Mrs.Neal here and this is a serious one I'm afraid.
A lot of you have followed the dragon nightmare threads and know that (at last)we have got our visas.Problem is (and no doubt this will irritate some)hubby wants to hand in his notice and book flights/removals etc and I'm too scared to commit!
I didn't expect to feel this way at all(left home at 16/close family live 2-3 hours drive away so don't see them every week etc)and absolutely couldn't WAIT for the visas to come through.
Don't want to bang on about the hysterectomy but it was only 11 weeks ago,I'm 31 and wanted another child and started HRT 3 weeks ago,just so anyone who is p***ed off by this thread can see there ARE reasons why I'm in a state.
Trouble is what do I do????Hubby is EXCELLENT(most patient man on earth-bloody good job too)but he's scared that I've changed my mind(I haven't)and is all for handing his notice in now(he has to give 3 months)and committing to flights.
I just feel like I haven't got enough energy to pull the whole thing off and am very emotional about leaving family and security behind.
Do I go ahead and commit and assume that in 3 months+ I'll have more energy and less wailing??? We have to be gone by the 10th Oct.
I'd really like some support(have had excellent support about numerous subjects from this forum particulalrly TWT,Go B,Earlswood,scottvness and Ailsa),maybe even from someone who's already gone,or who's about to go?
Have never been a wimp and deal with most nightmare situations by taking the p*ss out of myself and the circumstances,but am struggling with this.
Anyone got any words of wisdom to stop me panicking and get the perspective back?Treat me gently or I might start wailing..again... :scared: Mrs.N

high Mrs N,

I would have a good long chat with hubby and explain things to him a bit more. I think you should put off coming here for a few more months at least. Wait till you feel 100%.

It's tough enough here without feeling you dont have enough energy or you're not emotionally up to it.

Take it easy and wait. There is no rush. Hope you feel ok soon.

Hi Mrs Neal,

The way you feel is exactly the way most people feel but are probably too afraid to say something about it. You have been to hell and back in the last few months with the dragon your health etc. Can you afford a break? Take time out with your family in a neutral location and just have some fun. Maybe you will feel differently then. If you don't then obviously the move would never have been right for you.
Maybe if you did take the bull by the horns and say sod it we are going and book everything maybe the excitement might get the better of you. Would you be in a position to come back if you really hated it?
I know I'm just pushing ideas around here and am probably being no help at all but sometimes someone else doing the thinking for you helps. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

Hugs
Sarah

I think the above comment from Sarah is a good one. If you were in that position, you could concentrate on that for a while, which may take away some of the anxiety about it all.

Hi Mrs N, it's a shame you feel people will be pissed off at you for posting this thread. It sounds like you are going through one hell of an emotional and physical change. Australia will still be here in 6 months, 12 months, 12 years! You say you have a supportive hubby - in that case, I think if you all sit down and prioritise the things in life, the priority will be YOU.

My advice would be not to commit to anything now if it is going to pile a load more pressure on you - you could end up resenting yourself, resenting your hubby, resenting Australia, etc etc. Why not agree to re-assess in say 6 weeks time. If in 6 weeks your're not ready to go or not ready to make a commitment, agree to re-visit the situation in a other 6 weeks, and so on. That way, you don't feel like it's something that is hanging over your head and needs discussion today or tomorrow, but that you have breathing space and time to think about if you're ready.

Good luck, and hugs coming your way
HP

oh dear.....think you have just come off the emotional rollercoaster from hell!!!!!!!!
you sound like you need some time to get back to a 'normal' life/routine for a bit and give yourself time to catch your breath!
As you have your visa and dont need to be over their until October that gives hubby another 3-4 months before he needs to resign.....why not agree to take a month off from everything australia, take the time to have a break as sarah suggested and concentrate on your life here for a bit. When it gets to the end of May sit down with hubby and formulate a plan of what to do next. If you still feel a bit unsure just go over for a holiday and validate yuour visa, come back and then see how you feel?

The whole process is an extremely stressful time, and you have come out the end emotionally drained....you need a week in a health farm!!!!!!! its not just been the visa application, its been your health, and you cant deal with them both without suffering some degree of burnout.

hope you feel smiley soon!!!!!!!

sue
xx

Hi Mrs Neal
big cyberhugs.
don't have the answer, just like to point out the obvious!
A hysterectomy is a major op. 11 weeks is not that long ago, especially as those 11 weeks have not been very restful.
the hysterectomy was more than just an op. it has deprived you of the opportunity to carry another child. something you wanted. no matter how necessary the op was, that is a horrible realisation. do you have anyone, including neal that really understands how hard that must be for you?
we go in 8 weeks. i have the most incredible highs and lows about it. i think that before any big change that is normal. well at least it is in this house
HRT can make you very tearful. it may be you need to try a different one.
having a break away, sounds like a very good idea. you need some time for you.:lecture:

Hi Mrs N

You poor so & so...you've been through the mill haven't you? No wonder you feel drained, it's hardly surprising that you now are so emotional that you can't focus or think straight.

I totally agree with the idea for you to take a chill out time from all things Aussie for a while. Just a few weeks of not thinking about it all day and all the planning and working out things...just put them on the back boiler for a little while, even a few short weeks could make all the difference.

I agree with you about the part that people get p****d off with moaning female posts about how worried and upset we all get when it comes to this huge move. This is the biggest thing any of us will probably ever do in our whole lives and I for one am prepared to stand up along side you and shout 'I'M S**T SCARED, FRIGHTENED TO DEATH, WORRIED SICK AND COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT BY THE WHOLE THING'
There.....I feel loads better now!!

You have your hubby standing by you, take a step back from this for a little while...after all, you've been waiting long enough...what difference is a few more weeks or even months going to make in the great scheme of things? If after you've chilled out you decide to still go for it, you will feel refreshed and ready for the rest of the challenges, or should you decide that Oz is not right for you, then better to have found out now than later eh?

Good luck and I'm sure we'll all be thinking about you xx

Hi there Mrs Neal
Sorry to hear about your dilemma. I am sure that it must be very difficult for you. It is sad that you have had to have a hysterectomy at such a young age and I am sure that your hormones must be running riot at the moment, all of this would not be helped by the problems with the dragon. You still have quite a long time to go before you validate your visa and also you have only recently had major surgery so I would think the last thing you would need is to be packing and panicking at the moment.

I have been away from the UK for about 16 years now, but when I got the visa I started to worry and all of these strange feelings set in - depsite the fact that I had been desperate to get the visa. I still had these strange feelings that I did not want to go until we went to validate our visa a few weeks ago. I am now really glad we went and cannot wait to go back.

Have you been before? If not try to go on a validation trip, at least then you will have another few years to make up your mind. Have a rest and I hope that you are soon feeling better.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Morning Mrs Neal

Given most of the time-lines posted here you must have been planning this move for at least a year if not more so the panic is most likely the drop that comes after any high

I am with the advice to take a few weeks of standing back from the situation, you have until October to valdate your visa and until May / Jun for the 3 mth notice to Mr Neal's employer, that gives you a few more data points on your time-line

Certainly wait for the HRT to get stabilised, 3 weeks is not long enough and the dosage may not be quite right. Also the stress does not help. 11 weeks from a major op is not long. When I had my hysterectomy I kept getting told of a 'friend who knew someone who was back at full-time work in 6 weeks' but I never met anyone in real life who clamed that.

If you can afford to do so, the holiday to validate the visa is a good idea and gives you a bit more breathing space.

Do Mr Neal's employers know of his intentions already? Could he pre-advise them? or would that put paid to any advancement now or in the future if you do finally decide to stay?

Hang in there

Being brave is not about 'not being afraid' ; it is being afraid and going ahead anyway.

Hi Mrs Neal,

As the others have said. You have just had a major op and you are just getting used to the HRT. It's a major life adjustment even without being in the midst of moving to Oz. You will be feeling hormonal and tired, it's all perfectly normal.
I know it's hard but don't pressure yourself into being in control and calm.....you need time to adjust and reappraise your situation as it stands now.
We are here for you on the forum if you feel like you need to have a rant, cry, panic....whatever.
Take care of yourself,
Kris

Mrs N

This is probably the biggest decision of your life, no wonder you are s******g briscks, I know I was and I had a job lined up with employer sorting visa out, paying for relocation and everything. I remember getting the visa was a bit of an anticlimax and then became really scary - am I doing the right thing etc.

If hubby can delay then do so, I had three months notice but does he have leave shored up to shorten this - also will his employer do anything if he apologises and gives one month?

I've followed your story a bit but don't know all the details, how old are your kids? I ask because if they are small at least they will settle fairly easily, one less thing to worry about when here.

It may be different for you but you will probably find the first 4-6 months here incredibly stressful and feel very sh***y. This is normal - however, you need to be very prepared to accept this will happen and very determined and strong to get through it.

My guess is is that its people who DON'T feel like the way you are feeling that really screw up when they get here. It's hard, painful and scary - but then I think you know that already

Hi Mrs Neal

I think that you would be totally abnormal if you didn't feel like this, and thats without the nasty op in between. I can't really add anymore to whats been said, other than its nice to see members being supportive and helpful and not critisizing.


Hope you get on the road to recovery very soon, and take as much time as you need!!

...I'm too scared to stay. :scared:

Hope things work out for you.

Ditto to all the above ( what good advisors you all are) but also to add that booking all the shippers, getting organised ( not that we ever did!!), etc etc is daunting and scarey and stressful and not very nice really - BUT once you are over all that you have your new life to look forward to and that is what you have to try and focus on while in the middle of it all.

I don't think though that now is a good time for you to wade into all that what with the operation and HRT etc - take a break and wait until you feel a bit normal again and the pressure is off and then go for your dream.

I haven't had any of your problems with dragons and health and everything else you have had to deal with and I have found the last three weeks incredibly stressful and hard and tearful - what you are feeling is perfectly normal and understandable.

Try and relax and chill a bit and things will fall into perspective - you'll see.

A for you to carry about with you.