|
My current Dilemma?!
After reading up on the 'Family Encouragement' thread, it has triggered me to post this as I didn't want to highjack it!
Similar, but as I say I have a dilemma. Basically BOTH sides of our families have shown little enthusiasm towards our plans to go to Oz. We meet up, mention it, and the subject gets changed asap. If we dig our heels in, they get all defensive and in turn just get all negative about it all :( Now I fell out with my mother & one of my brothers about a year ago and with all of the arguing that went on then, my partner was accused by them of 'taking me away' from them. This is rubbish as it was my idea in the first place, but whatever. Due to something that happened recently, me, my mum & brother made up, and EVERYTHING in now good :) but because of the situation then, we told everyone that Oz was probably off, and everyone agreed it was the best thing for us ....... handy that! ..... :rolleyes: Thing is tho, Oz is now back on! My mum is having a 60th party in July. All my relatives (from all over the country) who I haven't seen for years will be there. I see this as a perfect opportunity to 'say goodbye' to them all face to face instead of with a phone call when we go. But!! ....... altho I know most will wish us luck, my mum won't be too happy. I had a good chat with her not long ago about why we ALL want to go to Oz, but she kept saying we was trying to 'run away from our probs' ...lol, and basically won't accept it! Now my dilemma is do I mention to my mum that Oz is back on and have the chance to 'say goodbye' to everyone properly, or do I go to her 60th, pretend going to Oz is 'an idea of the past', say nothing and tell them all after July? Any thoughts? Cheers |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Originally Posted by Jim2004
After reading up on the 'Family Encouragement' thread, it has triggered me to post this as I didn't want to highjack it!
Similar, but as I say I have a dilemma. Basically BOTH sides of our families have shown little enthusiasm towards our plans to go to Oz. We meet up, mention it, and the subject gets changed asap. If we dig our heels in, they get all defensive and in turn just get all negative about it all :( Now I fell out with my mother & one of my brothers about a year ago and with all of the arguing that went on then, my partner was accused by them of 'taking me away' from them. This is rubbish as it was my idea in the first place, but whatever. Due to something that happened recently, me, my mum & brother made up, and EVERYTHING in now good :) but because of the situation then, we told everyone that Oz was probably off, and everyone agreed it was the best thing for us ....... handy that! ..... :rolleyes: Thing is tho, Oz is now back on! My mum is having a 60th party in July. All my relatives (from all over the country) who I haven't seen for years will be there. I see this as a perfect opportunity to 'say goodbye' to them all face to face instead of with a phone call when we go. But!! ....... altho I know most will wish us luck, my mum won't be too happy. I had a good chat with her not long ago about why we ALL want to go to Oz, but she kept saying we was trying to 'run away from our probs' ...lol, and basically won't accept it! Now my dilemma is do I mention to my mum that Oz is back on and have the chance to 'say goodbye' to everyone properly, or do I go to her 60th, pretend going to Oz is 'an idea of the past', say nothing and tell them all after July? Any thoughts? Cheers From reading your posts I can tell tht it's what you want to do. Do it for yourself and not for your relatives. It's sad to say (to them) but they don't own you. I would personally tell them at the party. Otherwise you will keep on pushing it back. All the best, fabie |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Sorry, can't help. If it was me i'd send them all an email after i'd left :D
|
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Originally Posted by Jim2004
After reading up on the 'Family Encouragement' thread, it has triggered me to post this as I didn't want to highjack it!
Similar, but as I say I have a dilemma. Basically BOTH sides of our families have shown little enthusiasm towards our plans to go to Oz. We meet up, mention it, and the subject gets changed asap. If we dig our heels in, they get all defensive and in turn just get all negative about it all :( Now I fell out with my mother & one of my brothers about a year ago and with all of the arguing that went on then, my partner was accused by them of 'taking me away' from them. This is rubbish as it was my idea in the first place, but whatever. Due to something that happened recently, me, my mum & brother made up, and EVERYTHING in now good :) but because of the situation then, we told everyone that Oz was probably off, and everyone agreed it was the best thing for us ....... handy that! ..... :rolleyes: Thing is tho, Oz is now back on! My mum is having a 60th party in July. All my relatives (from all over the country) who I haven't seen for years will be there. I see this as a perfect opportunity to 'say goodbye' to them all face to face instead of with a phone call when we go. But!! ....... altho I know most will wish us luck, my mum won't be too happy. I had a good chat with her not long ago about why we ALL want to go to Oz, but she kept saying we was trying to 'run away from our probs' ...lol, and basically won't accept it! Now my dilemma is do I mention to my mum that Oz is back on and have the chance to 'say goodbye' to everyone properly, or do I go to her 60th, pretend going to Oz is 'an idea of the past', say nothing and tell them all after July? Any thoughts? Cheers |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Originally Posted by Jim2004
After reading up on the 'Family Encouragement' thread, it has triggered me to post this as I didn't want to highjack it!
Similar, but as I say I have a dilemma. Basically BOTH sides of our families have shown little enthusiasm towards our plans to go to Oz. We meet up, mention it, and the subject gets changed asap. If we dig our heels in, they get all defensive and in turn just get all negative about it all :( Now I fell out with my mother & one of my brothers about a year ago and with all of the arguing that went on then, my partner was accused by them of 'taking me away' from them. This is rubbish as it was my idea in the first place, but whatever. Due to something that happened recently, me, my mum & brother made up, and EVERYTHING in now good :) but because of the situation then, we told everyone that Oz was probably off, and everyone agreed it was the best thing for us ....... handy that! ..... :rolleyes: Thing is tho, Oz is now back on! My mum is having a 60th party in July. All my relatives (from all over the country) who I haven't seen for years will be there. I see this as a perfect opportunity to 'say goodbye' to them all face to face instead of with a phone call when we go. But!! ....... altho I know most will wish us luck, my mum won't be too happy. I had a good chat with her not long ago about why we ALL want to go to Oz, but she kept saying we was trying to 'run away from our probs' ...lol, and basically won't accept it! Now my dilemma is do I mention to my mum that Oz is back on and have the chance to 'say goodbye' to everyone properly, or do I go to her 60th, pretend going to Oz is 'an idea of the past', say nothing and tell them all after July? Any thoughts? Cheers Tough one, that was my one thought on the subject, as I got the distinct feeling recently when we made big announcements on say, Mothers Day or someones birthday, we just got negative vibes, like we were trying to take over their day. Need to be careful, JTL |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
if you really want to share some news why not tell them about the reccie trip but make it sound like a holiday and then when you return and announce that you are going to emigrate it won't come as too much of a shock. Def don't announce you are going for good at your mums party. that will give her something to sling your way evertime you disagree about something.
Whatever you decide good luck. Louise |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
What a dilemma....
For what it's worth, I would wait til after the 60th Birthday. Wouldn't want to put the dampers on what is sure to be a great family get together..... I would use the evening to get around and have a chat with all of your rellies in the knowledge that you may not see them again for some time, but keep it to yourself til after. Just my opinion.... :) |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
After reading other posts on this thread i have to say that i didnt really weight the 60th birthday bit in my answer to Jim.
I would still tell them about your "possible" intentions then though, but trying not to hijack the party :rolleyes: fabie |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
I'd tell them after the party, otherwise your Mum might feel you've ruined her 60th and use it as a guilt trip on you!
Follow your heart and do what YOU want to do - your family have their own lives and they'll come round in the end. :) |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Originally Posted by Jim2004
After reading up on the 'Family Encouragement' thread, it has triggered me to post this as I didn't want to highjack it!
Similar, but as I say I have a dilemma. Basically BOTH sides of our families have shown little enthusiasm towards our plans to go to Oz. We meet up, mention it, and the subject gets changed asap. If we dig our heels in, they get all defensive and in turn just get all negative about it all :( Now I fell out with my mother & one of my brothers about a year ago and with all of the arguing that went on then, my partner was accused by them of 'taking me away' from them. This is rubbish as it was my idea in the first place, but whatever. Due to something that happened recently, me, my mum & brother made up, and EVERYTHING in now good :) but because of the situation then, we told everyone that Oz was probably off, and everyone agreed it was the best thing for us ....... handy that! ..... :rolleyes: Thing is tho, Oz is now back on! My mum is having a 60th party in July. All my relatives (from all over the country) who I haven't seen for years will be there. I see this as a perfect opportunity to 'say goodbye' to them all face to face instead of with a phone call when we go. But!! ....... altho I know most will wish us luck, my mum won't be too happy. I had a good chat with her not long ago about why we ALL want to go to Oz, but she kept saying we was trying to 'run away from our probs' ...lol, and basically won't accept it! Now my dilemma is do I mention to my mum that Oz is back on and have the chance to 'say goodbye' to everyone properly, or do I go to her 60th, pretend going to Oz is 'an idea of the past', say nothing and tell them all after July? Any thoughts? Cheers |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Originally Posted by ABCDiamond
Sorry, can't help. If it was me i'd send them all an email after i'd left :D
right on!!!! :D :D |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Jim I wouldnt even broach the subject at the party because that is an awful lot of people to upset and deal with.
Tell her when you have something concrete to tell her, ie. college fees secured, flights booked because you know how things can go wrong at the last minute and the more times you tell them 'its on' or 'its off', the less seriously they will take you in the future. Pass the medicals, get the visa, get your tickets, get it done and dusted. Then tell your parents on their own so there is no audience to encourage dramatic reactions. Get it sorted, get it clear in your head and tell them when the time is right. Enjoy your family party, dont even mention Australia and that way, when its time to tell your Mum and other family, you can do it on a smaller scale as possible to avoid major upset. Good luck. Sam |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
I feel for you on this one. I have a difficult relationship with my mother who is the queen of mrtyrdom and putting on the guilt trips :( I have a brother and a sister and none of us seem to be able to shake this guilt thing that she has put on us for years, and whilst we grizzle to ech other about her we are not very good at standing up for ourselves - the sulking backlash is just awful. :(
Janice, I'm sure if you are reading this you will agree. :) (my big sis in Oz) We are hoping to be off in about 6 months and waited until we had our TRA accepted and everything else sorted before we told her. She hasn't mentioned it since so it looks like one day she'll turn around and we'll be on the other side of the world. I definitely wouldn't tell your mum on her 60th do :eek: If she's anything like mine you will never hear the end of it. Even if you don't see eye to eye sometimes I think it would be better if you can possibly make the move overseas without leaving bad feeling between you. Having said that, if she can't come to terms with it when do tell her, don't let it spoil your dreams. We only get one chance at this life and have to do what is right for us. You have your own family now and they are the ones that you need to put first. We are going to be leaving children of ours here - tough. But I do feel that they have their own lives to lead, they could easily up and move to another country and we will have missed our chance to go to Australia. We have to make the move now as hubby is approaching the 45 year cut off. Good luck and remember, there are others who definitley know how you feel :) Anne |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Originally Posted by louise4
if you really want to share some news why not tell them about the reccie trip but make it sound like a holiday and then when you return and announce that you are going to emigrate it won't come as too much of a shock. Def don't announce you are going for good at your mums party. that will give her something to sling your way evertime you disagree about something.
Whatever you decide good luck. Louise I also agree with the others: the 60th birthday party is your Mum's big day. Probably not a good idea to announce your plans then, as this could e interpreted as takeing over /ruining HER day. Gina |
Re: My current Dilemma?!
Originally Posted by Jim2004
After reading up on the 'Family Encouragement' thread, it has triggered me to post this as I didn't want to highjack it!
Similar, but as I say I have a dilemma. Basically BOTH sides of our families have shown little enthusiasm towards our plans to go to Oz. We meet up, mention it, and the subject gets changed asap. If we dig our heels in, they get all defensive and in turn just get all negative about it all :( Now I fell out with my mother & one of my brothers about a year ago and with all of the arguing that went on then, my partner was accused by them of 'taking me away' from them. This is rubbish as it was my idea in the first place, but whatever. Due to something that happened recently, me, my mum & brother made up, and EVERYTHING in now good :) but because of the situation then, we told everyone that Oz was probably off, and everyone agreed it was the best thing for us ....... handy that! ..... :rolleyes: Thing is tho, Oz is now back on! My mum is having a 60th party in July. All my relatives (from all over the country) who I haven't seen for years will be there. I see this as a perfect opportunity to 'say goodbye' to them all face to face instead of with a phone call when we go. But!! ....... altho I know most will wish us luck, my mum won't be too happy. I had a good chat with her not long ago about why we ALL want to go to Oz, but she kept saying we was trying to 'run away from our probs' ...lol, and basically won't accept it! Now my dilemma is do I mention to my mum that Oz is back on and have the chance to 'say goodbye' to everyone properly, or do I go to her 60th, pretend going to Oz is 'an idea of the past', say nothing and tell them all after July? Any thoughts? Cheers You would be effectively hijacking your mothers 60th birthday party. I suppose it all depends on EXACTLY when you're going... a month, 2 months, 6 months.... I would leave it that your mums birthday bash is just that, and your leaving do is your leaving do and keep them separate. I would also, if anyone asks, tell them that, yes, your plans are still to go (but letting your mum know first!). Definitely is a difficult one.... D D |
| All times are GMT -12. The time now is 7:47 am. |
Powered by vBulletin: ©2000 - 2026, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2026 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.