jayne+doug

Hi folks

This is my first post since arriving in Oz nearly 7 weeks ago now. I have been taking my time to find my bearings and because I've been really doubting my decision to come here I've not been ready to discuss things but the time has come when I need all you expats to help. Doug and I moved here for a more outdoor life which we've got but my main reason was to be near my sister which I've also got. Infact perhaps too near. She lives 2 doors away from me!! We are getting on but I feel that she wants to help us so much we are unable to make new friends. We also have the added stress of Doug being unable to find a job. He is a pharmaceutical sales manager.

I know we've only been here a very short time and it will take alot longer to adjust but we really do need some friends to share these feelings with. I know I sound like a sad old git but it would be really nice to meet up with some expats. Do you still do the Sydney meet? I know when I joined this site there were posts regarding this but I didn't really pay much attention to it.

The kids seem to have settled alot easier than us but I was expecting that. I was also expecting the feelings I am experiencing so I would appreciate that people be gentle with me. We have no intentions of going back to scotland but it doesn't mean that the thought hasn't crossed my mind. After all it would be so easy to slot back into your old life wouldn't it?

Hope I've not made it look like I'm not giving my new life a chance because this is not a moaning post it's just a wee plea for some help.

Jayne

Phoenixuk2oz

Hi Jayne...I guess you're no longer in Lanarkshire then [see location by avetar ]

Well, you've managed to come 12,000 miles and that in itself is a fantastic accomplishment!!! After all the trauma of leaving your "home" it's going to take some adjusting too.

I think when someone has lived somewhere all their life,or most of their adult life anyways, then it's going to be a big challenge to feel as comfortable in a new environment especially since the extended support network isn't there like good old friends who, no doubt, you have taken years to gain.

I realise you've got your sis 2 doors away, but you're right, you need others besides your family to socialise with as homesickness is normal and telling your sister you miss friends and familiar things and surroundings is hardly going to feel comfortable I agree.

It probably doesn't help with hubby not yet finding a job neither. The other thing of course is getting used to the fact that no matter how good or "marketable" hubby was in UK....doesn't guarantee he'll find a job earning anything like he did there ....nor getting the type of job he once had. And this takes some swallowing of pride too. Although some people have managed it so if he hangs on a bit longer you never know. Either way, no doubt you have had to be a rock for hubby whilst he has been job hunting.

On another note,take comfort in the fact the kids like it here. That's one less thing to worry about. And the fact you have somewhere to live. That's two things less to worry about. And that you have some family nearby, there you go...three less things already

What you are feeling is absolutly normal. It's going to take a while, certainly a lot more than 7 weeks for any kind of normaility to kick in and it's likely to start to feel normal once hubby has got himself a job and you are back into a normal routine, including a few coffee and wine days/afternoons/ evenings with the girlies

Have you thought about joining a few evening classes or finding out if there is a local Expat site or maybe school functions you could help out with? There are also social clubs where you or hubby could go onto committe's? Certainly there are Sydney Expat meets as I've seen them on here. Or maybe some people will write to you as a result of your message on here

Anyways....remember what you HAVE accomplished so far, and how well you've done to have come this far, and that with a bit more time the above things will all come together....and once you've made some "real" friends ....you'll no doubt not have enough hours in the day to see them all

Take care, good luck and chin up. You'll be OK

Geordie George

Jayne,

You might want Doug to check out the following agency (if you've already done so apologies):

http://www.personagrata.com.au/about/about.htm

They specialise in sales, marketing and medical professionals in the healthcare industry. I'm in med ed myself and will be arriving in Sydney on 13 March. The contact I've had with them so far has been positive.

Not much help, but maybe a lead?

Good luck,

Nichola

mlbonner

Jayne,

You are perfectly normal, so try not to worry too much!! Moving over here is a difficult thing to do, make no mistake, but you have come so far and 7 weeks is no where near long enough to be feeling bad about things. I know it'd be nice if it all fitted into place overnight, but things take time, you need time to adjust.

Phoenix's suggestion on clubs, meets and activities are great ideas. I joined a running club, a gym and a touch footy team as well as going out with the girls up here.

Re. your husband, I dont know what he does exactly, but have you tried this company? My Dad works for them, and while I'm afraid I can't help out with a job, I do know they are raising their presence in Australia (you may have seen a particular advert on tv for them ) and they are currently waiting for Cymbalta (sp) to gain approval to come over here (I think), which is the biggest thing since Prozac (which they also make). Just another link to try!!

Koza

Hi Jane,
It's pretty normal to feel down sometimes after a big change! You mentioned that you enjoy outdoors, how about joining a bushwalking club? It did wonders for me! Apart from obvious purpose - being outdoors , you have chance to escape from house and family sometimes, and meet lots and lots of people. And it's not like a somewhat tea-club, where you have to talk, really. If don't feel like, you may remain silent all the way through the walk, and nobody will bother you. Same time, when you find somebody to talk to, you may chat the whole day
And you will see much more of the country, appreciate it more, it makes settlement easier.

Cheers

Milo

Hi Jayne,

It apears that we all have the same feelings from time to time, and need to be reassured that this is normal.

I certainly go through periods of homesickness and then it all goes in one fell swoop when I look around and see how far we have come in the last year and a half. I am amazed at how children cope far better than us adults. Each one of my children has coped in different ways, and have had the same feelings as we have. The worst time for me was between 3-9months. The first couple of months was like a holiday then reality hit home when I got a job and realised it was for real and we were staying, then once the unfamiliar became familiar it started to get better and better, but I do miss having my girlfriends around, I have met some new girlfriends through my children but this has taken a long time as they need to be reassured that you are going to be around for a while.

My husband appears to have settled much quicker than I have, but I think men can settle anywhere (I'm sure I'll be corrected if I'm wrong) to be honest for women it's different we have different priorities.

Reading the rest of the posts on here you have been given some really good advice.

Which part of Sydney are you in? maybe's we could meet up sometime.

Ninijon

Hi Jayne,

I'm not in Oz yet (going to Mel), however I have experienced relocation before and just wanted to respond to your thread and say keep your chin up girly, you will get there! What you are going through is so totally normal and it will pass. So things didn’t go totally as planned, remember what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. You have so much that has gone right try and focus on that and you will get through this.

I am sure your hubby will find a great job very soon and then things will start to settle down. In the mean time as others have said before join some groups - a gym, a walking club, dancing classes, tennis club, pool hall, go to the local pub regularly (quiz night?), go wine tasting, a cooking class, ask at the school if there is anything you can help with, there are so many things you could do. Remember that you are the one that is new and generally people won’t realise what you are going through and how hard and lonely it can be, so unfortunately you are the one that will need to put in all the effort to making the new friends, 120% required! You may feel like an idiot but next time you drop the kids off at school try striking up a conversation with other mom’s, or when in the local shops, hairdressers or coffee shop, yes sometimes people will think your nuts but eventually you will find someone likeminded who will speak back. I have been to so many networking events with my job and unfortunately it never gets any easier going up to a group of strangers who all seem to know each other and introduce yourself but it might be the only way. Have you thought about having a house warming party? If you are in a new house why not ask several of the neighbours round for a Barbie, it’s a great opportunity to knock on their door and say ‘hi I’m your new neighbour’. I moved house 6 months ago and one of my neighbours waved at me one day, so when I next had a free minute I popped over and introduced myself, we are good friends now, even spent Christmas evening with them and New Years Eve. Sometimes you have to just step out the comfort zone, you never know what can happen but isn’t that half the excitement!

Anyway hope my reply helps a little, I just wanted to let you know I wish you all the best and hope thing pick up for you soon, I am sure they will.

Take care and all the best
Janine

jayne+doug

Hi again

Thanks for all your replies it really does help to know that what I'm feeling is normal and that I'm not a failure. Doug contacted the agency yesterday and is attending an interview this morning. It did make him think about his choices and he decided to lower his expectations and apply for a sales role rather than a management position. He has had a few interviews for management positions and although he hasn't been rejected he is still waiting on the outcome. He has alot more experience in selling than management so hopefully something will come out of it. It appears to take a while for any decisions to be made but he has been reassured he is sill in the running. I think the hardest part for him is having to complete a psychometric test everytime he is interviewed and because he suffers from a mild form of dyslexia he feels he doesn't do very well under those conditions. In the UK it wasn't the norm in his field to complete a test for every position applied. Anyway hopefully the employers will look at the bigger picture and see his skill and experience and not just the result of a test.

I also received a phone call from my oldest son's friend's mum asking us up to theirs on Saturday. Isn't it strange when you think nothing is going right something turns up. I had spoken to her a few weeks ago and she did mention about us meeting up but I never really took it seriously!! She is keento make us feel welcome in Australia so it looks as if it will be a good night.

I live in the Berowra area which is north of Sydney (about 30k). So if anyone fancies meeting up sometime Doug and I would defo be up for it. A word of warning though we have 3 boys and we would have to bring them along too as my sister isn't too keen on looking after them. I don't know why. I know their not angels but their certainly not devils, just normal boys who like to muck about.

Thanks again for the replies. I will keep you posted with events.

Jayne

Phoenixuk2oz

There you go....today the sun is shining for ya

You sound much more upbeat today Jayne...and it seems things are looking up thank goodness. You deserve a break and it looks like it's coming. Great news

louise4

[
This is my first post since arriving in Oz nearly 7 weeks ago now. I have been taking my time to find my bearings and because I've been really doubting my decision to come here I've not been ready to discuss things but the time has come when I need all you expats to help. Doug and I moved here for a more outdoor life which we've got but my main reason was to be near my sister which I've also got. Infact perhaps too near. She lives 2 doors away from me!! We are getting on but I feel that she wants to help us so much we are unable to make new friends. We also have the added stress of Doug being unable to find a job. He is a pharmaceutical sales manager.

I know we've only been here a very short time and it will take alot longer to adjust but we really do need some friends to share these feelings with. I know I sound like a sad old git but it would be really nice to meet up with some expats. Do you still do the Sydney meet? I know when I joined this site there were posts regarding this but I didn't really pay much attention to it.

The kids seem to have settled alot easier than us but I was expecting that. I was also expecting the feelings I am experiencing so I would appreciate that people be gentle with me. We have no intentions of going back to scotland but it doesn't mean that the thought hasn't crossed my mind. After all it would be so easy to slot back into your old life wouldn't it?

Hope I've not made it look like I'm not giving my new life a chance because this is not a moaning post it's just a wee plea for some help.

Jayne[/QUOTE]
FONT=Arial]Hi there, just thought that i would reply to your posting. me and my family relocated to australia in 2002 and stayed for a whopping six months. we came back and it was the worst decission. please try to allow yourself time. please embrace all the differences, they are not as bad as you think they at the moment. the best thing you can do is either go and get a part time job (if your childrens ages permits) i know this may seem so daunting at the moment, i wanted to work but lacked in the confidence. i felt like i didn't have anything to offer and i was wrong. the next thing is to try something out side the home like a club or something. australia is so different from the uk as far as where to meet people goes. mums don't stand in playground that often and even if they do they are rushing off somewhere (i wish i had found out where they were going). good luck for the future. if you want to email me you can at [email protected]. chin up. things will improve, it's really not that great here. just look at us. we will bak asap.[/FONT][QUOTE=jayne+doug]Hi folks