Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Mar 31st 2005, 3:06 pm
#1
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Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
I've just told my Brother & his wife that we are looking to move to Australia. I wasn't too sure what his response would be, but wasn't quite prepared for what I got.
To give you a little history, I am the little sister, the baby of the family, etc. Our parents died within 15 months of each other 3 years ago which just left the two of us, but we have always been very close. I grew up being told to be more like Dave….the sensible one. He has been married for years, has 2 boys, 18 & 12 and has always been very sensible and done the expected thing. I’ve had a few more "issues" during my life, and to be honest been slightly more rebellious. I’ve been divorced which caused them many problems, apparently, no one in our family had ever been divorced, and I’m sure they thought I had done it to cause them embarrassment with friends! No one seemed bothered what my feelings were. I always think about number one, mucked around at school and frittered away money on far away holidays instead of saving for a rainy day. We do both have good careers, and have worked hard to get nice houses etc, but I will always be the one than caused the problems when we were younger, ie. 20years ago!!!!
To get back to the point....the reaction was, "I guess this is just another whim of yours, you will sell up, go out with no job, miss everyone and have to come back and start again. Also, don't expect us to fly out all the time to visit you - it is a long way you know”. "You have a family to think about now, it's not just the two of you".
I know it was a shock, but I guess this is what they still think about me, and assume I'm still a care-free 18 year old, not a mother of a small baby in her 30’s. I thought they would be ok, as they have always known we wanted to leave the UK, they just assumed it would be the US we went to as I worked there for a while and loved it.
Although they live 100 miles away from us, we are seeing them again on Saturday, so it will be interesting to see what the comments and thoughts are after they have had time to digest the news. I’m really hoping that they will be happy for us, and see it as a free holiday home rather than the sister that moved away.
I know reading other peoples comments that people do react very differently to what you expect, but I really hope things get easier, as we have my husband’s family to do this weekend….anymore responses like this one and I think I will be mentally drained.
One funny point to end on….my sister in law asked what the next stage was, so I said Police checks and Medicals. “Oh, so you could fail the medical as you had a c-section last year, they won’t want people with a history of operations and medical problems” - taken aback I said that as long as we didn’t have TB or Aids we should be ok….. “They’re not very stringent medicals then”….I didn’t know how to respond to that one!!!
To give you a little history, I am the little sister, the baby of the family, etc. Our parents died within 15 months of each other 3 years ago which just left the two of us, but we have always been very close. I grew up being told to be more like Dave….the sensible one. He has been married for years, has 2 boys, 18 & 12 and has always been very sensible and done the expected thing. I’ve had a few more "issues" during my life, and to be honest been slightly more rebellious. I’ve been divorced which caused them many problems, apparently, no one in our family had ever been divorced, and I’m sure they thought I had done it to cause them embarrassment with friends! No one seemed bothered what my feelings were. I always think about number one, mucked around at school and frittered away money on far away holidays instead of saving for a rainy day. We do both have good careers, and have worked hard to get nice houses etc, but I will always be the one than caused the problems when we were younger, ie. 20years ago!!!!
To get back to the point....the reaction was, "I guess this is just another whim of yours, you will sell up, go out with no job, miss everyone and have to come back and start again. Also, don't expect us to fly out all the time to visit you - it is a long way you know”. "You have a family to think about now, it's not just the two of you".
I know it was a shock, but I guess this is what they still think about me, and assume I'm still a care-free 18 year old, not a mother of a small baby in her 30’s. I thought they would be ok, as they have always known we wanted to leave the UK, they just assumed it would be the US we went to as I worked there for a while and loved it.
Although they live 100 miles away from us, we are seeing them again on Saturday, so it will be interesting to see what the comments and thoughts are after they have had time to digest the news. I’m really hoping that they will be happy for us, and see it as a free holiday home rather than the sister that moved away.
I know reading other peoples comments that people do react very differently to what you expect, but I really hope things get easier, as we have my husband’s family to do this weekend….anymore responses like this one and I think I will be mentally drained.
One funny point to end on….my sister in law asked what the next stage was, so I said Police checks and Medicals. “Oh, so you could fail the medical as you had a c-section last year, they won’t want people with a history of operations and medical problems” - taken aback I said that as long as we didn’t have TB or Aids we should be ok….. “They’re not very stringent medicals then”….I didn’t know how to respond to that one!!!
Mar 31st 2005, 3:17 pm
#2
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 6,360
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Try not to worry, he's probably just so shocked he didnt know what else to say except something negative!
My mum was exactly the same, first thing she said was "Well, you'll never see your mother again, I'm not flying all that way" yet on my birthday last Monday she was full of it, Australia this and that!
Will send you some karma to help
My mum was exactly the same, first thing she said was "Well, you'll never see your mother again, I'm not flying all that way" yet on my birthday last Monday she was full of it, Australia this and that!
Will send you some karma to help
Mar 31st 2005, 3:20 pm
#3
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Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Perth W.A
Posts: 429
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
We had something like that but not from the rellies from a mates wife which did hit me in the face a bit,but then i put it down to if youre not happy get off your arse and do something about it and the one's who dont will have a go....having said that we only told the rellies last week so still time for some comments
Mar 31st 2005, 3:21 pm
#4
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 142
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Originally Posted by sonictigger
I've just told my Brother & his wife that we are looking to move to Australia. I wasn't too sure what his response would be, but wasn't quite prepared for what I got.
To give you a little history, I am the little sister, the baby of the family, etc. Our parents died within 15 months of each other 3 years ago which just left the two of us, but we have always been very close. I grew up being told to be more like Dave….the sensible one. He has been married for years, has 2 boys, 18 & 12 and has always been very sensible and done the expected thing. I’ve had a few more "issues" during my life, and to be honest been slightly more rebellious. I’ve been divorced which caused them many problems, apparently, no one in our family had ever been divorced, and I’m sure they thought I had done it to cause them embarrassment with friends! No one seemed bothered what my feelings were. I always think about number one, mucked around at school and frittered away money on far away holidays instead of saving for a rainy day. We do both have good careers, and have worked hard to get nice houses etc, but I will always be the one than caused the problems when we were younger, ie. 20years ago!!!!
To get back to the point....the reaction was, "I guess this is just another whim of yours, you will sell up, go out with no job, miss everyone and have to come back and start again. Also, don't expect us to fly out all the time to visit you - it is a long way you know”. "You have a family to think about now, it's not just the two of you".
I know it was a shock, but I guess this is what they still think about me, and assume I'm still a care-free 18 year old, not a mother of a small baby in her 30’s. I thought they would be ok, as they have always known we wanted to leave the UK, they just assumed it would be the US we went to as I worked there for a while and loved it.
Although they live 100 miles away from us, we are seeing them again on Saturday, so it will be interesting to see what the comments and thoughts are after they have had time to digest the news. I’m really hoping that they will be happy for us, and see it as a free holiday home rather than the sister that moved away.
I know reading other peoples comments that people do react very differently to what you expect, but I really hope things get easier, as we have my husband’s family to do this weekend….anymore responses like this one and I think I will be mentally drained.
One funny point to end on….my sister in law asked what the next stage was, so I said Police checks and Medicals. “Oh, so you could fail the medical as you had a c-section last year, they won’t want people with a history of operations and medical problems” - taken aback I said that as long as we didn’t have TB or Aids we should be ok….. “They’re not very stringent medicals then”….I didn’t know how to respond to that one!!!
To give you a little history, I am the little sister, the baby of the family, etc. Our parents died within 15 months of each other 3 years ago which just left the two of us, but we have always been very close. I grew up being told to be more like Dave….the sensible one. He has been married for years, has 2 boys, 18 & 12 and has always been very sensible and done the expected thing. I’ve had a few more "issues" during my life, and to be honest been slightly more rebellious. I’ve been divorced which caused them many problems, apparently, no one in our family had ever been divorced, and I’m sure they thought I had done it to cause them embarrassment with friends! No one seemed bothered what my feelings were. I always think about number one, mucked around at school and frittered away money on far away holidays instead of saving for a rainy day. We do both have good careers, and have worked hard to get nice houses etc, but I will always be the one than caused the problems when we were younger, ie. 20years ago!!!!
To get back to the point....the reaction was, "I guess this is just another whim of yours, you will sell up, go out with no job, miss everyone and have to come back and start again. Also, don't expect us to fly out all the time to visit you - it is a long way you know”. "You have a family to think about now, it's not just the two of you".
I know it was a shock, but I guess this is what they still think about me, and assume I'm still a care-free 18 year old, not a mother of a small baby in her 30’s. I thought they would be ok, as they have always known we wanted to leave the UK, they just assumed it would be the US we went to as I worked there for a while and loved it.
Although they live 100 miles away from us, we are seeing them again on Saturday, so it will be interesting to see what the comments and thoughts are after they have had time to digest the news. I’m really hoping that they will be happy for us, and see it as a free holiday home rather than the sister that moved away.
I know reading other peoples comments that people do react very differently to what you expect, but I really hope things get easier, as we have my husband’s family to do this weekend….anymore responses like this one and I think I will be mentally drained.
One funny point to end on….my sister in law asked what the next stage was, so I said Police checks and Medicals. “Oh, so you could fail the medical as you had a c-section last year, they won’t want people with a history of operations and medical problems” - taken aback I said that as long as we didn’t have TB or Aids we should be ok….. “They’re not very stringent medicals then”….I didn’t know how to respond to that one!!!
my mum rang me today to say sorry!!! i am only 27 but i have been a mum for nine years, my family still can't except that i know whats best for my kids!!
Mar 31st 2005, 3:25 pm
#5
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Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Bunbury, Western Australia
Posts: 188
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Bits of this sort of sound familiar. At the end of the day you should follow your heart, and not let anyone detract you from living the life you choose. If they can't accept what you're going to try and be happy for you, then that's more of a statement about them than it is about you. Who knows, it may not work out but the flip side to that coin is that it could work out and you could be happier out there. You'll never know unless you try it.
Hopefully once they realise that you are serious and that you'll be a bloody long way away, they'll perhaps be a little more receptive to the idea. And if not, then that's just how it is.
Hope it all works out for you, and I think I can say that, altough the medicals are relatively comprehensive, they aren't anything to worry about.
take care,
jamie
Hopefully once they realise that you are serious and that you'll be a bloody long way away, they'll perhaps be a little more receptive to the idea. And if not, then that's just how it is.
Hope it all works out for you, and I think I can say that, altough the medicals are relatively comprehensive, they aren't anything to worry about.
take care,
jamie
Last edited by Jamiem; Mar 31st 2005 at 3:27 pm. Reason: an edumacation like wot i had
Mar 31st 2005, 3:26 pm
#6
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Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
People do react in strange ways when they get news such as yours.
My husbands mum ( who had just returned from a holiday to OZ) reacted to our news of emigrating by saying " well I have just been to OZ so I won't be going again!"
On my time on this forum I have heard so mnay stories like yours. Sometimes it is just the initial shock that makes people say things like this and sometimes it is because they are just jealous.
I am sure your brother loves you, i expect it is just hard for him to accept you are now a grown up who can make your own decisions. Hopefully when you see him at the weekend, the news will have sunk in a bit and your conversation can be a bit nicer.
Good luck with it all and keep smiling !!
nat
My husbands mum ( who had just returned from a holiday to OZ) reacted to our news of emigrating by saying " well I have just been to OZ so I won't be going again!"
On my time on this forum I have heard so mnay stories like yours. Sometimes it is just the initial shock that makes people say things like this and sometimes it is because they are just jealous.
I am sure your brother loves you, i expect it is just hard for him to accept you are now a grown up who can make your own decisions. Hopefully when you see him at the weekend, the news will have sunk in a bit and your conversation can be a bit nicer.
Good luck with it all and keep smiling !!
nat
Mar 31st 2005, 3:30 pm
#7
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Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Adelaideish
Posts: 896
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Originally Posted by kyliecuteass
..... and said..we think you are moving to Australia because you have debt!!!! we will pay it off!!.... how do they figure that???? :scared:
!
!
Mar 31st 2005, 3:35 pm
#8
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 142
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Originally Posted by Gjn200
If they pay off mine I won't go! Will that cheer em' up?
my hubby went nuts when he came home!!! he said why didn't you tell your mum we were £20000 in debt and get the cheque!!!!!....lol
Mar 31st 2005, 3:49 pm
#9
Jammy Dodger
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Not where I'd like to be
Posts: 316
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Originally Posted by sonictigger
I've just told my Brother & his wife that we are looking to move to Australia. I wasn't too sure what his response would be, but wasn't quite prepared for what I got.
To give you a little history, I am the little sister, the baby of the family, etc. Our parents died within 15 months of each other 3 years ago which just left the two of us, but we have always been very close. I grew up being told to be more like Dave….the sensible one. He has been married for years, has 2 boys, 18 & 12 and has always been very sensible and done the expected thing. I’ve had a few more "issues" during my life, and to be honest been slightly more rebellious. I’ve been divorced which caused them many problems, apparently, no one in our family had ever been divorced, and I’m sure they thought I had done it to cause them embarrassment with friends! No one seemed bothered what my feelings were. I always think about number one, mucked around at school and frittered away money on far away holidays instead of saving for a rainy day. We do both have good careers, and have worked hard to get nice houses etc, but I will always be the one than caused the problems when we were younger, ie. 20years ago!!!!
To get back to the point....the reaction was, "I guess this is just another whim of yours, you will sell up, go out with no job, miss everyone and have to come back and start again. Also, don't expect us to fly out all the time to visit you - it is a long way you know”. "You have a family to think about now, it's not just the two of you".
I know it was a shock, but I guess this is what they still think about me, and assume I'm still a care-free 18 year old, not a mother of a small baby in her 30’s. I thought they would be ok, as they have always known we wanted to leave the UK, they just assumed it would be the US we went to as I worked there for a while and loved it.
Although they live 100 miles away from us, we are seeing them again on Saturday, so it will be interesting to see what the comments and thoughts are after they have had time to digest the news. I’m really hoping that they will be happy for us, and see it as a free holiday home rather than the sister that moved away.
I know reading other peoples comments that people do react very differently to what you expect, but I really hope things get easier, as we have my husband’s family to do this weekend….anymore responses like this one and I think I will be mentally drained.
One funny point to end on….my sister in law asked what the next stage was, so I said Police checks and Medicals. “Oh, so you could fail the medical as you had a c-section last year, they won’t want people with a history of operations and medical problems” - taken aback I said that as long as we didn’t have TB or Aids we should be ok….. “They’re not very stringent medicals then”….I didn’t know how to respond to that one!!!
To give you a little history, I am the little sister, the baby of the family, etc. Our parents died within 15 months of each other 3 years ago which just left the two of us, but we have always been very close. I grew up being told to be more like Dave….the sensible one. He has been married for years, has 2 boys, 18 & 12 and has always been very sensible and done the expected thing. I’ve had a few more "issues" during my life, and to be honest been slightly more rebellious. I’ve been divorced which caused them many problems, apparently, no one in our family had ever been divorced, and I’m sure they thought I had done it to cause them embarrassment with friends! No one seemed bothered what my feelings were. I always think about number one, mucked around at school and frittered away money on far away holidays instead of saving for a rainy day. We do both have good careers, and have worked hard to get nice houses etc, but I will always be the one than caused the problems when we were younger, ie. 20years ago!!!!
To get back to the point....the reaction was, "I guess this is just another whim of yours, you will sell up, go out with no job, miss everyone and have to come back and start again. Also, don't expect us to fly out all the time to visit you - it is a long way you know”. "You have a family to think about now, it's not just the two of you".
I know it was a shock, but I guess this is what they still think about me, and assume I'm still a care-free 18 year old, not a mother of a small baby in her 30’s. I thought they would be ok, as they have always known we wanted to leave the UK, they just assumed it would be the US we went to as I worked there for a while and loved it.
Although they live 100 miles away from us, we are seeing them again on Saturday, so it will be interesting to see what the comments and thoughts are after they have had time to digest the news. I’m really hoping that they will be happy for us, and see it as a free holiday home rather than the sister that moved away.
I know reading other peoples comments that people do react very differently to what you expect, but I really hope things get easier, as we have my husband’s family to do this weekend….anymore responses like this one and I think I will be mentally drained.
One funny point to end on….my sister in law asked what the next stage was, so I said Police checks and Medicals. “Oh, so you could fail the medical as you had a c-section last year, they won’t want people with a history of operations and medical problems” - taken aback I said that as long as we didn’t have TB or Aids we should be ok….. “They’re not very stringent medicals then”….I didn’t know how to respond to that one!!!
So sorry - crappy - horrid.... just replied to one of your other posts & you said you were raiding the fridge
Best thing.... have one for me! I reckon it's jealousy and control... the best way he can make you do the things he thinks you should is to try to put you down (not literally, that would be a bit rough) and undermine your confidence in your own judgements etc. Something to do with being the baby of the family - I am too.. youngest of 3, the other two now live abroad (although they keep in phone contact to just occasionally add their ha'penny worth!) - I am 40 :scared: with 3 children but everything I do is rash and ill-considered, yet if I look into a subject I am "obsessed"..... I'd like to say bollocks to them, but the trouble is that as a tactic it works (a bit) - which is why we mind, why we want them to say (just once) great, good idea... good on you....
Hang in there - friend of mine said you can never really know if a decision is a good one, 'cos you never know what would have happened if you'd decided something else - this is becoming a sort of mantra for me.... go for it and see where it takes you.....GO GIRL!
Mar 31st 2005, 3:50 pm
#10
......in the sand !
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Perth, WA :)
Posts: 4,421
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Originally Posted by kyliecuteass
i'll pass that on to them
my hubby went nuts when he came home!!! he said why didn't you tell your mum we were £20000 in debt and get the cheque!!!!!....lol
my hubby went nuts when he came home!!! he said why didn't you tell your mum we were £20000 in debt and get the cheque!!!!!....lol
My thoughts exactly
We have had very negative reations from my family - husbands family have been ok though. We have been practically ostrasised by them
. Every thing has been strained - we even went away at Xmas so it wouldn't be so hard. 
What you need to focus on is whats good for you and your family - you don't want to look back in 10 or 15 years time and have regrets for what might have been.......at the end of the day you can always come back.
I hope your brother comes round but if he doesn't you will need to be able to live with the frosty relationship.
Good luck
Mar 31st 2005, 4:00 pm
#11
Is it the weekend yet?
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Thirroul, NSW
Posts: 1,619
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
We have had quite a mixed reaction from everyone. Most people have been pleased, but we have had a few negative responses.
My Mum keeps making jokes about Dan taking her little girl and grandson away. Just jokes at the moment, but they are starting to get a bit annoying.
For the most part though, most of our mates have just said "cool we get a free holiday then?"
Claire
xx
My Mum keeps making jokes about Dan taking her little girl and grandson away. Just jokes at the moment, but they are starting to get a bit annoying.
For the most part though, most of our mates have just said "cool we get a free holiday then?"
Claire
xx
Mar 31st 2005, 4:05 pm
#12
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 142
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Originally Posted by Anastasia Beaverhausen
My Mum keeps making jokes about Dan taking her little girl and grandson away. Just jokes at the moment, but they are starting to get a bit annoying.
knife thru my heart or what!!
Mar 31st 2005, 4:09 pm
#13
Is it the weekend yet?
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Thirroul, NSW
Posts: 1,619
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Originally Posted by kyliecuteass
my mum is having my kids on saturday and she said....i had better enjoy having the kids since i may never have them again...........
knife thru my heart or what!!
knife thru my heart or what!!
Mar 31st 2005, 4:13 pm
#14
Jammy Dodger
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Not where I'd like to be
Posts: 316
Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Originally Posted by kyliecuteass
my mum is having my kids on saturday and she said....i had better enjoy having the kids since i may never have them again...........
knife thru my heart or what!!
knife thru my heart or what!!
Mar 31st 2005, 4:15 pm
#15
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Location: Was Kent, UK...now Pacific Pines Gold Coast and loving it
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Re: Just told my Brother we are emigrating.
Thanks guys so much, I know it's a shock, but hopefully he has always stood by me and backed me up when I've needed it. I'm sure things will be ok - just I was so happy & excited about going, he bought a dampener into it.
I agree that I would rather regret something we did, than have regrets for not doing something when we are old and grey.
I agree that I would rather regret something we did, than have regrets for not doing something when we are old and grey.