Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
#211
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Ceri
Jayr .. Good idea!!!!. I would have never thought of sending the local peasants or" pesents" back to the uk . Now that is a good thought for my next gift home to send to my mum-in-law
You'll need a large Jiffy bag to stick an Inala resident in...
#212
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by JulesandChris
Get used to never 'having a coffee' again.
Try some of these instead -
long black
.
Try some of these instead -
long black
.
I'd love to be able to get just plain old black filter coffee. I don't like milk in coffees, never mind froth, cream, marshmallows, cinnamon and syrup, but its near impossible to just get filter coffee. I make do with a long black, which are fine but use up one week's caffeine hit in one go.
Bring back coffee that you drink, not eat.
#213
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Change lanes at random while driving. You don't need a reason. If you stay in the same lane for too long people think you're asleep, and start hooting at you.
Ignore speed limits. Drive either 40 kph OVER, or 40 kph UNDER the speed limit. Do this while randomly changing lanes during rush hour. All drivers love you for this - it breaks the tedium of the drive in.
Overtake on the inside, the outside, or get right up the arse of the bloke in front and force him / her out of the way. Make sure you're doing some speed other than the posted limit when you do this.
Drive in the T2 lane (must have a passenger in the car to be allowed to use it) when there's quite obviously just you, the driver, in the car, and while you're at it go at 40 kph below the posted speed limit during rush hour.
When you get to the tolls, make sure you are in the lane which should only be used by E-Tag users, who are belting along behind you at 90 kph, then suddenly realise that you should be in the CASH lane, screech to a halt, and cut across in front of the road train which is doing 90+ into the concrete barrier lined gap right behind you.....
If there's an accident, slow to 10 kph when in sight, and keep to this speed (or less) while dawdling past the accident. then change lanes quickly, without any indication, just to keep the other rubber-neckers on their toes....
Have your windows wide open, with your speakers that take up half the interior of the car blaring out the most inane rap / Arabie music at full volume, but you have to be wearing your baseball cap BACKWARDS when you do this, or people will know that you're a wannabee hoon, rather than the real thing.
And no, I'm not exaggerating. Welcome to Sydney!
Ignore speed limits. Drive either 40 kph OVER, or 40 kph UNDER the speed limit. Do this while randomly changing lanes during rush hour. All drivers love you for this - it breaks the tedium of the drive in.
Overtake on the inside, the outside, or get right up the arse of the bloke in front and force him / her out of the way. Make sure you're doing some speed other than the posted limit when you do this.
Drive in the T2 lane (must have a passenger in the car to be allowed to use it) when there's quite obviously just you, the driver, in the car, and while you're at it go at 40 kph below the posted speed limit during rush hour.
When you get to the tolls, make sure you are in the lane which should only be used by E-Tag users, who are belting along behind you at 90 kph, then suddenly realise that you should be in the CASH lane, screech to a halt, and cut across in front of the road train which is doing 90+ into the concrete barrier lined gap right behind you.....
If there's an accident, slow to 10 kph when in sight, and keep to this speed (or less) while dawdling past the accident. then change lanes quickly, without any indication, just to keep the other rubber-neckers on their toes....
Have your windows wide open, with your speakers that take up half the interior of the car blaring out the most inane rap / Arabie music at full volume, but you have to be wearing your baseball cap BACKWARDS when you do this, or people will know that you're a wannabee hoon, rather than the real thing.
And no, I'm not exaggerating. Welcome to Sydney!
#214
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by downunderpom
When you get to the tolls, make sure you are in the lane which should only be used by E-Tag users, who are belting along behind you at 90 kph, then suddenly realise that you should be in the CASH lane, screech to a halt, and cut across in front of the road train which is doing 90+ into the concrete barrier lined gap right behind you.....
#215
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
If under 25, wear your jeans as low as physically possible without being arrested and wear 'sateen' boxer shorts for all to see, preferably with 'Holden' or 'Ford' motif.
Practice Australian credit security in the UK by refusing to allow the shop assistant to check your signature against that on your card.
If under 25 have your friends pull you repeatedly though a hedge backwards to create an Australian hair'style'. Even better, dig out your late 1970's/early 1980's school photos and regrow your hair to the same style. If you hair has a slight curl, make sure you grow it as big as humanly possible. Also try out bizarre looking facial hair, the longer straggly and wispier the beard the better.
Practice Australian credit security in the UK by refusing to allow the shop assistant to check your signature against that on your card.
If under 25 have your friends pull you repeatedly though a hedge backwards to create an Australian hair'style'. Even better, dig out your late 1970's/early 1980's school photos and regrow your hair to the same style. If you hair has a slight curl, make sure you grow it as big as humanly possible. Also try out bizarre looking facial hair, the longer straggly and wispier the beard the better.
#216
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
If you're from "deadcliffe" put a Jack Beedham sticker in the back window.. this will help other drivers to stay well clear of you ( seriously .. next time any of you in Brisbane see a Jack Beedham sticker in a car window heading North . watch the bad driving)
It must be the sticker ... .." it's evil I tell you!"
It must be the sticker ... .." it's evil I tell you!"
#217
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Before you get here practice buying a used car. Go through the local paper and arrange to see a 500 quid car.
"What, it hasn't been MOT'ed for 11 years?" - oh, I'm sure it will be OK"
and instead of giving the seller 500 quid, give them 1,500.
"What, it hasn't been MOT'ed for 11 years?" - oh, I'm sure it will be OK"
and instead of giving the seller 500 quid, give them 1,500.
#218
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Top tips. don't look at the bottom of this page/thread for similar threads..LOL, that feature is running mad ..lol
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Similar Threads
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#219
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Posting on Britishexpats is likely to ruin any reputation or decency you ever had.
#220
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
For trips to QLD:
Visit as many cheap coastal resorts in the UK as possible and go into lots of those really tacky gift shops. Buy lots of nasty souvenier type things like fake crystals and frilly dolls and fill your house with them. Bingo - your house will look just like the inside of a typical Queensland home.
Don't wear platform shoes if you are over 6' as you could be decapitated by those huge ceiling fans.
Have a few coffee mornings with your local Hell's Angel's Chapter to get plenty of tips on hair styles and dress sense.
Keep them coming, putting a smile on my face some of these......
David
Visit as many cheap coastal resorts in the UK as possible and go into lots of those really tacky gift shops. Buy lots of nasty souvenier type things like fake crystals and frilly dolls and fill your house with them. Bingo - your house will look just like the inside of a typical Queensland home.
Don't wear platform shoes if you are over 6' as you could be decapitated by those huge ceiling fans.
Have a few coffee mornings with your local Hell's Angel's Chapter to get plenty of tips on hair styles and dress sense.
Keep them coming, putting a smile on my face some of these......
David
#221
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Badge
Married men. Slap yourself occasionally whilst outside on errands. This will get used to the punishment meted out when you are
are walking along the beach front with your wife.
are walking along the beach front with your wife.
#222
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Badge
BIGGEST TIP OF ALL
you shouldn't be dividing by 2.5 anyhow...unless you are spending GBP from an UK account....
take your Aussie income and divide by UK income....this is the approx ratio you should be using...if it is negative, or less than 1, then you should never have migrated. If it is higher than 1(like mine) you did well to come to Straya..
(How good am I?) Do I get an OBE now?
BM
you shouldn't be dividing by 2.5 anyhow...unless you are spending GBP from an UK account....
take your Aussie income and divide by UK income....this is the approx ratio you should be using...if it is negative, or less than 1, then you should never have migrated. If it is higher than 1(like mine) you did well to come to Straya..
(How good am I?) Do I get an OBE now?
BM
#223
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Badge
sorry; a fraction man, a fraction....
eg for me AUS100.000 / GBP30,000 = 3ish - this is the rate I use...I am quids(or dollars in)
for a London banker working in Aussie Maccas:
AUS20,000/GBP100,000 = fraction - don't come to Aus!!!
AUS45,000/GBP17,500 = 2.5 the real rate, as you say, for an average bod....come to Australia but it may only be same sh*t, shiner bucket...
BM
eg for me AUS100.000 / GBP30,000 = 3ish - this is the rate I use...I am quids(or dollars in)
for a London banker working in Aussie Maccas:
AUS20,000/GBP100,000 = fraction - don't come to Aus!!!
AUS45,000/GBP17,500 = 2.5 the real rate, as you say, for an average bod....come to Australia but it may only be same sh*t, shiner bucket...
BM
And don't forget, you then get screwed by the tax system in Oz, which kicks in at a higher rate and sooner than in UK.
#224
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by MikeStanton
If it's negative, you need to go back to school...
#225
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Badge
I knew you would be first in-line to correct me... I thank you