Originally Posted by Bella Donna

You cannot think this way because you simply don't know what is in store. You *might* get knocked over by a bus and killed next week, or next month.

I held back from doing things in my life so I could be there for my mum, and I still wasn't there for her when she died. It came too suddenly and too unexpectedly. You can't live your life for your parents or anyone else, and you can't build your future on *maybes* and *whatifs*. You will end up full of regrets if you do. Parents bring kids into the world, guide them through childhood and adolescence, and then let them go to make their own way. Dealing with the pain of that is the dilemma of the parents, not the kids.

We don't own our kids - we're just here to hopefully steer them in the right direction on the path of Life. Then they have to fulfill their own destinies. And whether we like it or not, we have to sit back and watch without criticism or complaint. And pick up the pieces if necessary. ;)

To keep someone, you have to let them go. And it is the hardest thing in the world. :(

Originally Posted by lynnlovessun

However (and this is gonna be a bit controversial) I do think your mum has been a bit too honest - it seems to me that this 'poem' is a bit of a guilt trip to say the least - especially the bit about not having the means to visit - my mum isn't rich either (single part time income) but she will find a way to visit. My mum is also devestated by us going but she has been a true trooper in that she has NEVER made us feel guilty but remained supportive the whole time. Sorry for my differnce in view, I hope i've not offended you, just wanted to tell you the way I see things. One things clear your mum cares about you so much and you clearly have a very honest relationship - I simply think that if I were the mum here i'd hold back some of my feelings as this must be upsetting for you.

Lynn x

Originally Posted by meelie

Thought I'd let you read the poem my mum wrote when I left UK for OZ. It made me cry.

I TRIED NOT TO CRY
'Mum, I've got something to tell you.'
I could see by your expression
It was something I wouldn't want to hear.
I waited while you searched for the right words.
For God's sake tell me, I thought, as
All kinds of awful things went through my mind.
Then the words came. Tumbled out.
Hard, like stones clattering to the ground.
'Mum - we're emigrating to Australia.'
I stood dumb, as you listed your reasons.
A better standard of living; smaller mortgage;
Your husband could lighten his workload.
Endless sunshine. I tried not to cry.
As the months went by you made your plans,
And I prayed they'd come to nothing.
You loved us too much to leave us, I thought.
But in the end I had to accept you were going.
Thousands of miles from us, how would I cope?
I was about to lose my best friend.
No more girly moments with you and my granddaughter.
Christmases would never be the same.
Then I had another thought - you wouldn't be there when I died.
Silly, I know, and maybe selfish. But that's how I felt.
You're gone now, and we miss you so much it hurts.
Did you know Dad cried all the way home from the airport?
'We're only 24 hours away,' you tell us.
Might as well be the other side of the moon
We haven't the means to jet across the world.
We wish you success and happiness in the life you've chosen.
But how can we fill the empty space you left behind.

Originally Posted by Bella Donna

You cannot think this way because you simply don't know what is in store. You *might* get knocked over by a bus and killed next week, or next month.

I held back from doing things in my life so I could be there for my mum, and I still wasn't there for her when she died. It came too suddenly and too unexpectedly. You can't live your life for your parents or anyone else, and you can't build your future on *maybes* and *whatifs*. You will end up full of regrets if you do. Parents bring kids into the world, guide them through childhood and adolescence, and then let them go to make their own way. Dealing with the pain of that is the dilemma of the parents, not the kids.

We don't own our kids - we're just here to hopefully steer them in the right direction on the path of Life. Then they have to fulfill their own destinies. And whether we like it or not, we have to sit back and watch without criticism or complaint. And pick up the pieces if necessary. ;)

To keep someone, you have to let them go. And it is the hardest thing in the world. :(

Originally Posted by lynnlovessun

Thanks for sharing such intimate thoughts that your mum sent you - it gives a really good insight into how parents might be feeling (even if they can't admit it)

However (and this is gonna be a bit controversial) I do think your mum has been a bit too honest - it seems to me that this 'poem' is a bit of a guilt trip to say the least - especially the bit about not having the means to visit - my mum isn't rich either (single part time income) but she will find a way to visit. My mum is also devestated by us going but she has been a true trooper in that she has NEVER made us feel guilty but remained supportive the whole time. Sorry for my differnce in view, I hope i've not offended you, just wanted to tell you the way I see things. One things clear your mum cares about you so much and you clearly have a very honest relationship - I simply think that if I were the mum here i'd hold back some of my feelings as this must be upsetting for you. Lynn x

Originally Posted by meelie

I'm not offended, everyone is entitled to their own views Lynn.
She didn't want to send me the poem but I told her she had to. I was a big part of my parents life and have always been there and have done a lot for them so its understandable that she feels like that. And I have always had the type of relationship with my mum whereby we are brutally honest with each other no matter what so thats another reason. I don't think she realised that it would make me feel so guilty she just wanted to let me know how she feels. She admits to feeling she is being selfish but does share the same views as Belladonna ie

Originally Posted by Bella Donna
You cannot think this way because you simply don't know what is in store. You *might* get knocked over by a bus and killed next week, or next month.

I held back from doing things in my life so I could be there for my mum, and I still wasn't there for her when she died. It came too suddenly and too unexpectedly. You can't live your life for your parents or anyone else, and you can't build your future on *maybes* and *whatifs*. You will end up full of regrets if you do. Parents bring kids into the world, guide them through childhood and adolescence, and then let them go to make their own way. Dealing with the pain of that is the dilemma of the parents, not the kids.

We don't own our kids - we're just here to hopefully steer them in the right direction on the path of Life. Then they have to fulfill their own destinies. And whether we like it or not, we have to sit back and watch without criticism or complaint. And pick up the pieces if necessary.

Originally Posted by lynnlovessun

Yes fair comment - Bella Donna has a lovely way with words in my opinion - would be a lovely mum to have.

Lynn x

Originally Posted by Three Legs

I don't get it ... It doesn’t rhyme.

Ask her to try again.

:p

Three Legs







ps ... very sweet tho'

Originally Posted by lynnlovessun

Thanks for sharing such intimate thoughts that your mum sent you - it gives a really good insight into how parents might be feeling (even if they can't admit it)

However (and this is gonna be a bit controversial) I do think your mum has been a bit too honest - it seems to me that this 'poem' is a bit of a guilt trip to say the least - especially the bit about not having the means to visit - my mum isn't rich either (single part time income) but she will find a way to visit. My mum is also devestated by us going but she has been a true trooper in that she has NEVER made us feel guilty but remained supportive the whole time. Sorry for my differnce in view, I hope i've not offended you, just wanted to tell you the way I see things. One things clear your mum cares about you so much and you clearly have a very honest relationship - I simply think that if I were the mum here i'd hold back some of my feelings as this must be upsetting for you.

Lynn x

Originally Posted by Bella Donna

I totally agree, Lynn. I thought that when I first read it. It's almost a reverse form of emotional blackmail. My mum used to write and say things along these lines - "you must go and be happy, your happiness is all that matters, please don't worry about me, I'll be fine on my own", etc., etc., etc.. It does sound noble, but the real message is "you feel as guilty as hell for doing this to me".

Having said that, Meelie's mum has a wonderful way with words - even if they are too painfully honest. it doesn't take away from the sentiment though.

Sue