Scotty1

Hi Chrissie
We are in the same situation with an 8 year old (my husband's son) and I am really dreading telling him. Because we are not moving for at least another couple of years, we have not told him or his mother yet. We managed to take him for a medical without his mother's knowledge as we see him every week.
We haven't thought about giving him the choice as not sure he would want to choose one parent over another at this stage. Even if he did want to come his mother wouldn't let him - and I can understand that. We are hoping he will think about further education in Oz when he is older.
I don't know how my husband will feel about leaving him when the time comes but we plan on annual visits and weekly webcams. How does the web cam work for you - how long have you been doing it?
When are you thinking of breaking the news?
Scotty

devils advocate

Whilst I completely understand your position and feelings, please be very very careful. If she found out about the medical, it is perfectly reasonable for his mother to suspect an abduction attempt could be made. If she pursues this, at best she could cause a lot of trouble for you and at worst she could get any current contact arrangements modified.

andrewb

We told them about 6 months before we left the UK. We made sure we had the kids over a long weekend and told them on the Friday and we talked a lot over that weekend so by the time they left us on the Monday evening and went back to their mother we had had lots of chats about things and sorted it out before their mother put the knife in. Before we left we had already talked about "their" new bedroom and the furniture that they had in the UK will be in their new bedroom. My daughter needed a new bed so we bought that here and told her about it when we had bought it. When their rooms have furniture in we will talk a digital picture and email it to them. They are already planning their trips out here even though I know it will be a battle with their mum. We talk at least twice a week on MSN or Skype and sometimes, we have a chat and just play the games on MSN whilst we chat!!

We gave them enough time before we came to get used to the idea and try and keep things just as they were, we are just 12000 miles away!!

chrissie181

Yeah its a tough one isn't it. The ex wife is always going to be a pain in the arse! ( Is that swearing? sorry if it is)
Even though I got together with my husband years after they had split up. His ex still thinks she has some God given right to try and make life difficult for us, but all it does is make it hard on the Kids. They are the ones that suffer. They are getting older though and hopefully will start to see through the rubbish. They are very close to their Dad and I think it would take an awfully lot for her to turn them against him for ever.

Chrissie

chrissie181

Thanks
Good Luck with everything too

Chrissie

Australia_bound?

Well good luck whatever happens, you never know in a few years they may decide that UK is no longer where they want to be!! I know when I was in my teens I'd have loved to have been able to go to Aus, pity it's took me so long to get anywhere near achieving that

Sunlover

At the risk of starting a war, it's just not something I would ever consider doing and find it hard to understand.

I have a hard enought time coping with the separation from my parents and siblings to even contemplate the separation from a child.

MSN and webcam don't substitute for human contact.

I would think very hard about whether the benefits you think you are going to get from moving to Oz are worth the sacrifice. Having lived in both places I know I would rather live in the UK with my children than in Australia without them.

chrissie181

Thanks for your comments.

Unfortunately we dont live with my Husbands Girls in the Uk.We see them every other weekend,though and I know what you mean.
You are right Nothing does substitutes human contact. The decision to move to Oz and not see the Kids until the school holidays is most definitely one we have thought long and hard over , which is why we posted this thread in the first place.
I think I would feel the same as you if they were my Children and we all lived together as a proper family. However we dont. We share time with them. We are always open with them and they are very aware we have our own lives too, which I think they respect us for. They seem to think we are quite cool. Something Kids dont do after a certain age when they are with you all the time.
They will be in no doubt as they are now, that where ever we are they are always part of our life and are always welcome to be with us if they choose.

Many thanks
Chrissie & Tony

Scotty1

Thanks for the thought - it never occured to us!! As we do not need her consent to have a medical (at least there is nothing on any form that required both parents to sign) and it is fully declared on the visa application that my stepson will not be coming with us - not sure how we could as he won't have a visa.