delboy

hi there need some cheering up, just visited mum and dad ,i see them at least twice aweek mainly once,but since they know we have put our applications in they r making it very hard for me,my mum dosnt stop saying well it wont be know different you know when your there,its getting on my nerves, its as if she wants me to fail before i even go.I did explain why i want to give it ago and that i will miss them terribly,and she says she knows but dont want me to go.I have found the closeness we had turning really cold and getting colder,my inlaws seem to be handling it much better ,and r excited for us I do have two children ason age 8 year old,and ason 8 months old ,i do feel really guilty taking them away from grandparents and feel i will be hurting my parents deeply,especially my parents , my dad spent all day today fishing with eldest son and r so close how can i take this away?? .I think my parents just cant understand why i will hurt themso much, i try to put a brave face on and explain, but when get home i just cry my heart out and wonder aswell, my hubby gives me plenty off support and understands and says they will come around in time .but i think it gets worse as we get nearer, sorry to sound so gloomy but would love to know if anyone else feels the same thanks for listening allison

sally1968

Hi Allison, it's Sally (met you at MK meet).

Try to keep your chin up. Families can make it very difficult but just try and remember the reasons you and Derek want to go in the first place. You cannot live you life for your parents. You just have to do what is right for you and your family. If it doesn't feel right then don't go. Only you can make that choice and no one will think any less of you if you decided it isn't what you want.

It's a huge upheaval, especially if you are close to your family. You just need to consider the pros and cons.

Hope you come to a decision that is right for you all.

Sally, Roy, Laura and Thomas

Amazulu

If you are from a close family emigration is the most selfish thing you can do. I don't mean this in a nasty way, you have to do it for your own reasons, even if it means hurting other members of your family. If they can't accept it, then I say, tough, deal with it. Ultimately, if you let them sway your decision, you could end up regretting it for the rest of your life.

PeteY

...and possibly end up blaming those who pursuaded you not to go....


My wifes mother made our life horrible when she realised Susan and i were getting married and coming to the UK, even though she knew that we were only going to be in the UK for a couple of years. She was (hope she is'nt reading this!!!) acting very childishly....basically "if your going, im going to make your life hell".

It took about 10 months, but she gradually came around, and now they have the kind of relationship (or as close as you can get regarding the distances) they used to.

You have to consider how your parents will cope without you though...and maybe make sacrifices if needs dictate....

Bella

Allison,

I really empathise with you. I told my folks in stages of our plans to get them used to the idea gradually and every step of the way they have only been distraught rather than pleased for us.

In the early days, every time we saw them, which is quite alot as we are close, they would launch into their spiel as to why it was much better for us to rent our house rather than sell and how all their friends thought so too!! It really annoyed me as I wasn't even after their opinion and I knew it was beacuse they didn't want us to go. My husband was very good at dealing with them calmly and sensitively while I just seethed in the corner.

Now that it is getting closer and our house is under offer they have had no choice but to come round a little bit although they will never say, "wow, what a fantastic opportunity" which is what I wish for.

My husband's father is so far removed from his emotions that he doesn't really say anything and his mum lives in Oz so she is euphoric!

I know how upsetting it must be for my folks and I'm trying to be more understanding.
I do think as time goes on perhaps it will get better for your family but it aint ever gonna be something they celebrate! It's one of those things that is part of the emigration process and little will make it all better.

I have a friend in Oz who says when he emigrated they tried to involve their parents in their plans which helped. But it's horses for courses I think.

Good luck and I do know, to some extent, what you're going through. If you want to offload some more feel free to send me a personal message.

Bella

Jeztechs

Hi Allison...

This is Maria - wife of Jeremy from Jeztechs !!!

I can so relate to your words .... I had even lived away from my
family for alot of years but still close ... but when we decided to go ahead with the Oz thing My Mum was absoloutely shattered -
(my Dad had died along time ago - but I have two sisters in the UK) WE have been here now nearly two years but I will never forget how My Mum was towards it - we were really happy and we looked into every little detail we also brought our son who was 15 at the time and had his 16th Birthday in NSW !

It really really hurt me how she dealt with it - I flet like she just wanted us to fail and not get the chance to come here - which was a real shock for me as she had always been a big believer in letting me decide my own future ..

I think its hard for them sometimes to say what they really feel so it sometimes comes out wrong ! the thing is I can sort of relate to that a bit now as my own son is now nearly 18 - and he wants to go back to England which is a shock to me as he has loved it here and so many friends ...... but the thought of him going so far away from me is hard - but i will not stand in his way at all ...but it still does not get away from the heartache I feel and how bad will it be if he really does go ???

In the end My Mum did come around and was happy for us - so hold in there - just keep saying how much you want it and look forward to the chance - thats what I said - if we hate it we can always come back it is something we all need to do as a family - not one of us did not want to come !!!
Now My Mum is looking forward to coming here for a holiday ! and I love it here so much !!!! (We are in the Sunshine Coast now).

We all know and see what we read here about how its expensive to visit and yes it is -- but in the end you have to do what you really want to do with YOUR lives - everyone is different and no lifes are the same so its up to you and do what you and the most closest of yours want to do ......

Good Luck and all the best ... Maria ... x

whisky

Hello to you all.
I am in the same boat. My parents have not said a lot to me, they try to avoid the conversation on the telephone, or Mom tends to put in the odd remark, which I try to ignore.
She has made remarks to other members of the family, like, I hope they don't get their visas etc, which has really wound me up at times, and wanted to get on the phone and give her a mouth ful, but the one thing I don't want to do, is fall out with them over it, as it would make it even harder for us as the time gets nearer.
My parents live abroad anyway(and have been for the last 20 years,which I wasn't happy about when they went, but realised that they have their own lives).
This morning, I rang my parents for our 3 or 4 times a week chat, and suddenly my Dad came out with, 'I don't want you to go'.
I asked him why not, and his reply was 'its so far away, and we won't see you'.
My reply was, 'we don't see eachother anyway, and you are thinking of the distance and not the plane flight. If I hadn't told you that I was going, and I carry on phoning you 3 or 4 times a week, you wouldn't know any difference'.

As we all know, this decision, and all the preparing plays very difficult on the nerve endings anyway, and to try and keep our wits about us as far as family members negatives on our move can really keep tugging us back and forth on the yes we are, no we won't scenario.
We all know that it is going to be very difficult for us and for those we leave behind, especially at first, and we will all need a little time to get used to the idea.

I hope that you all get through this part of the process not too badly scathed, and at least, if we are all having a bad time of it, we can turn to eachother on here to keep eachother going.

I for one, am glad that this post was on here this morning after my conversation on the telephone, as it has kept me positive, knowing that we all go through this process.

Whisky

Teresa

Hi Allison

Hang in there, they will come round, they just need a bit of time to get used to the idea, its only natural.

We have tried to involve family and friends from start to give them time and had plenty of emotions , and alot of mine from same point of taking their grandson away but we are spending quality time together now and encouraging them to come out at regular intervals to visit us when we finally go!

We explained that we weren't doing it to hurt anyone, just for our future and that we would keep the contact (they have all brought computers and will get webcams and digital cameras for all grandparents beofre we go and teach them how to use them! should be fun.....) and that we want them to visit, its only a day away and flights very reasonable, hoping they may want to retire out there too as we are very close....................

somedays I have alot of guilt feelings but thats something that will deal with, just don't let it cause a rift as its better to have everyones support right now, make them feel part of process which will help them from feeling excluded.

Having just had our tra back was emotional as we were v happy and everyone was trying to be but a few more tears shed from friends and family saying they would miss us so who only knows when we leave the state of us!!!!!! have changed to waterproof mascara already as some days especially after dropping Oliver off at nursery and driving to work, the tears flood out!!!!!


Take care

Teresa

ellen1

As sad as this thread is in terms of how badley some families react to our plans to migrate, i have taken some comfort in knowing that some of what myself and husband are going through is shared by many. My parents are fine about our plans and are already planning a 3 month visit next year!, my sister and bro's are fine, they are also planning their holidays, but my hubbies mum....well to say she has took it bad is an understatement! she has had him cut out of her will (she is wealthy but were not bothered) said if he leaves she will disown him, made up stories of illnessess, banned me from the house coz she says its my fault and even threatended to commit suicide!
Hubbies dad is fine and say's "go for it" hubbies sister is supportive. We have asked his mum to sell up and retire in oz but she won't, even though she has more family in oz.

we understand how she is feeling, my hubby is her only son and she has already "lost" a daughter and a sister to oz, but there is nothing we can say or do to get her to see it from our point of view and at the end of the day there is nothing she can do or say that will put us off!

ellen1

yvsie

Hi all,

We applied last summer, a few months before my brother died suddenly. I thought at that time that I couldnrt leave my mum because she was grieving for losing a son and then soon to lose a daughter, son in law and only grandchildren!!. It was my mum who said that we really must go despite losing my brother and no way should we back out!(we had been thinking about this for >14yrs but i had chickened out before).

I think that my mum is really putting a brave face on for us and has never cried about us leaving, she says that she feels excited for us on our adventure. I really dont know what it will do to her when we go...I have a younger brother who still lives at home though..he is 27! and she looks after him far too well...that's why he is still there Im sure!

So I suppose that what Im trying to say is that I feel lucky that I have an understanding mother ..My dad died 4 yrs ago. My husbands parents both died yrs ago. He has 2 sisters and 1 brother and their respective families who he and I will both miss. We all live in the same village but only see eachother at birthday 'do's' etc...but we know that if we needed them they would help us out!

BUT we know that if we dont do this now we never will. Despite the anxiety/excitement of planning our big move know that it's something that we wont regret even if it doesnt work out because at least we will have given it a shot...not like some people!!!!!

Our move is getting closer now but I really dont think that it has hit me yet that we are really going because there has been so much pressure to sell the house and worrying about have the people in tha chain sold theirs etc!!!!
Now our chain is in place so hopefully it will all go through but I cant feel excited or believe that it will happen yet because i have read so many threads on here from people saying that 'it's fallen through yet again!'

But fingers toes and everything else crossed it will and we will be leaving the UK probably the first or second week in september! :scared: :scared:

good luck to everyone else

nosuchluck

hi alison
try to keep motivated with the reasons why you are emigrating, i know its difficult to leave family but even though its so far away really its a flight, phone call, email away isnt' it? i too am leaving my parents, dad lives in Wales so i don't see much of him anyway but hes' only up the M4! mum i am very close too and she is poorly and on her own (step dad left last year!) she doesn't deep down want me to go, taking her grandchild but has been so supportive saying if we don't try it we'll never know! she's been a rock really. Marks parents are all for it, he comes from a large family so there's loads of them left! My eldest daughter Becci 18, is staying behind, she's not a model teen so i am leaving her to 'fight her own battles, make more mistakes' and to cope on her own, she is in denial and things we won't go and if we do well be back! familys are difficult in lots of ways, you keep positive mate and do what it is YOU want to do with YOUR life!
take care
rach

delboy

hi there everyone , thankyou so much for taking the time to read and answer it has really helped to know what i am feeling you all have in some way,ive been to see inlaws todayand had along chat ,they were really supportive abit ironic really as its her only child who,s going.I had the next upset this morning when 8 year old son started saying he isnt going to oz, he will miss his grandad to much and wont be able to do the same kind of fishing over there,i did ask him if grandad had been talking to him about oz,my son said NO so i quickly changed that subject and tried to reassure him as well as myself .once again thankyou for your kind support, im going to stay posivtive for the future bye for now allison

earlswood

We are in a really good situation with our sets of parents. They realise that the UK has very little to offer any more and have been absolutley great about the whole thing!!

They are alwys keen to hear about the process and the ups and downs of it all.

As others have said, don't be distracted from the reasons you want to go. Stick in there and after all Oz is only a day away!!

Earlswood

lynnj

My parents and in laws live over 600 miles away, the reaction from both sets when we told them was "well you wont see us again then" my family especially doesnt talk about it, if i mention anything about our visa or the aussie lifestyle and how much we are looking forward to going they change the subject. my parents are coming to visit this week for about 10 days and i am dreading it as i know there will be snide little remarks made and comments made to the boys (6&5) like "well you wont see your granny again" and other such emotional gems. after they go we get the in laws for a coule of weeks and it will be more of the same. i dont mind them getting at us but do object to them upsetting the kids, emotions are running high anyway as i have just found out i'm pregnant again and the last thing i want to do is have some sort of confrontation that results in family sulks. as we live so far away from each other anyway and only see each other a couple of times a year i dont see the difference between being here and being in australia, am i trying to over simplify it? we talk on the phone several times a week and have given them all pc's so we can email, we arent going to mars.

lynn

Pollyana

My sister's kids are going to make videos of themselves to send to me, which has cheered them up a lot about me leaving, especially when I said they can do their dancing and stuff, and I'll show it to all the new family in Oz. Yours could do the same Lynn, to send back here. When my mum started on a downer my 9 yr old nephew said "Don't be silly granny, she's really lucky going to live there, they got loads of different animals, and we can all go for holidays!" If the kids can see the good points of going, they'll be fine in the end.
And do point out to the grandparents that its not the end of the world, its only a flight away (things have changed since their day, as they keep telling me!!). I only see my parents a couple of times a year, and think I will have more contact by phone and letter from OZ, than I have with them over here.

I should give the grandparents a wake-up call as well, and say that even if they don't agree with you going, do they really want to make the kids upset, talking like that?