bbqwisdom

We moved to AU a few years ago and left my dad now in his early 70's, sounds very cold but he was happy for us to leave because as he puts it "he has all his friends around him and a lifestyle he enjoys" so he fully supported us moving to give ourselves and his grand children a better chance of making it "whatever that means". Plus he as visited but decided not to stop because his club & pub friends were expecting him back in a few weeks with souvenirs and stories.

I wonder if anybody knows how or even if I can take some form of life insurance out for my dad. If anything happens and sadly life is life and it will I will need to be able to cover the cost of flying back to make arrangements, pay for the funeral, sort out his affairs and cover the cost of not working for however long that takes all at a time when I am probably not feeling at my most chipper, hence looking for an insurance policy to cover him.

Unfortunately, he is bloody hopeless at sorting things out for himself, so no chance of getting him to-do it, plus I think he thinks he's immortal and thinking about mortality somehow weakens him so unfortunately not a subject to be broached easily with him.

If anybody as a clue how to-do this and even better any companies that do this I would love to get some feedback.

DaveandLinda

We have insurance with these guys:

Kindred Travel

However, they may not be suitable as they only cover up to age 75 I think. If you know the worst is going to happen sometime then maybe you need to have a contingency fund.

bbqwisdom

Big thanks I will certainly be look into these. Thanks

spouse of scouse

I know this only addresses part of your question, but can your Dad (or you on his behalf) pre-pay his funeral in the UK? My 81 year old Mum and 87 year old step-Dad have done that here in Oz - they did if for a few reasons, cheaper to do it earlier rather than later as the price was fixed, they could choose their own music etc, and they didn't want to leave us kids to pay for it.

xizzles

That's a brilliant suggestion, but I think the OP did mention that the dad might be a little averse to any suggestion concerning his impending mortality, hence the difficulty....

bbqwisdom

thanks for responding, sadly my dad does not and will not talk about anything related to mortality i.e. wills, funeral wishes and insurances....cantankerous old bugger!

I might just about get him to stick a signature on a form if a) I am paying for it and b) it is all done for him and c) lucky and catch him in a good mood?

And although he would not like to see me out of pocket on his departure and shakes off his mortal shackles, he cannot see past his own "old school" reluctance to think about "big things"

but thanks once again, seems crazy that a insurance company does not get this type of request frequently and offer some special product for next of kin, I appreciate that they have to try and avoid encouraging the next movie plot of bumping off the parents but outside of the move and tv script world it is a serious issue for concerned children like me, not often I get to call myself that anymore.

bbqwisdom

you get my plight xizzles

Dorothy

Maybe because your dad is only in his early 70s he doesn't see things the same way you do? Early 70s is by no means "old" and if my children started asking me about them paying for my funeral and/or life insurance, etc. I would be more than a bit peeved. When/if I choose to make a will, take out insurance, or plan a funeral (I fully intend not to have one) it will be my choice who I tell and when.

bbqwisdom

Thanks for your feedback, I certainly do see it from your point and always try to see things through his eyes and I am always respectful to his feelings and try to use tact and diplomacy hence actually looking to find away to help him without needing to involve him. However, unless he helps to fund his future (or end depends on your point of view) then he runs the risk of none of his last wishes being acted upon and ending up buried in a wheelie bin (or other low cost burial method) with none of his loved ones around him to say goodbye. Whilst I cannot give him a state funeral I am trying to avoid him having a government one!

Dorothy

Ok, but look at it from his point of view for a moment. How would it make you feel if your child decided to go ahead and arrange for your insurance and funeral, etc. after you told them you didn't want them to? Like they were overstepping boundaries perhaps?

It's quite possible he has already taken steps to ensure that his future is funded but just hasn't told you. Maybe he's entrusted his final wishes to a good friend or other family member. Or instructed his solicitor. Maybe he wants a government funeral.

Honestly, it's not up to you to be deciding or planning his end of life - it's up to him and unless he is incompetent, the best advice I can give you is to back off and let him deal with things if and when he's ready. It would infuriate me if my child(ren) went against my wishes and made arrangements when I made it clear that I did not want their involvement. I understand you are trying to be a good son (daughter?) but if he has shown resistance to your input then you really have to respect his wishes.

spouse of scouse

I do see your point Dorothy, and I'd probably also be peeved if my kids started questioning me re had I paid for my funeral, etc. But by the same token, there's no way I'd leave my kids with the hassle, stress and expense, and instead have made provisions.

Even if you don't have a full-on funeral, you still have to be cremated and that costs. It also (to my way of thinking, anyway) saves the kids having to make decisions while they're grieving if you make your wishes clear. I've seen one (adult) child insist that their Mum 'would want' blah blah blah, while another sibling was adamant that Mum would not want that. It's just unnecessary stress.

We can die at any time, not just when we're ancient. If we can leave clear instructions about what we want to happen, including where we want our ashes to end up, then to me that makes sense.

spouse of scouse

Another 2c worth from me (this will make 4c)

You can respect your Dad's viewpoint regarding not wanting to discuss such matters, but he also has to respect your right to bring it up. You can make it short and sweet, and perhaps just say to him what you said above (maybe tone down the wheelie bin bit!).

Maybe it's because I come from a very practical, down to earth family, but we've always discussed these things openly. I'd be saying to my Dad that if he doesn't want to talk about it that's fine, but he also needs to understand that you don't have the resources to fly over, make arrangements etc, and that you just want him to have any wishes he has respected.

If he understands that you won't be able to step in and sort things out, and he's happy to just leave it all to the government, then while that will be sad for you (and you're allowed to tell him that!), it's a done deal and there's really not anything else you can do. At least both your Dad and you will know where each stands and you don't have to agonize or worry anymore.

moneypenny20

If I found out that my children had taken out life insurance on me and got me to sign the paperwork and expect me to be happy just because they were paying the premiums I'd be horrified and feel seriously let down. As Dorothy says, just because the parent involved doesn't want to talk about it doesn't mean he hasn't already taken steps to cover the funeral etc.

We're all different and just because some people like Spouse want everything up front and sorted ahead of time doesn't mean that others do (and visa versa).

To the OP I suggest you open a bank account just to cover emergency flights home and his funeral etc and just put in a small/medium/large amount each month. Then you'll have the money when the sad day comes and you don't have to bother your dad. It's no different to you paying life insurance premiums.

bbqwisdom

Well, thank you all for the comments and feedback, especially those that have tried to answer the question I originally asked.

Whilst I was not actually expecting to have my morality judged when I posted my question about future planning and insurance options. Although I have only been furnished with a limited amount of insurance advice I have certainly gained an insight into the different perspectives that people have.

I am left assuming that this is a more unique situation than I had first thought when posting.

BTW, If my intentions have come across as somewhat selfish and self serving by anyone then you are probably correct they are! I am certainly thinking selfishly to ensure that years after my father passes I do not live with the guilt of not providing him the best of wheelie bins and toasting his life from 10,000 miles away over Skype.

rasen78

I'll give you my 2c worth.

I have been in a very similar situation, first with my mother and now with my father. My mother passed away without a will and without securing her wishes to anyone, other than to be cremated. If it hadn't been for me remembering a long ago conversation regarding an old Prudential assurance scheme her father had started when she was born, and me subsequently finding that and a recent funeral payment scheme that she had decided to start a couple of years before she died, my father would have not been able to afford her funeral. As it was we (OH and I) had to help pay for some things. I also had to have various discussions with my brothers and father as to the service etc and I pretty much arranged the whole thing. Not something I intended on doing when I left Aus to hopefully spend some time with her before she passed away.

After the funeral, my father was adamant that he would be far more organised and would leave his affairs in order. He didn't want to have me running around sorting everything out as I did for mum. He would arrange for his will to be done and other such things.

Nearly 2 years down the line, nothing has changed. The promised will has not materialised (he was to send me a copy) and he has made no other moves to 'organise' things. Questions from me result in a quickly changed subject from him.

So, to keep the peace, I have let things lie. As another poster says, put the money aside instead of an insurance policy. You know your father so would perhaps have some inkling as to what his wishes might be. And he may set out his plans but doesn't want to discuss it with you for fear of upsetting you perhaps?

Anyway, I hope you are able to sort things out.