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Leaving for OZ with older children

Leaving for OZ with older children

Old Oct 16th 2004, 10:47 am
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Default Leaving for OZ with older children

Would like to comment on coming to Australia with children aged 12+ who do not want to come (and perhaps those that do)
My own situation was back in 1959 when i came here (Adelaide) with my Parents & younger brother when i was 14+ years old and he was aged 7.
It didn't seem to matter much to me then, but a few years later i started to have many regrets about being dragged away from school and my friends at a 'crucial' age. It is a known fact that disrupting an older child in this age range can lead to Psychological problems later on in life.
Even if life turned out very well (as it did for me) you still have a sense of having something taken away from you and Parents get blamed for being selfish and not doing the right thing in disrupting their childrens life. It is akin to a type of childhood trauma that may only come to the surface later on in life.
Anyway, as i stated, life turned out very well for me with a good marriage (to an OZ) nice children and grandchildren. But, there has been emotional issues for me that has been linked to my early separation from my homeland, which in all probability will always exist.
My 7 year old brother did not have this problem, thus the age of departure is an important factor.
So, if you do have older children who have not yet completed their schooling, think very carefully before making a decision. Don't just think that 'i am doing it for them for a better life' or because you are being selfish. You have a responsibility to weigh up the consequences that may have drastic recriminations a lot further up the track.
I do want to put a negative feel on this forum about coming to Australia, just putting in a further dimension that is all too common but gets negleted when deciding to come here.
On a positive note, Australia is a great place to raise children and to find that 'better' life for your family (there are problems here of course) and may i suggest that having travelled all over Australia, you will go a long way to find a place to live as nice as Adelaide. It is one of the best and beautiful cities in OZ, flanked by parklands on all four sides of the city (the only city in the world that has this) and the lifestyle here is more cultured..but i guess it depends on your own personal tastes.
Good luck to you all.
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Old Oct 16th 2004, 11:59 am
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

Originally Posted by anth_wib
Would like to comment on coming to Australia with children aged 12+ who do not want to come (and perhaps those that do)
Some teenagers are old enough to know they want to leave their 'homeland'

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Old Oct 16th 2004, 12:14 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

And with all due respect, many teenagers today have a more street-wise and aware attitude to life than many did in 1959.
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Old Oct 16th 2004, 12:31 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

I and my siblings moved to various countries whilst teenagers. As adults it hasn't affected us emotionally, indeed we think it enriched our childhood

My son moved here to Aus with us aged 16. He's adjusted well. Says he'd rather have tried this experience than always wonder "what if". He's also planning on going back to UK when 18 for a gap year. Then he'll make his own mind up as to whether to go to Uni in Aus or UK . So no problems there. He seems well adjusted with this strategy in mind.....

As JAJ says, teenagers know there own minds and are far less perturbed by moving than we give them credit for
 
Old Oct 16th 2004, 12:35 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

OK, everyone can agree that the teenage years might be a more difficult time to move. Some kids have trouble adapting, others less so.

But lets de-dramatize things a bit and not blame your whole life's happiness or success on whether you had the same group of friends during your teenage years! In the past, hundreds of thousands of families moved across the world, often not speaking the language or knowing anything about the place they were going and I imagine some of these families had teenagers! Australia, Canada and the U.S. were "made" from these immigrants who had it a heck of a lot harder than most of todays kids and they have not all developed "Psychological problems".

I don't mean to say that parents should not take their childrens opinions into account but all families with teenagers shouldn't have to automatically cross off any possibility of moving either....

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Old Oct 16th 2004, 1:12 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

i too came to Adelaide in 1962 as the child of migrants, i was 4 so i did not remember the uk, but since moved back here and i am now wanting to return to Austraila but my age is against me as i am 45.
i have a 19 year old son who cant wait to live in Australia in my opinion the quality of ife is so much better than in the uk. He has no problem about leaving friends behind and and new ones.
all children are different and they do have to opportunity to return.
Originally Posted by anth_wib
Would like to comment on coming to Australia with children aged 12+ who do not want to come (and perhaps those that do)
My own situation was back in 1959 when i came here (Adelaide) with my Parents & younger brother when i was 14+ years old and he was aged 7.
It didn't seem to matter much to me then, but a few years later i started to have many regrets about being dragged away from school and my friends at a 'crucial' age. It is a known fact that disrupting an older child in this age range can lead to Psychological problems later on in life.
Even if life turned out very well (as it did for me) you still have a sense of having something taken away from you and Parents get blamed for being selfish and not doing the right thing in disrupting their childrens life. It is akin to a type of childhood trauma that may only come to the surface later on in life.
Anyway, as i stated, life turned out very well for me with a good marriage (to an OZ) nice children and grandchildren. But, there has been emotional issues for me that has been linked to my early separation from my homeland, which in all probability will always exist.
My 7 year old brother did not have this problem, thus the age of departure is an important factor.
So, if you do have older children who have not yet completed their schooling, think very carefully before making a decision. Don't just think that 'i am doing it for them for a better life' or because you are being selfish. You have a responsibility to weigh up the consequences that may have drastic recriminations a lot further up the track.
I do want to put a negative feel on this forum about coming to Australia, just putting in a further dimension that is all too common but gets negleted when deciding to come here.
On a positive note, Australia is a great place to raise children and to find that 'better' life for your family (there are problems here of course) and may i suggest that having travelled all over Australia, you will go a long way to find a place to live as nice as Adelaide. It is one of the best and beautiful cities in OZ, flanked by parklands on all four sides of the city (the only city in the world that has this) and the lifestyle here is more cultured..but i guess it depends on your own personal tastes.
Good luck to you all.
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Old Oct 16th 2004, 1:36 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

With respect, this is not about how mature or street wise kids are today.

To put this into perspective, it does not affect ALL teenagers & if it does it is likely to affect those that are on average aged 12 to 16 years.

This is not just from my experience, but has been well documented by professional opinions in this area.

Of course many kids will breeze through 'anything' and will often say they know what they want, but this is not what it is about. It is far more 'intrinsic' and has an individualistic nature.

In any event, i think it would not be wise to disrupt a child's life at say 14 when they have only a couple of years schooling to complete & established friends.

This is not moving down the street or to another county, but across the world with a different culture which is difficult enough in its own right.

I respect the right of everyone's opinon, but don't tell me this has not happened to many children.

It was presented as food for thought.
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Old Oct 16th 2004, 2:19 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

Hi,

With due respect, I moved around a lot as a child (incl. abroad) and TBH I wouldn't have it any other way. I've had a really interesting childhood - and whilst it was tough (for other reasons than us moving around), it was certainly enlightening

I hated school and anything that meant moving to a new one was good for me. I come from a far-flung family who have moved around a lot, so I guess it's in my blood!

I've never been to Oz (I'm following hubby on this one), but it appeals to my sense of adventure - after all, wherever I go I find people I have something in common with and make friends. After all, strangers are only friends you haven't met yet......

It's my 8yr old son who's not too keen, but even he admits that he is well-liked wherever he goes. He doesn't go to school, but has no shortage of friends and activities and we had another chat last night and he seems much brighter, especially since we've assured him the feline psycho (I love her really) can come too.

Sounds like you are having a lovely life and I'm sorry that choices that your parents made have caused some bitterness in you

I do have some issues with my father, but not for us moving about (more about him as a person and his treatment of my Mum and me). Moving about was a fantastic experience and I learnt so much from it.
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Old Oct 16th 2004, 2:46 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

Originally Posted by anth_wib
In any event, i think it would not be wise to disrupt a child's life at say 14 when they have only a couple of years schooling to complete & established friends.

This is not moving down the street or to another county, but across the world with a different culture which is difficult enough in its own right.

I respect the right of everyone's opinon, but don't tell me this has not happened to many children.

It was presented as food for thought.
I think it's fair to say that *some* teenagers will have problems moving, compared to younger children.

However other teenagers might be even more keen than younger children to move, because they've reached sufficient age to come to a conclusion their 'homeland' is not the place they want to be long term. All this depends on the individuals involved.

Jeremy
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Old Oct 16th 2004, 2:49 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

Originally Posted by Phoenixuk2oz

My son moved here to Aus with us aged 16. He's adjusted well. Says he'd rather have tried this experience than always wonder "what if". He's also planning on going back to UK when 18 for a gap year. Then he'll make his own mind up as to whether to go to Uni in Aus or UK . So no problems there. He seems well adjusted with this strategy in mind.....
Your son needs to be very careful about his visa status unless he gets Australian citizenship before leaving (which is the best idea).

This is one of the most common 'lost PR' stories - a young adult decides to go back to the UK to study or work, stays there a few years and then can't get back to Australia to live. Once PR is lost, getting it back is *not* necessarily easy.

At the very least he should get a five year resident return visa (if he's not going for citizenship), but bear in mind that might not be long enough for him. He'll also find it a complete pain in the neck 3/4 years down the line if he's faced with the choice of a good career opportunity in the UK, or having to return to Australia to keep his permanent residence alive.

Jeremy
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Old Oct 18th 2004, 5:06 am
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

Originally Posted by anth_wib
Would like to comment on coming to Australia with children aged 12+ who do not want to come (and perhaps those that do)
My own situation was back in 1959 when i came here (Adelaide) with my Parents & younger brother when i was 14+ years old and he was aged 7.
It didn't seem to matter much to me then, but a few years later i started to have many regrets about being dragged away from school and my friends at a 'crucial' age. It is a known fact that disrupting an older child in this age range can lead to Psychological problems later on in life.
Even if life turned out very well (as it did for me) you still have a sense of having something taken away from you and Parents get blamed for being selfish and not doing the right thing in disrupting their childrens life. It is akin to a type of childhood trauma that may only come to the surface later on in life.
Anyway, as i stated, life turned out very well for me with a good marriage (to an OZ) nice children and grandchildren. But, there has been emotional issues for me that has been linked to my early separation from my homeland, which in all probability will always exist.
My 7 year old brother did not have this problem, thus the age of departure is an important factor.
So, if you do have older children who have not yet completed their schooling, think very carefully before making a decision. Don't just think that 'i am doing it for them for a better life' or because you are being selfish. You have a responsibility to weigh up the consequences that may have drastic recriminations a lot further up the track.
I do want to put a negative feel on this forum about coming to Australia, just putting in a further dimension that is all too common but gets negleted when deciding to come here.
On a positive note, Australia is a great place to raise children and to find that 'better' life for your family (there are problems here of course) and may i suggest that having travelled all over Australia, you will go a long way to find a place to live as nice as Adelaide. It is one of the best and beautiful cities in OZ, flanked by parklands on all four sides of the city (the only city in the world that has this) and the lifestyle here is more cultured..but i guess it depends on your own personal tastes.
Good luck to you all.
Thank-you for posting this informative thread, which gives people some insight into your thoughts and feelings on being moved to Australia as a child.
I am sorry to hear that you feel it was wrong for you.
I think that very often, we THINK we know what is best for our children, but maybe we should LISTEN to their thoughts and fears without just brushing them aside. It has certainly been one of my top priorities since coming here.
If my children do not settle, or are unhappy due to the move, we will go back.
We THINK we are bringing them here for their own good, better lifestyle etc..
We are all individuals. I'm sure some children will love it, others hate it.
But I think it is important that they should be encouraged to voice their own opinions too.
kath n kim
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Old Oct 18th 2004, 9:46 am
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

Originally Posted by ausbird
i too came to Adelaide in 1962 as the child of migrants, i was 4 so i did not remember the uk, but since moved back here and i am now wanting to return to Austraila but my age is against me as i am 45.
i have a 19 year old son who cant wait to live in Australia in my opinion the quality of ife is so much better than in the uk. He has no problem about leaving friends behind and and new ones.
all children are different and they do have to opportunity to return.

My partner Sean was born in Australia. His parents moved to Melbourne in the 1960's and settled there until his Grandfather was taken ill and they returned to Wales Uk when Sean was 7 years old. In the time that known him all Sean has talked about is going back to Australia. He is now 38 and we are leavig the UK on saturday for a holiday to Melbourne and to validate my visa along with my children,

We plan to completely up route home and move to Oz in January 05.

Sean has always said that he wanted to return to Oz and should have done many years before. We are taking my 2 children of whom are 12 and 16 years old, and they are 100% behind all of us going.

With both of them we have let them do their own research on the net to see for themselves what can be on offer to them in Oz and they have both decided it's what they want to do. They also know that if they change their minds and want to stay with their father here in the UK that's ok. (i wouldn't like it but i'd understand) I think that has reassured them that they have a get out option if they need it.

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Old Oct 18th 2004, 11:38 am
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

Originally Posted by JAJ
Your son needs to be very careful about his visa status unless he gets Australian citizenship before leaving (which is the best idea).

This is one of the most common 'lost PR' stories - a young adult decides to go back to the UK to study or work, stays there a few years and then can't get back to Australia to live. Once PR is lost, getting it back is *not* necessarily easy.

At the very least he should get a five year resident return visa (if he's not going for citizenship), but bear in mind that might not be long enough for him. He'll also find it a complete pain in the neck 3/4 years down the line if he's faced with the choice of a good career opportunity in the UK, or having to return to Australia to keep his permanent residence alive.

Jeremy
Thanks for that Jeremy [good point]

Actually, I forgot to mention, he intends gaining citizenship before he goes
 
Old Oct 18th 2004, 12:26 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

I found leaving Greece for America at age 9 extremely traumatic. It had been my home (although we were expats there) for so long, and the prospect of moving to a completely different continent was very scary. I had a god-awful time in the States, which really reached its peak when my dad died. Although tragedy can strike anywhere, I would have coped better if we'd been in Greece. I guess what I'm trying to say is, while moving will never be the smooth transition we want it to be, ensure that your kids are alright with it. My sister is the kind of person who would walk into a classroom and start talking to other kids. I was the one who was permanently rooted to the corner for the first few weeks ! All children will have different reactions, but don't make hasty decisions, please!

I have grown used to relocating by now though, having left the US for Sweden (and moving several times there too), and then Sweden for the UK. I still find it difficult, but I have seen the world along the way, and that is an experience I value very highly.

-Becs
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Old Oct 18th 2004, 6:39 pm
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Default Re: Leaving for OZ with older children

Aged 12-15, seeing the girls in my class in bikinis was a highlight, in Australia it would become the norm....I obviously missed out.

This enough could move a teenage boy....
 

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