Hi there, after viewing some of these rooms ive noticed we all seem to share the most important factor....WAITING! seems to be the worse one of all, the suspense, have we got it havent we? will we get it? what if's?.. im in the early stages and already feel nervous so i can only imagine how the rest of you are feeling. So i thought maybe if we had a joke thread, just to relax our moods a little, maybe .... So er...i guess id better start it... GULP ...here goes:




Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of
the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude." With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled
the
dice and yelled,"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed. "YES!
YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up
her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers starred at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them
asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men

[QUOTE=sweety]Hi there, after viewing some of these rooms ive noticed we all seem to share the most important factor....WAITING! seems to be the worse one of all, the suspense, have we got it havent we? will we get it? what if's?.. im in the early stages and already feel nervous so i can only imagine how the rest of you are feeling. So i thought maybe if we had a joke thread, just to relax our moods a little, maybe .... So er...i guess id better start it... GULP ...here goes:





A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you''re only allowed one seat."


The man groaned but didn''t budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don''t get up from there, I''m going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What''s your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked. "The balcony.".................................. :scared:

On Saint Patrick's Day, an Irishman who had a little to much to drink was driving home from the city and his car was weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulled him over.

"So," said the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Kiwi crisis - Eh

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone. "Hillen, its the hilth munister hirr. Sorry to buther you et thus hour but there ez un imergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fictory un Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the intire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

"Shuuuuuut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!"

"We're going to hef to shup some en from abroad...Britain?..."

"No chence!! The Poms wull have a field day on thus one!" "What about Australia?"

"Maybe - but we don't want them to know thet we are stuck. You call John

Howard - tell hum we need one moollion condoms; ten enches long and four enches thuck! Thet way they'll know how bug the Kiwis really are!!"

Helen calls John, who agrees to help the Kiwis out in their hour of need.

Three days later a truck arrives in Auckland - full of boxes. A delighted

Helen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 inches long; 4 inches thick, all coloured green and gold. She then notices in small writing on each and every one .....

MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : MEDIUM