mdufton

Sorry if these have all been shown on this site before:


These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism
website


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

22. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.



Cheers,

Mike

renth

Classic.

Does anyone remember that bit from Dumb and Dumber where the girl says "I'm form Austria" & Jim Carey goes "G'day mate!"?

Florida_03

Nah...How's it go?

Wilf

I nearly laughed my false teeth out on that one Florida.

I saw that film, Renth, and liked it. I do not like that many young persons filsm now - especially the comedy - but those two blokes were very funny.