Sparkley

I'm posting this here as I don't know where else to turn. I've had some great advice on the immigration forum (Are we eligible for DeFacto) - wasn't sure if me and Aussie b/f were eligible due to difficulties with proof of time living together.

We've been advised that our case is borderline and while we're going for it and are determined, I'm just so scared that we we'll end up being apart for a long time/ that it won't be approved.

We're going to Melbourne mid Nov for 10 weeks, then I'm returning to UK on my own to put in the application, not knowing when we'll be together again.

Would really appreciate any words of encouragement from someone who's been at this stage and seen it through. I hate my fate being in someone else's hands.

Sparkley

whisky

Sorry to read your dilemma, hope that it all sorts itself.
Unfortunately I cannot give you any advice on it, but sure that someone will.
Good luck

Whisky

Pollyana

Being apart for a long time can strengthen your relationship in the end Sparkley, and makes you more determined to succeed in being together. If your case as de facto is borderline, have you considered getting engaged and applying for prospective marriage - as it requires less proof - or is marriage not an option?

I know it sounds very trite, but if you are meant to be together, you will succeed in the end, and you will cope with the separation. Myself and my fiance have only been apart for 5 weeks this time, but the last time was 5 months and before that it was 7. he has no internet access either, all our contact was by letters and phone calls.
I wish you luck, stick with it, and hopefully one day you will be together for ever. In the meantime this forum is a great support group, I sometimes wonder where I would be without the people here.

seang

The ten weeks together in Melbourne and the fact that you made the trip(cost involved etc)hopefully will add strength to your submission to show the level of commitment.Make sure to highlight it in any forms/stat decs you are putting in.

sunny_samantha

Best wishes to you
Are applying as a married couple from UK so going through different stresses!!!!

bondipom

The process is very trying and stressful. I remember my emotions 5 years ago when I was borderline. Nearly got married to make the decision non borderline.

Luckily my other half had a UK passport and we had a good time living in the UK and travelling whenever we had the time and money.

Waiting that extra time was worth it for me and as Pollyanna says if it is meant to be that extra time only strengthens a relationship that is meant to be.

We got married last year and were able to have friends and family over from the UK and give them a day to remember. That would not have been possible 5 years ago. Both mothers had a great time and a tear in their eyes. Well worth the wait.

bawi

Would really appreciate any words of encouragement from someone who's been at this stage and seen it through. I hate my fate being in someone else's hands.

hi sparkley
i have replied to your post before. do not give up, and what the others said was true in my case as well, the separations (4, 5, 3 months) made our relationship stronger. nowadays, with phone at ok prices (especially from uk) and internet/email it is possible. it is not easy and especially when going through hard times like looking for a job after coming back from OZ....but many have made it and so will you!
all the best
barbara

Andiii

I agree with others.

Perhaps waiting could be the best thing ever for a relationship.

You crave them more, or even crave them less.

Sparkley

Thanks so much for your encouragement everyone - it really does help. As I'm sure you're aware, anyone who isn't going through (or has already been through) this process finds it hard to comprehend just how tough it is. Feels like an emotional rollercoaster a lot of the time. We've already spent five months of our relationship apart when b/f was in London and me in N Ireland, so we know how painful it is - and that was with regular weekly/fortnightly visits (longest one month I think). The circumstances which I guess most of the posters here have been through put incredible strain on the relatively early days of a relationship, but simultaneously create bonds that provide the courage and determination to see it through. Sometimes we remind eachother that it won't always be like this, that one day our cirumstances will be 'normal'! Most of the time it's fine, but I do have moments when I feel like I could crumble under the pressure.

Hi Pollyanna - we know that we definitely want to marry - I guess we'd just prefer that all to happen naturally if possible. I think we'd consider it though if we needed to.

What Bondi said about his wedding... ...is a big part of the reason why I wouldn't want to rush things. Not cos I'm not sure - I'd marry him tomorrow.

Thanks again all of you - can't wait til the day when I can post up here that my application has been successful! Trusting that day will come sooner rather than later.

Pollyana

Hi Sparkley,
I know what you mean about prefering it all to happen naturally; I guess we would rather have more time to get to know each other too - we know we are madly in love, and want to spend our lives together, but haven't really spent that much time together yet. To be able to plan the wedding for longer, and have more friends there, like BondiPoms, would be lovely, but as neither of us could spend longer than a few weeks at a time away from work, we had to take the plunge and go for the fiance visa.

It sounds like you may well have enough proof to get the De
Facto with no problems, especially with us lot on here to help!
keep the fiance option in mind as a possibility though - and I guess you could always think about getting engaged, even if you still going as de Facto, with a statement to say the marriage is planned for a few years away? That would show an extra level of commitment!

Good luck anyway, I'll keep an eye out for your posts!

Sparkley

Thanks again Pollyanna, and best of luck with your move and final wedding plans - I've been reading about it and you must be so excited!

Have a safe trip!

Pollyana

At the moment to be honest Sparkley, at present its sheer terror, washed down with chardonnay and a sprinkling of dust as the furniture leaves!
Thanks for the good wishes though; I'm sure it'll work out in the end - and hopefully for you too.