BillBart1

Has anyone found that they have been rowing more since visa issued/emigrating.

Although this is something we both wanted, infact wife wanted more then I did, now we're at crunch time wife having serious cold feet and seems to be pushing me away. Says wants to try it or will regret it but doesn't think will make friends, find work etc over there (fear of unknown).

Anyway, we just seem to row more and she keep pointing out negatives. All I can see are positives..

Could be just gone off me suppose.

Bill

HiddenPaw

Did you foget Valentine's Day last week? That could be part of the problem

Seriously, she's scared...and rightly so. Emigrating is a massive step and can seem a terrifying experience - she's about to give up everything that's familiar to her - her home, her job, her friends, her life, her whole comfort zone. It's easy to let the fear blind out the positives. This is a time when you are going to be under most stress in marriage terms, and yet need to lean on each other the hardest. All you can do is support each other, listen to her concerns, acknowledge that they are valid and look at ways you can overcome them.

Emigrating is in some ways ones one huge risk mitigation exercise - it isn't a bad thing to address your fears and plan your approach before you go. She just needs reassurance that you're doing the right thing, and at the same time, that you're in this together and if things don't work out, you will deal with the issues together. Good luck

mand8002

Don't forget you will/have been under a great deal of stress. Things always don't seem real at first and then when the realisation sets in that things are moving and the adventure is actually going ahead it is pretty scary. I can remember waking up one morning and this wave of fear and dread came over me as I thought " oh no, what have I done". Over time with each others support things will be ok.

maggy

You really have described it perfectly.

went through all the same emotions 2 years ago with fiance now hubby.

Just be there for her and acknowledge all her fears and reassure her.

Been here nearly 2 years and my god did i have fears after being the one who really wanted to make the move.

Blood Women

joho

Its not the sort of thing a couple can take on when already rocky thats for sure. Don't worry I think it is normal to go through all of this. Some of us cant handle the stress very well and lash out on those around us, I know my husband ran for cover many a time. But were here and loving it so it was all worth it in the end. And I often thought I have to go as we've committed so much time and money to be able to pull out. So chin up deep breathes and continue.

Jo

Oh and I'll send you some Karma if I can work it out.

vb2

dont worry we are struggling also, i have been totally independent, owned my own house for the past 13 years, then met current hubby, who is that laid back he is horizontal, whereas i am a total stress head, and run around like a headless chicken most of the time, this has caused major problems for us, as i have been the one to sort absolutely everything out for us, even down to HIS TRA application!!! and i have a go at him, but all i need is reassurance that we will be ok, i prefer to do things myself (as much as i moan!!) then i only have myself to blame if it goes wrong!!
but at the end of the day even though the arguments seem to be constant its only little things, and the feelings of "not being in control" that are at the root of it all, fear of the unknown is the worse fear there is, and different people deal with it in different ways, my chap goes all quiet, whereas i lash out and snap, its nothing personal i am sure, its pure and simple "stress" dont worry i am sure it will be fine!
good luck
vb2

nurseali

I'm sure it will all work out once you get there especially as she was the one who was more keen on going in the first place. I always wanted to live in Australia, hubby never did so that caused quite a few rows & growing resentment on my part.Anyway to cut a long story short kids are grown up[25 to 19] & I'm moving to Adelaide on my own in 9 days time!!!.Hubby is the one full of regrets now but its too late for that.I'm off to start a new life which doesnt include him downunder at last.Waited 15 years to do this so I'm going to make the most of it.Lifes too short for regrets..
Wish you well,
Alison

biggy

I could have put my other half 6 foot under ...he was just a total w*nker....its all the stress does funny things to ya

All will be right

Poppy

Hi Bill

It is exactly the same in our house, my other half can't wait and I'm the one worrying myself sick about it and I am saying of course we must go otherwise we'll regret it, but like your partner I'm also worried about work mainly for my partner who is a builder, but know that what he does you can't really do over there because of needing a licence for every single trade so that worries me and renting out the house, shipping the furniture over and one thing and another so I do totally understand. It has to be one of the most stressful things we'll ever have to do other than getting three boys out the door to school when you're running late!! only joking!!

When there is something as major as this going on in your lives there are bound to be arguments, but I think its just a case of respecting each others fears/worries without biting back.

Good luck anyway it will all work out in the end.

Poppy

rossifumi

Our sympathies are with you, it'll get better.

We find ourselves arguing over the wine bottle more.

Margaret2

We keep rowing about the fact i want to get the visas and go and validate them in order to let teen finish school, hubby says no way, get visas and we're off coz he says the older she gets the more difficult it will be to get her to come as she will have more choices. I think by the time she finishes school, she will want to go to see a different life and she will be a bit more mature about it.

It is causing endless strain, that and the fact i spend all my time on here

biggy

alkies

Margaret2

ffs, buy a box

biggy

aye doesnae hurt as much when ye ***** it at each others heeds lol

Toryglen-Boy

my girlfriend is Australian, and although we have the spouse visa, and are ready to go, the strain of this must be huge on any relationship. It all comes down to too much stress and getting this sorted, and not spending time together, try not to dwell on it too much, and be positive, i think you might find that when you get there it will all get better

hope this helps