Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

Gather a group of your friends together and take them to a local park, get them to climb up into the trees, then you start walking between the trees and get your friends to jump down on you and prepare yourself for the Magpie dive bombing season.....

(Seriously, I used to see little old women walking through parks with ice cream containers on their heads with eyes drawn onto the backs of them as they were told they would scare the magpies away :eek: :rolleyes: )

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

Rename the said room "the media room" this will keep you up with the Joneses, sorry Ramsays.

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

Take an aussie holiday. Pick a destination about 3000 miles away but one that is strikingly similar to the small town you already live in, ensure it has a rellie in place, aunt, cous, or MIL will all count. Wait till high summer when 19 million other aussies will set off on the 'trip', do not consider flying, you wont be able to afford this in school holidays. Take at least 3 children and place in back row, with charged electronic game equipment. Fill car with canned food, nothing else will keep, put the homemade sarnies in the esky with some watered down cordial. Drive constantly on crammed roads for 3/4 days, stop periodically at The Big Fish, The Big Ram etc to ensure the kids get some cultural education along the way. Each night stop at servo and order large quantities of Maccas Jacks or KFC to, crack a few stubbies to celebrate the trip. Break the journey by staying in 2 ** caravan parks and drink pisswith other travellers. Prepare early to leave the next day to get in the fast lane stretches of 110 klm hour and stick to it so you dont get $700 fine each day. Prepare car with water and blanket for shade so if anyones car overheats in the one lane traffic you can sit it out for 5 hours without burning in the 40 degree heat.

Think how lucky you are you dont live in crappy UK and have to got to France, America or the bahamas every year.

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

PMSL at rich :D

TV (again)

Only watch the last 5 mins of "light hearted news" on the news programmes to get you used to the news updates.

Record all episodes of the bill for a month, then watch then for hours a night and talk about it all week

Record any american cop drama and watch them all nigh, but make sure that you DO NOT watch them in any order otherwise you might get to see the second half in "a be continued" and whats the point in that :confused:

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

When your supposed to be invoicing completed work at least have the sense to have the appropriate programme booted up on the pc. That way you can quickly mimimise expats and save yourself loads of grief. Doh! :confused: Ouch

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

And if its Queensland you are headed to, just make sure you have no rear lights at all

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

Practise an aussie social life. Stay home sunday to Thrusday these are week nights. Friday let rip, armed with $5.95 pizza coupons don your finest shorts and flanno, no shoes necessary, and line up at the Pizza joint. On the way home rent a DVD wife should have chilled the carton and a bottle of soft drink for the kids, sit in front of DVD. Enjoy :D

Saturday, hit K mart or Bunnings equivalent, hope enough 15 year olds are gainfully empolyed to greet you with "Hows ya going today" Reply "Good" then say "And you", they say "Good". Remark how friendly aussies are.
Saturday Night, barbie time, buy snags, turn mince into assholes, (Aussie joke for rissoles) put raw meat in sun, make sure you reuse bloody plate when serving. Women, start washing dishes and chatting in kitchen, keep up our beer supply. Men outside, shout for food and beer, chat about bastard boss at work or sport, which you dont actually play but do watch a lot of.

Sunday, beach time, assemble kids, beach towels, rid, sunblock, diluted cordial, chips, hats, nylon togs, sun tent, beach toys, sunchair for mum, few stubbies for dad, paper, vinegar, stingose, fill all of above with sand, spend day loading in and out of car. Arvo, MOW, you must mow and whippersnip, wash all cars, gurni driveway, clean pool, think how lucky you are to have so much leisure time.

Repeat 49 weeks a year, other 3 you will be on the trip (see above)

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

:D :D :D

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

So true its :scared: LOL

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

Oh yeah only dif here is we're going to the barbie now and then were going fishing this evening :scared:
I think we're going to a surf club tomorrow but until Deb gets credit for the phone we can't confirm ;)

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

Sounds like living in Britain as well, for any Aussie who dares to go outside of London. Not meaning to sound defensive, like an Aussie who can't take British p***taking, but our social life in Kent was nil because we didn't go to Primary school with a big gang of people who all married each other and spent their twenties in Spain or the Canaries together. Not meaning to take it all too seriously but at least from my husband's experience before and after meeting me and spending time in Australia these social groups are usually open to new members who didn't go to kindy with them. Oh well I do sound defensive but I have taken the rest of the posts in good humour this one just hit a sensitive nerve for me! Sorry!
P.S we held many parties and bbq's in Kent that we invited everyone we knew to and tried to chat to neighbours, work colleagues etc and joined adult education classes etc before anyone says we didn't make an effort. We had one friend from London who came to every bbq etc and was often the only there. Now we sound really sad!

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

If you think a poster is trolling or flame baiting do not rise to the bait and reply. You are encouraging them. Trolls without replies get very sad and move on.

Check the date of the thread you are replying to in case it is over a year old.

If you are a welsh ex drug taking ex joy rider who like to threaten women with new arseholes do not think they you will be welcome back here.

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

Drat! you took the words out of my mouth! what is it about UK traffic jams that makes people resurrect old threads?:D

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

GENIUS.... (Jad & Rich)

See what you mean. I like your candidness. Incidentally, on a more serious note, I think you are correct, we're all taking the piss but some of the quirks of Australian culture is the same as British culture eg. working class hoon V8 BBQs Australian lifestyle has a Brit Sun reader/shopping at Bluewater/get pissed equivalent...this is why I get bored with some of our more intellectual friends who run down Australia and seem to feel that the UK is some sort of BBC run intellectual mecca. The UK has papers like the Sun and the Mirror for gawds sakes.. :D

As they say, every country has a population of people who have never moved outside their country to speak of; married in home town etc etc..most of us expats here are moving to try something else and that is to be applauded..

..on with the show..

BM

Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
 

When you come to sell your house; ask the estate agent to hold an auction.

At the auction ask the estate agent to outbid, on your behalf, anyone who makes a bid and then complain that people have stopped bidding!!