It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Sep 28th 2009, 10:14 am
#16
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
There's more than one person in your family and if one can't deal with what the rest want then he's a pillock. Sounds like he's having a tanty and will come back with his tail between his legs and looking like a fool. Make him pay 
Sep 28th 2009, 10:17 am
#17
Random Member
Joined: May 2009
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 769
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Might it be an opportune time to draw your attention to the 'forgive & forget' thread in the barbie? Full of handy hints & tips......
Sep 28th 2009, 10:19 am
#18
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Disclaimer: That was a joke in case anyone imagines I'm suggesting OP put a contract out on her husband.
Sep 28th 2009, 10:47 am
#19
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Ayr then Hampshire; Now Beaumaris, Melbourne
Posts: 1,034
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Shortly after arriving here 4 years ago Mrs Haggis and I had the worst argument of our lives, over absolutely nothing. I threw a Melway across the car, she slammed brakes on at I got out. I got taxi home and drove for 5 hours. When I got back I threw my wedding ring at her, she flushed it down the toilet (we got it back!) and packed her bags. She took kids passports and threatened to leave the country with them. We barely spoke for a week. The way we reacted was completely out of character for us and incredibly OTT. Looking back on it we can't quite believe how we handled it but realise that we were both under an incredible strain and stress.
Leaving jobs, friends and family and moving to a strange country, where you have no network and no support is amazingly stressful. This is not nirvana and its not england with sunshine. Everything is different and it should not be underestimated. Some people cope well with the transition, others less so.
I don't envy either of you as it must be terrible to realise that the new life/dream is not exactly what you expected or wanted. And considerably worse if you both now feel different. For OH it must be awful to have come so far and have succeeded at the job interview only for you to see things differently. And equally as terrifying for you to realise that its not quite the dream move. You both need to accept how the other is feeling.
There is no easy answer I'm afraid. You need to sit down calmly with each other and explain how you feel and why you feel that way - whether it is the town or financial or both. What I will say is that unless you are both fully committed then life will be extremely tough. OH also needs to realise that if you are going to be unhappy, or if the finances don't add up then you will all be miserable. Best to sensibly work things out now.
As for what OH said, well that was pretty shitty. However, we've all been guilty of saying things we don't mean, especially at such a stressful point. I'm sure he didn't mean it and regrets it now - but only you know him.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Col
Leaving jobs, friends and family and moving to a strange country, where you have no network and no support is amazingly stressful. This is not nirvana and its not england with sunshine. Everything is different and it should not be underestimated. Some people cope well with the transition, others less so.
I don't envy either of you as it must be terrible to realise that the new life/dream is not exactly what you expected or wanted. And considerably worse if you both now feel different. For OH it must be awful to have come so far and have succeeded at the job interview only for you to see things differently. And equally as terrifying for you to realise that its not quite the dream move. You both need to accept how the other is feeling.
There is no easy answer I'm afraid. You need to sit down calmly with each other and explain how you feel and why you feel that way - whether it is the town or financial or both. What I will say is that unless you are both fully committed then life will be extremely tough. OH also needs to realise that if you are going to be unhappy, or if the finances don't add up then you will all be miserable. Best to sensibly work things out now.
As for what OH said, well that was pretty shitty. However, we've all been guilty of saying things we don't mean, especially at such a stressful point. I'm sure he didn't mean it and regrets it now - but only you know him.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Col
Sep 28th 2009, 7:58 pm
#22
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,375
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
OH yeah the stress of the 'dream
' makes you want to kill each other at times
. , a A lot of people think the stressful part is applying and selling up, no way, arriving and starting at the bottom of the life ladder again, usually with no friends and family for support. For this lady add a pretty crap location and wages.The OP's partner has cracked already, you would have to wonder how he would cope with the first few years
Sep 28th 2009, 9:17 pm
#23
Banned
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Angle vale Sth Australia
Posts: 5,353
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
[QUOTE=greenlaker;7969849]Hi all.
OH said he would drive so no problem there, then locals said that no one drives that road after dark as too many roo's and trucks! OH has now
quote>>>>>>>>>>>>.
You just do what most Aussies do ,sit behind a truck ,he hits the roos, and you don,t.........in all seriousness i cant think of a road in SA that i would have trouble driving at night....................mm
OH said he would drive so no problem there, then locals said that no one drives that road after dark as too many roo's and trucks! OH has now
quote>>>>>>>>>>>>.
You just do what most Aussies do ,sit behind a truck ,he hits the roos, and you don,t.........in all seriousness i cant think of a road in SA that i would have trouble driving at night....................mm
Sep 28th 2009, 10:04 pm
#24
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 666
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Sep 28th 2009, 10:35 pm
#26
Account Closed
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 41
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Hi all
I only had 1 or 2 glasses of wine last night... or was that 7 or 8??
Anyway thanks for your replies I just felt I had to talk to someone, you know what I mean, just had to vent off at someone that maybe understood as friends at home just seem to think “oh your moving to OZ then? be just like Neighbours or Home and Away, lucky you!” Arggghhh!
Anyway here is the sober version... it’s a long one sorry!
The stupid thing in all of this is me and OH were not even rowing, no raised voices or nothing, I don’t do rows anyway not my style, I’m laid back! Before we went to OZ we had spent months well I had, researching OZ in general and then the area the job came up in, I knew it was remote but felt I had to see it for myself as no matter how much research you do, when you see something/somewhere in the reality you know whether its right or wrong for you. Whilst at the interview OH employer asked who had been sending the emails (we had zillions of emails back and forth prior to going) and we said me, he said that I was obviously on top of my game as the email content had shown I had done my homework, so that made me feel good. Whilst in OZ I asked everybody I met about living cost, schools, what there is for the kids to do, the area, what people do at the weekends, the weather, job opportunities for me, I got the local papers. I did the same on the way out, we had a stop over in Melbourne and stayed with my friend, then on the way home we had 2 days in Adelaide and a day in Sydney, same thing I asked everybody everything! So I don’t feel I went with the attitude “I know I’m not going to like it”. Whilst there we went to the local school, which was great and I liked it. It seems that most people send their kids to boarding school in Adelaide once the kids reach 14/15 years of age. This is something I personally would not want to do, but it seems most do it as it gives the kids a better finishing education. The kids are mine not OH’s. We also were taken to view a house by OH’s employer who said we could rent it from them, it was to say the least dated and hadn’t been touched since the 70’s! It certainly had potential but needed a lot of work doing to it! I’m no snob by the way and can make do and make ends meet, I was a single mum for 4 years and know how to survive! Life is good now though.. cough cough!
We had obviously been talking non stop all the time in OZ and since getting home. I was mulling it all over and said to OH that I had concerns about the wage as it’s the 457 Visa basic! Realistically I don’t think that’s enough to live on, and I’m careful with money and don’t have a lavish lifestyle, we save when we need things! OH said he would work 60-70 per week to make sure we had enough money, he does that here in the UK and I never see him! One of the reasons to make such a move is to better your life style or at least see the prospect of making it better? And then working towards that, so yes if he had to work those hours to start with then fine but not all the time!
The town itself is remote, please don’t have ago at me, remote just isn’t for me, we are all different, so to those that live in remote areas no offence meant! I went in all the shops to see what they had to offer and we went to both the nearest towns hour and a half away and both of them had more choice, but still small, one of them I liked and mentioned I could live there as it just had a nicer feel to it, OH agreed he could travel so all seemed ok. Then when we mentioned it to people, we got the “no one drives that road after dark, too many roo’s and trucks!” We did actually drive it in the dark and saw one truck and no roo’s!
So there I am talking to OH, being honest and saying what my gut is thinking and feeling! I’m concerned about the wages and having enough money to live on, the area I feel is too remote for me, the kids schooling in later years... but I love OZ so can we compromise and find another job that he likes and would be happy in and in an area that has more opportunities for the kids and me! Surely that’s not the only job in OZ??. So anyway he had his paddy and packed his stuff in a black sack, took his keys off the keyring, shouted abuse at me, said his mum was going to sort everything out for him get an agent and get his visa and off to OZ he is going to find Loveyou Longtime in the packing factory! Oh! and apparently she will be greatful to have him, unlike me!
That was a few days a go and I’ve not heard from him since! I’ve not contacted him either. I’m actually more upset about the fact I’m now not going to OZ, as I want to! I wanted to do some more research and see if we could of found a compromise, as for our relationship I feel that’s over and to be honest I’m not sad. That makes me sound so heartless which I'm not at all, just lots of other things over the last few months that have happenend made me realise and reasess a lot of things! On our trip it was clear we had very different ideas of what we wanted out of life and liked to do, all of which were discussed before going. My opinions and thoughts did stay solid as they were in the UK.
So for now I’m taking some time to think and spend some time with my sons as being away from then was hell, I’ve never been away from them! I’ve already checked the DIAC and I just about have enough points to go alone if I choose too.
I don’t regret my trip at all I had a fantastic time, for me it’s been life changing already! I know what ever I choose to do it will be because it’s right for me and my sons and we will be happy.
Good luck and be happy!
If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain!
PS Get a dating forum going, what a great way to meet like minded people with the same dream.... where do I sign up??
I only had 1 or 2 glasses of wine last night... or was that 7 or 8??
Anyway thanks for your replies I just felt I had to talk to someone, you know what I mean, just had to vent off at someone that maybe understood as friends at home just seem to think “oh your moving to OZ then? be just like Neighbours or Home and Away, lucky you!” Arggghhh! Anyway here is the sober version... it’s a long one sorry!
The stupid thing in all of this is me and OH were not even rowing, no raised voices or nothing, I don’t do rows anyway not my style, I’m laid back! Before we went to OZ we had spent months well I had, researching OZ in general and then the area the job came up in, I knew it was remote but felt I had to see it for myself as no matter how much research you do, when you see something/somewhere in the reality you know whether its right or wrong for you. Whilst at the interview OH employer asked who had been sending the emails (we had zillions of emails back and forth prior to going) and we said me, he said that I was obviously on top of my game as the email content had shown I had done my homework, so that made me feel good. Whilst in OZ I asked everybody I met about living cost, schools, what there is for the kids to do, the area, what people do at the weekends, the weather, job opportunities for me, I got the local papers. I did the same on the way out, we had a stop over in Melbourne and stayed with my friend, then on the way home we had 2 days in Adelaide and a day in Sydney, same thing I asked everybody everything! So I don’t feel I went with the attitude “I know I’m not going to like it”. Whilst there we went to the local school, which was great and I liked it. It seems that most people send their kids to boarding school in Adelaide once the kids reach 14/15 years of age. This is something I personally would not want to do, but it seems most do it as it gives the kids a better finishing education. The kids are mine not OH’s. We also were taken to view a house by OH’s employer who said we could rent it from them, it was to say the least dated and hadn’t been touched since the 70’s! It certainly had potential but needed a lot of work doing to it! I’m no snob by the way and can make do and make ends meet, I was a single mum for 4 years and know how to survive! Life is good now though.. cough cough!
We had obviously been talking non stop all the time in OZ and since getting home. I was mulling it all over and said to OH that I had concerns about the wage as it’s the 457 Visa basic! Realistically I don’t think that’s enough to live on, and I’m careful with money and don’t have a lavish lifestyle, we save when we need things! OH said he would work 60-70 per week to make sure we had enough money, he does that here in the UK and I never see him! One of the reasons to make such a move is to better your life style or at least see the prospect of making it better? And then working towards that, so yes if he had to work those hours to start with then fine but not all the time!
The town itself is remote, please don’t have ago at me, remote just isn’t for me, we are all different, so to those that live in remote areas no offence meant! I went in all the shops to see what they had to offer and we went to both the nearest towns hour and a half away and both of them had more choice, but still small, one of them I liked and mentioned I could live there as it just had a nicer feel to it, OH agreed he could travel so all seemed ok. Then when we mentioned it to people, we got the “no one drives that road after dark, too many roo’s and trucks!” We did actually drive it in the dark and saw one truck and no roo’s!
So there I am talking to OH, being honest and saying what my gut is thinking and feeling! I’m concerned about the wages and having enough money to live on, the area I feel is too remote for me, the kids schooling in later years... but I love OZ so can we compromise and find another job that he likes and would be happy in and in an area that has more opportunities for the kids and me! Surely that’s not the only job in OZ??. So anyway he had his paddy and packed his stuff in a black sack, took his keys off the keyring, shouted abuse at me, said his mum was going to sort everything out for him get an agent and get his visa and off to OZ he is going to find Loveyou Longtime in the packing factory! Oh! and apparently she will be greatful to have him, unlike me!
That was a few days a go and I’ve not heard from him since! I’ve not contacted him either. I’m actually more upset about the fact I’m now not going to OZ, as I want to! I wanted to do some more research and see if we could of found a compromise, as for our relationship I feel that’s over and to be honest I’m not sad. That makes me sound so heartless which I'm not at all, just lots of other things over the last few months that have happenend made me realise and reasess a lot of things! On our trip it was clear we had very different ideas of what we wanted out of life and liked to do, all of which were discussed before going. My opinions and thoughts did stay solid as they were in the UK.
So for now I’m taking some time to think and spend some time with my sons as being away from then was hell, I’ve never been away from them! I’ve already checked the DIAC and I just about have enough points to go alone if I choose too.
I don’t regret my trip at all I had a fantastic time, for me it’s been life changing already! I know what ever I choose to do it will be because it’s right for me and my sons and we will be happy.
Good luck and be happy!
If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain!PS Get a dating forum going, what a great way to meet like minded people with the same dream.... where do I sign up??
Sep 28th 2009, 11:14 pm
#27
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 666
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Good on you for staying positive.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Sep 29th 2009, 1:02 am
#28
Banned
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 22,348
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Good luck Greenlaker. You clearly have a great personality and attitude. I have no doubt that you'll eventually find your crock of gold. 
Sep 29th 2009, 1:22 am
#29
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 6,600
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
Hi all
I only had 1 or 2 glasses of wine last night... or was that 7 or 8?? Anyway thanks for your replies I just felt I had to talk to someone, you know what I mean, just had to vent off at someone that maybe understood as friends at home just seem to think “oh your moving to OZ then? be just like Neighbours or Home and Away, lucky you!” Arggghhh!
Anyway here is the sober version... it’s a long one sorry!
The stupid thing in all of this is me and OH were not even rowing, no raised voices or nothing, I don’t do rows anyway not my style, I’m laid back! Before we went to OZ we had spent months well I had, researching OZ in general and then the area the job came up in, I knew it was remote but felt I had to see it for myself as no matter how much research you do, when you see something/somewhere in the reality you know whether its right or wrong for you. Whilst at the interview OH employer asked who had been sending the emails (we had zillions of emails back and forth prior to going) and we said me, he said that I was obviously on top of my game as the email content had shown I had done my homework, so that made me feel good. Whilst in OZ I asked everybody I met about living cost, schools, what there is for the kids to do, the area, what people do at the weekends, the weather, job opportunities for me, I got the local papers. I did the same on the way out, we had a stop over in Melbourne and stayed with my friend, then on the way home we had 2 days in Adelaide and a day in Sydney, same thing I asked everybody everything! So I don’t feel I went with the attitude “I know I’m not going to like it”. Whilst there we went to the local school, which was great and I liked it. It seems that most people send their kids to boarding school in Adelaide once the kids reach 14/15 years of age. This is something I personally would not want to do, but it seems most do it as it gives the kids a better finishing education. The kids are mine not OH’s. We also were taken to view a house by OH’s employer who said we could rent it from them, it was to say the least dated and hadn’t been touched since the 70’s! It certainly had potential but needed a lot of work doing to it! I’m no snob by the way and can make do and make ends meet, I was a single mum for 4 years and know how to survive! Life is good now though.. cough cough!
We had obviously been talking non stop all the time in OZ and since getting home. I was mulling it all over and said to OH that I had concerns about the wage as it’s the 457 Visa basic! Realistically I don’t think that’s enough to live on, and I’m careful with money and don’t have a lavish lifestyle, we save when we need things! OH said he would work 60-70 per week to make sure we had enough money, he does that here in the UK and I never see him! One of the reasons to make such a move is to better your life style or at least see the prospect of making it better? And then working towards that, so yes if he had to work those hours to start with then fine but not all the time!
The town itself is remote, please don’t have ago at me, remote just isn’t for me, we are all different, so to those that live in remote areas no offence meant! I went in all the shops to see what they had to offer and we went to both the nearest towns hour and a half away and both of them had more choice, but still small, one of them I liked and mentioned I could live there as it just had a nicer feel to it, OH agreed he could travel so all seemed ok. Then when we mentioned it to people, we got the “no one drives that road after dark, too many roo’s and trucks!” We did actually drive it in the dark and saw one truck and no roo’s!
So there I am talking to OH, being honest and saying what my gut is thinking and feeling! I’m concerned about the wages and having enough money to live on, the area I feel is too remote for me, the kids schooling in later years... but I love OZ so can we compromise and find another job that he likes and would be happy in and in an area that has more opportunities for the kids and me! Surely that’s not the only job in OZ??. So anyway he had his paddy and packed his stuff in a black sack, took his keys off the keyring, shouted abuse at me, said his mum was going to sort everything out for him get an agent and get his visa and off to OZ he is going to find Loveyou Longtime in the packing factory! Oh! and apparently she will be greatful to have him, unlike me!
That was a few days a go and I’ve not heard from him since! I’ve not contacted him either. I’m actually more upset about the fact I’m now not going to OZ, as I want to! I wanted to do some more research and see if we could of found a compromise, as for our relationship I feel that’s over and to be honest I’m not sad. That makes me sound so heartless which I'm not at all, just lots of other things over the last few months that have happenend made me realise and reasess a lot of things! On our trip it was clear we had very different ideas of what we wanted out of life and liked to do, all of which were discussed before going. My opinions and thoughts did stay solid as they were in the UK.
So for now I’m taking some time to think and spend some time with my sons as being away from then was hell, I’ve never been away from them! I’ve already checked the DIAC and I just about have enough points to go alone if I choose too.
I don’t regret my trip at all I had a fantastic time, for me it’s been life changing already! I know what ever I choose to do it will be because it’s right for me and my sons and we will be happy.
Good luck and be happy! If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain!
PS Get a dating forum going, what a great way to meet like minded people with the same dream.... where do I sign up??
I only had 1 or 2 glasses of wine last night... or was that 7 or 8??
Anyway thanks for your replies I just felt I had to talk to someone, you know what I mean, just had to vent off at someone that maybe understood as friends at home just seem to think “oh your moving to OZ then? be just like Neighbours or Home and Away, lucky you!” Arggghhh! Anyway here is the sober version... it’s a long one sorry!
The stupid thing in all of this is me and OH were not even rowing, no raised voices or nothing, I don’t do rows anyway not my style, I’m laid back! Before we went to OZ we had spent months well I had, researching OZ in general and then the area the job came up in, I knew it was remote but felt I had to see it for myself as no matter how much research you do, when you see something/somewhere in the reality you know whether its right or wrong for you. Whilst at the interview OH employer asked who had been sending the emails (we had zillions of emails back and forth prior to going) and we said me, he said that I was obviously on top of my game as the email content had shown I had done my homework, so that made me feel good. Whilst in OZ I asked everybody I met about living cost, schools, what there is for the kids to do, the area, what people do at the weekends, the weather, job opportunities for me, I got the local papers. I did the same on the way out, we had a stop over in Melbourne and stayed with my friend, then on the way home we had 2 days in Adelaide and a day in Sydney, same thing I asked everybody everything! So I don’t feel I went with the attitude “I know I’m not going to like it”. Whilst there we went to the local school, which was great and I liked it. It seems that most people send their kids to boarding school in Adelaide once the kids reach 14/15 years of age. This is something I personally would not want to do, but it seems most do it as it gives the kids a better finishing education. The kids are mine not OH’s. We also were taken to view a house by OH’s employer who said we could rent it from them, it was to say the least dated and hadn’t been touched since the 70’s! It certainly had potential but needed a lot of work doing to it! I’m no snob by the way and can make do and make ends meet, I was a single mum for 4 years and know how to survive! Life is good now though.. cough cough!
We had obviously been talking non stop all the time in OZ and since getting home. I was mulling it all over and said to OH that I had concerns about the wage as it’s the 457 Visa basic! Realistically I don’t think that’s enough to live on, and I’m careful with money and don’t have a lavish lifestyle, we save when we need things! OH said he would work 60-70 per week to make sure we had enough money, he does that here in the UK and I never see him! One of the reasons to make such a move is to better your life style or at least see the prospect of making it better? And then working towards that, so yes if he had to work those hours to start with then fine but not all the time!
The town itself is remote, please don’t have ago at me, remote just isn’t for me, we are all different, so to those that live in remote areas no offence meant! I went in all the shops to see what they had to offer and we went to both the nearest towns hour and a half away and both of them had more choice, but still small, one of them I liked and mentioned I could live there as it just had a nicer feel to it, OH agreed he could travel so all seemed ok. Then when we mentioned it to people, we got the “no one drives that road after dark, too many roo’s and trucks!” We did actually drive it in the dark and saw one truck and no roo’s!
So there I am talking to OH, being honest and saying what my gut is thinking and feeling! I’m concerned about the wages and having enough money to live on, the area I feel is too remote for me, the kids schooling in later years... but I love OZ so can we compromise and find another job that he likes and would be happy in and in an area that has more opportunities for the kids and me! Surely that’s not the only job in OZ??. So anyway he had his paddy and packed his stuff in a black sack, took his keys off the keyring, shouted abuse at me, said his mum was going to sort everything out for him get an agent and get his visa and off to OZ he is going to find Loveyou Longtime in the packing factory! Oh! and apparently she will be greatful to have him, unlike me!
That was a few days a go and I’ve not heard from him since! I’ve not contacted him either. I’m actually more upset about the fact I’m now not going to OZ, as I want to! I wanted to do some more research and see if we could of found a compromise, as for our relationship I feel that’s over and to be honest I’m not sad. That makes me sound so heartless which I'm not at all, just lots of other things over the last few months that have happenend made me realise and reasess a lot of things! On our trip it was clear we had very different ideas of what we wanted out of life and liked to do, all of which were discussed before going. My opinions and thoughts did stay solid as they were in the UK.
So for now I’m taking some time to think and spend some time with my sons as being away from then was hell, I’ve never been away from them! I’ve already checked the DIAC and I just about have enough points to go alone if I choose too.
I don’t regret my trip at all I had a fantastic time, for me it’s been life changing already! I know what ever I choose to do it will be because it’s right for me and my sons and we will be happy.
Good luck and be happy!
If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain!PS Get a dating forum going, what a great way to meet like minded people with the same dream.... where do I sign up??
Sep 29th 2009, 2:02 am
#30
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 666
Re: It'a all ended in tears.. i'm going nowhere!
He will be just a poor recently arrived immigrant without permanent residence so he might be overestimating his chances by a country mile.