

good luck & keep us posted

carol :)

Re: Never seeing them again?????
 

Hi Dicko
Mark's parents are in the 70's, my mum suffers from angina and my dad who lives in Wales is also not in the best of health and in a way i can understand how your wife feels but like my hubby says, either of our parents could pass away and we may not have time to get to them, whether we are in the same country, or the other side of the world! My dad had quite a major heartattack a few years ago and i wasn't able to get to Wales to see him for over a week (circumstances beyond my control), which just goes to show that whether i live in the same country or another things happen.
Not sure if this will help but felt i had to respond, hopefully someone else can give you some better advice
with kind regards
rach x

Hiya Guys
Lately I've come to realise that anything can happen - you can't put everything on hold for fear of losing an older relative though. I think that ANYONE with *important* family ties must feel free to take the steps associated with immigration, without worrying that the worst may happen, but you need to put the funds away to come back for an emergency visit/stay if needed. When I say "family ties", I mean siblings & very close friends too.

I would however make sure that you leave on as good terms as possible (unless you don't get on anyway) and make the effort to speak regularly... let them know you love them etc. too. Do you have plans for what would happen with the remaining parent, should one pass away? Don't feel you have to tell me the answer, it's just something I've had to consider lately.
Larissa

Hi dicko

Even though my paents are not very old but since finding out last week its been really tearfull not even booked the tickets yet, But I'm a only child and I will be taking their only grandchildren away from them which does give you doubts in the back of your mind but at the end of the day and i dont mean to sound harsh its your life and you have to do it for yourselves as were only hear once if everyone stayed for their family and friend's nobody would go anywhere thats what i keep thinking and its keeping me going as well. Don't know if you have kids but as upsetting it is they keep telling me we are doing right for the kids and at the end of the day its only a plane journey away (A bloody long one)

good luck & keep us posted

carol :)

Yeh we have 3 kids aged 3,6,11 and their Grandparents dote on them, they are not the only grandkids but we are still taking them away.

I keep saying about them coming to spend weeks with us as they are retired but it really is a long flight for them isn't it and one of our main things to get over homesickness is not to come back for at least 18 months, so what do we do?

It's really not that long a journey... one of my rellies is in her mid 80s and she's managed Ireland to Perth recently... this has really encouraged my own parents.
Have you considered getting webcams etc. ?

Hi

I think most people who go over to Aus will know how you're feeling. My parents are still relatively young, but since I told them I was planning on going back there's been all sorts of recriminations about 'what if someone gets sick' 'what about your grandparents' 'do you know your father has high blood pressure' 'what happens when you have children, how will we see them'..... the list goes on and on - Ultimately though, they are really happy for me. I am doing everything I can whilst I'm home to make sure everyone is as happy as they can be and have made sure that they know there will ALWAYS be an open door policy for them there.

'never' is a long time, I think very few people 'never' see them again.

Try not to worry too much, I think the response's you've had already go to prove you're by no means alone! :)

We've done that already and we're waaaaay off getting a visa yet. I'm sure webcams will help with the homesickness bit, if you can see your family every day - well, every day assuming you have no life when you get there :D

I love my webcam, it cost £14.99 from Argos & I got a headset/mic from Game for £4.99 - I talk to my boyf on it every day and have promised to show my parents how to use it (with msn messenger) before I go. Makes it dead easy to keep in contact :D

Can you get the sound to work with the headset? When I try voice with MSN it crashes my router :mad:. I got around it by downloading Skype (pronounced like 'ripe' if you're interested :rolleyes: ) and with that I can talk, while using the webcam feature of Messenger.

Yeah, it took me a while to figure out, but in the end I just had to take the speakers connection out the back and it was fine :cool:

Is a really nice little headset too, just an ear-piece with a mic coming off it, so I dont feel like an idiot sat in front of the PC with it on and no need to spend a fortune either :)

First time ever leaving a message on here so really hope it ends up in the right place. About leaving your parents, its really tough. We have just started the process of applying and it took me 2 years to come to the decision to leave. My husbands parents are out there and so is my brother so my mum and dad wont have anybody there. But youve got to do what is right for you and your family. We have young children and just feel Australia will give them such a good life. My mum is all for it and who knows she may end up over there too eventually! But I know the guilt does kick in every now and then.

Firstly, welcome! Secondly, I think you're right with this one. Early on we decided that we had to be a bit selfish, which we almost never are. At some point in your life you're gonna have to break the apron strings, as it were.

Re: Never seeing them again?????
 

Hi Dicko

Here's my story.....................I lived 15 mins drive from my folks, I was gettin ready to go and help them with decorating one weekend when I got a fone call from my sis to say Mum was not well and could I come over straight away.........I got dressed asap was just going out the house like 5 mins later when the fone went, it was mt sis to say dont rush its too late.................Mum was only 54 and had been always healthy!!!!!!!!!!

I guess what I am trying to say is tell your wife it doesnt matter if you are 5 mins away or 5 days away, you never know if you are going to see your loved ones again......................you cant live your life thinking like that............you just gotta get on enjoy every day as if its your last..........thats my motto in life.

Hope this helps a little

Love and Hugs
Heather

Re: Never seeing them again?????
 

Got to just respond to that one Heather, my own parents died young so I am totally with you on that my Dad was diagnosed cancer at 51 within 18 months he had gone, and exactly the same as you mum myI received a phone call on sunday afternoon saying my Mum had collapsed, I got to the hospital 10 mins later she was in a coma never got the chance to say goodbye, aged 56 gone.
What I try and say is you cant live your life on what might have been, or what may happen.

good luck with whatever :) and thanks

Re: Never seeing them again?????
 

Hey Dicko,

We should name this the doom thread lol................after my mum died we helped my dad the best we could and thot he was managing real well etc etc after the death of my mum, but despite all our efforts he just could not live without her.....and he died 10 months later of....as the docs said " a broken heart".........this made me more determined to make the move to Oz, and give my two daeling kiddies the best life that I can................you just gotta make the most of what you got....dont spend time wondering about the "what if's!!!!!"

Go for it.........take the chance................and enjoy.

Re: Never seeing them again?????
 

Hey lets bring the post back up again just keep telling ourselves it's for the kids as well as us. :D :D :D

And so what if we have to come back after a couple of years how bad would we feel if at the age of 65 we said to ourselves "I wish we had tried it when we had the chance"
This is what I keep saying to my wife when she worries about her Mum and Dad we have to do it for ourselves and be a bit selfish.


Dont you agree?


And it not like it's the other side of the world !! :D :D :D

Re: Never seeing them again?????
 

Yeah totally agree with ya...you gotta be selfish in this life to get anywhere!!!!!!

And as you say.......go there if you like it stay....if not you come back...at least you can say well we gave it a go...........more than a lot of people have the courage to do!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course it will be hard for your wife to leave her folks.....but you've gotta think of your immediate family unit, and how much they will benefit from the move!!!!

Feel free to get your wife to e-mail me, or if you use MSN messanger I can give you my addy and I could chat to her on there try and put her mind at reat a little!!!

Take Care and good Luck

Heather

Ps Where you hoping to relocate in Aussie?

What if?
 

I went thru the worry of "should I shouldn't I" in 1981 even to the extent of seeing our family Doctor (Dad had a heart problem). His advice was "If by staying here in England you could keep your Father alive for ever-you would stay--you have your life to live just as your parents did" I notice that most of the post's are from women.Here is one from the male perspective. My Dad passed away 14yrs ago--luckily we had gone back in the summer to see Mum and Dad --he was in hospital and I was informed that he may have a few months to live if that(passed away in Dec) Leaving England that time was harder than the first--could not get back for the funeral-no money. I still have the "Guilts" over that. Mum is 88 and not in the best of health-- I dread hearing the phone ring in the early hours of the morning. Would I emigrate again if I could turn back the clock? Yes-only I would have come over a lot earlier.

What sort is it? Do you need broadband? Are they easy enogh to work? Probably silly questions - but really want to know as we've no knowledge of them, and had thought about webcams for parents - not sure we'd be able to teach them though!
Thanks - Maco

Re: Never seeing them again?????
 

Heather
Sorry to read about your parents it is a really sad story. I would like to wish you the very best of luck for the future.
kind regards
Debs

Sorry if this is a bit flippant for what is a very serious issue but frankly if I see my in-laws again it wil be waaaaaay too soon.

My mum comes to NZ regulary cos both me and my sis are here so I will see her again (too bloody often!!).

The only people I might never see again are my grandparents - and they, especially my Grandma, were the most positive ones about the move out of everyone.

In fact the family thing that upsets me most is that I will not be able to be there when my Dad's ashes are interred - and that is mostly anger cos I have been trying to get my lot to agree on the when and where for two years. I move to NZ and Bingo! within a week it is all arranged for when my sister goes over in May. As mum said - it will be nice for all the family to be together for it - meaning grandparents, her, my sister and her little boy. But hey, I am not bitter!

Whats a good life ........
 

This is my first post on the forum. Have been reading postings for four months now. We arrived in perth 15 months ago. Loved it all and still do. Lifestyle is great for our boys. We moved for a better life for them and us. Weather and time being a main reason. Things have not always been easy which you can not expect when moving 12 thousand miles away from home. We are now selling and and moving back. If we could move all our family here it would be a wonderful life. life without your parents,aunties uncles cousin and old friends is very lonely.Children are happy where ever they are as long as they have the love of their parents and a happy home life. We have now realised that its not where you live but how you live your life. We have no regrets. Its been a wonderful 15 months and we will hopefully look at the uk in a new light. I have come to realise that you have to make sarifices in life. This is mine. We can always come back for holidays. You can not get back grandparents watching the grandchildren grow up. If you are taking the plunge. Go for it but look at it as a few years out of the rat race and to have that quality time to get to no each other and your children again. You will definaltly look at life differently. If you decide to stay in your new destination or move back again your life will be richer for the experience. :)

Its a Labtec (quite a large brand if you start looking into it). We do have broadband which'll help keep the picture less distorted I guess, but you dont neeed broadband for a webcam.
Webcam's are VERY easy to work. They usually come with 'plug and player' (you plug it in, the startup wizard does the rest!). I use mine conjunction with MSN (which if you dont have already is dead easy to set up)

You simply open a conversation window up with the person you want to talk to, there are two buttons there. One to start sending your webcam, the other to received the other persons webcam. DEAD easy :D :D

If your parents can use the internet they'll have no problems with this. Out of interest, you can get webcams that have built in mic's, my boyfriend has one of these and I find it quite annoying because it picks up a lot of background noise like the TV as well.

If thats not clear send me a PM and I'll try and reword it for you

Cheers :cool:

Hi

We have been in Melbourne for 9 months now and I still feel bad about taking the kids away from Hubbies Dad!! He is on his own after Hubbies Mum passed away 3 yrs ago and these are his only Grandchildren. He will be 70 next year and suddenly that seems very old.

We have been thinking about returning in a few years to be with him although I suddenly realised that he is getting on with his life and he would much prefer to see us settled and giving the kids this experience than jack it all in for him!!

I guess that you have to think that if your kids moved out, started a family and then a few years on decided to move to a different country how would you feel. I know that I would be happy just knowing that they are enjoying themselves and making the most out of their lives!

Dicko,

I can associate with many of the comments made and those of your wife. 2 very close friends, the first lost his father from a sudden heart attack (did not get to see him) - that brought it home to me as my father was the same age as his father, which is unusually as most people my age have younger parents. That was around 10yrs ago and my father is still around.

My other friends' mother went through the long suffering of cancer only to recover from that to find a terminal brain tumor. Less than 18mths after her death my friends father had a sudden heart attack at Christmas with family. Both her parents were young.

You never know when death can happen, you just know it will and life can be cruel.

My parents are now getting on and it is tough that we will leave, however one intention is that once we are settled we will pay for a flight for them to come and visit, stopping over at Singapore (give a break for his bad back). I would rather spend money to see them whilst they are alive, than keep the money aside for their funerals.

Is there any chance that your wifes parents would be well enough to travel to Oz? It may also give then something to look forward to and if it turns out to be their one and only visit they can die in the reasurance they can picture where you live and the life you are leading. This will probably make them feel happier than them feeling the reason you have not gone to Oz is because you are 'waiting' for them to die.

All the best with this tough decision
walaj

I have a Dad of 89 who I am in the process of relocating to the UK from Portugal. Haven't been able to tell him we are going down under as he will not want to come back here (even though it is best for him at this stage in life).

I have spent years putting my life on hold for him because he kept using the old line 'i will only be around for a few more years'. Well 10 years later, he's still here and we are going. If we wait another 10, I'll be 40!

Its tough but you can't put your life on hold for anybody. ON the plus side, my Mum has said she would like to move out to be with us in the future.

You just have to follow your dreams.
:cool:

It is all about perspective I would say, and you never know what is around the corner for you and any of your family. It is what is in your heart what is important and that you say and write how much you love and miss someone. I migrated to Britain in 1992 and 5 years later I had a phone call i never expected, my 9 year old baby sister died in an accident. I really truly belive it is not how close you live to somebody more about what you say when they are still alive. Thats my two pennies worth.

Re: Never seeing them again?????
 

Hmmm, know this one. My mum was recently diagnosed with cancer which has put our application on hold for the moment. Nobody knows how long she will live - could be 2 years, could be 22. She is adamant that we all go and get on with our lives.

Best thing I can suggest it starting up an emergency fund so that there is always a bit of money handy for getting a flight home if one of her parents gets sick. That's what we're doing.

One thing I've learnt from my mum being sick is that life really is too short, and you can't put things off waiting for something to happen. It's no way to live. You have to get on with it and deal with things as they happen, but still be prepared if the worst does happen.

I think this is the one problem that everyone moving to Oz will encounter. I am very close to my family and always have been and know that if/when I move to Oz it will be difficult, but I can't always live my life for them.
If I do go and decide that for whatever reason it is too difficult for me then I will come back, but I can then say I did it, but it's not for me, instead of "if only"!!
KayCee

That is so true... :)

Agree with all the posts on here.
I know exactly what you mean and you are not alone.Really hard for us too, my husband is not close to his immediate family but I am close to my Mum and Dad leaving them is going to be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do.But they have said that you have to do what feels right for your family now.Even worse is the fact that that our children love there grandparents so much.My dads health is not good and not sure if he could get over when we go so that will be hard one.
Whatever you do will be hard I have told them if we are really happy then they will just have to come and live with us,but in reality this will not happen.My Mum has said she will come and visit us.I think initially it will be very difficult but as time goes on it may become easier.Who ever said emmgrating was gonna be easy eh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(

I agree - if someone is going to suddenly drop dead it does not really matter if you are next door or 10,000 miles away. The only time it will make a difference is if it is an illness/accident etc that leaves them hanging on for a short time and you do not have the time to get back and see them before they go. A bit morbid that really - though it is natural. I think I prefer to see family/friends when they are happy and well.

I have been here 3 years, my parents are in their 70s. Thankfully they are great (barking mad, but great) and were completely supportive when I told them I was planning to move to the other side of the world for love :)

They have been out here twice - once for our wedding (brother and his family came out then too) and once last year. They took it easy last time - upgraded to business class or something on one leg and had a stop over in Kuala Lumpur on the way out. I keep in touch by phone and email. Never bothered with webcams - after all I never did when I lived in Hampshire and only saw them 3 or 4 times a year, so I saw little point. We did make them a video of out house, the boys etc a couple of years ago - I really should do more of that and send them more pics.

Looking forward to a trip back later this year - my sister has a boy and a girl I have not yet seen and Mum and dad, Sis and Bro have all moved house in the last three years. Come to that so have I - which just goes to show that people tend to get on with their lives.

Cheers,

DagBoy