flapsterhp

I'm with you on that one mate, perhaps that's why there are so many unruly teenagers in the word today, because they inform the parents of what they can and can't do!! Andy

The Aardvaark

Kids have feelings and opinions too and at 13 years old they are entitled to voice them. It's not a case of informing parents what they can and can't do and dictating to parents - it's a case of feeling part of the decision making process - after all it's their future and their lives too.

flapsterhp

[QUOTE= It's not a case of informing parents what they can and can't do and dictating to parents - it's a case of feeling part of the decision making process - after all it's their future and their lives too.[/QUOTE]

Seems like it to me. So what do you do, sit down and listen to them say that they don't want to go and then turn around and say, that's terrible but we are going anyway, bet that would make them feel great or listen to them and then say o.k. we will do what you want and stay. Somebody has to make decisions and in our house it's the adults. Andy

Wal10

Migration to Aus has been a nightmare for our 14year old son Had major bullying issues in state schools, and we couldn't afford private so he ended up going out on work placement instead of school.

If you're kids are big into sport, are bursting with self-confidence or you can afford private school they'll probably be fine.

PS - Message being sent at Singapore - we're on the way back to UK. Decision made last Sunday, container booked on Monday, flights booked Tuesday, flying today (Friday). 14 year old not the only problem, lots of other issues built up. Will post complete thread when have time.

Y.

flapsterhp

Sorry to hear that. Wishing you a safe journey. Andy

Margaret2

Don't know how to reply without quoting someone, but yours seems most relevnt to me, but really directed to everyone.

My kids are now 7 and 14, 7 year old I know will go with the flow, 14 year old omg However, I have begun to realise, that by the time we will be organised to go she will be in 4th year at school, and ready to do her exams, so, my husband and I and my 7 year old all want to go, but should we stay for another 2 years till she does her standard grades and higers or should we go now, I don't know what the answer is. I also feel if we leave it till she is older her social life will be bigger and more important to her e.g may be boyfriend, will discover pubs and clubs etc. I certainly wish we had done it a few years ago, and then I know if we don't I may feel bitter don't want to wake up when I'm 50 and say if only, also how will I feel if I do wake up when I'm 50 and my 14 year old now 23, says, well mum I'm off to aus for a better life Heeeeeeeeeeeelp.

I would be really interested in replys about the standard grade school thing

Sorry for the big moan, but needed it today

Margaret2

Have just read this, yeah I'm really sorry to, hope all gets better in the future

Elaine M

I feel for you, it's a really tough decision in this situation.

Hindsight being a wonderful thing, I wish I'd planned things to be ready to migrate when my daughters were younger. By the time our visas came through my daughters were 17 and 15 and both had boyfriends which basically was a key factor in their decisions not to come with me to Aus. This caused me huge heartache but ultimately they were both prepared to live independently in the UK rather than come with me and as they were old enough to do so by the time I emigrated I felt I couldn't force them to come with me.

I can't help you much on the school thing, my plan was always to get them to A level/GCSE completion stage before actually emigrating.

I came over on my own in September 2004 which was a really hard thing to do. I keep in touch with my daughters by text, phone and email at least weekly and usually more often.

The situation now, a year on, is that my younger daughter has decided to join me here next June when she finishes her college course, and my elder daughter is coming over for a visit next month with her now fiance (yes the same one - they're getting married next June), it's a recce for him to see if he likes the look of Aus then hopefully they will plan to emigrate in 2007.

So it looks like it will all work out the way I planned in the end, but we've done it the hard way.

As many others have posted in the past, the older kids are, the harder it can be sometimes for them to move away from everyone they know and their familiar environment - though not all kids will feel this, I guess some will embrace the adventure just as much as many of their parents.

It's a tough call, but my experience was that the emotional ties with friends and boyfriends were harder to overcome than the concerns about school work. Only you can judge whether it's likely to be the same for you.

Good luck with it; PM me if you'd like to chat further.

Elaine M

cranni

And in ours too Andy, and i have 6 wonderful well behaved polite children, whom i can take anywhere, Denise

cranni

I agree I think 11 and over is a bad age, from personal experience, hope you son settles back in Uk.Denise

The Aardvaark

Well according to some people you should just do what you want to do cos your kids thoughts/feelings/emotions aren't important.
Its like the scenario of each generation blames the one before and unless we compromise, involve and listen then we run the risk of alter the psych of our children. In my opinion, treating kids like this just gives the message that they aren't important which must do wonders for their self esteem and confidence.
Before we came to Aus I asked my 13 year daughter what her thoughts were and she was involved from the beginning and luckily she was ok (not overly keen) and agreed she would like to go for it. If she had said definitely no way then yes I would have had to reassess because there was no way I was going to force something as big as this onto her just because "the adults" wanted it.
However it has been a different story since we got here - she struggled for the first six months and it broke my heart to see her like this. Can you imagine if we had just told her she was coming and it turned out like this she would have blamed us big style. Someone said that if you are happy then your kids are happy but I also believe it works both ways. I was desperately unhappy because my daughter was and we were ready to go back to UK on several occasions. What we ALL decided to do instead was let her go back to UK for six weeks for a holiday to see her friends and family who she was missing and then see how she felt when she got back. We agreed that if things didn't improve for her we would go back in April next year after being here a year. This I feel is a comfort zone for us all. She had a fantastic time and since she got back things have improved to the extent that we have all decided that one year probably isn't long enough. We have all been involved in this decision making and feel because of this we are all happier. To listen and reassure does not mean to give in but with us being the master do we not take the alpha male/female decision making process a bit too far.
I don't believe in just telling kids what they are doing. I respect my children as individuals and as individuals they have a right to a voice (especially regarding something that affects their lives).

cranni

Hi , i think we all do what is best for our kids, sometimes we get it wrong, we did talk it through with our kids, but young kids dont see past the place where they live and dont understand there is a great big wolrd out there. We treat is as an adventure, and said never say never, younger ones where fine , 11 yr old just wanted to sit in his room and watch Tv , and was quite happy in his own little world, so are you saying we should not go anywhere because he is set in his ways, i dont think so. He found it a stuggle at first, but loves it now. My daughter who was 17 would not have any of it, and was awkward, so we all stay as we are because she is stubborn, i took a risk and went for it, she stayed back in Uk with her older bro. I missed them, so much and i grieved for them , and yes i regretted the day i ever mentioned Oz, 6 months later she wanted to be with us, BINGO i had her here in 6 weeks on a student visa , now she is applying for PR , and she loves it here. My older son is coming out IN Jan with his partner, to live. So my family is nearly complete. But just think if i had listened to them , and let them decide, we would never had done it, and would not be living this great lifestyle, we have to show them that we just want what is best for them, and to trust us. I said if you are happy your kids are happy, i know it works both ways, form 25 yrs of experience. And as a child i was brought over here, and taken back to Uk, so i underestand how it is as a child to go through the whole process, anyway luckily for us it has all worked out, but not without heartache, and a big learning process in all our lives. Denise.

The Aardvaark

Everyone's parenting styles differ.
I believe in guiding my children, listening to them, respecting their opinions, letting them have a voice. I don't believe in dictating to them. We are a family unit not two adults dictating to our children what they will do because we want to do it. That's our way but not everyone's.
I'm sure we will all agree parenting is the hardest job in the world.

carloubateman

we have a 11 year old daughter that was devestated when we said we were moving, she almost begged her gran mother to let her stay and live with her, which was heart breaking,
im happy to say she did come with us, and she loves it here! we still get the odd day (usually when shes had a bad day at school) that she says she wants to go back, but 90% of the time she is a very settled child, of course she still misses friends and family, but she knows she can email them anytime

meelie

I've got a 16 year old who wasnt as enthusiastic to come as us and wanted to go back to the UK after a couple of weeks in OZ. Once we got her into high school she's a different person! She has a great social life and doesn't want to live in UK she wants to stay in Oz now which is a huge relief! Once they start school Im sure they will be fine.
Amelia