It's been a long, long time!
Sep 4th 2005, 9:45 pm
#136
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Willetton, WA
Posts: 108
Re: It's been a long, long time!
Fantastic! Thank you for sharing your adventures with us. Can't wait for more!
Marina
Marina
Sep 5th 2005, 8:41 am
#137
been there........
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Perth, WA
Posts: 349
Re: It's been a long, long time!
My favourite author once wrote:
"Things happen to you when you're young. And you think you know what it was that happened, but you really don't. Then later, sometimes years later, you suddenly understand what was really going on. And you feel such a fool, because it's too late to do anything about the mistakes you made."
(Sheri S. Tepper: The Gate to Womens' Country)
For me, the sudden understanding came in Carnarvon. And the chief mistake, among a whole lot of minor ones, was marrying my husband. He'd been a heavy drinker when we first married. But, in the way of those times, we hadn't lived together before we married and, due in a large part to my naivety but also to deliberate intent on his part, the extent had been hidden from me. Alcohol had formed no part of my life as a child. It wasn't that my parents had any religious or moral objections to it - Father would have a couple of pints once a week when he went to play snooker at the Club - but for the rest, it was a bottle of sherry at Christmas and half of that would go into the trifle. Even when I was old enough to go to the pub myself, it was a weekly occurence, a stop for a couple of drinks on the way to a dance or to the cinema. And I thought of this as the norm, through the seven years of my first marriage and the four subsequent years when I'd been on my own.
Now I found myself married to a man for whom no day was complete without a copious intake; not merely 7 or 8 pints at lunchtime, though that wasn't unusual, but around half a bottle of gin each evening. It was an enormous shock to find that if he came home for dinner at night, he'd leave immediately afterwards to go back to the pub. Alternatively, he was equally likely to turn up hours later, still expecting his meal to have been kept warm for him.
A further complication was added by his eldest son, who arrived 2 days after our wedding and announced that he'd come to live with us. But M. was 40, I was 30, and Mark was 20 - and one can't send a 20-year-old off to bed because one wants to have a screaming row with his father. I was hurt, angry, bewildered, still wondering how to tackle the problem when, 3 months after our marriage, M. had what the doctors called a complete nervous braekdown.
"Things happen to you when you're young. And you think you know what it was that happened, but you really don't. Then later, sometimes years later, you suddenly understand what was really going on. And you feel such a fool, because it's too late to do anything about the mistakes you made."
(Sheri S. Tepper: The Gate to Womens' Country)
For me, the sudden understanding came in Carnarvon. And the chief mistake, among a whole lot of minor ones, was marrying my husband. He'd been a heavy drinker when we first married. But, in the way of those times, we hadn't lived together before we married and, due in a large part to my naivety but also to deliberate intent on his part, the extent had been hidden from me. Alcohol had formed no part of my life as a child. It wasn't that my parents had any religious or moral objections to it - Father would have a couple of pints once a week when he went to play snooker at the Club - but for the rest, it was a bottle of sherry at Christmas and half of that would go into the trifle. Even when I was old enough to go to the pub myself, it was a weekly occurence, a stop for a couple of drinks on the way to a dance or to the cinema. And I thought of this as the norm, through the seven years of my first marriage and the four subsequent years when I'd been on my own.
Now I found myself married to a man for whom no day was complete without a copious intake; not merely 7 or 8 pints at lunchtime, though that wasn't unusual, but around half a bottle of gin each evening. It was an enormous shock to find that if he came home for dinner at night, he'd leave immediately afterwards to go back to the pub. Alternatively, he was equally likely to turn up hours later, still expecting his meal to have been kept warm for him.
A further complication was added by his eldest son, who arrived 2 days after our wedding and announced that he'd come to live with us. But M. was 40, I was 30, and Mark was 20 - and one can't send a 20-year-old off to bed because one wants to have a screaming row with his father. I was hurt, angry, bewildered, still wondering how to tackle the problem when, 3 months after our marriage, M. had what the doctors called a complete nervous braekdown.
Sep 5th 2005, 12:43 pm
#138
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Mandurah WA
Posts: 1,395
Re: It's been a long, long time!
That was really not nice. There I am about to roll the page down, and you had finished there.
Can you imagine if this was a book? No-one would put it down for weeks, and expats would be deserted. :scared:
Whisky
Can you imagine if this was a book? No-one would put it down for weeks, and expats would be deserted. :scared:
Whisky
Sep 5th 2005, 1:38 pm
#139
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Joined: Sep 2002
Location: tweed heads, nsw
Posts: 369
Re: It's been a long, long time!
just registering my admiration for your tales, keep it up!
waiting with baited breath for next instalment......
karen
waiting with baited breath for next instalment......
karen
Sep 5th 2005, 7:52 pm
#140
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Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Halls Head, WA
Posts: 4,146
Re: It's been a long, long time!
My husband never reads anything - but I've printed all of your posts off and he spent all day Sunday reading them. I'm impressed !!
Sep 5th 2005, 9:09 pm
#141
Galaxy 1: Cadbury's 0
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,606
Re: It's been a long, long time!
Originally Posted by TheCrone
My favourite author once wrote:
"Things happen to you when you're young. And you think you know what it was that happened, but you really don't. Then later, sometimes years later, you suddenly understand what was really going on. And you feel such a fool, because it's too late to do anything about the mistakes you made."
(Sheri S. Tepper: The Gate to Womens' Country)
"Things happen to you when you're young. And you think you know what it was that happened, but you really don't. Then later, sometimes years later, you suddenly understand what was really going on. And you feel such a fool, because it's too late to do anything about the mistakes you made."
(Sheri S. Tepper: The Gate to Womens' Country)
Just wanted to say how much I am enjoying reading your posts, from a like-minded spirit.
Karma to you, and please keep them coming!
Sep 6th 2005, 4:39 am
#142
been there........
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Perth, WA
Posts: 349
Re: It's been a long, long time!
I'd found him curled up in fetal position on the bathroom floor, apparently unable to move or speak. By lunchtime he was in psychiatric ward of our local infirmary, where insulin shock therapy was prescribed. At that time, few laymen knew much about mental illnesses or their treatment. All I knew was what M. told me; that he was given an injection early each morning which put him to sleep. He woke around mid-day feeling ravenously hungry. He was encouraged to eat at any time during the day or night; at his request he'd be brought sandwiches, biscuits, cake, fruit - what ever he wanted and as much as he could eat. He'd been very thin - skinny might be a better word - since I'd known him. Now he repeated what the doctors said; that 11 and a half stone was a healthy weight for his 6ft height; that if he could reach this and maintain it for a week without further treatment, he would be considered cured and allowed to come home. It was apparent that he was gaining weight daily and I, of course, accepted this.
Now, thanks to the internet, we have access to information that was not known, not understood or deliberately with-held by the medical profession in the 50's and 60's. From it I've found out that IST was first used in the 30's. Considered an alternative to electric shock treatment, it consisted of injecting the patient with sufficient insulin to bring about a near-death coma. The treatment was discredited and largely discontinued in the 40's due to a high deathrate and radical, long-lasting personality changes as a result. Yet it was still being prescibed in one of Yorkshire's most reputable medical institutions some 20 years later. Certainly the man who came home was vastly changed from the one I'd married such a short time before.
There was another factor which may have been at work here. Some years previously, M had been in a vehicle accident. His skull was fractured, a blood clot formed which pressed on the optic nerve and sent him blind. Two holes were bored in his skull, the clot removed and his sight restored. He made a joke of it, inviting the children to feel the depressions in his head where bone had been removed, saying "daddy used to be a bit of a devil and here's where he had his horns removed."
He seemed to suffer no physical side effects, but shortly before his death he suffered a series of seizures caused by inflammation of the brain tissue around the trepan holes. Did the original head injury cause his collapse? Did it contribute to the personality changes evident after the IST? I'll never know. But in Carnarvon, I realized that the man of my dreams was now the creature of my nightmares.
Now, thanks to the internet, we have access to information that was not known, not understood or deliberately with-held by the medical profession in the 50's and 60's. From it I've found out that IST was first used in the 30's. Considered an alternative to electric shock treatment, it consisted of injecting the patient with sufficient insulin to bring about a near-death coma. The treatment was discredited and largely discontinued in the 40's due to a high deathrate and radical, long-lasting personality changes as a result. Yet it was still being prescibed in one of Yorkshire's most reputable medical institutions some 20 years later. Certainly the man who came home was vastly changed from the one I'd married such a short time before.
There was another factor which may have been at work here. Some years previously, M had been in a vehicle accident. His skull was fractured, a blood clot formed which pressed on the optic nerve and sent him blind. Two holes were bored in his skull, the clot removed and his sight restored. He made a joke of it, inviting the children to feel the depressions in his head where bone had been removed, saying "daddy used to be a bit of a devil and here's where he had his horns removed."
He seemed to suffer no physical side effects, but shortly before his death he suffered a series of seizures caused by inflammation of the brain tissue around the trepan holes. Did the original head injury cause his collapse? Did it contribute to the personality changes evident after the IST? I'll never know. But in Carnarvon, I realized that the man of my dreams was now the creature of my nightmares.
Sep 6th 2005, 6:56 am
#143
Galaxy 1: Cadbury's 0
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,606
Re: It's been a long, long time!
Originally Posted by TheCrone
But in Carnarvon, I realized that the man of my dreams was now the creature of my nightmares.
Sep 6th 2005, 3:03 pm
#144
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Leicester (now Perth)
Posts: 261
Re: It's been a long, long time!
Fantastic posts TC, keep 'em coming!!!!
Sep 6th 2005, 6:24 pm
#145
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Willetton, WA
Posts: 108
Re: It's been a long, long time!
I'm sorry to hear that you had a hard time. Living with a heavy drinker can't have been easy. You've certainly coped with alot. I hope things are looking up and you are now happy and without worries.
Marina
Marina
Sep 6th 2005, 11:58 pm
#146
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Mandurah WA
Posts: 1,395
Re: It's been a long, long time!
My goodness, you must be a very strong person.
I am sure I would have cracked with all the pressure you were under.
I admire your strong personality.
Whisky
I am sure I would have cracked with all the pressure you were under.
I admire your strong personality.
Whisky
Sep 7th 2005, 12:31 am
#147
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2005
Location: Bunbury WA
Posts: 1,844
Re: It's been a long, long time!
Originally Posted by TheCrone
I'd found him curled up in fetal position on the bathroom floor, apparently unable to move or speak. By lunchtime he was in psychiatric ward of our local infirmary, where insulin shock therapy was prescribed. At that time, few laymen knew much about mental illnesses or their treatment. All I knew was what M. told me; that he was given an injection early each morning which put him to sleep. He woke around mid-day feeling ravenously hungry. He was encouraged to eat at any time during the day or night; at his request he'd be brought sandwiches, biscuits, cake, fruit - what ever he wanted and as much as he could eat. He'd been very thin - skinny might be a better word - since I'd known him. Now he repeated what the doctors said; that 11 and a half stone was a healthy weight for his 6ft height; that if he could reach this and maintain it for a week without further treatment, he would be considered cured and allowed to come home. It was apparent that he was gaining weight daily and I, of course, accepted this.
Now, thanks to the internet, we have access to information that was not known, not understood or deliberately with-held by the medical profession in the 50's and 60's. From it I've found out that IST was first used in the 30's. Considered an alternative to electric shock treatment, it consisted of injecting the patient with sufficient insulin to bring about a near-death coma. The treatment was discredited and largely discontinued in the 40's due to a high deathrate and radical, long-lasting personality changes as a result. Yet it was still being prescibed in one of Yorkshire's most reputable medical institutions some 20 years later. Certainly the man who came home was vastly changed from the one I'd married such a short time before.
There was another factor which may have been at work here. Some years previously, M had been in a vehicle accident. His skull was fractured, a blood clot formed which pressed on the optic nerve and sent him blind. Two holes were bored in his skull, the clot removed and his sight restored. He made a joke of it, inviting the children to feel the depressions in his head where bone had been removed, saying "daddy used to be a bit of a devil and here's where he had his horns removed."
He seemed to suffer no physical side effects, but shortly before his death he suffered a series of seizures caused by inflammation of the brain tissue around the trepan holes. Did the original head injury cause his collapse? Did it contribute to the personality changes evident after the IST? I'll never know. But in Carnarvon, I realized that the man of my dreams was now the creature of my nightmares.
Now, thanks to the internet, we have access to information that was not known, not understood or deliberately with-held by the medical profession in the 50's and 60's. From it I've found out that IST was first used in the 30's. Considered an alternative to electric shock treatment, it consisted of injecting the patient with sufficient insulin to bring about a near-death coma. The treatment was discredited and largely discontinued in the 40's due to a high deathrate and radical, long-lasting personality changes as a result. Yet it was still being prescibed in one of Yorkshire's most reputable medical institutions some 20 years later. Certainly the man who came home was vastly changed from the one I'd married such a short time before.
There was another factor which may have been at work here. Some years previously, M had been in a vehicle accident. His skull was fractured, a blood clot formed which pressed on the optic nerve and sent him blind. Two holes were bored in his skull, the clot removed and his sight restored. He made a joke of it, inviting the children to feel the depressions in his head where bone had been removed, saying "daddy used to be a bit of a devil and here's where he had his horns removed."
He seemed to suffer no physical side effects, but shortly before his death he suffered a series of seizures caused by inflammation of the brain tissue around the trepan holes. Did the original head injury cause his collapse? Did it contribute to the personality changes evident after the IST? I'll never know. But in Carnarvon, I realized that the man of my dreams was now the creature of my nightmares.
Although we wait for the next episode, it must be quite distressing for you, or maybe it helps in some way.
Iknow it brings a lot of bad memories back to me , i am in a wonderful second marriage, but my first marriage was awful, and every time i tried to get out with my 3 kids, he would try to kill himself, i stuck it 10 yrs then walked awayfor good, into a violont relationship, which i only stuckfor 12 ,months.
I know if i wrote about it all i would get really depressed. look forward to your next episode, but do understand this is real life, and i hope it is not getting you down too much. Denise
Sep 7th 2005, 6:10 am
#148
been there........
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Perth, WA
Posts: 349
Re: It's been a long, long time!
Denise, thank you for your kind and perceptive post; I've PM'd you.
But no, actually, it's so long ago and far away that ot almost feels as though it happened to someone else.
The job of running the hostel in Halls Creek had been a joint appointment, M. as Manager, me as manageress. Supposedly that meant shared work and shared responsibility. Unfortunately M had decided within the first 49 hours that he liked neither the children, the hostel nor the work, so he set about creating a niche for himself in the life of the town. The pub, always the centre of social life in these small remote communities, became his home away from home. There he met some of the old retired prospectors and would listen for hours to their tales of 'the old days', when the Kimberley was as lawless as any American frontier region. He met station owners and managers and was invited to some of their properties for a few days pig-hunting, roo or donkey shooting. He was absent more than he was present and, since all these activities seemed to demand the consumption of huge quantities of beer, more often drunk than sober. All of which thrust the full burden of responsibility onto me and often resulted in me working 18 hour days. But the well-being of children was involved - about which I'm passionate! - so it wasn't something I could walk away from.
Why didn't I just leave? There were two reasons. The first was financial; it was costing almost everything I earned to keep Jane in school in Perth. Paying for her board and lodging, clothing her - she was already taller than I - providing pocket money, paying for books and other school incidentals, as well as airflights 3 times a year for holidays simply didn't allow me to save enough to get ML and myself out of there; still less to take myself and the girls back to the UK, which I'd have done at the drop of a hat! I felt hopelessly, irrevocably trapped. And no matter how my mind worried at the problem, or what alternatives I tried to find, there seemed to be no way out.
The second reason was fear. I was, after all, 'a stranger in a strange land', a woman with two children totally dependent on me and I was unsure that I had the ability to support them financially if I moved away from the home and the job I already had. And lastly, there was M. However unreliable and irresponsible he was, nonetheless he was my husband and the only person in this whole vast continent whom I could claim to really know. And who knows? Maybe one day a miracle will happen and he'll go back to being the man I thought I'd married. But in the meantime, 'better the devil you know........'
But no, actually, it's so long ago and far away that ot almost feels as though it happened to someone else.
The job of running the hostel in Halls Creek had been a joint appointment, M. as Manager, me as manageress. Supposedly that meant shared work and shared responsibility. Unfortunately M had decided within the first 49 hours that he liked neither the children, the hostel nor the work, so he set about creating a niche for himself in the life of the town. The pub, always the centre of social life in these small remote communities, became his home away from home. There he met some of the old retired prospectors and would listen for hours to their tales of 'the old days', when the Kimberley was as lawless as any American frontier region. He met station owners and managers and was invited to some of their properties for a few days pig-hunting, roo or donkey shooting. He was absent more than he was present and, since all these activities seemed to demand the consumption of huge quantities of beer, more often drunk than sober. All of which thrust the full burden of responsibility onto me and often resulted in me working 18 hour days. But the well-being of children was involved - about which I'm passionate! - so it wasn't something I could walk away from.
Why didn't I just leave? There were two reasons. The first was financial; it was costing almost everything I earned to keep Jane in school in Perth. Paying for her board and lodging, clothing her - she was already taller than I - providing pocket money, paying for books and other school incidentals, as well as airflights 3 times a year for holidays simply didn't allow me to save enough to get ML and myself out of there; still less to take myself and the girls back to the UK, which I'd have done at the drop of a hat! I felt hopelessly, irrevocably trapped. And no matter how my mind worried at the problem, or what alternatives I tried to find, there seemed to be no way out.
The second reason was fear. I was, after all, 'a stranger in a strange land', a woman with two children totally dependent on me and I was unsure that I had the ability to support them financially if I moved away from the home and the job I already had. And lastly, there was M. However unreliable and irresponsible he was, nonetheless he was my husband and the only person in this whole vast continent whom I could claim to really know. And who knows? Maybe one day a miracle will happen and he'll go back to being the man I thought I'd married. But in the meantime, 'better the devil you know........'
Sep 8th 2005, 12:33 pm
#149
been there........
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Perth, WA
Posts: 349
Re: It's been a long, long time!
And after that, wouldn't you think I'd know better than to enter into any shared business relationship with M.? I should have done; but the hostel was 18 months behind us. The Q'land roadhouse had seen us with very different activities, me in the kitchen, M. in the service station and workshop - and he was always happy when he had some sort of machinery to work on. And I still had hope that 'this time' would be better.
But there was nothing like that at the guesthouse; life was a constant round of cooking, washing and cleaning. It wasn't that he couldn't do those things, he was as competent as I. But why should he, when he didn't enjoy it and I was there to do it anyway? He was always there in the evenings though, to play Mine Host. He charmed all the ladies - he was VERY good at that! - and would sit around drinking with the men, telling them tall tales of his Kimberley adventures while I was in the kitchen up to my elbows in soapy water and dirty pots. He made a lot of snooker-playing mates in the various pubs, went out on Jack's boat most weekends and up the coast fishing with another friend he'd made. He seemed surprised and angry when I told him that under no circumstances would I sign the lease when it came up for renewal after a year.
Jane had settled in even better than I'd hoped. She was doing very well in school and had become part of the 'in group', who shared lots of weekend activities. ML seemed happy too. She enjoyed school and there were several children living nearby to play with after school hours. It seemed that I was the only miserable, unhappy one!
I've always been convinced that if you don't like your life, an opportunity will come for you to change it. You may have to wait a while and the change isn't always for the better - but at least it'll be different! So it was now; I found a job and a house to rent and presented M. with his alternatives. He could come with us and find himself a job; he could take over the lease - and the work - on his own; or he could b****r off - and I wasn't fussy which one he chose!
But there was nothing like that at the guesthouse; life was a constant round of cooking, washing and cleaning. It wasn't that he couldn't do those things, he was as competent as I. But why should he, when he didn't enjoy it and I was there to do it anyway? He was always there in the evenings though, to play Mine Host. He charmed all the ladies - he was VERY good at that! - and would sit around drinking with the men, telling them tall tales of his Kimberley adventures while I was in the kitchen up to my elbows in soapy water and dirty pots. He made a lot of snooker-playing mates in the various pubs, went out on Jack's boat most weekends and up the coast fishing with another friend he'd made. He seemed surprised and angry when I told him that under no circumstances would I sign the lease when it came up for renewal after a year.
Jane had settled in even better than I'd hoped. She was doing very well in school and had become part of the 'in group', who shared lots of weekend activities. ML seemed happy too. She enjoyed school and there were several children living nearby to play with after school hours. It seemed that I was the only miserable, unhappy one!
I've always been convinced that if you don't like your life, an opportunity will come for you to change it. You may have to wait a while and the change isn't always for the better - but at least it'll be different! So it was now; I found a job and a house to rent and presented M. with his alternatives. He could come with us and find himself a job; he could take over the lease - and the work - on his own; or he could b****r off - and I wasn't fussy which one he chose!
Sep 8th 2005, 12:42 pm
#150
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 386
Re: It's been a long, long time!
Fantastic!
Cant wait for the next chapter.
Mel
Cant wait for the next chapter.
Mel